The Birth Mother

by Tara Taylor Quinn

  “It wasn’t that bad. They weren’t mean to me or anything. It just seemed like I was always trying to be perfect in order to avoid their irritated frowns. Half the time I don’t even think they knew they were frowning. They just didn’t know what to do with a child around.”

  She was still facing the mountain, but at least she was talking.

  “And so you grew up and made them millionaires to repay them for making your childhood miserable?” he asked.

  She looked at him then and smiled, a self-deprecating, knowing smile. “Is that what it sounds like?”

  “From where I’m sitting.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe it was a little like that. But they tried, Bryan. They were always honest with me, and fair. They gave me opportunities, including a college education they couldn’t afford. After I graduated with a degree in business, I found out what a bad state Teal Motors was in. They asked me if I could help them. Finally there was something I could do to please them, to pay them back for the twenty-year disruption I’d been in their lives, something to show them I loved them. Something I could do to make them happy again. And as it turned out, pleasing them pleased me, too. I love the car business.”

  He admired her determination. “So how long did it take you to learn the ropes?”

  “I already knew them inside and out. I grew up at the dealership and worked there for most of my teenage years. I rebuilt my first car engine, with Sam’s help, during my junior year in high school.”

  Before or after she’d given Nicki away? “What happened to the car?” he asked.

  “Nothing. I’m still driving it.”

  “The Mustang?”

  “Mmm.”

  “You wouldn’t be interested in selling it, would you?”

  “Never. God willing, I’ll be driving that car when I’m eighty.”

  “Somehow I believe you will be,” Bryan said, gathering up the remnants of their picnic. She really cared about certain things in her life—her parents, her business, her car. But what about her child? How had Nicki missed out on that caring?

  Bryan loaded their things back into the Jeep and then suggested a walk. He wasn’t any less confused now than he’d been before the day had begun. How could a woman who’d grown up as she had, who’d spent her entire life trying to earn the love of her parents, not at some point have given a thought to the child she’d given birth to? Why hadn’t she at least registered someplace in case the child needed her?

  The path to the petting zoo was heavily traveled and swarming with kids. A couple of little boys, around five or six years old, zoomed past, racing each other to a tree up ahead, and Bryan couldn’t help but smile at their antics.

  “Shouldn’t their parents be watching them more closely?” Jennifer asked, frowning.

  “They’re probably right behind us.”

  “I hope so. Those boys look awfully young to be on their own.”

  Her shoulder brushed him and he had to restrain himself from putting his arm around her and pulling her closer. She didn’t need his protection. There was nothing there for her to be afraid of.

  “Have you ever thought about having children?” he asked, losing sight of the boys as they rounded a bend.

  “I have no interest in being a mother.” .

  His heart sank. “Isn’t that a little strong?”

  “I feel strongly about it.”

  She’d put more distance between them, moving closer to the side of the path. “What about Teal Motors? Don’t you ever think about having an heir to pass it on to?”

  “Not really.”

  “But girls always want to grow up and have babies,” he blurted. Great, Chambers, now there’s an intelligent statement. But he was frustrated and scared for Nicki. He just didn’t want to believe that Jennifer had no place in her heart for the daughter who needed her. He’d seen her with her employees, with an old lady she didn’t even know. She was compassion personified. Something wasn’t adding up.

  “Why is it that just because I’m a woman, I’m automatically expected to produce babies? If I were a man, would you be pressuring me to procreate? And what about you? I don’t see you out there lining up to be a daddy.”

  Because I’m already a father, and mother, too, to your child. They fell into an uneasy silence as they continued to walk, and Bryan wondered if she was wishing she’d never set eyes on him.

  They’d reached a fork in the path, and Jennifer swerved onto the different route. “Let’s see what’s up there,” she said, glancing back to make sure he was behind her.

  What was up there turned out to be a birthday party for Molly, who was just turning eleven, according to the banner strung across the path. He and Jennifer walked to the end of the path, silently passing beneath the banner, before they turned around and headed back the way they’d come.

  Bryan watched the birthday girls as they passed the party a second time. The girls were gathered in a huddle, squealing and giggling, right beside a table piled high with presents. Bryan got a sick feeling in his gut as he saw a woman, probably Molly’s mother, call the girls over and give each of them a slip of paper and a shopping bag. A scavenger hunt.

  Nicki had had a scavenger hunt for her tenth birthday. And a tornado for her eleventh. And, dear God, her twelfth one was coming up soon. His heart froze as he realized just how soon. In a little over a week, Nicki was going to be twelve years old. In a little over a week, it was going to be a full year since Lori and his parents had died.

  He had no idea how he and Nicki were going to celebrate the day, but he was pretty certain she wouldn’t be enjoying it the way Molly obviously was.

  “Excuse me, lady. We’re having a scavenger hunt. Do you have a bobby pin I could have?” A girl stood before them on the path, looking cute and carefree as she grinned up at them. Her lips were stained purple.

  “No. I’m sorry,” Jennifer said. She kept on walking. Bryan stared at the pinned-up hair on the back of her head.

  The pigtailed girl walked backward, staying in front of Jennifer. “Would you look at my list then and see if there’s anything here you might have?” she asked.

  “I’m sorry, honey, I have to get back,” Jennifer said, smiling as she stepped around the child.

  “Thanks, anyway,” the child called as she scampered off.

  The whole thing had only taken a couple of seconds, but it worried Bryan more than anything that had gone before. Jennifer had been as pleasant as always, but she’d still just brushed off that child with an ease that told its own story. A story that might well contain an unhappy ending for Nicki.

  CHAPTER SIX

  “MAMA? MAMA! Ma-ma-a-a!”

  Bryan shot out of bed, pulled on his cutoffs and raced into Nicki’s room as he heard the familiar cry. It had been almost a month since the last time. He’d been hoping they were past this point.

  He pulled the sweating body of his niece from beneath her covers and into his arms. “It’s okay, Nick. I’m here, baby. It’s okay,” he said softly over and over as he stroked the damp strands of her hair away from her face.

  He felt her shudder and knew she’d come back to him. “Uncle Bryan?” Her voice was weak and frightened.

  “I’m here, baby. Right here,” he said, choking down the emotion that had been so close to the surface for the past year. As hard it was for him to accept the loss of his family, he knew it was ten times harder for Nicki.

  She started to cry, sobbing against his chest so hdpelessly that it hurt him just to listen to her. God, he hated the Fates that had done this to such a sweet sensitive child.

  He held her and rocked her, soothing her with words of love, and long before the storm had passed, a few of his own tears had mingled with hers.

  “I’m sorry, Uncle Bryan. I didn’t mean to,” she said some time later, pulling away from him.

  He reached out, brushing the tears from her cheeks, aching inside as he saw her swollen eyes. “Don’t apologize, sweetheart. It isn’t your fault. No
ne of this is your fault.”

  She shivered and scooted back from him, sitting on her pillow with her knees curled up to her chest. “Sometimes I think it is,” she whispered.

  Bryan froze. “No! Nicki, you’re not to blame for anything. Don’t even think it.”

  She looked up at him, her soft hazel eyes filling with tears again. “But if it hadn’t been for me, for that stupid party I had to have, everybody wouldn’t have been together outside like that.”

  Bryan slid down to kneel at the side of her bed, leaning over to bring his face even with hers. “The tornado would still have come, honey, and even inside, in different houses, they would have died if it was their time. It had nothing to do with you.”

  She studied his face, her eyes wide. “Do you really believe that, Uncle Bryan? Really?” she whispered.

  “Yes, I do, honey. With all my heart.”

  Nicki held out her arms and asked, “Can I have a hug?”

  “Of course, sprite. Always.” He sat back down beside her and pulled her into his arms, silently cursing his inability to shield her from her demons.

  “I just wish it didn’t hurt so much,” she said after a minute or two.

  Bryan felt her words clear to his soul. “I know, little one. I wish that, too.”

  “Do you still miss them?”

  “More than ever, honey. All the time.”

  “Do you think we’ll ever stop missing them?”

  Bryan weighed his words carefully. “Not completely. I don’t think we’d want to. We never want to forget them or how much we loved them. But I do think that someday we’ll smile more often than we cry when we think of them.”

  “Sometimes I try not to think of them because it hurts too much, and then I feel bad, like I’m trying to forget them. But I don’t want to forget them, Uncle Bryan. Not ever, and sometimes I’m scared I will.”

  “I know, sweetie. But you don’t have to worry about that. There’s a part of each one of them in you, and no one can ever take that away from you.”

  “I love you, Uncle Bryan.” She snuggled into his chest.

  “And I love you, Nick, more than anything.”

  He held her until she fell back to sleep, thanking the Lord for saving her from the ravages of the tornado that had taken the rest of his family. He’d willingly lay down his life for this child. Or his heart. She came first. No matter what.

  JENNIFER SAW BRYAN twice more that week. He was still after her to do some commercials with kids and had stopped by on Thursday to show her the specs for the spots he’d reserved, including a projected return on her investment. It was impressive.

  On Friday he came by to bring her the scripts. He wasn’t taking no for an answer. And Jennifer found herself weakening. Probably because she knew he was right. They were a great idea.

  Nevertheless, as she sat across from him in her office, she said, “There have to be other good ideas.”

  “Good, sure, but not great.” He tapped the folder against his jeans. “At least read the scripts, and then we can talk again.”

  Jennifer took them. There was no reason not to. “Okay, but I can’t promise to like them.” But she knew she would. And maybe, after next week was over, she’d even feel better about doing the commercials. She wasn’t good with children, but she didn’t dislike them. It was just the time of year. She was overreacting.

  “All I’m asking is that you give them a chance.” Bryan rubbed his hand over his eyes and down his face, the second time he’d done it in the five minutes he’d been there.

  “You look tired,” she said, concerned.

  “I am. My partner is in the middle of the first vacation he’s had in ten years, and it’s been hell at the office. I’d never realized just how much he does there.”

  “Maybe we shouldn’t have gone to Stone Mountain the other day, huh?” She still wasn’t sure why they’d gone. If he’d been after a romantic interlude as she’d thought when he took her up there, wouldn’t he at least have tried to kiss her?

  He stood up. “It was worth it,” he said, his gaze penetrating. “I wanted to see you. Besides, I worked late last night at home.”

  “Do you work at home a lot?” She came around her desk to walk with him to the door, wishing he didn’t have to leave so soon.

  “More now than I used to.” He tucked his sketchbook under his arm and pulled his sunglasses out of his shirt pocket.

  “You have an office there?” She didn’t even know where he lived.

  He stopped at the door. “I’m working on it. I just bought the place last summer and I’m furnishing it a little bit at a time.”

  “It’s the first home you’ve owned?” Jennifer didn’t know why she wasn’t just letting him go. She had more work to do than time to do it. And apparently he did, too.

  “Yeah. Ownership always sounded like chains to me.”

  “So what made you change your mind?”

  “It was time.”

  A master at issuing vague answers, Jennifer knew she’d just received one. She wondered why.

  “By the way, I like the dress.” His eyes moved slowly over her, lingering on her breasts, the dip at her waist, before continuing downward.

  “Thank you. I guess I was kind of in a rut with the suit thing.”

  He looked at her lips and then opened the door. “Read the scripts, Jennifer,” he said, and nodded at Rachel on his way out.

  SHE WAS WORKING at home herself that evening, dressed in a short black shift that she only wore around the house, when her buzzer sounded, signaling a visitor for her downstairs. She pushed the button on her intercom. She hoped it was Bryan.

  It wasn’t. It was Tanya.

  “I want to know why you’ve been avoiding me,” her friend said the minute she was in the penthouse. She slid out of her sandals and plopped down on one of Jennifer’s white overstuffed couches.

  “I haven’t been avoiding you,” Jennifer said, sitting on the opposite couch.

  “You know about the baby, don’t you?” Tanya asked.

  Jennifer couldn’t escape Tanya’s piercing stare. She nodded.

  “Who told you?”

  “Dennis’s secretary, indirectly. I heard her talking about your doctor’s appointment.”

  It was Tanya’s turn to look away. “I didn’t mean for you to find out that way, Jen. I wanted to tell you myself.”

  “Then why didn’t you?”

  “I just wasn’t sure you’d want to hear about it— especially with next week looming so close and all.”

  Jennifer didn’t want to think about next week. “It’s been twelve years, Tanya. I think I can handle it,” Jennifer said dryly.

  “I don’t, not when you use that tone of voice. Which is just what I was afraid of.” Tanya was as blunt as ever.

  Jennifer’s chest tightened, making it harder for her to breathe. “What? I said I could handle it. It’s not a big deal.”

  Tanya’s eyes softened, but Jennifer saw the hurt in them. “Yes, it is a big deal. To me and Dennis, anyway. And you’re not happy about it.”

  “Of course I’m—” Jennifer broke off, unable to continue lying to her friend. “It’s just the time of year, Tan, like you said. You know me. I get a little weepy, the day goes by, and then I’m fine again. I’ll be happy for you long before the baby comes.” At least that was what she’d been telling herself.

  “That’s what Dennis and I figured at first. It’s why we decided to wait until after next week to tell you about it. But I’m not so sure anymore.”

  “What do you think I’m going to do—fall apart at the seams?”

  “No! Of course not. You’re stronger than that. What you’re going to do is keep avoiding me until we drift apart, and eventually we’ll only see each other at the annual Christmas party.”

  “Isn’t that a bit melodramatic?” Jennifer smiled at her friend.

  “I don’t think so, Jen, and neither does Dennis.”

  “You guys are my best friends. We see each other
all the time,” Jennifer said, doing everything in her power to believe that everything was going to be just fine.

  “You see Dennis at work every day, but how long has it been since you came out to the house or even met me for lunch?”

  Jennifer couldn’t remember the last time.

  “Next to Dennis, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Jen. I’m not going to lose you because I want to be a mother.”

  “You’re not going to lose me.”

  “Then why have you been avoiding me?”

  Jennifer looked away. “I’ve just been busy at work overseeing the introduction of One Price. I’m spending a lot of extra time at the dealerships.”

  “So’s Dennis, and I still see him.”

  “He lives with you.”

  “He also meets me for lunch.”

  “All right! I’ll meet you for lunch. Pick a day.”

  “And have you cancel on me? Uh-uh.”

  “What is it with you, Tanya? You want me to have lunch with you, so I’ve said I’ll have lunch with you.”

  “I want you to admit you’re bothered by this baby.”

  Jennifer felt as if she was suffocating. “Why would I be bothered?”

  “I was with you on her first birthday, Jen, remember?”

  No! Jennifer’s mind went blank. She felt numb. It was understood that that chapter in her life was over.

  “I remember that day like it was yesterday. We were both at Florida State, checking out the campus before applying.”

  Pain seared through Jennifer as she remembered, too. All of it. Every painful, lonely, empty second. No. She’d come through that. It was over.

  “And I got drunk and cried in my soup. I never have been able to hold my liquor worth a damn.” She forced the words past the constriction in her throat.

  “You cried because your heart was breaking.”

  Jennifer jumped up. Why had she ever thought Tanya was her friend? Friends didn’t do this to people. “Okay, I was dying inside. Is that what you want to hear?”

  “No.”

  “What, then? What do you want from me, Tanya?” She was nearly yelling. Deep breaths. Calm down. It’s over.