Whispers of Winter

by Tracie Peterson

  Jacob and Helaina seemed completely engrossed with one another, although since the homecoming they had not had a moment to themselves. But Leah knew her brother. He would find a way to get Helaina alone. And if he didn’t, Helaina would. It was clear that Jacob’s feelings for Helaina were as strong as ever. Leah couldn’t help but notice the way her brother’s gaze never left Helaina, no matter where she was in the room. Leah felt the same way about her husband. She watched him so intently most of the evening, she was certain he felt her gaze boring right through him. If he minded, he never said as much.

  It was so hard to believe they were really home. What had seemed like a never-ending nightmare had come to a conclusion with so little warning, that the matter seemed … well … almost common. Sailors returning home from the sea. Nothing more.

  Leah longed for time alone with Jayce. She wanted to hear his stories and know what he’d gone through. She wanted to know the bad as well as the good, for it was an entire year of his life that she didn’t share. She knew there would be time enough for them to be alone, but selfishly she wanted to put the children to bed and find a quiet place to curl up in Jayce’s arms. She could only wonder if he felt the same. He seemed so content just to play with the children. Had he lost his passion for her? Had the experience left him with a changed heart?

  “I can’t believe how big they are,” Jayce declared as he lifted Merry and came to sit beside his wife.

  Leah watched their daughter tug at Jayce’s beard, laughing and babbling all the while. Despite her shy nature, Merry seemed to take easily to her father, even though she scarcely knew him. Wills was no different. He rammed up against Jayce as though they were old buddies and shouted over and over, “Play.”

  “They were just little bundles when I left,” he said, gently stroking Meredith’s brown curls.

  “It’s been a long year,” Leah murmured. She met Jayce’s eyes and knew he understood.

  “Yes. Much too long.”

  “If I can have everyone’s attention,” Bjorn announced, “I would like to offer a word of thanksgiving for the return of Jacob and Jayce and Captain Latimore. I would also like to pray for the men who struck out on their own. There’s been no sign of them, and Jacob has asked that we remember them. We will pray, too, for a quick end to the war. As you know, American lives are being spent on the battlefields of Europe, and surely only God can bring a quick end to such hideous events. Let’s pray.”

  As he began, Leah felt strangeness in the moment. It was almost as if she were dreaming the entire thing. She knew Jayce and Jacob had truly come home, but there was something that felt most awkward in their reappearance. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but maybe it was something that always came with long separations. She knew when Jayce had first come back into her life years earlier that there had been an uneasiness, but she’d attributed most of that to her anger.

  She wondered if the wives of soldiers felt the same way.

  They, too, had to wait and see if their loved ones would ever return alive. They no doubt spent endless hours of worry and anticipation without word or understanding. As the days and months drifted by, there were likely some who even faced the reality that the odds were against them. Perhaps that was the key to knowing her heart in this. There was a part of her that had accepted the possibility of her husband’s and brother’s death. Maybe she’d even lost hope that they would actually come back alive, and now that they had, she felt almost like a traitor for having given up. After all, she’d told Adrik earlier in the day that she would leave Last Chance and go back with him and Karen to Seward. Perhaps that was her way of declaring the matter to be a lost cause. Guilt washed over her.

  Helaina never gave up hope. Why was I so easily discouraged?

  Bjorn concluded his prayer and asked Captain Latimore to say a few words. The man stepped forward. Though somewhat weak and much thinner, his countenance bore a strength that reminded Leah of the first time she’d met him.

  “You honor me with your kindness,” he began. “I am so pleased to be here—thankful for the rescue and return to civilization. And this is a wondrous civilization compared to the place I spent the last few months.” The villagers laughed as he continued. “I never thought to be so grateful for simple things like real chairs and tables—and I’m especially looking forward to a real bed.”

  “So am I,” Jayce said in husky whisper.

  Leah felt her cheeks grow hot and knew better than to meet her husband’s gaze.

  “I have to say,” Latimore continued, “that none of us would have survived had it not been for Jacob Barringer.” The people cheered at this and Latimore motioned to Jacob. “This man, along with Jayce Kincaid, took charge and led the expedition when we were at our worst—when I was at my worst. They were able to show the rest of us how to survive the bitter Arctic cold, and for that I will be eternally grateful. Jacob, why don’t you share our story with the people?”

  Jacob, looking older than Leah remembered, stepped forward. “My friends, your love and training over the last twelve years saved my life out on the Arctic ice. I remembered the wisdom and traditions passed down among the Inupiat and put them into practice. Clearly the praise cannot be Jayce’s or mine alone. The Real People have played their part as well.

  You should be proud of yourselves and the gift you gave. It is in keeping with God’s direction for each of us—that we should help one another and bear one another’s burdens.” He paused for a moment, as if uncertain how much to say.

  “We faced a difficult time. Lives were lost. Our ship was locked in ice and then destroyed. We had ample time to get our gear off the ship, but leaving its safety for nothing more than an ice floe was difficult. We were fortunate to find our way to land—a small island not far from the Russian shores. There we set up camp and began to hunt. Through it all, God was our mainstay. I can’t say that I understand the time spent trapped on that island, but I do know that even in this, God had a plan. I can’t say I was always strong and faithful, but I can say that God was.”

  Leah saw many of the people nodding. John had even managed to come for the revelry and smiled up at Jacob with pride. Oopick, too, seemed quite pleased with Jacob’s words.

  “I’ll be happy to share further stories with you in the future, but the hour is late and I know you’re tired. Thank you for the prayers and for not forgetting us.”

  Cheers went up as Jacob concluded and walked off the small platform. Bjorn once again took his place on the makeshift stage. “Jayce, would you like to say a few words as well?”

  Jayce shook his head. “Maybe another time.” He looked down at his sleeping daughter and the content expression on his face warmed Leah’s heart. He loved Merry and Wills. There was no doubt about it. Fears of how he might accept or reject them faded from Leah’s mind.

  “He looks good,” Adrik said as he and Karen came up beside Leah. “A little thin, but no doubt you women will rectify that.”

  Leah nodded. “I was just thinking about that.” She smiled and tried to suppress a yawn. “How much longer can you stay with us?”

  “Well, we figured to talk to you about that,” Adrik said with a hint of mischief in his expression. “We have something to propose when we return to your home.”

  “I think Jacob has something to propose as well,” Jayce said, grinning. He motioned to where Jacob and Helaina stood amidst well-wishers.

  “If Helaina doesn’t propose it first,” Leah countered.

  The party gradually broke up with promises to share supper together again the next night. There was great talk about working to finish the butchering of the whale, but Leah knew that wouldn’t involve her. She walked alongside Jayce, carrying Wills. He slept soundly against her shoulder, having finally played himself into an exhausted state. Leah hoped they would both sleep through the night and give her some much-needed time alone with Jayce.

  After putting the babies to bed, Helaina appeared at the door with suitcase in hand. “Where are you going?�
�� Leah asked.

  “I couldn’t very well stay in Jacob’s house.” She shifted the case. “It would hardly be proper.”

  “You know you’re welcome here,” Jayce interjected. “I can’t repay all you’ve done for my family. Leah tells me she wouldn’t have made it through without you.”

  “Leah exaggerates,” Helaina said with a grin. “She helped keep me sane. I might surely have gone mad without her company. We bore the burden together.”

  Jayce pulled Leah close. “I’m glad you did. We share a strange past, we three, but God has taken it and made it something quite extraordinary.”

  “Indeed,” Helaina replied. “I just stopped by so you might tell Jacob …”

  Just then Jacob entered the house. He took one look at Helaina and frowned. “Tell Jacob what? Where are you going?”

  “Sigrid has offered to share her room with me at the Kjellmann’s. They are also taking in the captain, and Emma said one more person wouldn’t be a problem. I figure Leah and Jayce already have enough people, what with Karen and Adrik’s family.”

  “Where have you been staying?” he asked.

  Helaina blushed. “Well … if you must know, I was staying at your place. It’s no longer proper for me to do so, given that you’re back.”

  “You could always make it proper,” Adrik teased as he came from the back room. Karen was right beside him and elbowed him hard. “Ow! What was that for?”

  “For not minding your own business,” Karen said sweetly. She smiled at Jacob and the others, then turned to Leah. “We just wanted to tell you good night. I’m hoping we’ll have time to talk with you all tomorrow. Adrik has something to ask you.”

  “I’ll be here,” Jacob answered.

  “Us too,” Jayce threw in.

  Adrik nodded. “Good. I think you’ll like what I have to say. Good night, then.” He turned and pulled Karen along with him to their room. Leah heard Karen giggle as Adrik whispered something in her ear. After all this time they still acted like a couple of newlyweds.

  “Well, I need to be going,” Helaina said, appearing uncomfortable.

  “Give me that,” Jacob said, reaching for the suitcase. “The least I can do is walk you over to the Kjellmanns’.”

  Helaina nodded, and Leah could see the hint of a smile on her lips. Things were working out. She knew from the way Jacob acted that he was still in love with Helaina. It delighted Leah in a way she hadn’t expected. She was happy for both of them.

  “Well, I’ll expect you both for breakfast,” Leah declared.

  “A very late breakfast,” Jayce said, yawning. “At least I hope it will be a late one.”

  Jacob laughed. “Me too.”

  When they were gone, Jayce turned to Leah. “How I’ve missed you. Even the smell of you.” He took her in his arms and buried his face in her hair.

  Leah wrapped her arms around Jayce’s neck. “I despaired of ever seeing you again. I wasn’t strong or brave. I hope you’re not terribly disappointed in me.”

  He pulled back and looked at her oddly. “You aren’t serious, are you?”

  Leah shrugged. “Well, Helaina was so certain of your return. She kept such hope, while I felt more and more discouraged. Some days I felt confident that you would find your way back to me. Other times, however …” She shook her head. “There were some bleak times.”

  “I know—for me as well. I tried not to let on to Jacob, but I feared we would all die of some hideous and painful malady and the last thought I would have would be of regret. Regret that I ever left your side. I was a fool, Leah. Please forgive me.” He stroked her jaw with his thumb, sending a shivering sensation down her spine. How she loved this man.

  “You were only following a dream.” She was barely able to speak. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

  “I’m done with dreams. I want the honest truth of what my life has become. I want a future with my wife and children. I want to make a home with you.” He lowered his mouth to hers. “Now and always,” he whispered against her lips. “Now and always.”

  Jacob slowed his pace, hoping Helaina would take the hint. “I wanted to tell you something,” he began, “now that we have a moment to ourselves.”

  Helaina looked up, but the darkness made it difficult to see her expression. “Then tell me.”

  He stopped and put the case on the ground. “Come here.” She moved closer and he reached out to touch her face. “I still can’t believe you’re really here. You were all I could think about while we were gone. I knew when you left that it was a mistake, but I couldn’t bring myself to beg you to stay. I knew that if you hated Alaska, you would always be miserable, even if you loved me.”

  Jacob buried his fingers in her carefully pinned blond hair. He knew he was making a mess of things, but he wanted this moment to last—to go on and on. There was a sense of desperation in his heart.

  “I want you to know that I made a decision to leave Alaska.”

  “What?”

  He sighed. “I can’t bear to think of life without you. I’m willing to give up Alaska if it means having you at my side for the rest of our lives.”

  She laughed lightly. “Oh, Jacob. We are a pair. I sold everything I owned in New York and Washington, D.C. I sold the estates, the apartment, the furnishings. I even gave away and sold off most of my clothes to the secondhand stores. I kept very little because none of it mattered without you. I missed Alaska the minute I went away. I kept thinking about the beauty and the people. I realized I was no longer content in a noisy city where no one knew anyone, nor cared to.”

  “Then you’d make your life here—with me?”

  “Of course.” She reached up to place her hand against his cheek. “Jacob, I’ve loved you for a long time. I’ve loved you for so long now, I can’t even really say when it began, but I suspect it was when you nearly ran me over on the streets of Nome. I came back last year so that I might be here when you came home. I wanted to see you and find out if there was a chance that you could possibly love me … as much … as I love you.”

  She started to cry, which took Jacob by surprise. Helaina Beecham was such a strong woman that he’d seldom ever seen her give such a display of emotion. He gently brushed away her tears with his fingers as she continued.

  “When we learned that you were … lost … I thought I would die.” She drew a ragged breath. “I went crazy trying to get news. It seemed the Regina and her whereabouts was of far less importance than other issues, like the war in Europe. Stanley tried to help me, but no one had any answers, and of course, no one would do anything until warmer weather.

  “But I never gave up hope that we would see you again.

  Somehow I just knew you would make it—you would come home. What I didn’t know … what I doubted in my heart … was whether you might love me.”

  Jacob pulled her against him and held her tight. “I love you, Helaina. I will always love you. Never doubt it, and never be afraid that you will lose my affection.”

  She held on to him as though he were her salvation. Jacob loved the feel of her in his arms; they fit each other perfectly. He’d only dared to dream of this during those long months in the north. He’d prayed and hoped against all reason that he might be able to find her again, and in answer … here she was.

  “Marry me, Helaina,” he whispered.

  “Of course.” She composed herself and pulled away. “When?”

  “Now.”

  She laughed, and it filled the silence of the night like music. “Now?”

  “Why not? I’m sure everyone is still awake. We’ve only been here for a few moments. Let’s just go and get Bjorn and Emma and get married.”

  “What of Leah and Jayce? What of Adrik and Karen?”

  “We’ll get married at Leah’s house. That way the babies can sleep.”

  She sighed. “I’m glad you’ve thought this all out. I’m too tired to make reasonable decisions.”

  Now it was his turn to laugh. He grabbed the case and
reached out to pull Helaina along with him. “Are you saying that marrying me isn’t a reasonable decision?”

  “Well, not exactly. I think the decision is reasonable, but … I’m not sure the procedure is such.”

  Jacob knocked on his sister’s door. “You stay here and tell them what we’re doing. I’ll go get Bjorn and Emma.”

  Helaina took her suitcase and nodded. Jayce opened the door as Jacob turned to go. “What’s wrong?” he questioned.

  “Nothing’s wrong,” Jacob called out. “We’re just going to get married at your house—right now.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Leah helped Helaina get ready for her wedding by arranging her long blond hair. “I wish you’d wait and let us give you a more proper wedding.”

  Helaina laughed. “This is as proper a wedding as I desire. You forget—I’ve been married before. I had the most lavish wedding money could buy. My father bought out every white rose for two hundred miles around. There must have been hundreds of them.”

  “I can’t imagine,” Leah said, trying to mentally picture such a thing. “What about your gown?”

  “That was a special creation by the finest designer of the day. I spent months going for my fittings. It had a beautiful bodice with an ivory overlay that went to my neck. The sleeves were long and fitted and the train stretched out some twenty feet. It was truly magnificent. I wore it several times in our first year of marriage, but after that it was packed away, and after Robert died, I later gave it to a distant cousin who thought she’d like to have it for her own wedding.”

  “You must have been a vision,” Leah said, thinking back to her own simple wedding.

  “I’m sure you were a vision on your wedding day too,” Helaina declared, seeming to read her mind. “I will always regret not being there.”