Whispers of Winter

by Tracie Peterson

  Adrik sobered. “Karen was going to make me a new coat last winter. She said it was well overdue. I kept telling her not to worry with it.”

  Leah went to him and reached out to touch the fur. “If Karen were here now, she’d agree with me that this bear fur is perfect. I’ll get to work tending the hide right away. Given the way the weather’s been acting, you’ll probably need its warmth.”

  “We’re almost out of salt for treating the hide. Why don’t I take care of the meat, and then we’ll head into town? Helaina’s been handling the store all morning, and I want to relieve her as soon as possible.”

  Leah considered this for a moment. The idea of getting away from the house for a little while was appealing. “We could probably get Ruth to come stay with the twins.” Ruth was a young Tlingit woman who lived just a quarter mile away. “Would you mind listening for the children while I go ask?”

  “Not at all. I’ll be close by,” Adrik assured her.

  Leah returned shortly thereafter with Ruth in tow. The woman had a new baby—her first—and didn’t mind at all coming to stay with Leah’s children. Ruth’s mother had been a good friend to Karen when Leah had been a girl.

  “We shouldn’t be long,” Leah told Ruth. “If they wake up, just feed them some of the stew on the stove. It should be done by then. You be sure and eat as well.”

  The dark-eyed woman nodded as she placed her sleeping baby on a pallet by the fireplace.

  “Leah, you ready?” Adrik called from the door.

  “Yes. I’m coming.” Leah pulled on her parka.

  “We’ll take the smaller cart and let the dogs help us with the load,” Adrik announced. He’d fixed a team of Jacob’s huskies to the wheeled cart. Adrik had taken over the animals’ care since Jacob was now living in town. “These guys will be grateful for the exercise. I’m sure they miss the long trips with Jacob.” He helped Leah into the cart.

  “I’m sure that’s true. They do love to run.”

  Adrik moved them out once Leah was settled, but he kept the dogs at a slow trot. Leah appreciated this, knowing that the animals would much rather move fast. The entire trip only took ten minutes. Downhill was the easy part, but coming back would be a little slower.

  When they’d arrived in front of the mercantile, Leah allowed Adrik to help her down. She stretched and put a hand to the small of her back. To her surprise, Helaina came bounding out the front of the store. She looked fragile and pale, her expression suggesting something was wrong. Her eyes looked as though she’d been crying.

  “Leah, there’s been trouble.”

  Leah looked to Adrik, who’d tied off the dogs and was now coming to join the women. Leah looked back to Helaina and asked. “What is it? What’s happened?”

  Tears came to Helaina’s already reddened eyes. “There’s been word by telegraph. The Princess Sophia is sinking on a reef somewhere in Lynn Canal.”

  Leah didn’t remember what had caused her to faint, but when she woke up to Adrik’s worried expression and Helaina fanning her, she knew it must have been quite bad. Then little by little the memories flooded in and Helaina’s words returned to haunt her.

  “The Princess Sophia is sinking….”

  “Tell me everything,” she said as she struggled to sit up.

  “Don’t you think you ought to just lie there for a little bit?” Adrik questioned.

  “I want to know what’s going on,” Leah demanded and pushed Adrik away.

  “Apparently there was a fierce storm—a blizzard,” Helaina told her. “I don’t know much else except that the ship began to sink after a time. They weren’t too far from Juneau, and rescuers were on the scene to help, but I haven’t heard anything else. I learned it this morning but had no way to come to you. I was just about to close up the shop and walk out to the cabin with Malcolm when you pulled up.”

  Leah sighed. “Well, we need to hear the latest and find out what’s happened. Who would know?”

  “We might start at the telegraph office,” Adrik said. “That’d be the logical place.”

  Leah nodded. “Let’s go there, then.”

  “Why don’t you stay here with Helaina and I’ll go,” Adrik offered. “You really shouldn’t risk your health. You’ve had a big shock.”

  “I need to find out for myself,” Leah said. “I didn’t like the idea of their going in the first place. There are always accidents and tragedies in the water. Just look at the placards in every coast town—memorials to those who’ve been lost at sea. I don’t care if I never get on another ship.”

  “I’m closing the store,” Helaina said. “I’ll get Malcolm and come with you.”

  Leah looked at the woman who had become as dear as any sister. “Hurry, then.”

  Helaina ran upstairs, leaving Leah and Adrik to talk. “I know you don’t want me to go,” Leah began, “but I need to do this. Please understand. I’m not trying to be purposefully defiant.”

  Adrik gently put his hand on her shoulder. “I know you aren’t. I’m just concerned about you and the baby. I promised Jayce and Jacob that I would look after the both of you.”

  Leah shook her head. “First we lose Karen and now this.” She looked Adrik in the eye. “I don’t think I can survive another loss. I don’t think I can bear the pain.”

  “God knows what we can and can’t bear,” Adrik said softly. “I didn’t think I could bear losing Karen, but my boys and Ashlie needed me. Remember how I tried to hide from it all? You were the one who stood by me—helped me to see the truth. Now I’ll be there for you—no matter the outcome.”

  “But surely if they’re close to Juneau and rescuers are on hand, the outcome shouldn’t be too bad,” Leah said, trying to convince herself. She still couldn’t shake images of when she and Jayce had nearly lost their lives when the ship Orion’s Belt sunk in the ocean off Sitka.

  “That’s my thought. We have to have hope.”

  “We’re ready,” Helaina said, adjusting a hat atop Malcolm’s head.

  “I wish you’d both wait here,” Adrik said, giving them each a hopeful look.

  “You know better.” Leah headed for the door. “Come on.”

  There was a crowd already gathered at the telegraph office by the time Leah and the others arrived. She pushed her way through several men, using her femininity and pregnancy to gain their compassion.

  “Excuse me, please.” She put her hand to her expanding stomach and offered a smile she didn’t feel. Her mind reeled with thoughts and images of her husband’s and brother’s circumstance.

  Lord, she prayed silently, I need you now more than ever. I truly cannot bear this alone. Adrik said you know what I can endure, but I know I cannot handle losing them. You brought them back to me once, please bring them back to me now.

  “If everyone will settle down,” a man announced, “I have the latest word from Juneau.”

  Leah froze in place. She looked to the people around her and drew a deep breath before fixing her gaze on the man. She didn’t know how Adrik had managed it, but he was suddenly at her side, his arm firmly wrapped around her shoulders.

  “The Princess Sophia ran into trouble in a fierce storm,” the man began. “Apparently they radioed for help and received rescue boats from Juneau. However, the storm prevented any help. Apparently the storms also kept the Sophia from lowering lifeboats. For quite some time the rescue was attempted, but it was to no avail. The Princess Sophia sank with no reported survivors.”

  This can’t be happening. They can’t be dead.

  Leah and Helaina sat at the table in Adrik’s home. At his insistence Helaina and Malcolm had come home with them. The shock had been so great that neither Leah nor Helaina had cried. They’d simply walked away from the crying, enraged crowd in a state of disbelief.

  “I tried to telegraph Skagway for confirmation of the men boarding the ship,” Adrik said as he came through the door. He and the boys had been in town trying to get more information.

  “And?” Leah asked hesitan
tly as Christopher and Oliver moved to their bedroom. Obviously Adrik had told them to leave the adults to talk.

  Adrik shook his head. “They won’t send it. The lines were ordered to be kept open for the Coast Guard and those helping with the Princess Sophia’s situation.” He took his coat off and hung it by the door. “I gave them instructions to send it at the first possible moment.”

  Leah heard his words but could hardly comprehend them. She tried to pray, but words failed her. Helaina had opened her Bible, but she seemed unable to read.

  What will we do? Leah refused to vocalize the words, but it was the same question that had haunted her since learning about the Princess Sophia. She knew Adrik would offer her a home with him and the boys. He would probably offer Helaina one too, but it didn’t matter. That wasn’t the point of her question.

  Adrik sat down between the two women. “There’s always a chance that those reporting the situation don’t have all the information. It’s rare that a ship would sink without any survivors. Even the Titanic had survivors, and they were more ill prepared than the Princess Sophia.”

  “Do you really think there’s a chance that passengers made it off safely?” Helaina asked. “I mean, why would the reports say no survivors if there was hope some were saved?”

  “I don’t know. The world is full of doomsayers. Let’s give it a few days and see what happens. Either way, I want you both to listen to me.”

  Leah looked up and met his gaze. She saw nothing but compassion and love in his eyes. “I’m listening.”

  “You know you’ve been like a daughter to me and Jacob like a son.” He turned to Helaina. “I’ve come to love all of you like family. I want you to know that no matter the outcome of this situation, you have a home with me. In fact, I want you to just keep the store closed until we can find out the truth.”

  “You’re good to care so much for us,” Helaina said, shaking her head. “I can’t even begin to think about the store or anything but Jacob and whether he’s safe.”

  Leah nodded. Helaina had taken the words right out of her mouth. She could barely register rational thought and care for the twins. To have to worry about anything else would be impossible.

  “We’re family,” Adrik stated, reaching to take hold of each woman’s arm. “You helped me deal with Karen’s death. I want to be here for you—to see you through this. I feel confident God has put us all together for just such a time.”

  “I don’t understand any of this,” Helaina began. “I want to trust God, but I’m angry. I’m angry that after everything we’ve gone through—after everything that they’ve suffered— we should all be up against another ordeal. I hope this doesn’t seem shocking, but God seems very unfair.”

  Adrik lowered his head and seemed to consider her words. “There are always times when God seems unfair. I wish I could give you answers—explain why this had to happen. But it wouldn’t hurt any less if you knew the reasons.”

  “It might,” Helaina interjected. “If I knew why, then maybe I could rationalize it all in my mind. Why should I have lost one husband to tragedy only to remarry and lose another? Have I not learned something God wants me to know? Am I being punished for something?”

  Leah had asked the same questions and knew in her heart there were no answers. “Sometimes,” she said softly, “life doesn’t make sense. The war in Europe, the influenza wiping out whole villages, children losing their parents, husbands losing their wives.” She looked to Adrik. “Sometimes answers don’t help. Sometimes life just hurts too much to make sense.”

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  The next few days passed ever so slowly for Leah. She often thought of the plans she had made with Jayce … little things and big. They had talked of building their own home in the spring. They had both looked forward to the new baby, as well as seeing the twins begin to do new things.

  Walking alone in a light rain, Leah struggled to make sense of the events that had just taken place. It seems so unreal.How in the world do I make sense of this? We were happy, Lord. Really happy. And now this. What am I supposed to do?

  She thought of Adrik’s generous offer to have them all remain under his protection and care. It reminded her of the Last Chance villagers being paired off with a new spouse in order to see to the welfare of the children. Leah knew there was money to support the children and herself, however. Jayce had always been clear on the money he held in savings and stocks. Helaina was far wealthier than Leah and would have no trouble at all in seeing to Malcolm’s needs. Still, there was so much more to life than money. More to surviving than material items.

  “Leah?”

  She looked up. “Christopher, what are you doing out here? It’s cold and wet.”

  He shrugged. “I saw you walking and thought maybe you could use a friend.”

  She smiled at the boy. For such a young man his heart was always sensitive. “I can always use a friend—but especially if it’s you.”

  He came alongside her and matched her pace as they headed up the forest path. The thick covering of spruce and fir kept much of the rain from them. “Leah, can I ask you something?”

  She nodded and shoved her hands deep into her parka pockets. “What would you like to know?”

  “Is God scary to you now?”

  She stopped and looked at Christopher in surprise. He gazed up as if embarrassed. “I just mean … well … since Jacob and Jayce’s ship sank. I wondered….” He fell silent and looked back at the ground. “You don’t have to answer.”

  Leah thought about the question for a moment. “I won’t lie to you, Christopher. This is very hard. It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to bear.”

  “Like me when my mother died?”

  “Yes. Exactly like that.” Leah started walking again, thinking that perhaps the action would help her to reason an answer. “I don’t understand why it had to happen this way. So much had already happened.”

  “It doesn’t seem fair—just like with Ma,” he threw in.

  “No. It definitely doesn’t seem fair.”

  They walked a ways without speaking. The sounds of rain falling gently against the supple spruce branches and their boots against the path were the only noises.

  “I guess it’s hard for me to put into words,” Leah finally said. It wasn’t that Christopher couldn’t understand; she simply wasn’t sure she understood her emotions well enough to convey the matter in words.

  “I’ve never known a time when Jacob wasn’t in my life. He’s my older brother, so like for you with Ashlie and Oliver, he’s always been there. And with Jayce, well, I fell in love with him a long time ago. To imagine my life without them seems almost impossible for me.”

  “Like me with my mother,” Christopher admitted. “Sometimes when I wake up in the morning … well … sometimes I think for just a minute that she’ll still be there. That her dying was just a bad dream.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Guess that sounds silly, huh?”

  “Not at all. I felt that way many, many times when Jayce and Jacob were in the Arctic. I kept hoping I would just wake up and find that I had imagined the whole thing—that they were safe in the village and that there was nothing to fear.”

  “But they’re in heaven with Mama,” Christopher said, stopping to look at Leah. “Right?”

  Leah knew Christopher needed to hear the right thing from her, but she felt completely inadequate to the task. “Yes. I would imagine they’re all in heaven.” She felt tears come to her eyes and turned to look upward. The canopy of trees overhead, along with the rain clouds, blocked out more and more of the light.

  Turning to head back to the cabin lest they run into some kind of animal trouble, Leah tried to regroup her thoughts. “To answer your first question, I don’t think God is scary. In fact, right now, He’s offering me the only real comfort I can find. I know He loves me. I know He has my life in His hands, just as He had your mama and Jacob and Jayce. He’s good, Christopher. Even in bad times, when we think He’s st
olen what we love the most. He’s good, and He loves us.”

  “Leah, you’ve been real good to me and Oliver. We love you a lot.”

  She smiled and put her arm around Christopher’s shoulder. It wouldn’t be that long before he shot past her in height. “I know you do, and I love you too.”

  “You’ve been doing stuff for us like Mama would do.

  You’ve been helping us and helping Pa. I want to help you. You’re being like a ma to me. I guess I want to help be like a papa to Wills and Merry. I know I’m not a real pa, but I want to play with them and keep them safe. I just want you to know that I’ll do that for you.”

  Leah couldn’t keep the tears from her eyes. She pulled Christopher close and hugged him for a long time. He didn’t pull away or act embarrassed; instead, he wrapped his arms around her and held on to her as though his life depended on it.

  After several moments Leah spoke as she pulled away. “That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever offered me. Thank you, Christopher. I’d be very proud to have you show the twins that kind of love.”

  “I just don’t want them to be sad,” Christopher replied. “I don’t want them to miss their papa like I miss my mama. I don’t want them to hurt in their heart when they grow up and wonder why he went away.”

  Helaina sat at the table staring at the same piece of sewing that she’d struggled with all morning. Malcolm slept soundly by the fire in a beautiful cradle Adrik had brought from the storage building, while the twins were with Leah in the kitchen. Leah had decided to give them some dough to play with, and Helaina could hear them laughing.

  “This is a waste of time,” she said, throwing down the material.

  “What’s the matter?” Leah asked, coming to the table.

  “What isn’t? Nothing is right. Nothing will ever be right again.” She got up and shoved the chair in so hard that it hit the table and rocked backward. Teetering for just a moment, the chair finally fell forward into place.

  Leah seemed surprised by Helaina’s outburst, but Helaina had no desire to apologize. They were all being so very good…. They were all so very calm. It wasn’t human. It was completely contrived.