by S. M. West
“Still not seeing the problem. There’s always a first time for everything. And do you get along with his daughter?” She studies me and I nod. “And why is this a bad thing?”
“I didn’t say it was bad.” I get up, needing to move. “Living together is a big step, and Crystal…I don’t know the first thing about kids. I could do it all wrong.”
She releases a ha in assent. “I certainly did. But I gave you the best of everything.”
“Yes, you did, Mom, except the best of you.” My lips quiver. “All I wanted was you.”
“See, you’re already doing better than I did. You know what’s important.” She’s on her feet, striding purposefully toward me. “Parenting isn’t easy and relationships aren’t guaranteed, but you’ll do your best. And your best is already way beyond mine.”
Taking my hands in hers, she gifts me a genuine smile. It’s small and maybe a little melancholy, but her love and apology are hard to miss.
“Prudence, you’ve always had an unending capacity to love. I wasn’t around a lot, and I maybe even run from your affection, not knowing how to accept it. Afraid to accept it. Don’t make the same mistakes I made.”
“What?” Her admission is a shock and hard to comprehend.
“You haven’t told me, but you love this man and his daughter. I see it. Why are you turning your back on them? On the love and maybe even the family you’ve always wanted?”
Panic ripples through me, and my stomach spasms. My mother echoes Eli’s words, and as much as I want to deny it and continue to keep my eyes closed to what’s right in front of me, I can’t pass off what I’m doing for anything other than what it is. I’m running because of what my childhood was lacking. I’m an adult and make my own decisions.
If I run, I’m no better than my mother, and I’d be a hypocrite if I turn around and do the same thing. Nothing in life is guaranteed, and while our future together may be short or not at all, I love Eli and Crystal.
Beyond anything I’d ever imagined, I miss them and have to apologize for my stupidity. No, my cowardice.
As much as I hate to admit it, I acted out of fear, and he deserves to hear the truth from me. I can’t walk away, turn my back on them, without making this right even if I’m too late.
33
Eli
Hard to believe
I’m walking through quicksand, struggling to move forward and get free, but I only end up sinking further into the mess of despair.
I have at least two more days next week on the film, and then I’m done. Well, the filming is finished. Tristan leaves for LA tomorrow, and he mentioned drinks tonight. He invited Pru, but she isn’t answering him either. She hasn’t called or texted me. I’m not sure if she’s still in the city.
Over the past week, I’ve camped out in the lobby like a stalker or the paparazzi hoping to get a glimpse of her, but nothing. She could already be in Spain.
As much as I hate to consider it, she may have hopped on the first plane out of here after our talk.
The temptation to ask one of the doormen is severe, but pointless. They won’t tell me anyway. I’ve also contemplated heading up to the penthouse. But then what?
She ended things. I can’t knock on her door and have the same conversation all over again.
It’s hard to believe we’re over.
I’m not one to easily give up, but I can’t force her to be the woman I thought she was. I can’t force her to stay.
I said as much to Gray last week when they dropped in on their way back from their honeymoon to pick up Henry.
That was a fun two nights. Not.
There was no way of getting around the topic of Pru. His first question? Where was she? It was awkward and painful to explain what happened, especially since I couldn’t fully accept it.
Then Gray asked, “What are you going to do? You can’t just let this be the end.”
We sat in the kitchen while the kids played in Crystal’s room. Daisy patted my arm, and I let out a long, harsh breath.
“What can I do? She’s going to Spain. I can’t make her stay.” I glared at my best friend, not angry with him but the situation. “I’ve told her what she’s walking away from.”
“This is bullshit.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, Eli. I know what a woman in love looks like.” He looked to his wife, and they shared a look that socked me in the gut.
I’m happy for them, I really am, but right then I wanted to vomit. It gutted me to think I could have had something like what Gray and Daisy share. With Pru. If only she’d seen what’s right in front of her.
“She loves you, Eli.” Daisy’s words were meant to provide comfort but it’s like rubbing salt in my wound.
I grimaced and gnashed my teeth together. “It doesn’t matter. She’s most probably already in Spain.”
“So what are you going to do?” Gray got up, heading to the fridge for another beer.
“Finish the movie. Start running lines for the next season of Breaking Point and finalize the details for my directorial debut.” My voice boomed with cutting sarcasm. None of those things, all things to be proud of and keep me busy, help.
“You should get back on the dating app.” He placed another beer in front of me.
“Gray,” Daisy admonished, sharpening her gaze on him. “That isn’t helping.”
“Why not? If Pru doesn’t want him, there are plenty of other women who would be interested.”
I puffed out a snarky laugh and cringed at the idea of jumping back into the dating pool. It’s inevitable, and the app was likely the best way to do it, but it’s too soon. And I didn’t want another woman. I wanted Pru.
“Daddy, can we go to the park this afternoon?” Crystal’s question pulls me from my thoughts.
Gray, Daisy, and Henry left on Monday, and it’s been a lot quieter without them. I glance down at my daughter, who is shoveling cereal into her mouth.
“Sure we can.” I grab an apple from the counter. “Okay, I’ll see you soon. Have fun at swimming.” Leaning down, I kiss the top of her golden crown.
“Are you going to see Pru?”
I halt on my way through the door, and her question brings back the excruciating pressure that’s been weighing on my chest since she ended us.
To be expected, my daughter asks about the woman who came into our lives, making things brighter and then fleeing with our hearts.
Crystal doesn’t understand why we went from seeing Pru nearly every day to now, nothing. And I can’t find the words to explain we won’t be seeing her again.
“Ah, no.” I peer over my shoulder, not able to look at her fully. “I’ll see you later.”
“Can she come to the park with us?” Insistent as ever.
I haven’t moved, and now, the quicksand is sucking me under faster than I can bear. If I don’t leave, move off this topic, I’m at risk of drowning, running out of air.
“No, she can’t.” I turn to face her despite the desire to bolt. “Honey, I have to go. We can talk about this later. Bye, Janet.”
I force a painful smile and get a sad frown in return. Her lower lip quivers, and she sniffs, dropping her gaze to her bowl. Unable to stand it and not sure if I can keep my shit together, I’m at her side in two strides, bending and scooping her in for a hug.
“I miss her, Daddy. I want to see her,” she mumbles into my neck.
“Me too, baby girl. Me too.”
Janet and I share a quick look, and as I walk to the front door, the woman injects a cheeriness to her voice that my daughter needs. Crystal’s laughter is the last thing I hear as I shut the door.
I spend the next hour or so running errands, wanting to get everything done so I have the afternoon free to spend with Crystal. I’m in the checkout line when my phone rings.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Eli, it’s Janet.” She sounds frazzled, and the hairs on the back of my neck rise. “I can’t find Crystal.” Her voice shakes, and the same dizziness causes a
quake in my stomach.
“What do you mean? Isn’t she in the apartment?”
“That’s just it. I left her dancing in the living room while I went to make her lunch. When I came back, she wasn’t there.”
“Gone? Are you sure she isn’t hiding or in another room?”
“No. I’ve looked everywhere, and she isn’t here. I don’t know where else to look. Or what to do. Should I call the police?”
“Not yet. I’m coming home now. One sec.” I march to the customer service desk and place the basket on top. “I have to go. It’s an emergency. I won’t be getting these.”
Jogging out to the street, I flag a cab. Fortunately, there are several at this time of day, and the store is only a few blocks from our building.
I rhyme off the address to the cab driver before turning my attention back to Janet on the phone.
“I’ll ask the doorman if they’ve seen her when I get there. I should be there in a few minutes. Can you check with the Fitzgeralds and see if she’s there?”
Crystal’s friend, Penny Fitzgerald, lives in the same building, three floors down. The girls play together and have sleepovers, and she could have gone there, although she knows better than to just leave. She’s never done something like this before.
“Okay. I’ll go now.”
“Great. Keep your phone on you and call me as soon as you know.”
Janet agrees and hangs up. Outside my building, I give the driver more than enough money and bolt from the cab.
“Good day, Mr. Lansing.” The doorman holds the door for me.
“Aaron, have you seen Crystal?”
“Ah, yes, this morning when she went out with Janet. I believe for her swimming lessons.” He smiles, pleased at remembering the little details about the residents.
“And after that? Have you seen her at all since then?”
“No. She hasn’t been down.”
“Okay, thanks.” I race into the building and hit the elevator button, bouncing on the balls of my feet with an urgency I can’t seem to wrestle still.
As I step off the elevator, my phone rings. Janet. Crystal isn’t at Penny’s. Picking up the pace, I run toward my apartment, needing to search it.
Outside my door is a familiar woman—short blonde hair, slender body. I’d know her anywhere. She turns at the sound of me approaching. Pru.
“Eli.” She smiles tentatively, and it quickly fades at whatever she must see on my face.
For a fleeting moment, I’m both confused and elated to see her, then it’s gone. Crystal crowds my mind.
“Hi.” I’m abrupt, brushing her arm to get around her, and sparks fly through me like they always do when she’s near. “Excuse me, I’ve got to get in there.” I struggle to put the key into the lock.
“What’s wrong?” Her hand touches my back and that does it.
My semblance of control is lost as I shudder and press my forehead against the door, closing my eyes for a second.
“Crystal is missing.” It’s an unspeakable whisper, and she gasps, slipping in beside me and grabbing hold of the key.
She easily slides it into the door and ushers me into the apartment. “What? How did this happen?”
As if the open door has refocused my thoughts, I sprint from room to room, calling my daughter’s name with Pru on my heels. I explain what Janet told me, and she starts to look, calling out as well.
It’s useless, Crystal isn’t here.
Once back at the front entrance, I grip my hair in frustration and try to calm my whirring mind. Where would she be?
“Did she say anything about a place or somewhere she might want to go?” Her eyes dart around the room, and Janet comes through the door.
“Did you find her?” The older woman looks like she’s aged ten years since breakfast.
I shake my head in response, busy running through the details of this morning, searching for a clue as to where she could be.
“Why would she do something like this?” Janet wrings her hands. “She’s never done anything like this. She knows better.”
My gaze lands on Pru, and it hits me. “Did you just come down from your place?”
“Pardon?” She wrinkles her brow.
“Have you been at the penthouse all morning or were you out?”
“I was out.” She holds up a bag from a store she took Crystal to not too long ago. My daughter had a blast and came home with all kinds of fun things. “I picked up some things for Crystal.”
“I know where she is. Or at least, I hope that’s where she is.” Darting from the apartment, I glance to Janet over my shoulder. “Stay here. I’ll call or text. Pru, come with me.”
The trip up to the penthouse is tense and interminable. I explain to Pru how Crystal’s been asking about her and wanted to see her today. It’s a hunch, but I think my daughter took it upon herself to go and visit Pru. I hope I’m right.
“Mom?” Pru opens the front door to the penthouse, and I’m right behind her.
In the elevator, she mentioned her mother is at the penthouse. If Crystal did go there, she would have answered the door.
Sure enough, a tall, elegant lady comes to the entrance of the living room with Crystal right beside her. “I was just about to call you.”
“Crystal.” I dive for my daughter, dropping to my knees and pulling her small body into my arms.
The urge to both cry and yell battle within me, but I need a minute. I can’t lose it on her even if she scared me to death.
“Daddy, what’s wrong?”
“Thank goodness you’re okay.” Pru runs her fingers through Crystal’s hair, the heat of her at my back.
My daughter beams at the sight of Pru, wrestling to get free of my hold. I release her and slide back onto my haunches as the two hug.
“Pru, I missed you.” Crystal buries her face into her stomach, and the woman I love looks as if she’s about to cry.
Her mouth trembles, and she blinks several times, glancing down to me and then to her mother.
“Oh, honey, I missed you too.” She holds her hand to the back of Crystal’s head, and her other arm cradles her close. “Both of you.”
Now standing, I stay near, not sure if I can touch Pru but desperately wanting to. The woman watching clears her throat and extends her hand. “I’m Priscilla Edwards, Prudence’s mother.”
“Prudence?” Crystal pulls back and tries the name on for size. “Who is that?”
We laugh, and Pru’s the first to explain while I give Janet a call to let her know we found Crystal. Then I have a serious talk with my daughter about leaving the apartment without telling anyone.
“Poor Janet was near tears.” I stare at Crystal, voice stern, and it’s clear by her expression she feels awful.
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I’ll never do it again.” She glances at Pru. “I just missed you and really wanted to see you.”
“I know.” Pru kneels in front of her. “But next time you want to see someone, ask Janet or your daddy or me to take you.”
“Does this mean you’re not going anywhere?”
I’m shocked by her question, wondering just how much Crystal might know about why Pru wasn’t around. I’d had a brief conversation with Janet, or maybe she overheard me talking with Gray or Daisy?
“Yes. I will be here.”
I’m even more surprised by Pru’s response, and her mother then steps forward, resting a hand on Crystal’s shoulder.
“Why don’t I take her to your apartment and leave you two to talk?” She looks at Crystal and continues, “I’m sure Janet, I think you said that’s her name, wants to see you with her own two eyes. To see that you’re okay.”
“That would be great. Thanks.” I push to my full height, suddenly full of questions and anxious for answers.
34
Eli
Get to the other side
“Crystal, can you show me where your apartment is?” Priscilla leads her toward the front door.
My daughter take
s a few steps before stopping. A worried expression overshadows her young face, and she races back to Pru, flinging her arms around her. My heart thumps, picking up pace at the sight of the two people I care about the most in the world hugging.
It’s plain to see, Crystal feels as I do. Pru means the world to both of us, and I only hope the feeling is mutual. I can only hope she has come to her senses.
“I’m going to see you again, aren’t I?” My daughter looks up at Pru with all her hopes and fears laid out before her.
“Yes. Yes.” Pru cups her face. “I promise you’ll see me right after your daddy and I talk. I’m here to stay.”
Then she kisses the top of my daughter’s head, and I hang mine, clearing my throat and blinking away whatever stupid thing I have in my eye.
Smiling, Crystal takes Priscilla’s hand, who suddenly seems at a loss with that small gesture of kindness, and they leave.
Pru wrinkles her nose, posture tentative as if she’s a deer coming upon people and not sure if she should stay still or run.
“I’m so glad we found her.” Her voice is shaky and relieved.
“Me too. She missed you and has been asking about you all week.”
“I’m sorry. I meant what I said. I missed her too—and you.”
I nod, comforted by her admission but unsure what this means for us. Is she here to stay? Or just for now? I’m ready for her to start talking but still don’t want to push.
“Your mom surprised me.” I jerk my chin in the direction of the door. “You told me she wasn’t good with children or people, but she was okay with Crystal.”
“Yes, she surprised me too.” Her lips curl into a smile. “We had our first real conversation this morning, and I’m feeling hopeful for us.”
“That’s great.” I shove my hands into my pockets. “What about us? Any hope to spare for us?”
She walks toward the sofa. “I’m so sorry. Sorry for everything. For ending things.”
Her words lighten my steps, and I’m at her side in a second, tugging on her hand to sit next to me.