by Rachel Lee
Fact was, she’d gotten used to not discussing anything emotional with anyone.
She swore softly as she drilled in the last screw. Then she straightened and tested the bar with her full weight. Yup, it was good.
She packed her tools away then went to the hall and called toward the kitchen. “I have to go back to the house to get Colleen’s clothes and a few other things. I also need to do some work. Is that okay?”
“Go!” Colleen called back. “You don’t want to see me eat cookie dough.”
“Probably not, so I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”
“Good.”
Mike accompanied her again. Once they were outside, he asked, “Did I do a bad thing by getting the stuff to make cookies? I know you said you have to watch what Colleen eats.”
She managed a smile for him. “Once isn’t a catastrophe. Right now I want her to have fun, sneak more cookies than she should, and just plain enjoy herself.”
He walked silently beside her until they reached her front door. Finally he asked, “Did something happen?”
She hesitated as she unlocked the door. Should she tell him? “Oh, why not?” she asked herself, almost under her breath. Her insides felt as if they’d been tossed into a dryer and tumbled until up felt like down. “I guess I’ve been a bad mother.”
“In what way?”
They stepped into the foyer and she closed the door, shutting out the world. Shutting in whatever was going on in this house. For some reason, she had to suppress an inexplicable shudder.
“Colleen and I had a talk,” she said finally. She couldn’t even look at him. “It seems I’ve been too strong.”
“In what way?”
“I’ve been so busy trying to pretend everything is okay for Colleen’s sake, that she felt obliged to do the same for me. Today she called me on it.”
“Ouch.”
She looked at him then. “Ouch?”
“Yeah.” He shook his head just a bit. “Here you’ve been trying to do the right thing, be strong, hold it all together, and now you feel guilty for it. That’s an ouch.”
“Yeah. It is.” She sighed. “I need to gather up her clothes. I need to bring the shower chair over. God knows how long it’s going to take to get to the root of all of this. Emma’s looking at the library for information on the house. I’m replacing all the window latches, and so far I’ve only gotten to the kitchen windows. I’d like to get that done today.”
“I’ll help in every way I can. But first?”
She finally looked at him. Before she could ask, he opened his arms and drew her into a snug hug. “I think a bit of this is in order,” he said huskily.
Any urge to resist, to remain in her personal pond of private misery, evaporated as his arms closed around her. How could she have forgotten how good a hug could feel, or how much she could need one?
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she said against his shoulder, then drew in his wonderful scent, a scent that had become so pleasingly familiar just last night. He smelled so good…
“Want me to guess?”
“Sure, why not.”
“How about that you’ve spent the past few years doing everything in your power to protect your daughter, and now something is going on in your home and you don’t know how to protect her. You don’t know what to do, and you feel like you’re floundering for a solution.”
She thought about that, then leaned in even closer. “You’re good. That’s probably at least part of it.”
“Well, the other part might be that you’ve been fighting all these battles for a long time, pretty much by yourself. Even strong people can’t always go it alone.”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing?”
“I haven’t had the kind of load you’ve been carrying.”
“But you’re all alone.”
“Yeah. I’m alone. I go to work and I avoid other possible complications. Life simplified to a ridiculous point, I guess. You’ve got considerably more on your plate. You can’t just go to work, come home and shut the world out.”
She looked up at him, suddenly realizing something. “We’re peas in a pod. We just have different ways of hiding.”
“Apparently so. And I’m beginning to wonder if I’m ever going to outgrow that eighteen-year-old kid.”
“Maybe you already have.” She hugged him back, smiling wanly. “You’re all mixed up in my life now.”
“Yeah. And I’m not regretting it. It’s funny, but when I decided to move back here, rather than start a practice out east, I told myself I was going to face down all those old demons. Then all I did was avoid them.”
“I don’t think you entirely avoided them.”
“What do you mean?”
“You put yourself in a very public position here. It’s not exactly the same as hiding in a cave.”
“True, but I’ve avoided other stuff.” His dark eyes were tight around the corners, but the tightness began to ease. For a moment, he looked about ready to say something else, but then he cocked his head and looked past her.
“Come on,” he said suddenly, letting go of her. “Let’s get Colleen’s stuff together. We’ve got work to do.”
She caught his arm, surprised by the sudden change in him. “Mike?”
He shook his head, but said with urgency, “Just a feeling. Let’s just get going. Now.”
Chapter 9
M ike’s urgency propelled Del despite the fact that a couple of disturbed nights and some heavy work over the past few days had left her tired. Normally at this time of day she’d be wrapping up, getting ready to make dinner and settle in for a restful evening.
Instead, after carrying the necessary items over to Mike’s for Colleen, she and Mike worked their way through the house, changing locks on windows. Darkness was falling by the time they reached the last room, her bedroom. Del took a minute to pull out her cell phone and call Colleen. Everything was fine, she was assured, and then Sally got on the line to ask when the two of them were coming over, as she’d roasted a chicken and it was about to come out of the oven.
“Thanks, Sally. I want to change one last lock, then we’ll come over.”
“Just make sure you don’t take so long that it’s all cold.”
“I won’t. Promise. It’s just one lock.”
The window in her bedroom was a tall one, overlooking the backyard. She could reach the lock easily enough to simply turn it, but she needed more leverage and a closer position to wield a screwdriver, so she knelt on the broad window ledge.
The next thing she knew she lay on the floor on her back, looking up at Mike, who kneeled beside her.
“Don’t move,” he said, and he started to feel her arms and legs as if checking for broken bones.
“I didn’t know you did people, too.”
“There are times I’d prefer a fellow vet to some of the medical doctors I’ve seen.”
“What happened?”
“The window ledge popped off and you took quite a spill. You hit your head on the bed frame, but you were out only a few seconds. Are there two of me?”
“I wish. Two of you would be wonderful. But no, you’re still a singleton, and it’s Monday, and I’m okay.”
He started to smile. “The old brain and mouth are working great.”
His touch was purely professional, but she could not help but be aware of his hands moving along her limbs. With every touch, a small campfire seemed to ignite. Great timing.
“I don’t think anything’s broken,” he said presently. “Now try to move your toes and fingers.”
They all wiggled obediently. “Everything’s fine.”
“Okay. Then let me help you sit up slowly.”
As he put his arm behind her shoulders and started to lift her to a sitting position, he said, “Let me know if your neck hurts. Even a small twinge.”
“Nothing,” she told him when she reached a sitting position. Then she raised an arm to feel the back of her head. There wa
s an ache there, but she’d felt worse. “Goose egg tomorrow.”
“You’ll probably be sore in more places than that.”
“I can deal with that. I just need to get that lock changed.”
“I can probably manage that. I’m not totally useless, you know.”
She looked at him. “Am I doing it again?”
“Doing what again?”
“Trying to accomplish everything by myself when other people want to help? Trying to be superwoman when it’s not even good for my kid?”
“I dunno. Are you?” There was a twinkle in his eye. “Come on, you can supervise, but I’m taller and in my humble veterinarian opinion, you just lost your leverage when that shelf popped off.”
“I can’t argue with that.”
He held her elbow to steady her as she rose to her feet. “It’s okay,” she said when she was standing. “The room isn’t spinning or tilting. You can take off your vet hat now.”
“Good. Now I can play at your job.”
A couple of steps took them back to the window. The ledge, about eight inches wide as was common in many older homes, had indeed popped off. In fact, it had cracked right where it ran under the window.
And what Del saw when she looked down made her gasp. “There’s a book in there!”
Bending, she lifted the slim volume and used her sleeve to wipe the dust from it.
“Why would someone hide a book?” Mike asked.
“I don’t know. Unless…” She opened the cover carefully and looked at the fly leaf.
It was stamped with a gold Journal, and beneath that was a handwritten name: Madeline James.
“Oh, it’s someone’s diary.”
“Fantastic!” Mike leaned closer and looked over her shoulder. “Imagine some teenager finding a place like that to hide her diary from her parents.”
“Yeah. And imagine her forgetting it was there.” Del had to smile. “Colleen would think of something like that in her more impish moments.”
“I have no trouble believing it.”
She looked at him. “Let’s take a look at it after we finish the lock.”
“After dinner,” he reminded her. “I gather Sally wants us over there soon.”
“True.” She tossed the diary on the bed. “I don’t think Madeline James would mind us looking at it after all this time. Besides, I don’t even know who she is.”
They went to work and finished the new latch in just about ten minutes. Satisfied that now no window in the house could be jimmied, she and Mike collected her tools and the diary and headed downstairs.
Mike watched as she put the tools away. “You’re compulsive about that, aren’t you?”
“Putting my tools away? You bet. There’s nothing worse than knowing you have a screwdriver and not being able to find it.”
“So that makes it even weirder that stuff is being moved around.”
“Yup.” She locked the box and stood. “Except it is possible that I get slack about it sometimes.”
“I doubt it.” He compressed his lips. “I was just thinking.”
“Yes?”
“Everything has a place at my clinic. Everything. I know where every damn piece should be, whether it’s in a drawer, in the sterilizer, whatever. I never have to look around wondering where I left something. That kind of practice is essential, and objects disappear only when someone else moves them. Every time I get a new assistant for example, we have to go through the ‘everything has a place and everything in its place’ routine. And for a week or so, things will disappear.”
She nodded. “What are you driving at?”
“That once you’ve formed habits like that, you don’t break them unless something major distracts you. I don’t think you’ve been getting careless. So you know what?”
“What?”
“We’re coming right back here after dinner. And we’re going to keep watch again.”
“That was my plan.” She sighed and brushed her hands against her jeans. “Miss Emma hasn’t called, so I guess she hasn’t found anything out about the house yet, one way or another.”
“What did Nate say?”
“He’s putting his ear to the ground.”
“I hear he has fantastic hearing. Wish I knew him better.”
“Maybe we can remedy that after we solve our mystery. I should have him and Marge over for dinner.” Then, looking around the mess that was the house, she gave a laugh. “Well, maybe after I get things in shape.”
“Feel free to use my place.”
They locked up then crossed the yard to his house. Del felt a pang when she saw all the light pouring out of his windows, an inviting sight. Then she remembered that since she’d moved in next door, she’d rarely seen more than a single light burning in one of his windows.
Loneliness and solitude stank.
They ate in the large kitchen, the four of them gathered around a nice dinette. Sally had apparently decided to pull out all the stops: roasted chicken, mixed vegetables and mashed potatoes with gravy.
Colleen seemed to be in much better spirits, probably owing to the fact that she didn’t need to spend the night at home with the noises. And maybe an unusual amount of sugar from cookies had added to it.
She chattered cheerfully about her weekend with Mary Jo, talking about musical groups Del had never heard of, about movies Del had never seen, and boys.
Boys?
Del zeroed in, listening more intently. She had known that would happen eventually but…but… Not only was Colleen so young, but she was also paralyzed, and Del lived in fear of the slights and disappointments that would come her daughter’s way over the next few years.
But at the moment, Colleen’s interest seemed to be more general than specific, so maybe they could avoid the inevitable pain for a while longer.
Mike raved so much about the dinner that Sally began to blush and offer to cook for him anytime. Afterward Sally insisted on doing the dishes, so Del and Mike took the time to hang Colleen’s trapeze bar over the couch and watch her try it out. She settled onto the couch with a big smile and a happy sigh.
“Have you decided on a movie yet?” Mike asked her.
As soon as they had a movie running and the DVD player remote in Colleen’s hand, they headed back to Del’s house with the diary. For some reason she’d been unwilling to leave it behind when they went for dinner, and now it seemed to be almost burning her hand.
They made a pot of coffee then sat at the kitchen table.
Del passed her palm over the cover of the diary, feeling its nubbed leather surface. “This feels like an invasion.”
“Well, we can just skip here and there. It’s not like we have to read the whole thing.”
“True.” She looked from the journal to him. “It’s probably nothing but a lot of teenage angst and dreams.”
He hesitated, then said, “I think it’s more.”
“A feeling?”
“Yeah. Like the house.”
She realized she was having a similar feeling, and that it was holding her back from opening the book. “Mike?”
“Yes?”
“I’m getting a bad feeling about this.”
“I know. I am, too.”
“I’m not a fanciful person.”
He looked straight at her. “And you think I am?”
“No, that’s not what I meant. Maybe you’re accustomed to getting these feelings. I’m not. That’s all I meant. So when I get a feeling like this…” She hesitated. “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“The day that Don and Colleen went skiing…all day long I had this feeling that something terrible was going to happen. I couldn’t shake it. I tried to tell myself I was imagining it, made myself focus on work. I don’t get these feelings. But that evening when the officers showed up at the house…” She shook her head, unable to continue.
“You weren’t surprised,” he said.
“No. It was almost as if at some level I
’d been getting ready for it all day. As soon as I heard the bell ring, I knew what it was. Even though it could have been any one of my neighbors or friends.”
A tear escaped, rolling down her cheek. She dashed it away impatiently. “God, I seem to be crying all the time lately.”
“Maybe you have some catching up to do.”
Maybe she did. She sniffled, blinking away one more stray tear, then drew a deep breath. “Let’s do this.”
The cover made a cracking sound as she opened to the first page. Girlish handwriting slashed impatiently over the pages, and she realized that indeed this was a teen diary. Madeline seemed to be about sixteen or so, and she gushed about friends, boys, going to the movies and all the other stuff a girl her age would find fascinating.
With Mike leaning close enough that their shoulders brushed, they skimmed pages quickly. There were time gaps, sometimes long ones of several months, then they reached a section where Madeline gushed about her upcoming wedding, pages of details about dresses and bridesmaids and flowers.
“Who is she marrying?” Mike asked finally. “She doesn’t really mention him. You’d think she’d be going on about her fiancé, too.”
“Yeah.” Del leaned back, giving her eyes a break. With the passage of time, Madeline’s handwriting had become smaller and had lost some of its neatness. “More coffee?”
“And another pair of eyes if you have them.”
“Are you reading my mind?”
“Always possible.”
Then as she grinned at him, he moved in and kissed her. A gentle kiss, almost questioning. After their moments last night when only the sound of a slamming door had kept them from going much further, Del was at once surprised and touched. Surprised that he should be uncertain, touched that he thought it possible she might have changed her mind since last night.
But she hadn’t. So she leaned into his kiss and looped her arm around his neck. He responded by wrapping her in a tight hug and kissing her more deeply, his tongue finding hers in a mating dance as old as time. She felt desire sink heavily to her center, a feeling so strong that it almost made her squirm with need.