by Amber Lacie
Jim had come to me earlier that morning, letting me know he had some reports on Brendan. He was in Indiana working at a mechanic’s shop under a fake name. He’s hiding. The thought of heading to Indiana and ending his life appealed to me. Then again, I’d have to leave Piper here on her own, and that just didn’t sit well with me. Besides, I still needed to check in with my dick of a father to see where he wanted me next. I had avoided him for far too long.
By the end of night, I had my instructions. The plan was to check in with Ox in three days at his club off of Diversey, around nine. Those were the longest three days of my life. Piper and I continued on with my charade of not touching her if I could avoid it. At night, I’d lie beside her, but during the day I almost always avoided her. The look of disappoint in her eyes when I would avoid her was starting to get to me. After checking the time on my phone, I headed into the kitchen for a beer. It was just after seven and the sun was still up, but it wouldn’t be long before it set, which meant I only had a little bit of time to spend with her.
Just then, the laughter between her and Jim caught my attention, drawing my eyes towards them. They were sitting on the couch watching some God-awful show where people ran around naked in jungles and shit. It was pretty fucked up in my opinion. The way she looked so comfortable next to him released an itch, clawing at my skin.
They were so engrossed in the show they didn’t even see me standing in front of them until I cleared me throat. The look on my face had them jumping apart as I leaned against the corner of the wall near the television. They were nowhere close to touching, but I had already made my stance on that matter. She was mine. No one came close to her. Not even Jim.
“I don’t how you two can sit here watching this bullshit.”
Jim shrugged his shoulders, shoveling another handful of chips into his mouth. Piper just looked up at me, her brown eyes darkening as they ran over my body. Yeah, I was walking around shirtless again. But it wasn’t my fault. Piper kept complaining of being cold, so Jim kept cranking the heat up. It was either sweat my ass off or walk around without a shirt. I chose the latter. I may have also enjoyed the way her fingers felt on my skin at night as they danced across my arms, tracing my tattoos. But that was neither here, nor there.
Scooting over on the sofa, she made some room for me to sit next to her, but I just shook my head ‘no’ at her. She’d be too close, and I didn’t trust myself. The smile she had just moments ago quickly faded as she turned her head towards the window. Jim must’ve caught her reaction because he shot me a dirty look before heading into the kitchen.
“What was that look for?” Is he seriously pissed at me?
“You’re an asshole.”
“Something we are all aware of.”
Jim tilted his head towards Piper. “Some of us more than others.” I followed his lead and looked over at my girl sitting on the end of the couch. Sadness filled the room around her. What little happiness she did have, I had a tendency of taking away. It wasn’t intentional, it was just a side effect of my monster. I didn’t know how to be around her, and it scared me.
In a few hours I would be in a dimly-lit room with as much alcohol as I wanted. There was no doubt in my mind at the availability of girls to quench any thirst I may have had. But I didn’t want them. I wanted her.
I stepped closer to her. When she wouldn’t look up to me, I squatted down and gently lifted her chin to face me. Her skin was so soft. The sunken look of her eyes had filled in and she had finally started to put on a little bit of weight. Her bones weren’t protruding from her skin as badly as they had been before. Her curved ass had filled out a little more and I loved the way the sheet slipped off of her in the middle of the night, exposing her thighs. The air between us grew tight as I shook the thoughts from my head.
“You’re sad," I stated plainly.
“I don’t know how to feel anything else.” She blinked, her long lashes capturing a bit of my soul. I fell deeper into my infatuation of her. Her beautiful pain was addicting.
Running the tip of my tongue over the edges of my front teeth, I watched as her lips parted. Leaning in I brought her lips to mine. The taste of her, mixed with the knowledge of how badly I could destroy her, brought me to my knees. Wrapping my hand around her neck, I pulled her to me. There were so many things I wanted to do to her, none of them good.
I wanted to lay her on her back, strip her body of every piece of clothing keeping her flesh from me, and bury my lips into her soul. She made me feel crazed, mad, and I wanted more. Spreading her legs, she pulled my hips between hers. My breaths fell heavy against her skin as I used the last ounce of my restraint, breaking our kiss. Piper pulled at me, trying to bring us closer together, but I refused. There wasn’t enough time to do things I wanted. I’d need days with her.
Her harsh breath bit at my skin. “Why won’t you touch me?” she groaned
“Baby, I just did.”
“No.” She pushed her hands against my chest, knocking me onto my ass. “Don’t give me your bullshit. I want you to touch me. I want you to feel me.” Piper stomped off towards the hallway, but I wasn’t letting her go that easy.
“Stop.”
“You can’t just dictate shit and expect me to follow orders without question. I’m not Jim. I don’t fucking work for you. I’m your god damn equal.”
“Piper,” I growled. “You stay right where you fucking are, or so help me.” Why is she so fucking stubborn?
She turned, staring straight through me. Her large brown eyes blackened with anger. “Tell me, Ben, why is it that you play cat and mouse with me? You pull me in, only to push me away again. I’m not a fucking toy. Is that what you need? I’ll spread my legs and let you fuck me like they did. But just so you know, I hated them for it.”
“Thin ice, Piper. Thin fucking ice,” I warned. “I. Am. Not. Them.”
“No? You’re pretty much telling me I’m a used-up whore and your dick is too good for me.” Picking up a glass off the coffee table, she threw it at me. I jumped to the side, the glass barely missing me. “I’m not ugly. I’m not!” she shouted, the pain evident in her voice. “What they did to me…I didn’t fucking ask for it. You think I wanted, night after night, to have men come down there and put things in me?” This time, she tossed a pillow at me. “What’s even more fucked up is that my body betrayed me. They touched me and it was ready for the taking. Just say it––I’m fucking dirty. I’m nothing but a useless whore to you now.”
Fuck seeing red. I saw white. Pure fucking hot as shit white fire. She gasped, taking a step backwards as I stalked towards her. Don’t you fucking run from me. The words shouted loudly in my mind as I countered her moves. Gripping her shoulders tightly in my hands, I slammed her up against the wall. She was pinned with nowhere to go. “Never put words in my mouth again. Never,” I seethed.
A whimper fell from her lips as tears slid down her reddened cheeks. “Then why won’t you touch me?” she whispered.
Loosening my grip on her shoulders, I pressed my forehead to hers. “I’m afraid I’ll taint you with my poison.”
“Ben, that makes no sense. I’m already tainted.”
“Don’t say shit like that. It’s so far from the truth.”
She licked her lips in an effort to wipe away her tears. “Maybe I want your poison. Maybe I need it––to save me.”
Damn it. I am going to hurt her. I couldn’t stay. If I did, I wouldn’t be able to walk away and I needed to meet with Ox. “Baby, I can’t save you.”
“Why do–”
Silencing her lips with a kiss, I wrapped her legs around me, and carried her into our bedroom. Laying her down on the soft gray sheets, I stood back, staring down at her. Her eyes combed over me. As if she already knew the answer, she pulled her legs underneath herself and watched as I pulled a black t-shirt over my head. Grabbing my keys, I slipped my wallet into the back of my jeans, and walked back to the edge of the bed where she was waiting. “Ben, just––”
I bent down, pressing my lips to hers once again. “Baby, I told you––I’m not a good man.” After pressing another soft kiss to her forehead, I walked away. I spent all the time I had left fighting with her, when all I wanted was just to be with her.
Stopping briefly in the kitchen, I told Jim to keep an eye on her. He reluctantly agreed. I could tell he wasn’t thrilled with the way I had handled things, but he should’ve known better than to expect anything else.
When I left my apartment, there was no telling when I would be back. Ox always had his own set of rules and schedule to follow. And I was at the mercy of both.
The club wasn’t anything like I had imagined. In my head, I pictured a dive bar, maybe some hookers waiting around out front. What I walked into was pure, neon insanity. The bar looked cool, if you were into being suddenly thrust into an eighties rave.
It had a fish tank that served as a counter for the bar with neon lights running along the edges. The dark black wall behind it had deep gray shelves with pink neon lights behind them, highlighting the bottles they most likely never used. Two girls dressed in black leather corsets with fishnets over their cleavage smiled up at me, while another girl wearing a short neon yellow skirt, only held on by the string laced up the sides, wound herself around some stripper pole elevated on a black platform, which was anchored in the corner.
All over the bar, blacklights were strung up randomly, highlighting the neon colors surrounding its patrons. Loud music blasted from the speakers, which were set up on a stage opposite the bar. From where I stood, I could see a band was beginning to set up. I watched as the crowd began to crawl in. Tits and ass as far as the eye could see filled the room, spilling over into the second floor above me. Women and men alike were pressed up against the railings, the only conversation was being made with their tongues shoved down each other’s throat. One man had a woman propped up, with one leg on the rung, and her skirt was hiked up to her hip. Her ass was on full display for anyone to see. Apparently, she didn’t mind. Head rolling back, she gripped onto his arm.
Giving one of the girls behind the counter a wave of my finger, she was all too happy as she bounced onto her toes in front of me, pushing her cleavage towards my face. “Whiskey. Neat.” After dropping a twenty on the counter, she quickly made my drink and brought me back some change, which she seductively tucked into her cleavage when I waved her off. Classy. I’ve never been the nightclub type––even before prison, before Arlington. It just never enticed me. The girls? Sure. The drugs? Of course. But mainly to sell them. The thing about me––I never dipped into my own stash. I preferred much smaller, more intimate settings. I’d take a penthouse, or a classy loft apartment rented out by the highest bidder, over this fucked up, neon, unicorn shit any day.
Swirling the brown liquor in my glass, I headed up the stairs, off to the left, behind the bar. The maze of people I had to wind through just to make it to a back room marked off with a velvet rope was enough to have me wondering if I needed to be tested for STDs afterwards. Apparently, fucking in the open was not only allowed, but encouraged.
As I stepped closer to the door marked VIP, a man in a black leather suit held out his hand, stopping me in my tracks. “Sorry, man, this is for paying customers only.”
“That’s an odd way to phrase that.” Nodding toward the drink in my hand, I added, “I paid for my whiskey, doesn’t that make me a paying customer?”
“Rules of the club.”
Who hired this fucking goon? If that wasn’t the dumbest shit I’ve heard in a long time. Everyone in this fucking place is a paying customer.
The guy was a douche, so I decided to have a little fun with him. “Want to know how I see it? You and your ‘rules’ can get fucked. In fact, why don’t you bend over and touch your toes while I shove this brass pole up your ass. I bet you’ll love it.”
“Fuck you.”
“Nah. I offered to ram your ass with the pole holding your special velvet rope, but that’s all I’m game for. Now, if you’re done being a cunt, you can go let Tate Oxley know I’m here.”
His eyes widened at the mention of my father’s name. “And who should I tell him is here?”
“Just let him know the product of his left testicle is here. He’ll understand.” I watched as the man repeated everything I had just said into the collar of his shirt.
Clearing his throat, he opened the velvet rope and motioned for me to go inside.
“Thanks, douche. Just to be clear––the offer for pole ramming is still on the table. Just hit me up on my way out and I’ll be sure to make good on it.”
As I approached the entrance, I used the side of my hip to push open the large black door. I wasn’t taking any chances of touching anything going in or out of this club. Upon entering, I found my father leaning back in a leather chair with his feet propped up on a large matching leather ottoman. Two women flanked his side, one holding an ashtray and one holding his drink. It all looked a little cliché to me.
“I appreciate the way you handled yourself at the door. A simple, ‘I’m here for a meeting,’ would’ve sufficed. Then again, you’ve never done anything easily.”
I shrugged, taking another sip of my drink. “Wouldn’t be me if I did.”
My father nodded, slicking his gray wavy hair back from his face. He was a little more rugged since the last time I saw him, but only slightly. I knew him. Come morning, he would be clean-shaven, wearing a stupidly expensive suit, sitting behind his desk at work like tonight had never existed. He always did enjoy playing multiple roles––husband, father, drug lord, adulterer, blackmailer, narcissist, sex trafficker, and murderer were just a few of the titles he had for himself. “Have a seat, Benny. The other boys aren’t here yet, so we can just go ahead and get down to brass tacks. Shall we?”
Down to brass tacks. That was how my father let everyone know the bullshit was over and it was time for business. The thudding in my chest grew harder as I sat, staring back at him. I never knew what his plans were. I waved my hand in the air, motioning for him to continue. Speaking at that point would’ve been useless. He was going to proceed any way he wanted. Nothing I could have said or done would have changed his mind.
“Momence,” he finally said. “That was a fiasco, was it not?”
“There were circumstances I was unaware of.”
“I heard you found the man you’ve been looking for, but you let him get away. Certainly, there had to a be a complication.”
I stood in front of him, keeping my hands as relaxed as possible at my sides. Letting him see my nerves would ruin everything. “This Saint guy you had running things––”
He immediately cut me off. “No, I had Roscoe running things.”
“No, you had Roscoe getting high off the supply, Saint was running things. And from what I can gather, he was splitting what came in, cutting it with whatever shit he could, and then running it back through town. You lost money. You lost men. It was a fucking shit-show.”
“And you fixed it by fucking it all up? Where the fuck is my money, Ben? I want my cut, no excuses.”
“Your fucking money is on its way up to you right now. I stopped the fuck-storm in its tracks. Saint wouldn’t tell me what I wanted to know, so I killed him. You would’ve done the same. After some digging, I followed the trail to the buyers and shut that shit down. Everything was repackaged and hits your warehouses on the Southside tonight. But you already know all of this fucking shit, so why are you having me rehash details?”
“I’m just having a hard time understanding it. You had Brendan in your grasp––why not end it then? I practically gave him to you on a silver platter.”
I sighed loudly with frustration. “Because I fucked up. I had him restrained, or I thought I did, and I went to deal with Saint. The fucker wouldn’t stop moaning and begging from the other room. While righting the problem with Saint in the other room, Brendan slipped away. It’s odd how he got away so easily. One might think he had some help in that area,” I eyed him s
uspiciously.
“Don’t imply my connection. Listening to you whine about how you failed wasn’t why I had you come here tonight. You have two choices––come and take your place at my side, where you should have been, or—”
His tricks weren’t going work on me, so I cut him off before he could finish. “Why even give me the option? You and I both know you will be in control of my life either way.”
“Because I don’t trust you,” he said flatly. “If given the chance, you’d destroy me.”
My eyes flashed upwards, giving a little bit of myself away.
“My final offer is to end it for you.”
“End it?” I asked in confusion.
“Yes, why not––you’ve always hated this life, so here’s your out. Rumor has it there was a girl at the house. If that’s true, how come you didn’t bring it to my attention?”
Fuck. “I assumed she was dead, sunk in the river.”
“What gave you that impression?”
“Blood stains on the walls, a ripped mattress, week old, if not longer, food rotting on the ground––even the piss bucket was empty. When I asked, I was told that whoever was in that room had paid their debt.”
“Then how did you know it was a girl?”
“Only because Saint told me he fucked her before he ‘fixed’ her. Funny how he hid a whore, drugs, and money from you. Tell me, Pops, when did you get so lax?” I hated the feel of the word ‘whore’ slipping across my tongue. She wasn’t a sick twisted fuck like the rest of them. She didn’t ask for the cards she had been dealt. Anger surged through me as I reveled in the dark scowl that crossed my father’s face when I accused him of being lax. He was letting things slip through his fingers. Following his mistakes was like collecting bread crumps, leading me straight to him. I couldn’t wait to bring his empire burning down to the ground.