Break Free: MMF Bisexual Romance

by Bianca Vix

  I can’t resist. I lean across the table and give her a kiss. She kisses me back passionately, and I know that soon enough, she’ll be all mine.

  “I can’t believe it’s time for our weekly coffee again.” Matt drops down into his chair, running his hand through his hair. “Time’s sure flying lately.”

  “You got that right.” I’m already halfway through my large coffee and I only got here about two minutes before he did. “But everything’s on track. It’s all heading in the right direction. No more impending disasters, at least for now. What about you?”

  “Same here. All good.”

  I check him out. He looks a little tired, but basically content. I feel the same way myself.

  Matt starts to unwrap the sandwich he got along with his coffee. “Work and the rest of it.”

  “Yeah?” He’s piqued my curiosity. He’s being intentionally vague, which always means he’s got something interesting to tell me.

  “I met someone. She’s pretty great.”

  “Really.” Pretty great coming from Matt means he’s fallen for her.

  This is unexpected. I make an effort and inject some enthusiasm for him into my voice. “That’s good.”

  Matt starts to tell me about her and I try to listen, but I can’t focus on what he’s saying. I should be happy for him. What friend wouldn’t be? And I am.

  I am. Except for an overwhelming wash of something like regret that comes over me. There’s something about Matt falling for someone that bugs me.

  Maybe because part of me wants him to be talking about me.

  That’s my secret. The secret I keep from Matt, and from the world. I want Matt.

  I don’t know when it started. It was a gradual thing, I suppose. But somewhere along the line, something changed. Somehow over time, I started to see Matt differently. Although maybe it’s not so much differently as it is really seeing him for who he is. And no matter what I try to do to shake these feelings off, they won’t go away. Everything about him is what I want. The kind of person I want to be with. All the time. As more than friends.

  What makes me think I’m going crazy sometimes is the fact that I’m not gay. Never had anything more than a passing curiosity about men. Well, except for that one time.

  But with Matt, I can imagine doing everything I’ve ever wondered about and more. For awhile I wanted to get past everything I think and feel about him. It was making me crazy. He’s a guy. It wouldn’t work out. And I’d never risk our friendship by saying so much as a single word to him. That would fuck things up permanently.

  Now I just let those thoughts come and go whenever they get into my head. They always do pass, even if they eventually come up again. I’ve filed him away in my mind under Someone I Can’t Have. It’s a very small file. He’s the only one in there. I’ve never been shot down by any woman I wanted. Not one time. So for awhile, I thought maybe that was it. That Matt was like an ultimate challenge, or something like that.

  But that’s not it. Not at all. I don’t ever really use the L word, but I suppose there could be something like that mixed up in everything else that I feel about my best friend in the world. Love. Maybe. Who knows?

  Matt’s still talking. I haven’t heard a word he’s said. Him being so excited about this woman is unnerving, to say the least. It’s like a door’s closing for good. Not that I would’ve gone through it.

  But still. It was good to know it was there. Like something I could count on. I mean, I never thought about the future. It makes sense that even someone like him would meet the right one. Matt’s always shied away from relationships, pretty much ever since I’ve known him. So I guess I just got into the habit of believing he’d always be there for me. Always a possibility. At least in my mind, even if nowhere else.

  “What’s with you?” Matt’s gazing at me intently. Fuck. He’s caught me out, not paying attention. That’s not like me at all, and he knows it. I rarely zone out. Nothing gets by me, not in any situation.

  I snap back to reality. “Nothing. I was just thinking about what you said.” I need to get off this subject. Our coffee meetings are supposed to be where we tear into tough business problems and brainstorm our way through them. Not yak about our personal lives.

  He’s still looking at me strangely. He knows me too well. Since I can’t exactly reveal what I was just thinking about, I cast around for some way to distract him. I find it quickly. “Actually, there is something on my mind. A bit of a sticking point on how the launch is progressing.”

  I explain and right away, Matt starts coming up with ideas. Yes. This is where we need to stay. On work. So I don’t have to feel the crushing disappointment that’s about to choke me out of existence.

  Chapter 13

  Rachel

  Work’s been so crazy today, I’ve been going non-stop. It’s coming up on three o’clock and there’s finally a bit of a slowdown. Not even enough to call it a lull, but I’ll take it. I need to step out of the office, even if it’s just for five minutes.

  I head straight for the coffee shop on the corner. I can grab some food there to eat back at my desk along with an industrial-strength, extra large coffee. I didn’t sleep much last night. Partly because I was excited about Jay. Mostly because now I really don’t know what to do about seeing him and Matt.

  I need to figure this out. Maybe I need to relax and just go with it like Lianna keeps telling me. But I don’t know if I can do that. I mean, I think I could if I had something casual going on with both guys. But I don’t. I have strong feelings for both of them, and it couldn’t be more confusing.

  When I’m with Jay, I feel like he’s the one for me. There’s something about him that makes me all kinds of excited and energized when we’re together. Even when I’m only thinking about him. And then when I’m with Matt, everything changes. He’s so strong and steady. I feel really secure with him. Like nothing in the world could come between us. And the way he always looks at me stirs up feelings I didn’t even know I could have for another man.

  The truth is, I want both of them. And I don’t know how to choose.

  It’s weird. When I was a child, I used to dream of two men fighting over me. Of me having my choice of who I wanted, like I imagined a princess would. In my imagination, it was always so romantic. I always made the right choice and then we lived happily ever after.

  Now the reality is a lot different than I ever dreamed of. Now there are real people involved. People that can get hurt. And there’s no way I want to be the one to do that.

  So I have to choose. The sooner the better, although I have no idea how that’s going to happen.

  Anyway. I can’t think about it now. I’ve got to hurry back to work as soon as I can.

  I get to the coffee shop and head right for the line. It’s insanely crowded, standing room only, but at least everyone behind the counter is working fast and efficiently.

  After I place my order, I glance around while I’m waiting. My eyes fall on Jay’s usual table and there he is. I start in surprise. I didn’t see him at the office today, although that’s not unusual. He looks over and catches a glimpse of me. He waves, gesturing for me to come over. I nod just as they call my name. I collect my huge soy latte and carefully work my way through the small pockets of people milling around between the tables.

  As I get closer to Jay, a couple people step aside and for the first time, I see that he’s not alone. There’s another man sitting with him with his back to me. That’s good. As much as I’d like to join Jay for a nice break, I only have time for a quick hello right now.

  Jay stands up when I get close, his warm smile is so welcoming. “Rachel. Great to see you. I’d like you to meet a good friend of mine.”

  The other man turns around and my breath catches in my throat. Pinpricks of fear nip at my spine and my skin goes cold.

  My eyes lock with Matt.

  I can’t look away.

  They know each. Jay and Matt. How? Not that it matters right now. I don’t know
why I’m even thinking about something like that. I’m panicking. This can’t be happening. I never thought for a second that they could possibly know each other. Let alone that we’d all end up in the same place together.

  I have no idea what to do. Matt looks as shocked as I feel.

  “Hello, Rachel.”

  “Hi,” I gasp. I have no idea what else to say. It’s a hell of a shock to see Jay and Matt sitting together.

  Jay looks between Matt and I. “Do you two know each other?”

  I can’t stop staring at Matt. After a small pause, he speaks up. “Yes. Rachel and I met in the office. When she got off the elevator on my floor by mistake.”

  Is that his plan? To not tell Jay anything else? But Jay’s expression changes immediately. Matt must’ve already told him the story of how we met. Because he’s mentioned me to him, although apparently not by name. Which is fair enough. As much as I’m into him, it’s only been a really short time. Only a handful of dates. I haven’t told anyone outside of my sister about either him or Jay.

  Jay nods, meeting my gaze. “Oh. Right. Of course.”

  His voice trails off as he looks away from me. All three of us are caught off guard and it’s a seriously awkward situation.

  Oh, this is awful.

  I want to hug them both. To do something to make them feel better. Because as much as both men are poker-faced now, I caught a glimpse of how thrown they both were.

  “Would you like to join us?” Matt breaks the horribly awkward silence that’s settled down on us. He sounds like that’s the last thing in the world that he wants now. I have to hand it to him. As much of a shock as this has been for him, he’s still being a gentleman.

  Even if I had the time, I couldn’t do it. “I’d like to. But I have to get back to work. I’ve got a meeting really soon, and I need to fuel up a little first.” I lift up the bag of food I bought as if to make sure he’s clear that I’m not running away. As if it matters. I don’t know what I’m doing.

  “Sounds like you’re working her too hard, Jay.” Matt sounds like he’s only half-joking. Could he actually be concerned for me, even after this? His eyes tell me that he is. I must look like I feel. Freaked out and scattered all over the place.

  “It’s a busy time for us.” Jay’s tone is even. “Nothing that we can’t handle.”

  “Yes. Right. I’m just on a short break to come down here, no longer. But I really do have to get back now.” I turn on my heel. I have to get out of here.

  I’m halfway out the door before I realize I didn’t say goodbye or anything. I turn back. They’re both watching me as I try to nod and smile.

  I barely manage to compose myself at least a little by the time I reach our floor. That was physically painful. I settle at my desk. Eating is the last thing I want to do now but my stomach’s growling so loudly, it could easily disrupt the upcoming meeting. I stare at my computer while I force myself to eat.

  How can everything change so much in just one moment? Jay and Matt are friends. Close friends, from the looks of it. I can’t even imagine coming between them.

  I guess the decision’s made for me. Now I have no guys to choose from.

  Chapter 14

  Matt

  Jay leans back in his chair, still staring at the door that Rachel just rushed through. “Well, this is a hell of a thing.”

  I snort and his head swivels towards me. I lift the cup I’ve been toying with and take a long drink. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a more awkward situation in my life. I’ve never been one to run from anything. Any issue that comes up in life, I like to take on head on.

  Except for right now.

  I want to walk out of here and never discuss this again. That’s not possible, of course. I know it. But for fuck’s sake. The woman that Jay’s been acting like she’s the one for him is Rachel. Who I’ve been thinking is the one for me.

  Unbelievable.

  The only response I can manage is a half-assed grunt. What can I say? This whole situation is beyond fucked.

  “Looks like we have to fight for her now, my friend. What do you think, swords at dusk?”

  Jay’s attitude is pissing me off almost as much as his joke. I glare at him. “Real funny.”

  “Hey, it is pretty funny when you think about it. Huge place like Manhattan, and we both ask out the same woman.”

  “Right. Hilarious.” My fists clench tight.

  “What’s up with you? It’s not like Rachel knew we were friends. She didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “I know.” I tear open another packet of sugar and stir it viciously into my drink. “It’s not that.”

  “So, what then? I’d say it’s pretty straightforward. Rachel can choose which one of us she wants to be with. Simple.”

  Jay’s acting pretty casual, but he’s not smiling. His eyes are colder than I’ve ever seen them.

  Or maybe they’re just reflecting mine back to me.

  I grind my teeth. I don’t want to do this. But I have to. “She’s all yours. I’ll step back.”

  It’s not what Jay was expecting me to say. “You think I need you to take a step back? Like that’s what it’d take for her to decide to be with me?”

  “No. That’s not what I meant. I mean, because it’s the right thing to do. We don’t need to mess around here. Drag anything out for longer than it should be.”

  My throat tightens up, even though I believe in what I’m telling him. As much as I hate to give in, it’s the right thing to do. I’m sure Rachel and I have a future together. Would’ve had. Not any more.

  But a life-long best friend would be impossible to replace.

  Jay sets his cup down on the table. “What’re you talking about, Matt?”

  I exhale hard. “Rachel’s the one for you. I wouldn’t stand in the way of that happening.”

  Jay’s jaw is set as he gazes at me. “And exactly what makes you think that?”

  A sharp bark of laughter escapes me. “Come on. From the moment you told me about her, it was obvious. You’ve never talked about anyone else like you do about Rachel. Everything about you changes. I can’t really explain it. She affects you differently. You’ve even changed since you met her. Maybe you can’t see it. But from where I sit, she’s the one for you.”

  Christ, that was difficult to say to him. Because as true as it is for Jay, I believe it’s just as true for me too.

  Jay’s brows draw together into a frown. “I didn’t know you thought any of that. You never said any of that stuff to me before.”

  I shrug. “Why state the obvious? And I thought you knew it too.”

  “So that’s why you want to step aside? Just like that?”

  “That’s what I’m saying.” As much as it kills me to, that’s it.

  Jay’s staring at me like his brain’s running a mile a minute. I drink some more of my coffee and he’s still doing it.

  “What?” I can’t keep the irritation out of my voice.

  “You’re awfully pissed off for someone who’s giving up someone he doesn’t care about.”

  “I never said I didn’t care.”

  Damn it. I never said that not only because it’s not true, but because Jay doesn’t need to know just how much I do care. I’ll get over her. Just like I got over him.

  I almost laugh out loud. Someday. Someday I’ll get over both of them.

  I’ll have to.

  There’s no need for this to become a mess. A clean break now, and it’s done. I’ll find someone else. Or not. At this point, I couldn’t care less. I only want this over and safely in the past, so I can ignore it. Someday we’ll all joke about it, after Jay and Rachel are married.

  “What you said about me. How I was different and all that since I met Rachel.” Jay’s expression gets intense. “I could say the same thing about you.”

  I shake my head. “Yeah, sure.”

  “I’m serious. I didn’t even know you’d started seeing anyone back when you first started acting differently. But
that’s what I figured. Because there was something way different about you. Hell, I can’t explain it. But if you’re going to pretend there’s nothing between you and Rachel, well I just don’t buy it.”

  I tap my fingers on the table top. “Not saying there was nothing.”

  Jay’s phone sounds. He switches it off without even checking who it is. “Then why aren’t you fighting for her?”

  I shift around in my seat, suddenly aware of the way it’s digging into me. I don’t want to answer his question. Because somehow the way I feel about Rachel, and knowing I can’t be with her anymore, is getting all twisted up with how I feel about Jay. Who I definitely can’t have, not the way I want to.

  I swallow hard. “It’s like I already told you. And besides. You met her first. There’s nothing more to talk about.”

  “I think there is.”

  “Yeah? And what’s that? I’ve made a decision, and that’s what I’m going to do. End of story.”

  “It doesn’t have to be.”

  I wait for Jay to continue, but he doesn’t. Christ, he can be so damn frustrating sometimes.

  “What are you talking about?” I’m getting too impatient for this. It takes everything I have in me to not walk out the door right now.

  Jay lowers his voice, leaning in towards me. “I have another idea.”

  “Yeah? What’s that?”

  “It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. We could always share.”

  Chapter 15

  Matt

  Huh? There’s no way I heard Jay right. “What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean by ‘share’?”

  Jay has that look he gets whenever he comes up with a brilliant solution that no-one else could ever dream up. “Think about it, man. We’re both into Rachel. We could both keep seeing her.”

  “What? Why? Where’s that going to lead? In the end, she’s only going to go for one of us. So there’s no reason to drag it out. No point at all.”

  I don’t know what’s going on inside Jay’s mind, but I can practically see the wheels turning. He shakes his head, a big grin forming.