The Sacrifice

by Cathy Conradie

  Chapter Four

  With their College training now completed and being appointed as permanent members in the SAPS Paul finds himself in a very sticky situation. Antonie was placed out to the Sinoville police station but Paul was placed at Jeffreys Bay police station. Paul would have enjoyed the fact of working at Jeffreys Bay police station if it wasn’t for the fact that Antonie needed the bone marrow transplant so urgently. Not even the privilege to experience the most beautiful sunrises, sunsets, the ocean and staying with his grandparents could take away the constant worry in his heart. He hasn’t heard anything of Antonie and he is not sure if he ever will. What was leaving Paul dumbfounded was Antonie’s constant anger towards him. As if Antonie held a grudge against Paul for some reason.

  “Constable Visser, are you okay? It looks you are very home sick.”

  Paul is jerked back to the reality.

  “I’m sorry, Warrant. I have so much on my mind at the moment.”

  “You can say that again. Do you miss your girlfriend?”

  Paul smiles ruefully.

  “If only I had one, Warrant. When my girlfriend heard I needed to come to Jeffreys Bay she decided that is the end of the relationship. She didn’t see chance for a long distance relationship.”

  “Don’t worry, you are so very young. Women are always full of nonsense anyway. I just don’t understand them. Believe me, you are lucky. But level with me now, what is bothering you?”

  “I’ll have to go and speak to the Captain because I’ll need to go on sick leave for a while.”

  The Warrant Officer frowns.

  “But you don’t look sick to me, Visser. You are too new in the SAPS to start taking chances like this. You better look after your career.”

  “I’m not taking chances, Warrant. I….” Paul stays silent briefly.

  “I know someone who was diagnosed with leukaemia recently and I want to help him.”

  “But that is a very complicated process. I think you must leave that to his siblings or his parents.”

  “That is just the thing. He doesn’t have any siblings and…he doesn’t know I want to help him.”

  “But where do you know him from then?”

  “We were at Oudtshoorn College for the training. I’ll probably be away for about three weeks.”

  “I think you must talk to the station commander about this. I know he’ll understand. I take my hat off to you. I won’t risk my life for a stranger like that.”

  Paul’s parents awaited him upon his arrival at the airport.

  “Hello my son. How is paradise?” Lourens teases and Paul smiles.

  “You and Grandpa are probably catching a lot of fish?”

  Paul laughs.

  “Nope, we only catch cold feet. That’s it.” he embraces his father before he turns to his mother who hugs him close for a while, kissing him on the cheek.

  “My darling, it is so nice to see you again, but I don’t know if you are doing the right thing trying to help Antonie.”

  “Mom, I’m so grateful that you care but I really want to help Antonie. If it is possible, I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t. We’re so stuck in a self centred world where no-one cares about each other anymore.”

  “But you barely know each other, my love. I know you were doing you training together at the College, but you’re not even friends.”

  Lourens lovingly hugs Tersia close.

  “My angel, let Paul help Antonie. I don’t understand it myself why he wants to do that and why he wants to put his life on the line like this, but you know as good as I do that Paul wanted to help each and every person or living thing since he could barely walk. Hey big guy, why don’t you come work with me at Logistics? I miss you so much!”

  “I miss you just as much Dad, but I think its better that I’m on my own. You’ll put me on the red carpet all the time. I don’t think it will be easy to work under your father’s command. Antonie and his father are stationed at the same station.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, his father is the detective commander there.”

  “Can you believe that? I think it is awesome when families are working together in the SAPS. Keeping it in the family. But you know, you never told us what to expect with this treatment of yours. Are you sure you will be all right?”

  “Can you please take me to the Blood Services for the injections in the first week? It might affect me very badly and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to drive as a result of that. I’ll definitely need you as soon as they start harvesting the stem cells. Let’s not be naïve about this – it is surely a very difficult time lying ahead.”

  The injections make Paul more ill than he has ever expected and after the third day he silently wonders if he wasn’t expecting too much of himself.

  Tersia enters Paul’s room and places a cup of coffee next to him on his bedside table. She worriedly lays her hand on his forehead and cheeks.

  “Paul? Are you okay, my sweetheart?”

  “I feel so tired and nauseous, Mom. I wish all the injections were done and over with. I’m so scared of what is still lying ahead. I’m really starting to wonder if I’m doing the right thing.”

  “You must take care of yourself now, my love. I’ll have to take extra care of you now so that you don’t get sick. It will be a big setback if you get sick now.”

  “What is so sad is that I can’t even spend time with you guys. I’m so sorry.”

  “You don’t have to be. We understand everything.”

  Antonie tiredly puts his pen down and stares out of the window of his office. He is temporarily placed on office duties by the station management so that he can go home at any time if he becomes sick. He bravely comes to work everyday and always gives his everything because he knows he can still make a difference, even if it means doing boring paperwork and apparent unimportant administrative tasks. Antonie gets up from behind his table and walks on to his father’s office. With a relief he sees that his father is in the office.

  Otto looks up upon hearing the soft knock on his office door and smiles at Antonie.

  “Hi there, my son. Please come inside.”

  “Dad, I’m sorry…I know I must call you on your rank, but I really need to talk to you.”

  “It’s all right. Please leave the formalities and close the door. I can see you have something serious to say.”

  Otto also pulls out the cord of the telephone instrument.

  “Dad, I really don’t want to waste your time…”

  “Antonie, I have all the time in the world for you, my precious child. Please talk to me.”

  “We have so much to catch up on, Dad…”

  “I know, my boy. But what is going on? It looks like you have something serious to say.”

  “I…I have come to realise how short life is, Dad and…” Antonie swallows hard at the lump in his throat.

  “I have made so many mistakes, Dad.”

  Otto decides to stand back and to keep quiet so that Antonie can talk his heart out. It is very clear that the brick walls that Antonie has built around his heart over the years are tumbling down. Otto also notices that Antonie is fighting hard against the threatening tears, but he can see that Antonie is very emotional and that he won’t be able to fight back the tears for too long now. Antonie’s emotional state has got nothing to do with his illness.

  “I really need your forgiveness, Dad. I have made so many mistakes over the years and…it was so difficult…it was so difficult to…”

  Antonie starts crying softly and hastily tries to dry his tears. The last time he cried in front of his father was when he was a small child and Otto told him back then that big boys don’t cry. Since then he forced himself not to cry about anything and as he is sitting there Antonie feels very vulnerable and exposed. There is just no way that he can hide anything, anymore.

  “I was never able to enjoy my childhood, Dad. I hated growing up without you…I hated it every time…every time when you left…I always had to ta
ke care of Mom, had to make sure we’re safe…I was never able to sleep at night because I felt responsible for Mom. I couldn’t enjoy being a teenager because you were not there. You were not there to teach me all the things I needed to know. The police always came first…that’s how I felt about it…and then you expected me to follow your footsteps to become a policeman…”

  “May I interrupt? Antonie, do you regret that you became a policeman?”

  Antonie stays silent for a brief moment.

  “No, Dad.” he says softly.

  “I started to enjoy it. I wish so much I can work outside and do what I learned in the College.” he wipes the tears off his cheek.

  “Dad, I…I just want thank you and Mom for all your prayers through my life and everything you taught me about Christ and His love for me. If I think…I discovered Christ anew when I was in the College just after I was diagnosed and…also because of Paul Visser’s silent testimony. I just want you to know that I have forgiven you and Mom for everything and…please, you need to know that I have forgiven you. Life is too short…”

  “Antonie…”

  Otto gets up from behind his table and kneels down at Antonie’s side, embracing him tightly.

  “Antonie, my precious child. I love you so, so much. I loved you all my life. I’m so sorry for all your loneliness and that I have burdened you with my responsibilities. I’m so sorry I’ve never been there for you.”

  He gently takes Antonie by the shoulders and looks him in the eye.

  “Your mother and I have forgiven you long time ago for everything. Teenagers are all mixed up with everything they go through and I’m so sorry that I have missed out on that. Thank you for forgiving us. Antonie, I love you. You are the most precious thing in my life.”

  Otto hugs Antonie close.

  “Your mother and I pray for you every day and every night for your recovery. I am so grateful that you have given your life to the Lord, Antonie. The reality is, God will never leave, nor forsake you. Your name is written in the palm of His hand. He loves you more than your mother or I ever could.”

  Antonie lets go of his father after a while.

  “Dad, I wish so much, I pray that God will help me to find a donor. I’m so scared, Dad.”

  “You don’t have to be, my son. Your mother and I are right behind you. We will always be there for you. We pray with you for a donor. Just tell me, who is Paul Visser?”

  “We did our training together at the College, Dad. I really want to talk to him too. I owe him an apology.”

  Otto frowns.

  “Why? I don’t understand?”

  “It is so childish, really. I held a grudge against him for five years.”

  Antonie blushes embarrassed.

  “I felt humiliated as a result of an incident at a rugby match after I was sent off by the referee. Paul tackled me as I was on my way to score a try and I hit him on the eye. Unfortunately for me the referee saw that and I was sent off. It was so childish, really. It is so strange…I had to get sick first to realise how stupid and bitter I was against the world, how childish, how immature I acted. How do I actually fix this?”

  “Where does he stay?”

  “He is working at Jeffreys Bay SAPS. It is strange because it is very far from his parents. They stay in Magalieskruin.”

  “I must say that is something of the police I’ll never understand. Fortunately you are with us. I am so grateful for that.”

  The second and tough part of the preparation to harvest healthy stem cells from Paul has arrived. So far it seems that Paul will be a suitable donor for Antonie. Paul anxiously lies down on the bed in the consulting rooms where the apheresis procedure will be done and fortunately for him both his parents were present. It made the fear inside of him a bit more bearable.

  The nurse enters the consulting room and greets them politely.

  “Are you ready for us, Paul?”

  “I think so. It’s just…I hate needles. I actually have a fear for it.”

  “Everything will be fine. We’ll take good care of you. We did explain to you that it will be a very long procedure?”

  “I remembered them saying something like it will take between two and six hours? It’s almost the whole day.”

  The nurse nods sympathetically.

  “Basically, yes. If you start to feel tired I suggest you use the opportunity to sleep. Don’t worry; we’ll monitor you very closely. We’ll take care of you and your parents will also be here.”

  She moves the machine closer before cleaning Paul’s one arm and gently inserting the needle into his vein, repeating the process with the other arm. Paul gently grits on his teeth.

  “Mr and Mrs Visser, you are very welcome to stay with Paul. I think it will do him good, knowing you are here. I’ll monitor his vitals all the time to make sure he’ll be okay. Please, if he becomes dizzy or if there is any emergency of some sort, call me immediately.”

  “May we give him anything to eat or drink during this procedure?”

  “Please do. It is imperative. He needs to take in a lot of fluid. He may drink water, juice or drinking yoghurt.”

  As expected the procedure makes Paul very tired. Everything goes according to plan but he fell asleep on regular intervals. With the procedure almost over he wakes up again and Tersia realises that he shivers uncontrollably. She takes his hand in hers and squeezes it gently.

  “Paul? What’s wrong?”

  “I’m so cold, Mom. How long must I still remain here?”

  “Everything is almost over, my love. Just another hour to go. You are over the worst now.”

  Tersia pulls the blanket over Paul and softly strokes his hair.

  “Come now, close your eyes and try to rest again. You’ll be all right.”

  Paul tiredly closes his eyes again and it doesn’t take very long before he falls asleep. Lourens and Tersia worriedly look at Paul. They know what Paul is doing is what he has wanted, but it breaks them to see him so fragile and helpless. They can only hope that the sacrifice he is making will be all worth it.