Plain Peace

by Beth Wiseman

  She pulled out her chair and sat down. “And another time, when I was at Barbie Beiler’s haus, she was watching a program called Dr. Oz. How do you think I learned about taking cinnamon pills for my diabetes?” She put her napkin in her lap. “There is much to be learned from the television. It’s not all bad, Isaac.”

  Anna felt like she were living on another planet, surrounded by people she didn’t know. Yet here they were—her grandparents—facing off about a decades-old secret her grandmother had been keeping. She had to admit that Daadi was taking it better than she would have expected. Anna badly wanted to ask him about his conversation with Jacob, but this surely wasn’t the time.

  Following silent prayer, Anna and her grandfather began picking at their food. Mammi ate like she hadn’t eaten in a month of Sundays, but Anna noticed that she didn’t have any bread and she left most of the noodles. Daadi just kept staring back and forth between Anna and his wife. When they were done, Mammi started cleaning up, and Anna stood up to help her, but her grandfather nodded for her to follow him.

  “I’ll be back to help you clean up, Mammi.” Anna pushed her chair in, dreading a private chat with her grandfather, but also hoping he would shed some light on his conversation with Jacob.

  “No worries, dear.” Mammi smiled as she cleared the table. “I’m sure you and your grandfather have a lot to talk about.”

  Anna glanced at Daadi. He was shaking his head as he left the kitchen. She followed him to the front porch, closing both the screen door and wooden door behind her. Daadi fell into one of the rocking chairs, but not before tossing a new decorative red pillow onto the decking.

  “Something must have happened to her in that Englisch hospital. They must have done something to alter her mind.” Daadi put his elbows on his knees and held his head. “Mei poor Marianne.”

  Anna picked up the pillow and slowly took a seat in the other rocker. “Daadi, they didn’t alter Mammi’s mind at the hospital.” She said the words, only half believing what she was saying. She could have never predicted this behavior from her grandmother. Good for you, Mammi.

  Her grandfather looked up at Anna. “Then where is this behavior, this defiance, coming from?”

  Anna fought the urge to ask him about Jacob. “Daadi, maybe it’s because she has lived with your ways for so long. Maybe she started hiding things from you because she didn’t dare tell you what she thought, and then just couldn’t stop.”

  Her grandfather stood up and began pacing back and forth across the porch. “You will talk to her tomorrow, make her understand that this silliness will not be tolerated. All these fancy things must go.” He stopped and glared at Anna. “You will do this, Anna.”

  “Daadi, I can’t make Mammi get rid of all these things. Besides, I bet she has thousands of dollars of stuff down in—” Daadi whirled around, a scowl on his face, and Anna knew she’d messed up. He walked to where she was sitting.

  “You knew about this disobedience, that she was hiding things from me?”

  Anna took a deep breath. “Not until recently.”

  Daadi pointed a finger at her. “You make her fix this. I will not have mei own fraa flaunting such prideful things in our haus. You fix this, Anna.”

  Anna pushed her foot against the decking and nervously kicked the rocker into motion. “Daadi, it’s not my place to fix this. And Mammi hasn’t really done that much that goes against our ways.”

  Daadi gasped. “She has a pink sweater with little white balls for buttons.”

  “Pearls,” Anna said softly.

  “And who is this Dr. Oz?” He shook his head and started pacing again. “The devil has gotten inside her, I say.”

  Anna grinned, but quickly covered her mouth with her hand. “Daadi, Mammi is the most devout Christian woman I know. She just needed to be able to express herself.”

  Daadi grunted. “Express herself? See, even you are too influenced by the Englisch world. You will get her to get rid of all these things.”

  Anna opened her mouth to argue, but Daadi spoke up again. “Jacob Hostetler will be joining us for supper on Saturday. We have a wedding to plan. And I will tell you what I told him. No more sneaking around. And no more kissing until after you are married!”

  He pointed a finger at Anna. “Help Mammi get our home back to normal before then.”

  Blackmail. That’s what it sounded like. But Anna was glowing inside and out. Jacob wants to marry me. Everything else would fall into place one way or another.

  20

  CORA SPENT THE DAY THROWING UP. IT WAS A MIRACLE no one had suspected that she was pregnant. Not even her husband seemed to notice. But then, John barely noticed Cora was alive these days, so why should he take notice that she was ill? She thought about last night, when he’d almost acted like the old John, the wonderful man she’d fallen in love with. But that moment had been so short-lived that it was hardly worth storing in her memories.

  She closed the lid on the toilet and ran a cold rag over her face, certain that she’d never been this sick during the first trimester of her other pregnancies. She heard the bedroom door close, so she knew John would be wanting to bathe. After she changed into her nightgown, she unpinned her hair and left the bathroom. Would he notice that she was pale again? Would he offer kind words to make her feel even a little loved?

  He didn’t say anything, but merely passed her on his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. She longed to talk to Marianne again, but tomorrow was Thursday, and Marianne would be entertaining Lucy and Benjamin. A wave of anger swept through Cora as strongly as the nausea. Anger that Lucy was who she was. Anger at losing their friendship as a result. And anger at herself for allowing herself to get close too soon—a mistake she wouldn’t make again.

  She took a deep breath and told herself to focus on the good news. There was going to be a wedding. Jacob had told the family about his conversation with Bishop Byler. The kinner were excited, and Cora thought a wedding would be gut for all of them. Such a blessing, and a nice distraction from the grief they’d all been drowning in. Cora looked forward to getting to know Anna better, though she couldn’t help worrying that having the bishop as a father-in-law—especially someone like Isaac Byler—could cause problems for her son.

  Cora was lost in thought about the pending nuptials when John came out of the bathroom. This time he’d already dressed in his night clothes.

  “How was your day?” Her words were clipped, and she didn’t much care how his day was. But she was aching for any kind of conversation, even if it turned into a fight.

  “Fine.” He walked around to his side of the bed, climbed in, but didn’t cover up. As they both lay atop the white sheet, Cora closed her eyes and enjoyed the breeze streaming through the open window. It was miserable this time of year, but tolerable when the sun set on a breezy day. She’d be glad when fall arrived.

  She opened her eyes and took a deep breath. “So what do you think about Jacob marrying the bishop’s granddaughter, Anna Byler?”

  “We don’t even know the girl.” John reached for his reading glasses, and Cora could feel him disengage from the conversation.

  She gritted her teeth. “Jacob is very happy. And it will be fun to plan our first wedding.” As soon as the words slipped out, she knew what her husband was thinking. Leah was the oldest. She should have been the first one to get married. Cora had already let that thought weave through her mind, then dismissed it. This was Jacob’s time, and she refused to let any regrets get in the way of making this a special occasion for her son.

  “Since Bishop Byler is now allowing Jacob and Anna to see each other, I’m sure we’ll get to know our future daughter-in-law in coming weeks.” Cora pulled the drawer of her nightstand open and reached for her hairbrush.

  “Hope Jacob knows what he’s doing, marrying the bishop’s granddaughter. Especially a bishop like Byler. Jacob may never have any peace.”

  “He loves Anna, and that’s what is important.” Cora brushed her hair. “A
nd Bishop Byler’s wife, Marianne, is quite a dear person. I’m thrilled she will be Jacob’s mother-in-law—though I suppose she’s really a grandmother-in-law.”

  “Not much time to plan a wedding.” John opened a book he was reading and pulled out a small piece of paper he used as a bookmark.

  “I know.” Weddings were always held in October or November, and September was almost here. “But the twins will help, and we’ll be able to get it done. We have much work to do on this haus to get it ready, though. Even though the wedding will be at the Bylers’ haus, we might have out-of-town guests.”

  “It’s fine the way it is.” John’s attitude was grinding on her nerves more than normal. Maybe her hormones were out of whack. Or maybe she’d just had enough.

  “Nee, it’s not fine the way it is. We need to do a gut cleaning, and we need a fresh coat of paint on the far barn.”

  John grunted. “No one is going to notice if that barn on the north side of the haus needs fresh paint.”

  Cora took a deep breath. “We are going to paint it anyway because I will notice.”

  “Whatever.”

  “I dislike that word, John. It’s something the Englisch say, and I don’t want our kinner using it.”

  John closed the book, looked up at her, and repeated, very slowly and deliberately, “Whatever.”

  Cora kept her head down for a few moments, torn between crying or smacking him—an emotion that was rearing its ugly head more and more these days. Her bottom lip trembled, but she was not going to give him the satisfaction of crying. Besides, she had a trump card to play.

  She turned to him and made herself smile. “Well, I have news. Maybe you would like to hear it?”

  John shrugged. “I guess so.”

  “Ach, gut. Because I’ve been wanting to tell you.” She kept her eyes on him, didn’t even blink for fear of missing any part of his reaction. “I’m pregnant. What do you think about that?”

  She waited, wanting him to suffer the way she was suffering, to feel anger and guilt that they were having a child to replace the one they’d lost, to share the little bit of hope she was beginning to feel about the new little one.

  John slowly looked up and blinked several times. “Really?” he asked.

  This was not what she was expecting. “Ya. I am with child.” She paused, keeping her eyes on her husband. “At my age.”

  She studied him, this man she’d been married to for most of her life, and she could not, for the life of her, tell how he felt about this news. She waited for him to say something else, but he opened the book again and started to read.

  Cora felt her blood boil. She glared at him, then reached for her pillow and stood up.

  “I’m going to go sleep in the sewing room.”

  John looked above the rim of his glasses and slowly said, “Whatever.”

  Marianne felt a little sorry for Anna. Her sweet granddaughter was trying so hard to get her to comply with Isaac’s wishes, and Marianne had to admit she’d gone a bit overboard. But she wasn’t ready to back down. Not yet.

  “Nee, I’m leaving everything as it is for today,” she said as Anna stood in the kitchen, arms folded across her chest. “You aren’t the boss of me,” she added, then chuckled, and was glad to see Anna smile.

  “Well, I tried. Daadi can’t say I didn’t try.” Anna walked to the counter where Marianne was sorting cookies for delivery.

  “That’s right, dear. You did what your grandfather asked.” She handed the last bag to Anna. “Now go make your deliveries, and tell Jacob we will be having zucchini sausage lasagna for supper Saturday night.” She ran her hands under the faucet. “I am going to get rid of some of these things. It’s too hard on your grandfather’s heart to have to see it all every day.” She laughed. “But I have Lucy and little Benjamin coming for a visit later, so I’ll take care of it after they leave.”

  “That will be gut. Thank you.” Anna collected her baked goods, packed them up, and kissed her grandmother on the cheek. “Enjoy your visit.”

  “I will.”

  Anna looked up at the wall. “Are you going to keep the cuckoo clock?”

  Marianne grinned. “I love that little fellow. He cheers me up when he pops his head out and crows on the hour. That might be one of the things your daadi and I will have to compromise about.”

  Anna smiled before she headed out the door.

  Marianne set about making coffee for Lucy, and she’d baked a pineapple cheese torte. She was sure she could never make up for putting that little one in danger, but she was going to make sure they had a lovely visit. She wasn’t planning to have any of the torte herself, though. Gotta watch my blood sugar.

  Lucy had to reassure Marianne repeatedly that she didn’t harbor any ill will about what had happened.

  “Everything turned out fine, Marianne. And the doctor said you were very close to a diabetic coma, so you were lucky.” Lucy took a sip of her coffee and watched Benjamin playing with his toys in the middle of the living room. “Are you taking your pills like you’re supposed to now?”

  “Ya, ya. The hospital sent me home with some samples, and I went to see Dr. Noah so I can get my prescription refilled. I’m watching my diet too.”

  “I’m glad.” Lucy set her cup on the coffee table. “Everything looks really nice in here.”

  “Danki. Too bad my husband doesn’t think so.” Marianne’s infectious laugh warmed Lucy’s heart the way it always did. I wish I had a mother like you.

  “You know . . .” Lucy paused, hesitant to broach this new subject, but she needed another opinion. “Noah has asked me a couple of times to bring Benjamin and go to his home.” She shook her head. “But I just don’t think it’s a good idea. Benjamin is Noah’s nephew, so I can understand why he wants to see him. But I would just feel so uncomfortable.” She hung her head. “About what happened and all. I know what they must all think of me.”

  “Lucy . . .” Marianne’s voice was soft. “You must forgive yourself before you can expect others to do so.”

  “But I will never be part of that family, so it’s hard for Benjamin to be a part of it.”

  “Family is a gathering of people who love and accept each other for who they are, whether related or placed together by God for His own good purposes.”

  Lucy hung on Marianne’s optimism and wished that she could believe everything the older woman said. “They’re never going to accept me, Marianne.” She paused, chewing on her lip. “Why do you?”

  Marianne reached over and took her hand. “You see, my dear, this is what you have to stop doing—doubting yourself. You are a lovely person, you’re a gut mudder to Benjamin, and you’re trying to take care of your own mudder under very trying circumstances. The Lord sees all of this, and so do others. Give yourself some credit.”

  “I always feel good when I’m around you.” Lucy settled back in the couch and breathed in the aroma of Marianne’s house—always the smell of something baked lingering in the air. “I like it here.”

  “I’m so glad.” Marianne walked over to where Benjamin was playing and squatted down beside him. “I don’t know what I would have done if anything had happened to this little fellow. I’m so sorry.”

  Lucy shook her head. “Now, Marianne, I’m going to quote you. You must forgive yourself. It wasn’t your fault.”

  Marianne ran her hand through Benny’s hair, then stood and walked over to the window. “I thought I heard a buggy rolling up the driveway.” She put a hand to her forehead. “It looks like Cora.”

  “Uh-oh.” Lucy jumped up and joined Marianne at the window. “I don’t think Cora wants to be around me these days.”

  Marianne didn’t answer. She just walked to the door and waited for Cora to come up the steps. “Hello, dear.” Lucy sat down on the floor beside Benjamin, wishing she could just scoop him up and go home.

  Cora came storming into the living room looking like she’d just ridden on horseback to get there. Her prayer covering was on sideways, her br
own dress was wrinkled, and Lucy wondered if she knew she had a smudge of dirt on her cheek.

  “Hi, Lucy.” Cora walked over and squatted down next to Benjamin. “Hello, little one.” She ran a hand through Benny’s hair, then flung herself into a rocker and pushed hard with her feet until Lucy feared the rocker might take flight.

  “I have had it!” Cora’s face was beet red. “I’m telling you both, I’m going to smack my husband. I really am. It’s not our way, but I can feel it coming!”

  Lucy glanced at Marianne, who was standing nearby with her hands folded in front of her, eyebrows raised. “Now, now, dear. Maybe tell us what the problem is.”

  Cora shook her head so hard that her loosened prayer covering almost fell off. She haphazardly reached up and attempted to move it into place. “John is . . . he’s . . .” She grunted loudly. “He is a . . .”

  “Easy now, Cora.” Marianne edged closer and put a hand on her shoulder. “The Lord is listening.”

  Lucy didn’t move. She pretended to help Benjamin build something with his blocks, but she was completely tuned in to what Cora was saying.

  “He is a mean man. A cruel man. I finally told him last night that I am pregnant.” Cora’s face twisted into an expression that was both frightening and almost comical. “Do you know what he said?”

  Marianne remained quiet. Lucy did too, though her mind was racing. Pregnant?

  “He said, ‘Whatever.’ I am carrying his child, and that’s all he has to say: ‘Whatever.’” Cora abruptly stopped rocking and sat up straight. “I wish he would just leave. Go somewhere. Like to another country.”

  Lucy bit her lip. She’d never heard an Amish person talk like this. She didn’t even think it was allowed. Before she could process that thought any further, Cora jumped from the chair and started to pace. Lucy stayed close to Benjamin. She jumped a little when Cora stopped abruptly and gasped.