The One That Got Away

by S J Crabb

  “I won’t hear of it, I love you and nothing is going to interfere with that.” My eyes fill with tears. He is so lovely and I love him very much. He leans over and gently kisses me on my lips. As he draws away he holds my gaze and says, “Come home with me after work. I want you with me again tonight. In fact just move everything in, never go home again.” I laugh but then have to say regretfully, “Sorry honey, Phoebe has arranged for us to go to the cinema. She has been banging on for weeks about the latest film with George Clooney in and I can’t disappoint her.” Nathan sighs. “Ok break my heart then. I’ll just have to go to football practice instead.”

  Nathan is obsessed with football. He plays for a local team and is busy with matches most Sundays. Luckily for him he gets most weekends off, unlike me who has to work 3 in every 4. I grin at him. “I’m sure you will get over it. Once those football boots are on you’ll forget all about me.” Nathan winks and we laugh.

  As we head back to work we walk hand in hand along the street. I feel so happy with Nathan. He is good fun and easy to get along with, as well as being gorgeous looking in a rugged way. He has brown hair and blue eyes that twinkle when he smiles - which is often as he is quite the joker. You have to have your wits about you when he is around as he is fond of practical jokes and practices them as often as possible.

  All too soon we are back and heading back to our departments and once again I feel the pressure coming back to me.

  As I push open the office door April looks up with a frown. “Bella there you are. Bob called down to see if you could go up to his office when you get back. It sounded quite urgent.” She looks at me with worry etched on her face. “I hope that everything’s ok; you will tell me if its bad news won’t you?” I smile at her with a confidence that I don’t feel inside. “Oh it’s probably nothing. I’ll let you know. My next rep is in at 3pm so I’ll be back by then.”

  Once again I head off back up to Bob’s office .and for some reason I can’t quite shake this uneasy feeling that I have and hope that it’s nothing.

  As I reach Bob’s office I take a deep breath and knock on the door. I hear Bob say “Come in.” and as I push the door open I see Bob sitting at his desk and my heart flips as I notice Ben sitting across from him. Our eyes meet and he looks at me with amusement.

  Bob smiles. “Ah Bella, there you are. I understand that you know Ben already?” I smile weakly at him. “Yes, hello again.” Ben looks at me as though studying me and I notice a small smile playing around his lips. Watching him I can tell that he is obviously enjoying every minute of this. He can probably tell that I feel awkward and uncomfortable.

  “Right then, good,” Bob says briskly. “Ben would like a tour of the store and has requested that you show him around, I will let you fill him in on how it all works here and then when you have finished you can carry on with your work.”

  I look between them and feel strangely flustered. I am not sure why I feel so confused, I mean surely I should feel pleased to spend time with an old friend. The trouble is I just can’t get that kiss out of my mind. It was ten years ago but I feel as if it has only just happened, so vivid is the memory. I look at Ben who is studying my reaction with an amused expression. He probably can’t even remember it he was so drunk. I must get a grip and leave it firmly in the past.

  I smile at them both. “Great, no problem. Follow me Ben.” Ben heads outside the office with me and as we walk down the corridor I look at him and smile. “Right, where to first?” Ben gives me a half smile and looks firmly into my eyes, “I was thinking that the warehouse would be a good place to start.” He looks at me with a grin and I can’t help myself and laugh. “Of course, where else.”

  I decide to avoid the lift as I feel that we need to keep on walking, I don’t want there to be any awkward silences so I rattle on. “I can’t believe that you are the new owner. You have certainly come on since Cunningham’s.” He laughs. “Yes you could say that. But what about you Bella, what is going on in your life these days?”

  I don’t know why, it seems like an innocent question but I don’t want to tell him about my life and Nathan which surprises me. Why don’t I want him to know that I am engaged? I shrug my shoulders. “Oh you know, the usual work mainly.”

  He carries on gently probing. “Are you married with kids yet?” I flush and can’t look at him. “No, not yet, what about you?” I feel as though I am holding my breath waiting for his reply, why does it matter to me? “No, not yet.” I look at him and we both grin at each other. The years just melt away and it is like we are back at Cunningham’s, heading off to the warehouse to do our shift.

  We soon reach it and it feels like familiar territory to us both. I introduce him to Kevin, the warehouse manager who is a nice guy. As I follow them around he shows Ben how everything works and I use this distraction to study him properly.

  He appears to have aged well and. his dark hair is thick and cut in quite a trendy style. His suit looks expensive and his aftershave is pleasant. He looks well groomed and his physique looks like he works out. I can see the remains of a tan, obviously the remnants of a foreign holiday as our summer has been dreadful. I wonder what his life is like now. He must have come into some money to be able to afford the various stores that he has been buying. Perhaps it’s his family business. I never did meet them or find out what his parents did.

  It doesn't take long and Kevin finishes his tour and then we carry on past the rows of boxes and parcels back down the corridor. “Where to now?” I say brightly. Suddenly he stops and faces me. “You know what Bella; I think that I would really like to go to the IT department.”

  As he says it he raises his eyes at me and an expression that I can’t quite place flashes across his face. I feel taken aback and hope that he can't see the shock on my face. Looking down to hide my expression I can feel a flush creeping over it. Why did he ask to go there? The way he said it seemed so pointed with a hidden meaning. Slowly I look up at him but his expression is blank and I feel stupid. As if there is anything in the request other than a business need.

  I nod and lead him through the double doors and towards the stairs. Suddenly he stops and with an amused grin says, “Bella, do you think that I need the exercise, what’s wrong with taking the lift?” He gestures to an empty lift in front of us and once again I flush with embarrassment as I follow him inside.

  I press the button for the 4th floor and the doors close. We stand there next to each other and there is an awkward silence. He however appears to be enjoying my discomfort and says nothing and just looks at me with the same amused look on his face.

  The lift stops at the 1st floor and a group of customers get in. One lady has a buggy so we all have to shift across to accommodate it. I feel his hand brush against mine as we are forced together and it is like a spark of electricity hitting me. He shifts closer so that we are touching, still side by side. I can’t see his face but the silence is deafening. It is as though the other people aren’t there. All I am aware of is his close proximity to me, his hand occasionally brushing against mine and the feel of him very much invading my personal space.

  We get to the 2nd floor and more people get in. He moves even closer and I am backed into the corner and still we don’t speak or look at each other. I feel him pressing against me more firmly and I hold my breath as a feeling creeps through my body of anticipation. I can feel every movement that he makes and hear his breathing next to me. Once we get to the 3rd floor the customers get out and we spring apart, once again the sole occupants of the lift. I feel flustered and sneak a look at him. He is grinning at me and I can’t help grinning back.

  All at once we reach the 4th floor and the doors open. In silence we exit the lift and I guide him towards the IT department. I pray that Nathan isn’t there, I don’t know why but something within me doesn’t want them to meet. I feel as though I am betraying Nathan in my mind with somebody that I haven’t thought about for years until today.

  As we enter the department I get a
sinking feeling as I see Nathan sitting at his desk laughing with Billy. They look up and Nathan jumps up with a welcoming expression on his face. He smiles warmly at us. “Hi Bella.” Then he looks at Ben with curiosity.

  “Nathan, allow me to introduce Mr Hardcastle.” I say it brightly, possibly a little too brightly as I notice that Nathan looks at me with concern.”

  “This is Nathan our It Manager,” I say to Ben, whose expression is blank and very businesslike all of a sudden. Nathan smiles at him and shakes his hand. “I am very pleased to meet you, this is Billy, my assistant,” he says gesturing to Billy who looks very uncomfortable at meeting the new owner.

  Ben replies, “Please call me Ben, it is great to meet you both. Perhaps you have some time to show me around your department?” Nathan smiles at him and begins to show him how things operate. I notice that Ben is not as relaxed with Nathan as he was with Kevin in the warehouse which surprises me, as Nathan is the easiest going and most relaxed person that you could wish to meet.

  Nathan appears oblivious and excitedly explains how his department works. Once they have finished Ben looks at the various photographs pinned up on the wall. They are mainly of Nathan and football, but there is one of me with Nathan that was taken at his mum’s birthday party last month. He has his arm around me and we are laughing at the camera. I feel uncomfortable but I don’t know why. Nathan sees me looking awkward and winks at me.

  I can see that Ben notices this and his eyes narrow. He turns to Nathan and says, “I see that you are a footballer, do you play much?” Nathan smiles excitedly. “Yes most weekends. Do you play?” Ben smiles. “I used to but business has sort of taken over. I would like to get back into it though.” Nathan’s face relaxes. “Well you should come along to our team. We are always looking for new members.”

  Oh my God, the thought of Ben playing football with Nathan somehow unsettles me. I can feel Ben watching my reaction and he pulls his business card from his pocket and offers it to Nathan. “Why not, it sounds like fun. Text me the details and I will come along.”

  Nathan looks excited and smiles warmly at him. “Great, I will.” Ben turns to me and says, “Right then Bella, where to next?” I feel relief wash over me and smile. “What about the buying department? I need to see my assistant anyway as my next meeting is due, she can see them on my behalf if you want to see more.” Ben looks at me and studies my face for what seems like ages. “Yes, that sounds good; we have only just started after all.”

  As we carry on towards the Buying office Ben says, “So how long have you been dating Nathan?” The direct nature of the question shocks me but I don’t know why. “Seven months,” I say offering no further explanation. We walk on in silence and once again I feel awkward. Then out of nowhere Ben grabs hold of my arm and pulls me to face him. He looks at me intently with a strangely hypnotic look in his eyes and says urgently,“Bella, this all feels unnatural to me. We were once friends and I think that we can be again. Let’s forget the tour and go out and grab a coffee and catch up properly as friends would. I can feel that you are not relaxed which is unlike you. There’s a coffee shop down the road. I’ll take responsibility for keeping you from your work. Let’s just get out of here.” I am taken aback but feel relieved. Of course he is right. We need to start again; there is no reason at all why it should be difficult between us. He has obviously forgotten about the party and so should I. With relief I smile at him and nod. “Come on then, I’ll grab my coat and bag and we can go.”

  Chapter Two

  Sitting here in the coffee shop I look over at Ben queuing for the coffees and laugh at the memory of April’s face as we both left the office to come here. She looked in total shock and disbelief that I was playing truant with the new owner.

  Ben carries the coffees over and laughs as he sees my expression. “Penny for your thoughts,” he grins. I laugh as I say, “It’s just April’s face as we left. I certainly have some explaining to do.” He pushes my coffee over to me and settles down opposite.

  “This is better,” he says happily, “much more relaxed and how it should be.” I nod taking a sip from my drink. “Did you keep in touch with any of the old crowd?” I say looking at him with interest. He shakes his head. “No, unfortunately not. I heard that Craig married Helen which is bizarre when you come to think of it.” I raise my eyes up in disbelief. “But wasn’t he going out with Anna?” Ben laughs and nods. I shake my head. “Did you?” he asks and again I shake my head. “No, I kept in touch with Julie for a few years but then she moved to Canada so we lost touch.”

  We both sit there for a minute pondering the past. Ben looks at me and his expression changes slightly. “So tell me about Nathan, how did you two get together?” I blush and say, “I had problems with my computer so we spent a lot of time together and it went from there really.” He raises his eyes up and laughs. “So, the typical office romance hey. Well he seems like a good guy.”

  I nod. “Yes he is. The only bad thing I can say about him is that he is a total tech freak, but then that probably comes with the territory of an IT manager.”

  Ben laughs and feeling bolder I ask him, “What about you Ben, is there anybody special in your life?” He fixes me with a strange look. His eyes burn into mine and once again I feel compelled to stare into them and can’t look away. Then he breaks the stare and answers, “I have a girlfriend, Melissa is her name and we have been together for just a few months.”

  I feel strangely deflated. I don’t know why but part of me was hoping that he would say that he hadn’t met anybody. I can feel him studying me and my reaction so I just smile and say, “Where did you meet?”

  “A friend of a friend,” he says still looking intently at me. “What does she do for a living?” I continue, wanting to know everything about her and their relationship. He grins. “She’s a model."

  Suddenly I feel very inadequate and now just want to change the subject. I don’t want to know any more. “So how did you go about building up your empire?” I say quickly changing the subject away from glamorous girlfriends. He smiles at me and the checks his watch “That particular story will have to wait for another day. I am afraid that we need to get back as I have a meeting with Bob at 4pm that I mustn’t be late for.”

  “Of course, I’m so sorry; yes we must be getting back.” I say feeling very flustered all of a sudden. I jump up quickly and he looks at me with amusement.

  “Come on then Bella, we can carry this chat on another time.”

  As we walk back along the road I have to ask the question that has been eating at me all day. “Ben, will there be a lot of changes, I mean should we start looking for new jobs?” He stops suddenly and I look at him with trepidation. Maybe I have overstepped the mark and I am suddenly afraid. However he just looks at me steadily and says, “I have a large organisation that can perfectly well accommodate most people. Jobs may change but there should be enough opportunities for everyone within it. Don’t worry Bella; I always look after my friends.”

  I flush, annoyed with myself for putting him on the spot like that and I am glad when we reach the store.

  He turns towards me and I notice how his eyes light up. “It was great seeing you again Bella, thank you for the tour.” He then leans over and kisses me on the cheek and whispers, “Don’t worry, everything will be fine. Take care and I am sure we will catch up again soon.” With a last toe curling sexy smile he hurries away and as I watch him disappearing into the distance I feel strangely alone.

  The rest of the day passes by uneventfully and I am soon home in the flat that I share with my best friend Phoebe. She is totally scatty and we have been friends since school. Phoebe works in an Art Gallery as she is into Art in a big way. Our flat is decorated in her bohemian style which I love even though it reflects her personality a lot more than mine. She is already home and looking forward to our night with George Clooney.

  Before we go out I fill her in on what happened today at work and she looks worried. “Do you think that you
may lose your job?” she says fearfully. I shrug and say, “I don’t think so but I may have to change direction.” I didn’t tell her about Ben, somehow putting my thoughts into words seems like a betrayal to Nathan. Maybe I should just ignore my feelings about Ben and put it all back in the past where it belongs.

  Despite everything we have a great time at the Cinema and before long we are home again after having picked up a takeaway on the way. We sit there devouring our meal surrounded by the many candles that Phoebe insists on burning every evening.

  She asks me about Nathan and I find myself telling her my news. She squeals with excitement but then looks worried. “Oh no, I feel really happy for you both, really I do, but if you get married you will leave me.” She looks so upset and I race over to hug her. “Don’t be silly Phoebs, our wedding date isn’t even set yet and Boris will fill my space in this flat quicker than I can pack.” Boris is Phoebe’s long suffering boyfriend. He absolutely adores her and can’t do enough for her. He is forever asking her to marry him but she always turns him down. I really like him as he is great fun and a total lunatic so they are perfect for each other. He has a great job in the city which is surprising given his appearance. He is extremely scruffy but very clever and is always being head hunted by various companies. He earns an absolute fortune but you would never know it by looking at him. Phoebe sniffs and replies, “I know, I do love Boris but it’s not the same as sharing with you.” I look at her sympathetically and say, “Come on lets crack open a bottle of wine and watch a dvd. You can choose." This cheers her up, she always chooses The Sound of Music and we sing the songs at the tops of our voices, I know them all by heart now as well as the dances that we have choreographed to accompany them. I always feel sorry for our neighbours at times like this.