Against Her Will

by Peter Martin

  ‘Oh Cole.’ Donna tried to envisage what this poor man had been through. ‘You need to talk to someone more qualified than me about this.’

  ‘No, I can’t,’ he said shaking his head. ‘I don’t want them to find out. They’ll think I’m weak, a coward.’

  ‘They won’t. Why don’t you ask to see another doctor or a trauma counsellor, a civilian perhaps? There must be other people who deal with this type of stress, people specially trained in problems such as yours.’

  He looked at her as if she was mad. ‘Huh, you having a laugh? There’s no way I’d ever talk to those quacks. And if I don’t go back, they’ll lock me up for sure. It’s no good, somehow I have to get through this in my own way. Don’t you dare tell Evan or mum - you hear me? If you do, I’ll never forgive you.’

  ‘All right Cole if that’s what you want. And it’ll stay that way unless you say otherwise. But you’re worrying me. You can’t sort this out all by yourself.’

  He laughed, in an ironic way, as if to say he had no other choice. ‘Let’s forget this conversation ever took place. In the morning, I’ll be my old cheerful self and as far as you’re concerned, there’s nothing wrong with me. I know I have to cope and I will - but it’s just that sometimes it’s so hard.’ Those last few words were said in anguish, through gritted teeth.

  He put his hand on her arm while breathing in deeply.

  ‘You sure you’ll be ok?’

  He nodded without looking at her.

  ‘All right, if you’re sure’

  ‘I am. It’s my problem and my problem alone. Go to bed now – please, and forget about it,’ ordering her as if he didn’t want her around anymore.

  ‘If you say so.’ She reluctantly turned round to go back upstairs to his old bedroom. Halfway up the stairs she looked round and saw him lying back on the sofa facing away from her so she couldn’t see his face.

  As she lay in bed, she was shaking, having found the whole experience unnerving. This wasn’t something she’d foreseen at all, and it made her feel so sorry for Cole. Her own hang-ups suddenly seemed insignificant. For although she’d experienced the worst of human nature first hand, it was nothing like the horrors of war that the soldiers in Afghanistan had experienced. She hoped he’d resolve his problems and wished there was more she could do for him. But sadly he didn’t want anyone to interfere.

  Slowly Cole’s image faded from her mind, to be replaced by Evan’s happy smiling face. She knew he loved her and wanted so much to make her happy, and she wanted to do the same for him. Unfortunately, once more her own problems had come to the fore. She needed someone to confide in as well, and perhaps if Theresa was alive she might have spoken to her. Sadly now she felt so alone.

  Chapter 24

  THE STAG NIGHT CAME ALL TOO QUICKLY FOR DONNA. She should have been thinking of the happiest day in her life, but instead had to worry about the two brothers out on the town, up to no good. She was annoyed with Cole for instigating this, and with Evan for going along with it.

  ‘Ready for the off,’ Cole grinned, getting to his feet, when his brother came into the living room at seven o’clock. They were both freshly groomed, their clothes smart and neat, looking forward to Evan’s so-called last night of freedom.

  ‘As if I have any choice,’ Evan smiled, looking at his brother warily.

  ‘You two had better be careful what you’re doing. I don’t want either of you coming home drunk. Or you’ll have both of us to answer to – do you hear?’ Their mother wagged a finger at them.

  ‘Mum, you’re worrying over nothing,’ Cole laughed. ‘I’ll take good care of him, I promise.’

  ‘We’ll only have a couple,’ Evan said. ‘Honestly Donna.’

  She moved her head to one side and pulled her lips back, wondering if she could trust him. In all their time together, he’d never let her down once, so surely he wouldn’t dare throw everything away. ‘Just come home safe and sound, that’s all I ask.’

  ‘We will – don’t you worry about that.’ He winked at her, leaning over to give her a peck on the cheek, and then with Cole draping an arm around his shoulder, they left.

  After the front door had been slammed shut, the two women looked at one another knowingly, realising exactly what would happen. Hopefully they’d be proved wrong.

  For the rest of the evening they watched the television together. But Donna found it hard to concentrate on any programme, constantly fidgeting in her seat, wondering what the two brothers were up to.

  ‘I think it’s time for bed now,’ Donna announced a little later, having noticed the time was close to ten o’clock.

  Mrs Lacey smiled. ‘You’ve been very quiet tonight. Something to do with my son’s stag night, is it?’

  ‘You could say that.’

  ‘You’re not on your own, my dear. I feel exactly the same. Remember, since they were born, I’ve seen the best and worst of them. Both of them got into trouble at one time or other but thankfully they got that out of their system years ago. Mind you since then they’ve buckled down very well, and in their own way they’ve made a success of their lives. Let’s hope there aren’t any lapses one day before the wedding.’

  Donna nodded.

  ‘Evan would be the biggest fool on earth if he did anything to jeopardise your relationship, because I reckon he’s the luckiest man alive. You’re a pleasure to have around and so modest with it too. That’s what Theresa always used to tell me.’

  ‘Thanks for that, but I’m not that wonderful – honestly.’

  ‘That’s what I’m talking about. Your modesty becomes you, my dear. Go on, get off to bed - you have a big day ahead of you in the morning. Try to forget about the lads for a few hours. If there’s any bother, I’m more than capable of handling it. They’re not too old to have their ears boxed.’ She rolled her sleeves up to show the muscles in her arms.

  Donna laughed and said ‘Thanks. I do appreciate everything you’ve done for me since I came to live here. If it hadn’t been for your kindness, I dread to think what would have happened to me.’

  ‘You’re a really nice girl, so it’s easy to treat you the same as my kids. And so good for Theresa, you were almost like sisters. And now by marrying Evan you’ll make him the happiest man in the world. A mother couldn’t ask for anything more.’

  Donna had tears in her eyes wishing, in comparison, her own parents had treated her more like this lovely lady. This made her even more determined to take this chance of happiness with Evan. Having come through everything else with him, there remained just one more obstacle to overcome.

  Later, lying in bed, she found it hard to sleep. Imagining the two brothers up to all sorts, out on their pub-crawl, winding up in some seedy night club, having one final fling before Evan became a married man. It drove her crazy thinking that way. So long as he came back in one piece, that was all that mattered, she kept telling herself.

  It must have been in the early hours of the morning that she finally fell asleep, without having heard them return home. And when she was woken by a knock on the bedroom door, opening her eyes, she was surprised to see daylight flooding in through the curtains. It seemed the day of her wedding had arrived at last.

  Mrs Lacey came into her room with a wide grin on her face and a welcome cup of tea.

  ‘Are they all right?’ Donna asked, suddenly more alert.

  ‘They’re both sleeping like babies.’

  ‘And did you see them when they came back in last night?’

  ‘I did. Waited up for them until two o’clock in the morning. They seemed shocked to see me. They seemed ok, perhaps a little unsteady on their feet – but not blind drunk, in fact nowhere near as bad as we feared. Cole said they’d only been drinking beer, so it would have taken a lot for them to get legless. Apparently he was a little disappointed in Evan, as he kept on about you the whole time, and how he didn’t want to let you down.’

  ‘That’s nice,’ Donna smiled, sitting up in bed, feeling more secure now. How touching to
have Evan think about her, and it almost brought a tear to her eye.

  ‘I told you he wouldn’t do anything stupid. He’s always been a good lad at heart. All right, so he’s had his moments especially when he found out he couldn’t play football again. But once he got through that, he’s been a son to be proud of.’

  This put Donna’s mind at rest and made her feel much more comfortable about her wedding day.

  ‘What’s the weather like?’ Donna asked as she put on her dressing gown.

  ‘Very promising, my dear,’ And pulling back the curtains to allow in bright sunshine added, ‘As you can see it’s sunny and the forecast is for a dry warm day. What a wonderful day for a wedding.’

  ‘It certainly is.’

  The ceremony was due to take place at St Luke’s Church Dexford, an eighteenth century building situated at the top of a hill overlooking the town itself. The couple thought it the perfect venue for the wedding, and the photographs afterwards too.

  Donna’s heart raced like an express train for most of the morning. Evan had agreed to remain downstairs once he’d taken a shower, and in return Donna would stay upstairs until Evan had left in the wedding car.

  That became a little difficult and Mrs Lacey had to constantly make sure the coast was clear before Donna left the confines of her room. Even the hairdresser had to style the bride’s hair upstairs in the bedroom.

  When the hairdresser had gone, the time had come to put on her wedding gown. There at hand was Mrs Lacey to give her support and guidance. She placed a footstool in front of the mirror for Donna to stand on, so she could arrange the dress and trail to fall without getting creased.

  ‘Will you be all right to stand for a while until the car arrives?’

  She nodded.

  Moving back to see how she looked, she gasped, took Donna in her arms and cried.

  ‘You look so wonderful my dear. The photographer will have it easy taking pictures of you.’

  ‘Oh come on - that’s a bit of an exaggeration,’ Donna grinned, feeling embarrassed.

  ‘It’s such a shame about your parents. You ought to have forgiven them, my dear - it is the biggest day in your life after all.’

  She felt her face flush again, and not wanting an argument with her soon-to-be mother in law, said. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t help how I feel. They should never have treated me like they did, forever making me do things they knew I hated doing. I never wanted to be thrust into the limelight at all - I kept telling them, and yet they still carried on and on at me - so they only have themselves to blame. And then of course their attitude over Evan was unforgivable. Just because he’s a male nurse, for God’s sake.’

  Mrs Lacey looked sad. It would seem she hated family bust ups, but as far as Donna was concerned, any differences she had with her folks would never be resolved.

  ‘Well, I suppose that’s between you and them, my dear–’

  ‘I won’t change my mind.’

  <><><>

  Having stayed in her room all morning, she was eager for the wedding to start, now she had her dress on. She was all for sticking with tradition, but this was ridiculous. As it had been arranged for Evan to leave half an hour before her, she felt sure it would soon be time for the boys to depart.

  Just as she looked at the clock on the bedside table for the umpteenth time, there was a gentle knock on her bedroom door. She was on her own. Who on earth could that be?

  ‘Come in,’ Donna replied, sure it couldn’t be Evan. Much to her surprise, Cole opened the door, admittedly looking very smart in his army uniform, but he seemed a little ill at ease. He kept adjusting the collar of his shirt, and didn’t look her straight in the eye.

  ‘Er…could I have a quick word with the bride?’ He closed the door behind him.

  ‘Why – what’s wrong?’ She got a sudden dread in the pit of her stomach that Evan had changed his mind. Surely not.

  ‘Oh nothing much.’ He seemed awkward, and sat down on the bed, then brushed away the fluff off his lapels with his hand, hesitating, as if he was trying to summon up the courage to tell her something.

  She was bewildered, and noticed the peculiar expression on his face. A smirk seemed to over emphasise the gap in his teeth, making her blood run cold. How odd he’d made her shudder, as if someone had just walked over her grave.

  What was going on now? Perhaps she over reacting because of the anxiety of the day. What if Evan really had had a change of heart? Oh dear God, if that happened, she couldn’t bear it.

  She saw Cole breathing in deeply, finding it difficult to reveal what he wanted to say.

  ‘What is it? He’s not ill, is he?’

  ‘No, he isn’t. Donna...Look I...I don’t know quite how to tell you this... but I have to get it off my chest. You’ll be making the biggest mistake of your life if you marry Evan.’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘I said – for God’s sake, don’t go ahead with this wedding.’ His hands were shaking.

  ‘Cole, what the hell do you mean by that? I’m supposed to be getting married to him within the hour, so why are you telling me this now of all times. You’d better explain yourself – and double quick.’ She glared at him angrily.

  ‘I’m sorry but I can’t tell you why. Evan’s my brother and I don’t want to do this to him, but there’s no other way. Take my word for it – this marriage will never work. I’m warning you, it’ll end in heartbreak, and when it does, I can’t imagine what it’ll do to you.’

  ‘Don’t do this to me.’ She walked across to the window with her back to him.

  ‘I’d have told you before, but I wasn’t sure, not until last night. Now that I am, it’s my duty to try to stop you before it’s too late.’

  She was outraged at what he was implying. What right had he to come here and tell her this? She dreaded what Evan would do if he found out. There’d be a massive altercation.

  ‘I’m going through with this, whatever you say or do. So unless you can give me good reason not to, or show me your proof, I’d be grateful if you’d shut up about it. In fact, I’m not sure I want you at my wedding now. And what’s more, maybe I should tell Evan what you’ve been saying. Let’s see what he has to say about it.’

  Cole scratched the back of his head with his fingernails. Donna guessed he realised he shouldn’t have said any of this.

  ‘All right. Suit yourself, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.’

  Another knock on the door, and Mrs Lacey popped her head around the door, surprised to see Cole sitting on the bed.

  ‘Your brother’s looking for you. You’d better get downstairs; he wants to get on to the church as soon as the car arrives.’

  ‘All right, I’m coming mum.’

  Donna glanced at him as he left, not liking the concern he tried to display on his face. She immediately felt like crying. What had got into him all of a sudden? She’d always thought of Cole as a hero, the life and soul of the party, willing to put himself out for anyone. And when he’d told her how he’d suffered in action, his dread of going back to the front line, she’d really felt sorry for him. Now it was difficult to understand what was going on with him.

  ‘Is everything all right Donna? What did Cole want?’ Mrs Lacey asked, although clearly she didn’t suspect anything was amiss.

  ‘Oh nothing much. Wanted to wish me luck. Really nice of him, I thought. Anyway, they should be going soon. We’ll give them a few minutes, then we’ll finish getting ourselves ready, and hope the other car comes on time.’

  ‘It will.’

  They stood together for a few minutes, musing over what was to come. Donna had already been nervous, but now after Cole’s revelation, she felt even more jittery. He’d upset her. But why had he done it? She couldn’t answer that one, unless he was jealous of Evan and secretly wanted her for himself. But he could probably get any woman he wanted anyway. So what was the point of wreaking his brother’s happiness.

  Mrs Lacey went across to the window.

  ‘Th
ey’ve just gone out. They’re getting into the car, and they’re driving off. Both of them look so handsome and debonair. Oh, I am so proud of them, and you too. You’ll make a lovely couple – and with the weather the way it is, the photos should come out a treat.’

  Donna kept glancing at her watch. She’d hardly heard what Mrs Lacey had said. And was now trembling, daring to doubt Evan. What if there was some truth in his accusations? Yet what exactly had he said? Very little except to run his brother down. Surely she knew Evan better than that, didn’t she? For a few seconds she had a terrible urge to tell Mrs Lacey what had happened. She was in a quandary, unsure of what to do for the best. In the end she thought it best to keep this to herself. After all Evan had always treated her with respect, and was so patient and understanding, it bordered on the sublime.

  ‘Come on then Donna. Are you ready now?’

  ‘As ready as I’ll ever be.’

  ‘Good, the wedding car is pulling up outside.’

  She found it difficult to move in her long white wedding dress, especially coming down the stairs. But she made it, with Mrs Lacey following behind holding the trail, before opening the front door for them to go out.

  Although this was supposed to be the biggest day of her life, Cole’s outburst had put a damper on things. Now sitting in the back of the wedding car her mind began to consider not going through with the wedding. Her brain wouldn’t function properly, but then again she didn’t feel it fair to let Evan down purely on hearsay. The more she thought about it, the more it seemed to her Cole was doing this out of spite and jealousy.

  As the car travelled towards the church, she thought about telling Evan about her conversation with Cole before the ceremony began. But if she did it would almost certainly ruin the whole wedding.

  When the car turned left into the entrance of the church grounds, the tension mounted, and she had the urge to run away again. Then looking up she saw the photographer waiting for the car to pull up in front of the church and realised there was no backing out now. She kept telling herself she knew Evan as well as she’d ever known anyone; and he’d helped turn her life around while in hospital. And hadn’t he been her rock ever since? Never complained or pressurised her into revealing the dark side of her past which he knew of, but not about. Surely that meant he loved her a great deal.