by S. M. West
“You were right. I was scared.” She cups my cheek, and her gaze is so earnest, so real. “Of you and Crystal. Of us.”
“I’m scared too. We all are, but it can’t stop us from living our lives.”
“True. And I know that now.” She fiddles with her shirt, and I slide a finger under her chin, tipping it to look up at me. “Eli, I love you and have been falling in love with you since that night at The Salon.”
Even this close, we’re too far apart. My hands grasp her waist and haul her into my lap. Her legs fall to either side of mine, and I kiss her hard. She tastes like cherries and everything sweet and right in this world.
“I love you too. I can’t remember when I didn’t love you.”
She laughs, tears now bringing a sheen to her eyes. “Please be patient with me. I’m used to hiding or running. I didn’t realize it, and I’m ashamed to say it because I never saw myself that way.”
“What way?” I tuck a few strands of hair behind her ear and run my fingers along her delicate jawline.
“Like a coward.” Her smile melts away.
“Hey, I was a jackass to say that. I’m sorry.”
“No, no, you’re not, and I was afraid. I can be fearless in so many ways, almost every other part of my life. But when it comes to relationships, I’m…when things get real or I’m at risk of being hurt, I run. I won’t do that anymore, but it’s going to take some time to break the habit.”
“Then I’ll tether you to me so you can’t go anywhere.” My fingers glide around her wrist in jest, my words as soft as my touch.
Her blonde lashes flutter closed, and she rests her forehead against mine as her hands hold my face. “I’ll make mistakes.”
“So will I,” I’m quick to reassure her. We stare into each other’s eyes, and our breaths mix, becoming one. “We’re going to figure this out together, and all I ask is for you to be honest and give it your best.”
She smiles. “I can do that.”
I kiss her once more, and her hands slide down my body to rest at my hips as she pulls me deeper into the kiss.
Before I lose myself, I break away. “And what about Madrid?”
“I turned it down.”
“What will you do for a job?”
“I’m not sure. I had some other offers from some firms here in the city. Contacts from my CE days, but none of them appealed to me. I’ll find something.” She shrugs.
“Does this mean you’ll move in with me?”
“Not so fast.” She pulls back some, but she’s still wearing a happy grin. “I’m not quite there yet. I need time, but I’d like to say eventually we’ll move in together. I’d like for you, me, and Crystal to live together someday.”
“I like the sound of that.” My eyes flick down her body sitting on my lap, and she laughs, not missing my blatant but appreciative perusal. “‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ by Lauryn Hill.”
Her eyes illuminate and she’s nodding. “Ooh, I love that cover.”
“Me too, and I also mean it. I can’t stop staring at you and can hardly believe you’re here. When we last talked, I thought it was the last time I’d ever see you again.”
Her eyes collide with mine, and all the fear and pain she’d been running from, hiding from me, swim in her gaze. She buries her face in my neck and holds tight to me.
“I wish I hadn’t wasted time fighting this. Fighting us.” Her soft lips caress the base of my neck and I shudder, squeezing her to me.
“It’s okay. We’re where we are meant to be. Sometimes you have to go through the fire to get to the other side. To find your way.”
Pru lifts her head, studying my face intently. I lick my lips, willing the quaking in my gut to stop. I’m madly in love with this woman.
“Thank you for being so understanding. For loving me and getting me even when I didn’t.”
“Loving you is easy and as for getting you”—I slide a hand behind her neck—“we’re meant for each other. There’s nothing hard about understanding you. Like I said before, I see you. You don’t ever have to hide from me.”
My hands dig into her hair, pulling her closer, and I bury my face in her neck, inhaling deeply. Her feminine scent quiets me.
“Oh, Eli.” Her hands slide under my shirt as if, like me, she needs the feel of my skin touching hers.
I raise my head from her sweet flesh and tip it backward to rest on the cushion, exposing my neck. My eyes fall shut when she presses her lips against my throat, tongue lapping at the stubble, and I shiver. My body is on fire, and I need her.
At the same time, Pru kneads at the sides of my waist, fingers sure to leave an imprint on my flesh with how strong and deep she presses.
“Are we done talking?” I look to her and once more capture her mouth.
“I think so.” Her lips move against mine. “Yes, you should go down to your apartment and talk to Crystal.”
“I will but not yet. I want to move on to the make-up sex part before we get interrupted.” I chuckle and so does she. “Because you know, someone will come looking for us if we aren’t down in my apartment in about fifteen minutes.”
“Hmmm, fifteen minutes. That isn’t a lot of time. I’m not sure we can cover all the making up we have to do in that short period of time.”
“No. This’ll be a teaser.” My hands slide down her back, and she arches into me. “I’ll spend tonight showing you all the things. But for now, I’m going to make you come so hard that you’ll scream my name like I’m your everything.”
“Oh.” Her eyes widen as my fingers dip below her waistband. “But you already are.”
My mouth crashes onto hers, tongue sliding between her lips as my fingers, now slipping into her panties, do the same. She’s silky soft and so wet, ready for me, and it makes my cock painfully hard.
Pru’s pleasurable moan slips down my throat as I circle her most sensitive spot, and her hands roam my back, fingernails sinking into my skin.
“I’m yours and you’re mine,” I growl, ripping at her clothes, needing to show her just how much we belong to each other.
As promised, our lovemaking is quick and not enough, and we quickly dress, ready to go down to my apartment. Hand in hand, we head for the door when she stops midstride, hand to her stomach, and pulls on my arm.
“What’s wrong?” I turn to her and she’s pallid, eyes wide and her fingers gripping at her middle.
“I don’t feel—” She spins on her heel and rushes down the hall. “Oh God.”
Mouth covered with her hand, she dashes into the bathroom, and I’m right behind her, calling her name. Pru plunges to her knees, leaning over the toilet, and retches. White-knuckled, her hands clutch at the side of the bowl, and her body stiffens with each heave.
“Shit.” I sink to the floor beside her and hold back her hair. “That’s it. Get it out.”
Her body tightens, and she throws up once more before sliding back onto her bottom and wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand. Her eyes glisten, and she stares at me, bewildered or maybe scared.
“Eli.” My name is so pained that her anguish rattles my bones and squeezes my chest.
“What is it? Is it something you ate?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so.” She raises her head to look at me. “Why didn’t I think about it before?”
“What?” My voice rises, more concerned as the seconds tick by.
“I’m late.”
“Late?” I don’t understand what she’s talking about.
“My period. I’m…oh my…what if I’m pregnant?”
35
Eli
We’ve got this
“Pregnant?” Now sitting on the tile next to her, I brush her hair behind her ear. “How late are you?”
Could she be pregnant?
“I don’t know.” She stands and flushes the toilet before washing her hands. We look at each other through the bathroom mirror. “That’s just it. I haven’t been paying attention. I didn’t even n
otice I was late. I need my phone.”
A frown creases her brow as she slides her hand into the front pocket of her shorts and pulls out the phone. Now on my feet, I patiently wait, unsure if I should even breathe.
Pregnant. It’s possible.
We haven’t been using condoms, and while she’s on birth control, nothing’s foolproof. I just can’t wrap my head around…what are the chances? Twice in my life an accidental pregnancy.
No. Not an accident. Neither Crystal nor this baby, if there is one, is an accident. But shit.
I shake my head, trying to come to grips with the absurdity of life. How I may have fathered another child, unplanned. I can’t help but think the universe is telling me something.
Despite the situation with Crystal’s mother, my daughter is the best thing to ever happen to me. She gave me purpose when I was living the rock star life, kept me grounded. And I can’t say for sure that I didn’t need it, who knows.
Rich, our first drummer, had to leave Trojan to save his life. Silas became so angry because of how the fame changed his family. No amount of success brought him joy.
And Jared, he struggled too. If it weren’t for Eva, shit, I don’t know if he’d have stayed clean for as long as he has. He’s finally happy. Any of that could have just as easily happened to me.
And now Pru might be pregnant. We just worked things out, but maybe the baby will show her just how much we are meant to be together.
We are a family.
“I’m a week late.” Her troubled gaze finds me, and she bites at her bottom lip. “Eli, what are we going to do? I can’t have a baby.”
She shakes her head, tears now spilling from her eyes, and I can’t stay this far from her. My arms wrap around her, and she presses her head into my chest.
“Pru, it’s okay.” Loosening my hold, I lean back to get a better look at her and slide my hand under her chin, lifting her tear-stained face to meet mine. “If you are pregnant, we’re having a baby. You aren’t alone.”
“And what if I don’t want it?” The intensity of her question and the ferocity in her eyes rip into me.
“What do you mean?” It had never crossed my mind she wouldn’t have the baby, and my heart punches hard in my chest. So hard, my ribs ache.
She breaks from my embrace, wiping at her eyes and sniffling. “Even if I am pregnant, it doesn’t mean we’re having a baby. It’s a big decision. We need to think about this.”
While that’s all true, I can’t think of one reason why we wouldn’t have the baby. Our baby.
“Pru…we’re together. Life changes. I agree we’d need to talk about this and the decision has to be both of ours…and I get that you may never have planned to have a baby, but you also didn’t see us together, in a relationship. And look at us now.”
I’m coming on too strong, but I can’t stop myself. She’s only just absorbing the possibility of a child. That’s huge. Life-altering and scary as fuck. Time is what she needs…and a pregnancy test.
“Eli—”
“We need to go to the drug store and get a test.”
“Yes. I might not be pregnant. I have been stressed, and I’ve been late before when under a lot of pressure….”
“Well, there’s only one way we’ll know for sure. Let’s go get the test.”
“Let me go. You need to go to your apartment. Janet and Crystal will be wondering where you are.”
“No way am I leaving you alone. I’ll text Janet.” I take my phone out and do just that, letting Janet know we’ll be there within the hour, maybe sooner.
Watching me intently, Pru bites at her fingernail, something I’ve never seen her do before. Her teeth break the nail, cracking the glossy orange nail polish, and she grimaces.
I arch a brow and put my phone away. “You’ve ruined your nail.”
“Ugh. I used to bite my nails when I was a teenager until I started to paint them. Somehow seeing the beautiful colors on my nails helped me stop the nasty habit.” She holds up her hand with the chipped nail and frowns.
“Don’t even think about running again.” I grab at her hand.
“What?” She snaps her gaze to me.
My hands clasp her elbows, drawing her closer. “When are you going to get it through that head of yours? I’m not going anywhere. Ever. I don’t care if life gets tough or we hit a low point—that stuff happens. I. Don’t. Care. You can give me your worst, and Pru Edwards, I’ll still be here.”
Her mouth gapes open, eyes softening. “You really mean it, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. I love you. Not to freak you out, but you’re my forever.”
“Oh, Eli.” Her voice breaks and she grabs at my sides, sliding her arms around my middle to hug me. “You’ve been telling me all along. And more importantly, showing me you’ve got my back. I believe you and you’re right.” She angles her head back to look up at me and grins. “We’ve got this.”
With a kiss to her forehead, we break apart. Our fingers entwine and we make our way down to the nearest drugstore. It’s a quick and quiet trip, but Pru seems more at ease. Not worry free, but not jittery and uncertain about us.
Once back in the penthouse, she takes the kit into the bathroom, and I try not to let my mind race in a million directions.
Not too long after, she opens the door and holds up the plastic applicator in one hand and the box in the other.
“It says it’s best to take the test first thing in the morning and at least a week after your missed period. I suppose one out of two isn’t bad.” She gives me a nervous grin. “Now we wait.”
“How long?”
She looks to her phone, and the large numbers of the timer count down to our immediate future. Two minutes. Great.
“You know, I don’t know the first thing about babies.” Her tone is light and in turn, my chest swells, glad she can talk about this in a playful way. “You’re going to have to teach me.”
“I’m good with that.” My arm snakes around her waist. “I’m a great teacher. Just look at how well you did under my guidance with surfing.”
She scoffs and rolls her eyes, and I feign offense, trying not to look at her phone on the counter. One minute left.
“All right. You’re an okay teacher.” She does the same and glances at the phone then back to me. “How do you think Crystal will react?”
“She’ll be happy. Excited. She’s all over Mia’s son. A baby brother or sister—”
Pru sucks in a breath, and I tighten my hold. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh my God, I just realized. It’s stupid really.” She’s shaking her head, and there’s a sheen to her eyes.
“What is it?”
“The baby will be her brother or sister. Her family.”
“Yeah.” I squeeze her side. “Our family.”
The phone alarm trills, and we both startle. Pru hits the stop button and picks up the box once more, reading. “Okay, one line means I’m not pregnant and two lines mean I am.”
Nodding, I lean in to get a better look at the applicator resting on the counter. In the small window, there’s only one blue line. We need two for her to be pregnant.
I stare, disappointed, and Pru remains silent beside me. “Okay. Now we know.”
She picks up the stick. “How accurate are these things? Should we try again? Maybe we should do it tomorrow morning like they suggest?” Sadness blankets her voice.
“Hey, they’re pretty accurate, but it doesn’t hurt to do another one tomorrow.” I draw her in close. “You okay?”
“Yes. It’s strange. One second I didn’t want a baby, and the next, as the possibility grows, I do. You’d think I’d be relieved. And I know it’s silly because right now isn’t necessarily the right time to have a baby. We’re still in the early stages of our relationship, and we have so much to still discover about each other. And there’s Crystal, and—”
“Pru, all that’s true but like you, I’m also a little upset. It makes sense. I was excited about the idea
of having another child. One with you.” I kiss her lightly on the lips and smile. “And now I’ve got you thinking about it.”
I’m teasing, but it’s also partly true, and she laughs, not refuting me.
That night she gets her period, and while it’s further confirmation she isn’t pregnant, she insists on taking the test the next morning, first thing. No surprise, the test is still negative.
I won’t say the outcome is for the best. It is what it is, but I’m happy this experience has shown she’s open to the possibility of children. And if anything, the experience made it all the more real for her. For us.
The following weekend, we go to the Hamptons for three days, staying at Priscilla’s home in the east. It’s in the same area as Jay-Z and Beyoncé’s home on Georgica Pond, and her home is huge and exquisite.
We spend both days on Ditch Plains beach and rent our boards in town to surf. The weather is beautiful for mid-July. The sandy beach, lined with stunning dunes and cliffs, is hopping with surfers and sunbathers alike.
And the waves, well, there’s a rideable swell and light offshore winds. Perfect for a newbie, although I don’t say that to Pru.
Like on the beach in Malibu, Pru gives surfing her all with only a quick refresher from me. And in no time at all, she’s on the board, riding the waves nearly as well as Crystal, and loving it.
That night as we slide into bed, suntanned and tired, Pru presses a kiss to my bare chest then rests her head in the same spot.
“‘Iris.’”
“Great song.” My lips rest on the top of her head, breathing in her cherry scent. “I love Phoebe Bridgers and it’s a fantastic cover, but the original is dope.”
“Eli, I love you. Today was amazing.” She yawns, tightening her hold around my waist.
“Love you too.” I close my eyes, the tune of the famous Goo Goo Dolls song playing in my mind, and I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I drift to sleep.
36
Pru
Six months later