by S J Crabb
Ben hands me a cup of tea. I didn’t even notice that he made it and he says, “Come on Bella, drink this, it will help with the shock and you need the warmth too.” He then sets about lighting the fire again, leaving me once again to my own thoughts. I look at him working away and say, “That’s why you moved him back to the store isn’t it?” He looks at me with surprise and I carry on. “You didn’t contact us after that weekend and moved him back to avoid him, didn’t you?” He jumps up and sits beside me taking my hand and looks earnestly at me. “Bella, I couldn’t interfere anymore. You weren’t interested in hearing anything negative about him and I couldn’t watch him make a fool of you. I knew that your judgement would kick in but it couldn’t come from me. I had too much to gain from you splitting up.”
I look at him and frown, “What do you mean, too much to gain?” He sighs. “I love you Bella, I always have. Do you really think that I could stand by and watch you make such a big mistake? I know that I would stop at nothing for us to be together, but that wasn’t the way to do it. You have to want me as much as I want you. You kept on planning that bloody wedding and being the perfect girlfriend. It was too much for me to witness so I moved myself away from the picture, for my own sanity.” He looks angry and I feel suddenly really sorry for what he must have gone through. He jumps up. “Let’s not talk about it any more. I have crashed your recovery and don’t feel that I am helping. Let me make you something to eat and then you can do whatever you want. I’ll stay if you want the company but if you would rather be alone I will leave.”
I realise that I very much want him to stay and smile at him weakly. “Please stay Ben, but I don’t have any food, I was about to go out and get some.” “Then it’s a good job I planned ahead and picked some up from the supermarket on the way down.” He grins and picking up a blanket from the chair he wraps it around me and heads off to the kitchen.
Once again I sit watching the flames dancing in the fire. There is so much information to process and I feel grateful that Ben is here, helping heal the wounds that are still very much open and raw. I can hear him moving around and remember the last time that we were here together, how things have changed since then. I lay back on the settee still hugging the blanket to me and watch the flames. They are mesmerising me and the warmth that I am now feeling cause my eyelids to slowly close.
I must have dropped off because Ben shakes me gently awake and says, “Come on, I’ve made us some pasta. You need to eat something.” I am so grateful to him and take my seat at the table. Tears once again fill my eyes as I see that he has lit some candles and poured us a glass of wine to have with our meal. Under different circumstances this would be a very romantic setting, but I take it as it is obviously meant, just a good friend looking after another at their time of need.
I change the subject and move on to safer ground and we talk about work and his plans for the store. Recognising the fact that I need the distraction he talks freely about it. After we have finished he says, “Look, I’ll clear everything away and you go and have a nice relaxing bath. You need to rest and let your body and mind relax, and then you can deal with it when you feel ready.” Gratefully I nod and go to my room. I have a very relaxing bath and enjoy the feeling of the hot water totally relaxing my body and making me feel warm and tingly inside.
I submerge my head and enjoy the feeling of freedom that I feel once again. Drying myself off I change into my comfy pyjamas and wrapping my hair in a towel I go to see if I can help out with anything. Ben has cleared away and is sitting looking at his laptop. I smile at him. “Always working Ben. Now it’s my time to make you a drink and try to get you to relax.” He smiles and watches me busily making us some drinks. I hand him his and then sitting opposite him I nod towards his work. “Do you ever not work in the evenings?”
He raises his eyes. “No, there’s not much else to do anyway.”
“What not even the TV?” He grins and replies, “TV is overrated, I prefer to make my own entertainment. However in the absence of having someone to play with, work is the next best thing.”
I raise my eyes up and say, “Well I need to go and play with the hair dryer now, if you’ll excuse me, but at least you have your work to occupy you whilst I am gone.”
I run back to the room to dry my hair. The bath has done me a power of good and I feel more relaxed. Once my hair is dry I go back and sit next to him and he puts his arm around me. We sit there silently just watching the fire, not speaking, just enjoying the peace and quiet. Soon the time goes and I feel tired and Ben pulls me up. “Off to bed Bella. I’ll sort everything out here and then go to bed.” He kisses me gently on the cheek and says in a soft voice, “Sleep well.”
I go off to bed and am soon snuggled up in the huge duvet. I can hear him moving around and find it comforting that he is here and soon I drift off to sleep.
My dream wakes me and it is dark. Looking at my clock I notice that it is 1am. I jump out of bed because I think that I can hear a noise outside and hope that it is the badgers returning. As I push open the door once again I see Ben tapping away on his laptop. He sees me and grins guiltily. “You caught me,” he says, and I pad over to him and kneel before him. “Can’t you sleep?” I say taking his hand in mine. He shakes his head, but I notice that he looks exhausted. “Come with me.” I say firmly and he looks surprised. I lead him into my room and say, “Come on, get undressed or whatever it is that you change into and you can share with me. We can keep each other company. No funny business mind.” I pretend to look at him sternly and he laughs and grins, “Ok, but keep your hands to yourself.” I jump back into bed and in no time he has undressed to his boxers and jumps in beside me. I roll over to face him and say, “Turn around and face the other way Ben. I will spoon you for the added warmth. It may make you drift off.” He does as I say without speaking and I snuggle against him feeling his warm body through the thin layers of my pyjamas. We don’t speak and soon I hear his breathing change and realise that he is asleep. Smiling to myself I drift off my arm draped over him.
Chapter 17
When I wake up for a moment I forget where I am. Then it all comes flooding back and I realise that Ben is lying next to me. Our positions have shifted in the night and he has me locked tightly against him with one leg over mine and his arm draped over me. I can tell that he is still asleep although I have my back to him. I know that if I move I will wake him so continue to lie still, enjoying the feeling of him against me. I realise that I should be mourning for my shattered relationship with Nathan, but surprisingly I can think of him in a detached way. The pain has gone and I feel nothing. I wonder if I am still in shock and it will all come back with a vengeance. I suddenly worry that I haven’t phoned my parents. It is now the 2nd of January and they would have called me yesterday to wish me a Happy New Year. I wonder if they know yet, maybe Nathan has told everyone and they are organising a search party as we speak.
As I think about it I feel really bad. I didn’t want to worry anyone, but I also didn’t want to talk about it to anyone either. Ben stirs in his sleep and it makes me smile. At least he had a good nights sleep. He looked like he needed it as much as me. I think about work and laugh to myself as I remember that I should be in work now. If only they could see me now I think with amusement.
All of a sudden I feel Ben’s body stir and feel him waking up beside me. In a sleepy voice he says, “Morning Bella, how are you feeling?” I notice that he doesn’t move away and continues to hold me tightly against him. I wriggle around to face him and he grins a wicked grin at me. I blush as I see him looking at me studying my face with his intense gaze. I must look dreadful in the morning light. He on the other hand just looks incredibly sexy. He has a dark shadow of stubble on his face which looks relaxed as he studies me, watching me intently. Still he holds on to me and I say quietly, “I feel a lot better thank you.” I suddenly laugh. “I’m afraid I have had to call in sick though, as something came up that I couldn’t get out of. Do you think the boss w
ill mind?” He grins wickedly. “Something came up hey, I wonder what that could be?”
He then rolls over on top of me pulling my arms above my head and pinning me to the bed. “Let’s see you try to get out of this one.” I strain against him trying to escape but he is too strong and I have to admit defeat and laughing I say, “Ok you win. I can’t escape.” He looks suddenly serious. “Do you want to escape Bella?” I return his gaze and stare at him seriously. “No, I don’t. In fact I want to stay here forever.” He smiles. “Forever hey, that’s a long time.” He then looks more serious. He continues to hold me down and says, “I am finding it very hard to keep away from you Bella.” Looking at him I lower my eyes and then look up again and say huskily, “Then don’t.”
I feel him tense and his eyes darken and he says huskily. “Is it what you want though? You have to really want it too.” I look at him shyly. "I do Ben, I really do.” His voice lowers to almost a whisper, “Tell me Bella, what do you want?” I look at him steadily and say, “You Ben, I want you.” His expression changes and he relaxes his grip on me. He runs his fingers down the front of me and I feel weak with longing. His hands move to my pyjama bottoms and his fingers inch into the waistband pulling them sharply down. I arch towards him my head buzzing with the lust I suddenly feel for him. His other hand is still holding my wrists above my head and his other hand moves under my top inching it upwards until my breasts are exposed. He runs his fingers around my nipple and squeezes it until I gasp. I feel weak with longing and want to touch him but he will not release me. He leans in and his tongue explores my mouth darting in deeply and passionately. I feel that he is aroused and long to touch him, but he will not let me. “Please,” I say huskily.
“Please what Bella,” he says in a whisper, his mouth near to my ear as his tongue finds its way inside. “Let me touch you.” I say, desperate to feel him, to satisfy him and to touch him all over. He shakes his head slowly, “No, Bella. I want to please you. I can wait.” The lust that I am feeling is threatening to overwhelm me and I moan with longing. His hands caress my body bringing it to the edge. “Please Ben, I need to feel you,” I almost scream, the desire consuming me. Suddenly I feel him inside me, a slow rhythmic thrust that makes me almost faint with desire. I arch closer wanting to feel him inside me until I bear it no more and climax with a cry as the waves of pleasure course through my body. Before I even finish he also comes with a muffled groan and we lay entwined throbbing with the aftermath of the most fantastic love making that I have ever experienced. He pulls away and strokes my hair. “Now what was it that I used to call you?” I grin and say, “We both know that that was no longer the case.”
He strokes my breast and says, “You were a Virgin to me Bella.” I blush, thinking back to his constant teasing of me. He used to call me Virgin. He found it amusing to see how embarrassed it made me. Obviously I still was, but that was a long time ago now. Gently he kisses me again and I can feel the lust stir within me again. I am finding it so sexy laying here with him, in the middle of nowhere, no thoughts at all about the outside world. He draws away and grins. “Come on, I’ll run us a bath.” He jumps out and I admire his naked body as he goes to the bathroom and runs us a hot bath with lots of bubbles. He then comes and lifts me up in his arms and carries me to the bathroom. He removes the rest of my clothing that somehow got forgotten in our haste and pulls me in front of him in the bath.
We sit there and he lathers my body with the sweet smelling soap. I find myself aching for him again and he kisses my neck and moves his fingers down my back. I shiver in anticipation and try to turn around but again he won’t let me. He puts his hands around my waist and lifts me up and lowers me down onto him until I can feel him inside me once again. The heat of the bath and the feeling of him rocking inside me brings me to a climax once more and I almost can’t cope with the feelings that he brings out in me. He pulls me back against him and we lay back in the bath letting the warm water relax us.
After a while he kisses my cheek and says, “Come on, I’ll make us some breakfast.” I turn around and smile. “No, I want to. I want to look after you for a change.” I then kiss him gently on the lips. He groans and pulls me harder against him and he holds my head firmly in place and kisses me hard. Abruptly he pulls away and I notice his eyes are almost black. Shaking his head he says, “No, I will cook. You can take control another time.” I feel surprised. Is this what he thinks it is, all about control? I shake my head., “It’s not about control Ben. I just want to love you and look after you.” He smiles and says, “I Know.”
He lifts me up and we dry ourselves off and put on the dressing gowns that hang on the back of the door. “We’ll make it together,” he says grinning at me.
We have fun making breakfast together and Ben is in a playful mood. It is just what I need to just enjoy the moment and forget about what a mess my life is in at the moment. As we sit eating Ben suddenly looks serious. “I think that you should call home. Your parents may be worrying about you.” I nod in agreement. “I know,” I say sighing heavily. “I’m just worried what they know and I don’t want to let the outside in just yet.” He gives me a gentle look. “Just get it out of the way. Then we can enjoy the rest of the day and worry about tomorrow when it happens.”
I reluctantly go and retrieve my phone from my bag. I haven’t looked at it since I arrived and I dread what may be on there. I notice that there are several missed calls and texts. Despite blocking Nathan’s number he has obviously used another phone and there are several texts from him asking me to call him and saying that he is so sorry and needs a chance to explain. There is one from Phoebe asking me to let her know when I will be home and if everything is ok. I notice one from my Mother wishing me a Happy New Year so I decide to call her first.
She answers the phone and sounds quite happy. “Hi Bella, Happy New Year, you finally got around to calling your parents then.” She laughs and I realise that she must know nothing. “Sorry, mum, Happy New Year to you too.”
“So tell me about your New Year’s Eve, did you have fun?” My heart sinks and I can’t bring myself to tell her over the phone. I try to sound up beat and say, “Well it was certainly eventful, but that can wait for another time. Anyway I just thought that I would let you know that I have gone away for a couple of days and should be home tomorrow. I’ll pop around then.” She sounds interested. “Oh lucky you, did Nathan surprise you?” I laugh derisively. “Well you could say that. Anyway I’m sorry I have to go but I’ll call you tomorrow. Take care, love to you both.” “Love to you both too. Have fun.”
I finish the call and look at Ben who looks reassuringly at me. “That was awkward,” I say raising my eyes, “They don’t know yet which is probably a good thing. They say ignorance is bliss, well I should know about that more than most.” Ben comes over and pulls me against him. He strokes my hair and I feel safe in his arms. I really don’t want this all to end. The longer we can stay here the better, just us shutting the world out. I know that it won’t be long before we leave and the thought fills me with dread. I pull away and say, “Just one more and then I’m done.”
I once again pick up the phone and call Phoebe. “Bella, hi, where are you?” she says as soon as she picks up. “Hi Phoebs, Happy New Year,” I say giving myself time to think of an answer. “Never mind all that, Nathan has been around looking for you. He said that I was to call him the minute you came home or phone to let him know where you are.”
I feel cross. How dare he ask Phoebe to tell him anything. “Well Phoebs, did he tell you anything about what happened?” I am curious to know what he would tell anyone. “No just that you had an argument and had left him at the party. What’s going on, are you alright?” I sigh wearily. “Yes, I’m fine. I just had to get away for a bit. I won’t tell you where so that you can be truthful if Nathan asks. I should be back tomorrow though and will fill you in then.”
She sounds worried as she says, “You know that I’m here for you B, whatever it is I’m on your s
ide, just remember that.” My eyes fill with tears again. She is so sweet, the best friend a girl could have. “I know, I love you Phoebs. See you tomorrow.” I hang up and Ben once again holds me close. “There, the hard part is done. Now let’s forget about everything and just enjoy the day.” I look at him and smile weakly. “I’m sorry Ben; I hope that I’m not putting you out. I mean you probably have better things to do than baby sit me.”
He looks at me with a pretend frown. “Bella, nothing is more important to me than you. I will stay with you as long as you need me to. The best thing about being your own Boss is that nobody can tell you what to do. If I want a week off, I’ll take it.” I sniff and then smile saying, “I hope that my boss is as understanding.” He laughs and then grins. “I’m sure he is. After all you must get some perks for looking after him so well.” Looking up into his eyes I feel drawn into them. He bends down towards me and kisses me softly on the lips. I lift up my hand and run my fingers down his face. He catches them and kisses them one by one. It feels so sensual and once again I feel desire run through me.
He lifts me off my feet and carries me to the bedroom. Lying me down on the bed he lies beside me running his fingers down the front of my dressing gown. He unties it and pulls me towards him, his hands behind me stroking my back. Then we make love, slowly this time taking much longer, taking pleasure in each others bodies and just taking time to explore each other fully. As we lay entwined together afterwards I think of how happy I am at this moment compared to how I should be feeling. It is as though my break up with Nathan is irrelevant. I can’t believe that I have become so emotionally detached from him in such a short time, and realise that I must not have really loved him at all. In truth he probably did me a favour as it has released me from a relationship that would have been doomed in the end. I feel happy and invigorated. I look at Ben and say happily, “Thank you Ben,” and then I kiss him. He looks surprised and says, “For what?” “For being here, for making me see that I will be ok and giving me the strength to carry on. You were right about Nathan and as painful as it felt at the time I have realised that it was wrong as I feel as though a weight has lifted from my shoulders and I can face it all now.” He smiles happily at me and I pull away and jump out of bed. “Come on lazy bones, let’s go out and enjoy the day. Race you to the shower.”