The Birth Mother

by Tara Taylor Quinn

  “I know I have. But I still want to make love with you, Bryan Chambers. I have for a very long time.”

  His body throbbed with her words. “It’s just the wine talking,” he said, trying to hold on to the thin thread of sanity he had left. “It has a tendency to make you think that way.”

  She smiled and shook her head. “Not me it doesn’t. I’ve tried it a time or two, you know. I’ve tried to get in the mood, to let myself go, to enjoy a perfectly normal adult experience, but it never worked, no matter how much wine I drank.”

  “Never?” he asked, his eyes intent. “Are you telling me you haven’t…”

  “Not since I was fifteen,” she whispered. Her eyes were moist as she held his gaze, but they were full of such conviction, such pure sweet wanting, that Bryan knew he was a drowning man. And he didn’t care. Satisfying the desire in her eyes was worth dying for.

  He pulled her up and into the suite, turning off the living-room light as he led her into her bedroom, which was on the opposite side of the suite from his and Nicki’s.

  Her bare back was a golden lure of femininity as she entered her room in front of him. She took a long look at the huge bed in the center of the room, then looked back at him. He thought he saw fear in her eyes, but it was quickly replaced by the fire that had been glowing from within her all evening.

  “Are you sure?” he asked, trailing his fingers down her neck.

  “Absolutely sure.”

  He pulled her against him, letting her feel how ready his body was for her before they’d even begun. “I’ve never wanted a woman like I want you.”

  “I think I knew that,” she whispered, flicking her tongue along his neck. “I’ve never wanted a man before, period.”

  Bryan knew that what she was telling him was important, that he needed to understand certain things about her, but all he could think about right then was making the night ahead everything she’d ever dreamed of. He didn’t just want her to want him now, he wanted her to want him afterward, too. Desperately.

  And maybe, if he could show her how much he cared for her, she’d be forgiving when he told her what he’d done, why they’d met…

  He pulled the pins from her hair one by one, watching as the long auburn curls fell down past her shoulders and over his arm.

  “It’s a crime to keep this all tucked away,” he said, running his hands through the silky strands, imagining it over him, around him, beneath him.

  “Long tangly hair doesn’t fit my image.”

  He buried his face against her neck. “It fits the image I have of you perfectly.”

  “Oh? And how do you see me?” she asked, leaning back to grin at him as she tugged gently at the rubber band on his ponytail.

  But Bryan saw the flicker of apprehension in her eyes in spite of the grin. She really needed to know and was afraid of knowing at the same time. Incredible.

  He smoothed the hair back from her face, cradling her head between his hands, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. “I see you as a siren and an innocent, as a strong capable woman and yet one I want to take care of.”

  Her gaze held his as she reached up to him, running her fingers through the shorter hair on the sides and top of his head, to the longer strands in the back that hung freely past his shoulders. “You are the man of my dreams, Bryan Chambers,” she whispered. “I don’t know what I’ve ever done to deserve you, but I can’t not love you. I tried, but I just can’t.”

  His heart plummeted, and then sped up, reminding him of his first roller-coaster ride. Adrenaline surged through him. “Then stop trying,” he said, and kissed her. She loves me, he thought. It was all that mattered in those moments as his lips laid claim to hers. She loves me.

  Jennifer had no idea where this night might lead. She was afraid to think of the future, to consider the fact that Bryan might want to marry her, that he might even want to have other children someday. She didn’t know if she’d be strong enough to turn him down; or was the real strength in accepting him? She didn’t have the answers anymore, but she knew, clear to her soul, that the present was right where it should be. She was where she belonged—in Bryan’s arms.

  He looked like a heathen, a pirate, as he bent over her, his hair creating shadows around him in the dim light of her bedroom. His black cotton pants and T-shirt added to the illusion, and Jennifer shivered with the excitement this man could raise in her.

  His lips devoured hers, his kisses different than they’d ever been before, harder, more determined, and the more he asked of her, the more she gave him, the more she took. She couldn’t seem to keep her hands off him, filled with a need to touch every part of him. His warm broad shoulders, his strong back, his lean, muscled buttocks.

  “Lord, woman, what you do to me,” he groaned, pressing her against him.

  “The miracle is what you do to me,” Jennifer said, giving him more than her body. She was laying her soul on the line for this man, and she hadn’t a single regret. “I know all about sex. I know what goes where, how it all works. But never, ever, have I dreamed I could ever feel like this.”

  Bryan led her to the bed, unhooking the neck of her halter dress, turning her to face him, watching every inch of her as it slid away. “So what’s the ‘this’ you’re feeling, Jen?” he asked, touching the tip of one bared breast with his finger, gently, reverently.

  She gasped. “Like I’m on fire. Like I’m going to die right here and now if you don’t stop that and make love to me,” she said, pulling his hand away from her breast. She was getting the most curious sensation in the pit of her stomach, as if she was going to collapse in a heap before they’d even begun.

  Bryan’s hand returned to her breast and kneaded it tenderly. “But I am making love to you, Jen, body and soul.”

  She sank onto the bed, naked except for her white silk bikini panties, feeling not one moment of embarrassment as she lay before him. He was her man, her love. It was right that he see her.

  She didn’t think she could get any more turned on for him until he started to strip off his clothes. There was no playacting, no pretense, just a steady removing of material, a gradual revealing of such male perfection that her breath was snatched away. And when he loosened the drawstring at his waist and slid his cotton pants down over his hips, she was just plain shocked.

  “You’re not wearing any underwear!” she said, thinking how prudish she must sound.

  “It’s too constricting,” he told her, completely comfortable with his nudity as he lay down beside her.

  Jennifer was still too rattled from the first unexpected sight of his engorged manhood to belabor the point.

  Bryan Chambers was a magnificent lover. His hands were everywhere, caressing her, giving her pleasure. She tensed when he found her scar, the only thing she had left of the baby she’d given birth to so long ago, but even that he touched reverently—as if it was special simply because it was a part of her.

  Jennifer had had no idea she had so many erogenous zones, but he showed her every one of them and introduced her to a few of his own, as well. She was a willing, eager, if impatient pupil, but Bryan ignored her impatience, imploring her to trust him, to hold on.

  “Let me show you how good this can be,” he said when she was once again urging him to complete their union.

  “If it gets any better than this, I’m not going to live through it,” she murmured, smiling up at him. His face was so precious to her. She’d never loved anyone as she loved this man.

  “Yes, you will. You’re going to live long enough to do it again and again and again…” His words trailed off as he pushed himself slowly into her.

  “Oh, my God,” Jennifer groaned as she stretched to accommodate him, feeling finally some measure of completeness.

  “Come with me, Jen. Let me take you on the wildest ride of your life.”

  “Isn’t that where we are already?” she gasped as he moved within her.

  “We haven’t even left the ground yet, lady.”

&
nbsp; He reached down between them, touching Jennifer intimately and rotating his hips at the same time.

  And as he continued to love her, tension built within Jennifer, her body holding him tighter and tighter as she fought to control the sensation.

  “Come with me, babe. Come with me,” he said.

  Jennifer thought she’d break into a million pieces. She could hardly breathe. “I can’t!” she cried, wishing he would never stop what he was doing to her, yet knowing she couldn’t take much more.

  “Yes, you can,” he said, kissing her, his tongue entering her in rhythm with his lower body. “Let go, Jen. I’ll catch you,” he said. His voice sounded as strained as she felt.

  She did as he bid, giving herself up to him completely, letting go of the tenuous thread of her control. And as she exploded around him, as she accepted his climax within her, her soul cried out in triumph.

  She lay beside him afterward, unable to muster enough strength to speak, let alone get up. She couldn’t even work up the effort to wonder what he was thinking about as he lay silently holding her. She’d finally found the peace she’d been searching for. He hadn’t “taken” her or “done it” to her. He’d made love with her. And by doing so, he’d given her back a measure of the dignity she’d lost so many years before. Rather than feeling worthless, she felt beautiful.

  She thought he might have fallen asleep, until his hand shifted around her, cupping her breast, his finger slowly, almost aimlessly, tantalizing her nipple. She lay still, wondering if he was indeed asleep, if he was even aware of what he was doing. And then he shifted again, his other hand cupping her other breast, his penis nudging her.

  Her stomach started fluttering and she felt herself grow moist. “Again?” she asked, giggling in spite of the tension slowly building within her.

  “Again and again and again…” His voice sent excited chills down her body as he leaned over and took her nipple into his mouth.

  BRYAN WAS at his drafting table by noon the next day. He’d barely made it back to his own room that morning in the hotel before the phone had rung. Calvin had the flu and wasn’t going to be able to keep his appointment with Wonderly.

  They’d planned to sleep in and fly back leisurely that morning, but Bryan had had to wake Jennifer and Nicki and hurry them out of the hotel a few hours earlier than planned. Or at least he’d hurried them after he’d woken Jennifer properly. Lovemaking with her was as good the morning after as it had been the night before.

  The Wonderly president and his executives were flying in to sign the papers that would seal a big contract with Innovative Advertising based on the preliminary campaign Bryan had done for the company a few months before. Bryan only had another hour to go over the long-term campaign Calvin had mapped out for him before the group arrived.

  He tried to concentrate on the Wonderly account, but moments from the night before and the morning after, with their passion and their promise, continued to play themselves out in his mind. He was impatient to get on with it, to know that things were settled once and for all, to finally introduce Nicki to her mother.

  He’d invited Jennifer over for dinner that night and he was going to tell her who Nicki was before he took her home that evening. After the past several days with Nicki, there was no longer any doubt that Jennifer was good with children, or at least with Nicki. Even Jennifer had to be settled on that score. There was no longer any need for secrets.

  He was going to ask Jennifer to marry him.

  The phone rang on his desk, bringing him back to the business at hand. “It’s Nicki, Bryan,” Jacci called through the door connecting their offices.

  He snatched up the phone. “You feeling okay?” he asked. Nicki had been better that morning, but she hadn’t eaten much and her skin had still been extremely sensitive. Jennifer had found a loose-fitting sundress for her to wear down in the gift shop.

  Nicki giggled. He still wasn’t used to hearing that sound. “Yes, Uncle Bryan, I’m fine. Jennifer’s right, you know. You never do say hello.”

  “Hello doesn’t mean anything.” Bryan smiled. Jennifer had brought Nicki back to him. He was eager to give them to each other.

  “It means hello, but I don’t care if you don’t say it. I love you just the way you are.”

  “I love you, too, Nick. The days at the beach were fun, weren’t they?”

  “Yeah.” The way she said it left a huge “but” hanging there.

  “So what’s up? You sound like you got something on your mind.”

  “I just need to talk to you, that’s all.”

  Bryan glanced at his watch. Wonderly was due in about twenty minutes. “Shoot.”

  “I don’t know how to say it.”

  Bryan’s gut clenched. Was there trouble in paradise already? “Just like you always have, Nick. Just say it right out.”

  “Okay. You can quit looking for my other mother. I don’t want to find her anymore.”

  Bryan froze. “What do you mean you don’t want to find her? That’s all you’ve talked about for ages. Why don’t you want to find her?”

  “’Cause I don’t need her.” His niece’s soft words stopped him before he hollered at her. She couldn’t mean this. Not now.

  “How’s that, Nick?”

  “I just don’t,” she said. “Besides, the more I thought about it, the more I didn’t ever want to meet her. I mean, she gave me away, you know?”

  He felt the blood drain from his face. “Maybe she had a good reason.” Like being sixteen and alone, with parents who were never there for her.

  “I can’t think of a good enough one. And anyway, she might not even want to meet me, and if she doesn’t, I don’t want to know.”

  “But what if she does, honey? What if she’s been missing you all these years and would love to meet you?”

  “It’s okay, Uncle Bryan. I know what you’re trying to do, letting me know it’s okay to find her even though you don’t want me to, but I’m not just saying this to make you happy. I’ve really changed my mind. You can call those people and tell them to stop looking. By the way, can I cook dinner again tonight? I wanna make spaghetti. That’s easy.”

  Bryan’s heart felt like lead. Food was the last thing he cared about. “Sure. That’d be great, Nick. We’ll see you around five-thirty, okay?”

  “’Kay.”

  “I love you, sprite.”

  “I love you, too, Uncle Bryan. I gotta go now. Lucy’s scratching to go out.”

  Bryan slammed the phone down. So much for paradise. Nicki didn’t want to meet her mother. But after what he and Jennifer had shared at the beach, he still had to tell her the truth. His love for her demanded it. But now he was going to have to hurt her more in the telling. He was going to have to tell her that, for some reason, Nicki had changed her mind, that she no longer wanted to meet her birth mother. It might even spell the end to their relationship. Because his first priority was still Nicki. And if she refused to accept Jennifer, then he’d have to honor that decision.

  Bryan was almost relieved when the Wonderly president called to say they were going to be a couple of hours later than planned. Their flight had been delayed. Damn. There was no way he was going to be out of here in time to make it home for dinner. He called Jennifer to cancel.

  “I haven’t told Nicki yet—she’s planning to make spaghetti,” he said, more tired than he could ever remember being. Though he knew it had very little to do with the near-sleepless night he’d spent.

  “Then just tell her to go on ahead with her plans, and we’ll have dinner just the two of us. If you’re really nice, maybe we’ll even save you some,” she said, her tone making her words seductive enough to heat his blood.

  “You’d better save me some, woman,” he growled, foolishly thankful for the reprieve. One more night of loving her before everything blew up in his face.

  “You can have it all, Bryan,” she returned softly. “You know that.”

  “I’ll call Nicki,” he said before ringing off
. It couldn’t hurt to have Nicki spend some time alone with Jennifer in the real world. If his niece grew fond enough of Jennifer she wouldn’t be able to turn her away.

  “YOU GOT A MINUTE?” Jennifer pushed open the door to Dennis’s office.

  He set aside the papers in front of him. “Sure, what’s up? Did you have a good time in Florida?”

  “The best.” Jennifer blushed.

  Dennis grinned. “I see.”

  She sat down on the couch. “No, you don’t see. I’ve got a problem.”

  “What?” He got up from his desk, coming around to the armchair across from her.

  “I just had the best three days of my life, and I’m feeling so guilty I can barely look at myself in the mirror.”

  Dennis frowned. “Jennifer, if anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you.”

  “It’s not that so much. It’s Nicki.”

  “What about her?”

  “I think Bryan might ask me to marry him. That would make Nicki mine, too.”

  “You can handle it, Jen. You’ll be a great mother to her.”

  She smiled sadly. “You know what? I finally believe that I might not be a half-bad mother, but no matter what I tell myself, I can’t help feeling like scum for wanting to love Nicki when I abandoned my own child. I made this vow, you know, that night in the hospital when I gave my baby away. And the thing is, if I believe it doesn’t mean anything and I don’t have to uphold my part of the bargain, then I also have to believe nobody’s been watching out for my baby all these years.”

  She sighed. “In my head I know I was just a child when I made that promise, that it’s crazy to live my life based on such a ridiculous thing, but I just can’t get beyond the fact that I promised my baby I’d never replace her, as long as she grew up happy.” She paused. “As long as she didn’t have to grow up with parents like mine.”

  “That’s not very likely, Jen. There aren’t many parents as selfish as yours, thank God.”

  Jennifer frowned. “They weren’t selfish. They just didn’t know anything about caring for a child.”

  Dennis swore, shocking Jennifer with the words coming out of his mouth. “No one’s born with the knowledge, Jen. It’s something you work at, learn as you go. Your parents were too wrapped up in themselves to even try. Maybe it’s because you came so late in their lives, or maybe they were just too set in their ways, I don’t know, but for whatever reason, they never made any concessions to having a child in their house.”