by Rachel Lee
“Unfortunately, I usually am. But that’s not why I’m here. Nate suggested you might be able to help me out. I need to know if anything bad ever happened in the house I’m working on now.”
Emma’s green eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “The old Barrow place, right?”
Forty years since elderly Mrs. Barrow had died, and yet the place would probably forever be the old Barrow place. That was one of the things Del loved about living here. “That’s it.”
“I don’t recall anything offhand, but I can look. I helped the editor get most of the newspaper morgue onto microfiche and indexed on the computer.”
“That must have been some job.”
Emma laughed. “I’m always coming up with ideas like that. These days librarians are seldom overworked. Between TV and paperback books, most people show up here only when they need to do some serious research. The more databases I can develop, the busier I keep myself.”
“Well, now that’s a comment on modern life.”
Emma, still smiling, shrugged. “It’s easier for most people to click something online and have it delivered to their doors. But for research, there’s nothing like your local librarian. Tell you what, it’ll give me something to do today, and I’d probably be faster than you at working my way through the database, so why don’t I research the address for you? I’ll call later, whether I find anything or not.”
“That would be wonderful!”
“I’d actually enjoy it. And I’ve been working on putting together a really detailed history of this county, so who knows? Maybe I’ll find a good story to add to my book.”
Which left Del standing on the street at nine-thirty in the morning and few choices. She knew she should go back to the house and work. She shouldn’t allow a few noises to scare her off. At the very least she could wedge doors open so she could be absolutely certain they weren’t slamming around. Maybe if she kept looking she’d find something in the walls, like a raccoon. Something big. Something she’d later laugh about and wonder how she could have missed it.
At least that was how she tried to buck herself up.
But it didn’t prevent her from making a stop at the hardware store first. Once there she bought some new window latches. Maybe she ought to consider having the locksmith come out to rekey the locks on the doors. No need to replace them when the current door locks were reasonably new and could be rekeyed.
Feeling a bit better, she drove home, her first task to check every window latch in the house.
Pulling into the driveway, though, she felt a prickle of apprehension, which she hadn’t felt even a few days ago. Sunny skies, beautiful weather, and she sat in her truck feeling as if severe storm clouds were gathering around that house.
No, she definitely wasn’t bringing Colleen back into that house unless she got to the bottom of these noises.
Sighing, she grabbed the bag from the hardware store and let herself into a house she had once loved and now was coming to hate.
Ridiculous, she told herself. You’re being ridiculous. The house couldn’t do anything to her, even if was sad. She knew that.
Stepping through the door, however, felt like stepping into another universe. Even the sun spilling through so many windows, brightening the dusty wood floors, shining off walls and paint, couldn’t make her feel comfortable.
Window latches. All of a sudden, she decided she wasn’t going to be cheap about it. Every window would get a new latch, no matter how good the old one might seem. And if that meant another trip to the hardware store, so be it.
Before she started her task, however, she called her aunt Sally and made sure the woman wouldn’t mind watching Colleen at Mike Windwalker’s place. Of course Sally didn’t mind. There was a time when the woman would have insisted on bringing Colleen to her place, but Sally was no longer as steady, strong or nimble has she had been just a few years ago. The idea of staying at Mike’s house seemed actually to appeal to her.
That taken care of, Del went to work. She needed a screwdriver and a chisel, and she stuck a rubber hammer in her tool belt. Some of those latches had been painted around so many times over the years, she was sure they were probably stuck to the wood beneath.
Because of the latch she had found open on Friday, she decided to start in the kitchen. There were a great many windows, a lot of them big enough for a grown man to crawl through easily. The current locks could be jimmied open from the outside with a chisel, but the new ones wouldn’t allow that.
When she finished in the kitchen, she was startled to see that it was already two-thirty in the afternoon. Time to wash up a bit and go get Colleen and then Sally.
At least she hadn’t heard any noises.
Sighing, she wiped perspiration from her forehead with her sleeve then went to the sink for a quick scrub down. No time for a shower.
Colleen was already waiting in her chair on the sidewalk when Del pulled up. She looked so tired that Del felt her heart squeeze as she climbed out of the truck.
As soon as she reached Colleen, she squatted in front of her daughter so they were nearly at eye level. “You okay, sweetie?”
“Yeah.”
“But you don’t look like it.”
Colleen gave her a moment of panic by looking away and biting her lip. Slowly her green eyes tracked back.
“What is it?” Del prompted gently.
“I don’t want to go home,” Colleen admitted in a muffled voice. “Why not?”
Colleen hesitated again, then finally blurted, “Those noises. I hate those noises. And I’m tired of pretending they’re just a mouse.”
Del’s heart skipped a beat and she sat back a little, balancing more on her heels. “Want to talk about it here or in the truck?”
“But I don’t want to go home!”
Del sighed. “You’re not going home. Not for long anyway.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re going to get Aunt Sally, and then the two of you are going to stay at Mike’s house until he and I get rid of the noises.”
Colleen frowned. “You’re not kidding me?”
“About something this important? Do you think I would?”
Slowly Colleen shook her head, and her shoulders relaxed a bit. “No, but…”
“But what?”
“We have to live in that house. What if you don’t get rid of the noises?”
“Then we’ll go back to the other house.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” If for no other reason than Colleen had enough on her plate, and Del could no longer believe it was just a mouse. Putting Colleen back in that house before the problem was solved would be utter cruelty. “Have you been worrying about this all day?”
Colleen gave a reluctant nod.
“Why didn’t you tell me just how much the noise was disturbing you?”
“Because I don’t wanna be a wuss. Because you need for us to live in the house you’re fixing.”
Those words nearly broke Del’s heart. How much pressure had she been putting on this child without realizing it? “What I don’t need is for you to be miserable and scared. Stop trying to be strong for me, sweetie.”
“Why? You’re always strong for me.”
Oh, crap. Del looked down at her knees, not knowing what to say. Had she been too strong? If so, it had all been veneer. Had she set a bad example? Thrust too much on this child’s shoulders by always trying to be upbeat and positive about every damn thing?
Dropping her knees to the pavement, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Colleen, hugging her tight. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I thought I was doing the right thing for you. But it’s the wrong thing if you feel you have to hide your fears and pains from me.”
Colleen answered with a hug. “Sometimes I’m so scared, Mommy. So scared.”
Del’s eyes burned, and tears started to run down her cheeks. “Me, too, sweetie. Me, too.”
Del waited for the tears to pass and for Colleen’s hold on
her to loosen. By then the buses were gone and the schoolyard nearly empty. Only then did she lift her daughter and the chair into her truck and set out for Sally’s house.
“Okay,” Del announced as they rolled slowly down the residential street, “we start a new policy of honesty today.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m not going to pretend to be strong when I’m not feeling that way.”
Colleen’s answer was slow in coming. “Do you know how not to be strong?”
“Yeah. I’ve just been hiding it. From you, from me, from everyone.”
“So you weren’t kidding when you said you get scared?”
“I get scared all the time. I’ve just been keeping it to myself.”
“What scares you?”
“That you might not be happy. That your daddy’s gone. That there are noises in the house and I don’t know why.”
Colleen remained silent as they drove past rows of houses, until finally she blurted, “It seems like you always smile. Like no matter what happens you find a way to make it sound better.”
“There’s nothing better about some of the things that have happened to us, Colleen. Nothing better about them. And I guess I should have admitted that to you.”
Colleen thought that over. “Okay. I know I’m still a kid, but I’m not little like I was when the accident happened. You don’t have to pretend that everything is always okay.”
Del felt a renewed ache. “I’m sorry. I thought I was making things easier for you.”
“I know.” Another pause. “Daddy’s dead, Mom. Sometimes I have a hard time remembering him. But you remember him, don’t you?”
“Yes. Yes, I do.” Her voice broke and she didn’t try to conceal it.
“So that has to be harder for you than for me. I’m lucky because I don’t even remember the accident.”
“I’m glad.”
“And I’m paralyzed.”
“Yes.” Now Del’s throat was almost too tight to speak.
“So if it’s okay, I’d like to be sad about that sometimes.”
“Of course it’s okay!”
“I didn’t want to upset you.”
If she hadn’t been driving, Del would have closed her eyes with the pain. “I’m sorry. I made you feel that way, didn’t I? Of course you’re allowed to be sad about it. Mad about it. Whatever you need to feel.”
“Mom?”
“Yes.”
“Most of the time I don’t think about it too much. You know?”
“I know.”
“But sometimes I get really sad about it. Just so you know.”
“I’ve been a little worried that you haven’t gotten mad or sad since the first couple of months.”
“Well, I kinda realized that we’d both lost Daddy, and I figured, well…it seemed wrong to make you hurt more.”
Del hit the brakes and pulled over to the side of the street. As soon as she put the truck in Park, she reached over and hugged Colleen as tightly as she could.
“It’s okay, Mom,” said an extraordinarily wise thirteen-year-old. “We were just trying to take care of each other.”
“Yes.” She could taste her own salty tears. “I’m sorry. I was trying to do everything right, and I guess I did everything wrong.”
“Nah.” Colleen almost seemed to brush it off, but she gave her mother another tight hug. “Don’t we have to get Aunt Sally? And I really get to stay at Mike’s place tonight?”
“For as long as it takes me to figure out what’s wrong with that house. And if I can’t figure out what’s wrong, I swear we’re moving.”
“Good deal,” Colleen said as they separated. “I can live with that.”
Del was sure her eyes were still red when they picked up Sally, who managed to squeeze onto the bench seat with Colleen in the middle. And Sally’s mind was elsewhere.
“So Collie and I are spending the night at the vet’s house, eh?”
Oh, man, Del thought as she heard her aunt’s suggestive tone. She was already going through a wringer because of her conversation with Colleen, and now her aunt was going off the deep end? “Aunt Sally…”
“Don’t bug Mom,” Colleen said. “I just gave her a hard time.”
“Well, he’s such a handsome man. I keep wondering why he doesn’t date.”
“Because of nosy people like you,” Del blurted in sudden annoyance. And she was happy, so happy, to hear Colleen giggle.
“What did I say?” Sally asked.
“He’s just helping Mom find out what’s wrong with the house. Right, Mom?”
But this time there was a certain knowingness to Colleen’s tone. Del fought an urge to beat her head on the steering wheel. “I hardly know him,” she said finally.
“That’s the most interesting type,” Sally remarked.
And Colleen giggled again.
Del took what comfort she could from the fact that the tense moments were past now. Sally dropped the subject of Mike, and Colleen seemed content now that she knew she didn’t have to go back into that house until the problem was solved.
And she was utterly amazed to see Mike’s van in his driveway when she pulled into hers. He came out before she could even finish parking and crossed the lawn smiling.
A cautious smile, maybe because of Sally, but a welcoming one however restrained.
Del hopped out of the truck and hurried to greet him. “I didn’t expect you home already.”
“I told you I’d shorten my day somehow. All that was left was some routine checkups and vaccinations, easy enough to postpone.” He went to help Sally out of the truck while Del pulled the wheelchair out of the truck bed.
“We’ve met,” he said to Sally.
“Yeah, you took care of my cat until she died last year,” Sally said. “I’m starting to think about getting another.”
“I have a couple dozen you can choose from.”
Sally rolled her eyes as Del unfolded and locked the wheelchair. “Darn cats breed like rabbits.”
“Seems like it sometimes.”
And then as easily as if he did it every day, Mike reached into the truck and scooped Colleen up in his arms.
“Okay?” he asked her.
She grinned. “More than okay. You’re cooler than Mom.”
“No way,” he protested, a laugh in his voice.
“Moms aren’t allowed to be cool,” Colleen said. “It’s some kind of law.”
He settled her in her chair then let her arrange herself. Apparently, Del thought, he’d noticed more about how to handle Colleen than she would have guessed. Colleen insisted on doing as much as she could for herself, and had gotten quite good about adjusting her position in the chair and putting her legs where she wanted them.
She looked up at Mike with a grin. “So I’m staying at your place?”
“You bet. And I got it all ready for you and your aunt.”
“Awesome! What did you do?”
Mike’s smile broadened. “Come on over and I’ll show you.”
So Colleen wheeled down the driveway to the sidewalk and then up Mike’s drive. No ramp to the porch, of course, so Mike gripped the handles on her chair and pulled her up backward while Del steadied her aunt by tucking her arm through hers.
Inside, the living room looked as if a genie had visited. A stack of brand-new videos rested on the player, and he’d even rolled up his area rugs so Colleen could move freely. There were also some new teen novels by the sofa, which had been made up like a bed, and a couple of teen magazines.
“This so looks like a pajama party,” Colleen announced, smiling.
“That was the idea. Your aunt Sally can sleep in my bedroom. I even cleaned it all up for her. Fresher than a hotel room.”
Del followed him as he showed Sally and Colleen through the house, but there was one problem: the bathroom. Then she saw the safety bar leaning in one corner in an unopened package.
“Oh, Mike,” she said softly, as Colleen and Sally looked around in th
e kitchen.
He followed her stare. “Essential,” he said with a shrug. “But I wanted you to help me put it up because I don’t want to make a mistake. Too dangerous.”
“That is so, so kind of you. I was wondering how we’d do this part.”
“I do think of some things. The shower…well, you have a seat for that, right? We can move that over here?”
“No problem at all.” She already liked this man, but now her heart seemed about ready to burst. He’d thought of everything, and all without being asked.
“You’ll tell me what else I need to do? I want Colleen to feel as comfortable and independent as I can possibly make her here. I would have hung a bar over the couch, but I don’t know where to find one.”
Her heart swelled even more. “We can bring over the one from my house. Obviously she won’t be needing it there until we get this problem solved. Mike? You’re really thoughtful.”
She almost thought his cheeks colored. Hard to tell with the coppery tone of his skin, though.
“Nah. These are minimal things. Just let me know if you notice something else.”
She went back to her house to get her toolbox to install the safety bar, and Mike accompanied her. With that simple act, he both reminded her of the threat that now seemed to lurk within her house, and the fact that she didn’t have to face it alone.
By the time they got back to Mike’s house, Sally and Colleen had begun to bake chocolate chip cookies in Mike’s kitchen. Somehow she suspected the ingredients hadn’t just been lying around.
Sheesh, this was turning into a day for throat-tightening emotions. First over her conversation with Colleen, and then over Mike’s obvious concern for her daughter.
While she and Mike worked on installing the bar, she turned over her talk with Colleen in her mind. The worst of it, she supposed, was that she’d set a bottled-up example that wasn’t good for a child Colleen’s age. Why hadn’t Colleen had the anticipated reactions, the normal reaction to what she’d lost? Because her mother had bottled her own away, as if one mustn’t do that.
Damn. She gave a screw an especially hard twist, then jerked in surprise when Mike’s hand touched hers. “What’s going on?” he asked.
“Later.” She jerked her head toward the kitchen, to indicate Colleen and Sally. They at least gave her an excuse. She didn’t know if she wanted to discuss any of this with anyone else yet. If ever.