Liberated

by Abi Ketner

  I don’t have a comeback, and in my silence, her face changes. She twirls a strand of hair around one finger and then drops it. Every movement is calculated. She might come off as brutish at times, but I have no doubt of her shrewdness.

  “You know, I knew your brother,” she says at last. “Keegan, right?”

  “What did you say?” I ask, surprised.

  “We used to hang out sometimes.” She laughs, and I nearly gag. “You’re a lot like him. Smart, passionate, loyal. Maybe a bit sacrificial at times.”

  “Were you in the underground?” I ask. “I never saw you there.”

  “No. We had different theologies.” Genesis pauses, looking at me thoughtfully. “In any case, I was sorry he died. Even though we disagreed, he was still a good guy.” Her admission shocks me, and it sounds so honest, I feel the ice in my attitude toward her thawing.

  “He was,” I say as my arms ache for his embrace. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

  “Keegan only mentioned you once when he told me that leaving you behind was the hardest thing he ever had to do.” She rubs both of her arms with her hands and clears her throat. “I’m not one to talk about my personal life, especially with someone I don’t know.”

  I manage a small smile. “Well, we didn’t exactly have time to get to know each other between throwing punches.”

  “You could’ve killed me, but you didn’t. Why?”

  “I’m not sure,” I say honestly. “I thought about it before I picked up my knife, but when I looked at you, something in my gut told me to let you live.”

  “You’re a good person, Lexi, with a kind heart and a selfless soul, just like your brother. And you two share that same smirk you’re giving me right now.” I laugh, and she smiles, a real genuine smile, for the first time since I’ve known her. It makes her look prettier. “Anyway, I figured I should tell you now. Maybe knowing will change your mind about my motives.”

  The door opens behind us, and she averts her gaze, her guard going right back up when she sees Cole, Bruno, and Zeus enter. The next time I look at her, her face retains the mask, the unreadable look that she wears so well.

  “What?” Bruno says, closing the door behind him. “Oh, are we interrupting something?”

  I step away from her and face them. “We were just talking.”

  “No more stalling,” Cole says to Genesis. “We did our part. Now, tell us your plan.”

  Without breaking stride, Genesis replies, “All right, here’s what I got. My source says a shipment is coming in for the guards in three days. They’re bringing a delivery to the south entrance.”

  “The south entrance?” Bruno asks, his eyebrows raising on his forehead. “That entrance isn’t used anymore. It’s sealed off.”

  “You’re right, and you’re wrong,” Genesis says. “They used it a year or so ago, for things like shipments of weapons and medical supplies. Stuff they wanted to keep separate from incoming Sinners. When word got around that there was another entrance, the Sinners overwhelmed a shipment, and the guards haven’t done it since. Until now, because it’s unsealed.”

  “Why use it now?” Bruno asks. He sits down, and Genesis sits across from him on the floor, leaning in.

  “Because they think we’ve forgotten.”

  “That’s too easy,” Cole says. “What’s so special about this shipment that they’d take that chance?”

  “I think—well, I hope—it’s transporting weapons. Word on the street is that the guards are mobilizing for a huge offensive, and no one knows anything more than that.”

  “Against the Sinners?” I ask.

  “We’re not sure. It’s been kept classified, and I mean really well-kept this time. That’s why I’m almost positive it’s weapons.”

  “What if we can’t get in?” Bruno asks. “Those things are usually heavily fortified.”

  “Then we assault the main training center,” Genesis says matter-of-factly. She leans back on her hands and waits for that to sink in. It’s quiet for a minute or two before Bruno breaks into my thoughts.

  “You’re off your rocker.”

  “Not necessarily,” Cole says. “If we break into teams and give each team an assignment, it could work.”

  “Maybe two or three hit the shipment …” Bruno says. The wheels are already turning, and I can see him becoming excited.

  “I was thinking three hit the shipment, and we save three groups in case something goes wrong or we need to go in,” Genesis says. She pulls a piece of paper from a bag in the room and draws a crude map. We all lean in to get a good view.

  “Do you think we have enough people to pull this off?” I ask.

  “Definitely,” she says. “My people are raring to go.”

  “Do they know specifics yet?” I ask.

  “They know the general op, nothing specific. I wanted to get feedback from all of you first, because obviously, Cole and Bruno were guards and know the ropes. I think it’d be good if you each lead a team, along with me.”

  “And what about Jade and Owen?” Bruno asks, breaking away from the map quickly. “They can’t go with us.”

  “They can stay behind, somewhere safe, where we regroup afterward,” Genesis says. She looks right at me. “What do you say?”

  “As long as your people obey orders from their team leaders, I’ll join. I think that’ll be the toughest part.” Genesis nods her agreement. “We aren’t in this for revenge like you or your followers,” I continue, “and I don’t want it to become a source of tension like it did with you and Keegan.” Bruno and Cole raise their eyebrows, knowing they missed something. “We just want to save Sutton and find a cure for the virus, if there is one. That’s it. I’m not in it to add to the body count, so if we help you with this, then you have to help us find Sutton.”

  Genesis smiles. “It’s a deal. I’ll make sure of it.”

  I rock back on my heels, finally satisfied with our plan. We talked through the entire night, choosing teams and specialties, hoping Genesis’s source was correct about the details. She leans backward and smiles, bringing her hands up behind her head. I’ve never seen her with her guard down before our talk earlier, but I’m thankful a softer side exists. Let’s just hope it’s not a mask. Double-checking the small replica we’ve drawn up, it’s obvious we’re as prepared as possible. I’m ready to go now. Well … as ready as I’ll ever be.

  “I’ll go over the plan with everyone else,” Genesis says. “Then each team leader can give specifics. We’ll divvy out the weapons we made so everyone has at least something to protect themselves with.”

  We nod in silence. Tension, like electricity, hangs in the air between us. With each movement, the static of it cackles and buzzes, ready to be guided into combat. For the first time since we failed at getting Roméo and Bill out, I actually feel determined.

  It’s not enough to fight and survive. It has to be more than that. It has to have purpose. If people don’t have purpose or hope, then nothing’s worth fighting for in the first place. I’m tired of running away, wondering about Sutton, and feeling helpless as everyone around me succumbs to the virus. It’s time to strike … and strike hard.

  Genesis rises from the floor and stretches, and soon we all do the same. Her ligaments snap, and she yawns. She cocks her head at me and smiles, her eyes glittering with excitement. She’s ready to fight too.

  “Here we go,” she says.

  “Here we go,” I repeat. “But remember our deal.”

  “I haven’t forgotten,” she says in a low voice.

  “I’ll tell Jade where to go with Owen,” Bruno says. He clears his throat, and I can only guess what he’s thinking about. “The further away they are from this, the better.”

  “Thank you. My mom needs all the rest she can get,” I say.

  “I second that,” Cole says quickly. “Tell them good luck. From all of us.”

  As the others file out of the room, Cole and Zeus hang back. I linger in the room a bit, trying to soak up eve
ry detail of this moment, in case it’s our last together. The flecked white paint on the cement-block walls, the dirt-covered floor, the aroma of bodies in close proximity, and the way Cole stares at me intently with Zeus at his side, head tilted.

  “I’ve been thinking,” Cole says. I raise my eyebrows in question. “I think Sutton knew all along.”

  “Knew what?”

  “About your dad. I mean … that I couldn’t do it, finish the job.” His hands hang limply at his sides, and his words come out hesitantly. I scrunch up my face, thinking back to how we met.

  “How would he know that?”

  “I’m not sure, but he persuaded the Commander to let me guard you.” I shrug, but Cole goes on. “Think about it, Lexi. Could he have trusted another guard not to take advantage of you?” Cole’s hands go to my shoulders. “We’ve always had a tight relationship. He trusted me and my morals. But he also wanted me to look after you because he knew the guilt I carry.”

  “It would make sense then that he never wanted us to get together,” I say. The thought becomes a revelation, and I give Cole a weak smile. “Sutton knew so much more than he ever let on.”

  “If it’s true, then he protected us both by keeping it a secret.”

  “Just one more reason we need to get him out,” I say. Closing my eyes, I see Sutton, beaten, but not broken, up on stage. “He’s put his life on the line to protect us, and for that, we cannot ever give up on him.”

  “So what are we waiting for?” Cole says firmly. “Let’s do this and get him the hell outta there.”

  ***

  I say goodbye to my friends, trying to stay level-headed even as Bruno embraces me in a tight hug. I’m pretty sure I know what’s running through his mind, but he remains strong and I wouldn’t expect any less from him.

  “I’ll see you when this is all said and done,” I say.

  “No doubt, Miss Lexi, I’ll see you soon,” he says. His usual smile isn’t on his face though. He’s all business. But I know inside, he’s like a volcano—with the lava of burning emotions boiling up inside, all it’s going to take is one tiny trigger, and we’ll all witness the eruption spraying into the bloody sky.

  I move on, shaking hands with Genesis. Her calloused hand grasps mine hard, her eyes measuring mine. “To creating an alliance,” she says.

  “To a successful mission,” I reply with a smile. I won’t allow her to see any second thoughts on my end. Even when, deep down, I’m hoping her people follow the commands we give them. I might have a tentative trust in her, but I don’t trust her followers. At any point, one of them could turn on me, on us, and that would be it, all of this just to end up buried in the ground beneath us.

  Then Cole and I embrace. If emotions were measurable by gallons, we would have already filled too many to count. His heart beats fast and strong in his chest. His expression is painted with worry when I step back from him. I try to keep up a strong façade.

  “I’ll see you after, and then we’ll be one step closer.”

  He nods. “Lexi, please, be safe.” He pushes a piece of hair out of my face. “I have all the faith in the world in you.” He hesitates for a minute. “I love you.”

  My throat constricts. A part of me wants to say it back, because I do love him. But I’m not ready to say the words out loud.

  “I know you do.” It’s all I can manage to say. The muscles in his face tighten. I reach out, touching his cheek as he leans into my palm.

  Zeus pushes his head between our knees and then whips me with his wagging tail. I laugh and give him a quick rub. “You be the badass that you are,” I say. “Keep Cole in line.”

  “Okay, it’s time,” Genesis says.

  Everyone begins picking up their packs and weapons, when suddenly there’s a hand on my shoulder. I straighten quickly and find my mom standing before me. Her coloring’s changing, the pink of her skin washing away right before my eyes, her cheeks sunken. Her eyes are glassy and unfocused. My body rattles like an earthquake, breaking down buildings with my anger, hurt, and desperation. My hatred toward her has consumed me for so long, I’m certain that no matter what her reasons were for accusing me, I’ll never be able to forgive her. But I need to face her. Listen to her. Give her the closure she needs. Not for me, because truthfully, I’d rather leave it behind us. Why stir the pot when it’s easier to allow it to settle?

  “Mom, you okay?” I ask.

  “Yes, yes, of course, I’m fine,” she says breathlessly. “Just a little worn down and in need of rest.” She smooths her clothes with shaky hands and gives me a nervous smile.

  Despite the time constraints we’re up against, I pause before replying. She reaches out a hand, and I take it. Her cool touch sends shivers up my spine. “I’m not here to argue with you,” I say, “but please stop pretending you’re all right. I’m not a little girl anymore.” I run my fingers gently up and down her arm, remembering all the times she sang to me. How she calmed me with her angelic voice. “When we get back, I’ll figure out a way to get you antibiotics. I’m pretty sure it’s pneumonia.”

  She shuts her eyes as she sucks in her bottom lip.

  “Lexi, we’re going soon,” Cole says from across the room, his hands in his pockets.

  “Give me a minute, I’ll be right there.”

  He nods and leaves us alone.

  My mom releases my hand. “Before you go, please—”

  “Hold on,” I cut her off. “After you tell me, I’m not sure how I’m going to react, so please let me say what I gotta say.”

  “I’m sorry, go ahead.”

  “Since the day you accused me, I’ve hated you, despised you, and never wanted to see you again. Ever.” I relax my hands and step closer, until only inches separate us. “You have no idea what I’ve been through in here. How many times I almost died, how many friends I’ve lost, and how many times I was so close to giving up.” I clear my throat as the memories sprint through my mind. I take a deep breath and relax my shoulders. “Keegan, my brother and your son, bled to death in my arms.”

  Her eyes fill with tears before the pools overflow and spill down her cheeks. “Oh, Lexi, I’m so sorry—”

  “Before he died, he spoke with Dad,” I say. “The only comfort I have is knowing they’re together. And now you and I are together, and all I’ve done is avoid you at all costs, even when I realized you were sick, getting weaker as the days passed.” I swallow. “I kept reminding myself over and over that I didn’t care and I wanted you to just disappear, vanish, leave me alone.”

  “I don’t blame you.” She drops her face into her hands and groans.

  “But the truth is, you’re still my mom. Nobody can replace that.” My tongue’s sticking to the roof of my mouth, but she’s still crying. “Watching you with Owen reminded me of who you were before all of this, when you used to sing me to sleep every night, and I found myself wishing I was a child all over again.” I use my sleeve to wipe my nose. “I hated myself for missing you, I wanted to rip my heart to shreds because it made me realize, no matter how angry I am with you for what you did, I’m not capable of hating you. I’m sorry for being selfish and cruel, for pushing you away. But it’s hard for me because one minute I resent you, and the next I’m missing you. I guess my point is … I’m trying.”

  “Lexi!” Cole calls. “Come on!”

  “Make it quick,” I tell my mom. “Cole, I’ll be there in a minute!”

  “One. Minute.” He stands in the doorway again and rocks back on his heels. “And I’m counting.” I nod, and he sighs before leaving again.

  “Accusing you,” my mom says, “it was my last resort to keep you safe.”

  I cringe at her words. Such ridiculous, nonsensical words. Why did I even think she’d be honest with me?

  “The Commander was going to take you,” she insists, sensing my disbelief. “I-I knew Sutton would take care of you. That he’d figure out a way to make sure you were protected.”

  My neck stiffens as my muscles grow tense.
“What? Why did the Commander want me?”

  “I-I can’t say.” She averts her eyes, and I know she’s hiding something.

  “Can’t or won’t?” I spit.

  “Now’s not the time.”

  “Of course not,” I retort.

  “Lexi, it’s complicated,” she says, and a sob escapes.

  “You see, this is exactly why I didn’t want to talk about it! Because you still refuse to be honest with me. You accused me so he couldn’t hurt me, but you were a little late for that because he already had!”

  “I told you, that was me.”

  “What drugs are you on? My word. For the last time, it was him. Not you!” My heart is thumping, and sweat drips down my neck. “Not only that! Did you ever stop, for one second, to think about whether Sutton would even know I was here? What if I was killed? Because let me tell you, without Cole, I wouldn’t have lasted a day in here.”

  “He knew.”

  “How?”

  “I swear on your father’s life, he knew. I’d never risk sending you here if he didn’t,” she says between sobs. “I’m not asking for your forgiveness, Lexi. I’m telling you this because when the time is right and you know everything, I need you to remember what I’ve just told you. Only then will you understand.” She coughs, hard, a few times, and when she removes her hand from her mouth, fresh blood coats her lips. I stand up, numb, unable to process anything right now. She fakes a smile and says, “I must’ve bit my cheek.”

  “Relax,” I say in a flat tone. “I’ll check on you when I get back.”

  “I-I love you, Lexi,” she says. “Please be careful.”

  “I always am.”

  “Lexi, one more thing,” she says. “I’m proud of you, and your father would be too. Despite everything between us, you will always be my baby girl.”

  Tears blind me as I rush for the door. Her sobs echo in the space between us, and I run to meet my team. I wipe my face with my clenched fists, determined to end this, because I want nothing more than time—time to repair all that I’ve lost.