The Spinster (Emerson Pass Historicals Book 2)

by Tess Thompson

  A flicker of light near the barn caught my eye. I pressed closer to the glass. A silhouette of a man standing at the fence. Theo. He was outside. Sleepwalking?

  I threw on a coat and stuck my feet into the boots I wore to the barn and headed out of my room and down the stairs.

  I tore out of the house. The walkway to the barn slick under my feet, I ran as fast as I could, slipping once and breaking the fall with my bare hands. Only vaguely aware of a stinging pain on my palms, I got up and started again. By the time I reached the barn, Theo had turned toward me.

  “Theo, are you all right?”

  “Jo, what are you doing?”

  He seemed lucid enough. His eyes were open, and his voice sounded normal.

  “What are you doing?” I asked in response.

  “Taking a midnight stroll. What did you think?”

  “I thought you might be sleepwalking.”

  He shook his head. “No, I’m fine.”

  I drew closer, still unsure about his state. “Why would you be out here at this time of night?”

  “I couldn’t sleep.” His cheeks glistened under the moonlight. Damp from tears, I realized.

  “Oh, Theo, what’s the matter?”

  “I can’t shake the memories, Jo. That’s all. And nightmares. Sometimes I’m afraid to fall asleep.”

  I plunged my hands into my coat. Cold had crept up my bare legs. “No one knows what to do for you.”

  “I’m not sure there is anything. Other than for me to delve into a purpose. Some way for me to focus on something other than the past.”

  “Is that why you’re so keen on university?”

  “Partly, I guess.”

  “What’s the other part?”

  “I don’t know how to describe it, really. This feeling all the time…like I want to crawl out of my own body.”

  I looked up at the sky. The stars twinkled back at me, encouragingly, but I couldn’t draw on their light tonight. The darkness surrounded me. My little brother was hurting, and there wasn’t a thing I could do to help him.

  “If I could become a doctor and save people, then perhaps God would forgive me for the things I did over there. The lives I took.”

  “Theo, you were only doing what was asked of you.”

  “I’m a man for whom what’s asked of me is too much to bear. The others didn’t think of our enemy as men. But I did, Jo. I could imagine their mothers, like our Quinn, waiting for their return. Praying on their knees every night for their return. And I took that from them. These wars, fought for what? Men who want more territory to rule? Who pays the price? Mothers, wives, sisters. All for nothing.”

  I couldn’t argue with him. These were thoughts I’d so often contemplated while my brothers, Isak, and Walter were over there. Even now, knowing what Walter had done, I mourned his loss and those of all the men and women all over the world who’d paid the ultimate price. And as my brother said, for what?

  “I wonder sometimes,” Theo said, “if what we were fighting for is even true?”

  “The fight for freedom for all?”

  “Yes, but are we really free?”

  “For those of us in countries ruled by democracy, I suppose we’re as free as we can be.”’

  “I don’t feel free. I feel chained by these demons in my mind.” He brushed a layer of snow from the top of the fence. “I used to think if I could just get home, I’d be all right. Stay alive. That’s all I thought about. Now that I’m here, I realize that living wasn’t the only thing I should have worried about. I should have been more concerned over what lasting damage I would bring home with me.”

  “Yes, I see that now too. I was the same, praying only, ‘Bring them home.’”

  “Flynn says he’s fine, but I know different. Isak too. None of us will ever be the carefree boys we were before the war.”

  “I’m not sure any of us can ever be like we were as children. The war changed us here at home too. But Theo, even before that, we had tragedy and hardness inside us. You and I haven’t been innocent since Mother died.”

  “Even before that. Her strangeness and violence.”

  “The girls were too young to remember, and Flynn, well, he has a way of directing all his energy into the current moment. But the two of us, we were the ones who suffered.”

  He turned his head to look at me for a moment before returning his gaze to the blanket of snow. “Yes. You and me.”

  “Yet I feel as helpless as I ever did. When you came in that day after finding Mother, I knew in my heart that you would never be the little boy you were supposed to be. She robbed you of it. I hated her for that.”

  “Do you still hate her?”

  “I try not to think of her at all.”

  “I have more pity for her than I did before—understanding and empathy. I’m frightened I’m becoming her.” His voice shook as he uttered those last words.

  “No, Theo. You’re not like her. I remember her better than you. You’re not mentally ill. You’re haunted by your experiences. Horrible ones at that. It’s not the same thing.” I wanted desperately for him to believe me. As I stood there watching a myriad of emotions cross his face, I didn’t know if he ever would. Or could, for that matter.

  “I don’t know what to do, Jo.”

  I searched for the right thing to say, feeling as if my next words were the most important I would ever say. Papa had said to me once that our only purpose in life was to discover how we could best serve others with our particular talents. “Theo, of all of us, you’re the smartest. You’ve always been the scholar of the family. Become a doctor. Help people. Purge the demons with service to others.”

  “Papa’s been telling that to us all our lives. I think that sentiment is what made Flynn determined to enlist. His brawn, you know. Fighting against the bad with his muscles.”

  I smiled, thinking of my physically gifted brother. “He did what he had to do to feel as if he was giving what he could to the world. Now it’s your turn to do the same.”

  “I have a confession to make.”

  “What is it?”

  “There’s another reason I’ve been angry with Flynn.”

  I waited.

  “Louisa’s in love with him. The girl I want, wants my twin.”

  My heart sank. Poor Theo. “How do you know?”

  “I found a letter she wrote to him during the war. He never told me about it, knowing how I felt. I’m trying not to feel jealous, but I can’t help it. He got everything I wish I had.”

  Phillip

  The night of the party, I stood in front of the mirror fiddling with my tie. The twins were already dressed in their formal evening suits and were sprawled on their beds.

  “I’m hoping Shannon’s feeling nothing but warm things for me and will dance with me all night,” Flynn said.

  A knock on the door drew our attention.

  “It’s Cymbeline,” came the voice on the other side of the door. “I need to come in.”

  “Enter at your own risk,” Flynn called out to her.

  The door opened and Cymbeline appeared. She wore a light blue dress with shimmery capped sleeves. Her hair was fixed in a sophisticated bun, with shiny tendrils framing her face.

  “Can you believe Mama’s making me wear this dress?” Cymbeline put her hands on her hips. “I look like that blue pincushion she has in her basket. And look at my hair. Jo made it all…all…womanly and grown-up.”

  “What’s the matter with that?” Flynn asked. “You look pretty.”

  Cymbeline stomped her foot. “I don’t want to be a pincushion. Fiona got to wear a normal dress instead of this formal thing.”

  “She’s only thirteen,” Theo said. “I thought you’d be happy to wear a grown-up dress.”

  “I’m not. All the boys from school are going to laugh at me when they see me this way.”

  “I don’t think laughing is quite what it’ll be,” Flynn said, frowning. “As a matter of fact, it’s best if you stay with one of us th
roughout the night.”

  “I agree,” I said. “You’re much too pretty. We’ll have to watch you like a hawk.”

  She lifted her chin, looking very haughty. “I shan’t allow any of them to put me in a compromising position. I’ll sock them in the nose.”

  If she hadn’t looked like an angel with her alabaster skin and shining brown hair and full mouth, she might have a chance of intimidating the boys. But Flynn was right. The boys were not going to be laughing at her, nor would they be scared of her. At sixteen, she was already a great beauty, even more evident in the lovely dress. The boys of Emerson Pass didn’t have a chance.

  “Don’t worry, Cymbie, we’ll take care of you,” Flynn said. “No one’s going to mess with our little sister.”

  She marched up to him and shoved him in the chest. He fell backward onto the pillows and burst into raucous laughter. “You know I hate it when you say that. I do not need anyone to take care of me, especially my brothers.”

  “All right, don’t hurt me, Cymbie,” Flynn said as he put up his fists as if to protect his face. “We’ll throw you to the wolves if that’s what you want.”

  “Great. That’s exactly what I want.” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. “And stop laughing at me.”

  “I’m sorry, but you’re too funny,” Flynn said. “I can’t help myself.”

  “Calm down, little sister,” Theo said. “You’ll wreck your hair.”

  She twirled around to face him. “Do you think I give one fig about my hair?”

  “Well, you should.” We all turned to see Josephine in the doorway. “It took me a good amount of time to tame that head of hair of yours. I won’t appreciate you ruining it before the party even starts.”

  I tried not to stare, but my eyes were glued to Jo. She wore a soft lavender dress and long white gloves that came to just below her shoulders. Her hair was fixed in an elaborate twist that I’d never seen before but emphasized her eyes and elegant neck.

  “You.” Cymbeline pointed at Josephine. “You and Mama have conspired against me.”

  “To make you a proper young lady? I can’t say we haven’t.” She gestured for Cymbeline to come to her. “Now, come here, my little tiger girl. We’re to go down together. Papa’s request.”

  “I’d rather spend the night with the animals,” Cymbeline muttered to herself.

  From behind Josephine, Fiona appeared, then ducked under Josephine’s arm to enter the room. “Oh, you all look especially nice tonight. Isn’t it wonderful we can all be together to have fun but also help the Cassidys?”

  “For heaven’s sake, Fiona, you’re impossibly cheery,” Cymbeline said. But the edge had left her voice. I’d noticed before that Fiona had the ability to calm her sister with just her presence. She looked sweet in a sailor-collared dress in the same blue as Cymbeline’s dress but cut just below the knees. A wide white bow tied back her hair.

  “Shall we go downstairs en masse then?” Flynn asked. “The original five plus our esteemed guest?”

  “Where are the little ones?” I asked.

  “They’re already downstairs with Mama,” Fiona said. “She said they could have cake and stay for a little while.”

  “I hated when they had parties with all the cakes and cookies and we weren’t invited,” Cymbeline said.

  “Remember the time we sent you up in the dumbwaiter to try to steal some treats?” Theo asked.

  “And you got stuck in between the floors,” Flynn said. “Which might be the funniest thing that’s ever happened to us.”

  Cymbeline scowled. “Of course I remember. How could I forget? I thought I’d be in there until I perished from lack of food and water.”

  “She thought we left her in there to die,” Josephine said to me. “But we’d only gone for help.”

  Cymbeline flashed an evil grin and rubbed her hands together. “While they were gone, I spent the entire time thinking of all the ways I was going to haunt them when I came back as a ghost.”

  “What was one of them?” Flynn asked.

  “I was going to drip water on your faces while you slept,” Cymbeline said. “Another was to take your things and hide them and laugh as you tried to find them. Eventually, I’d make you think you’d gone loony. It was all part of my master plan.”

  “An evil mind at work,” Theo said.

  “No, she would never really have done those things,” Fiona said. “Even as a ghost.”

  “Our little princess always sees the best in people,” Theo said.

  “Even when it’s not true,” Flynn said.

  “To think I actually missed you two while you were gone,” Cymbeline said.

  Josephine laughed as she took Cymbeline’s hand and tugged her toward the doorway. “Come along, wicked one. Let’s go have fun.”

  We all followed behind. Theo had given Fiona his arm and they shared a special smile as they walked into the hallway. That left Flynn and me. He held out his hand for me to shake. “Don’t be shy tonight. Josephine loves to dance.”

  “Thanks, I’ll do my best.”

  “That’s all we can do, brother.”

  Brother. I liked the sound of that.

  The parlor had been transformed into a festive fairyland of twinkling lights. The crystal chandelier cast sparkles that danced on the walls. A Christmas tree decorated with real lights filled the room with its spicy scent. Furniture had been moved aside to make way for dancers. A table on the far end of the wall was covered with treats: cakes, cookies, pies, and candy. From a large glass bowl, Lizzie scooped red punch into champagne flutes and set them in tidy rows on the table. Mrs. Wu, whom I’d never seen outside of the kitchen, came up with a stack of plates and silverware. Fiona went straight to the piano to organize her sheet music.

  “Have a punch,” Josephine said to me. “Enjoy yourself. I have to play hostess for the next bit.”

  Guests began to arrive, seemingly all at once. Fiona and Li played one merry Christmas tune after the other as the room filled. Jasper and Lord Barnes were back and forth, answering the door, taking coats and escorting folks into the formal room. Josephine and Quinn made sure everyone had a drink or something to eat. I stood in the corner near the tree watching it all.

  Theo came to stand with me, pointing out who was who and giving me brief details of how they were connected to the family. He stiffened when Pastor Lind and his wife, Pamela, came through the doors with a young woman between them. She was petite, like Josephine if not a bit taller. Dark blond tresses were set in attractive waves and pulled back to the nape of her neck. Large blue eyes darted immediately our way.

  He turned to face me with his back to the door. “That’s Louisa. She must be back from finishing school. I haven’t seen her since I left for the war.” His voice had turned raspy during this description. “She’s prettier than when I left,” Theo said. “Which I didn’t think was possible.”

  “Will you go say hello?” I asked him as quietly as I could while pretending to look around the room with no particular interest on anyone or anything. “She’s looking this way.”

  “I can’t. I wouldn’t know what to say. The last time I saw her I made a complete blunder.”

  “How so?”

  “I declared my undying love and asked if she’d write to me while I was away.”

  “Why is that a blunder?”

  “She burst into tears and ran away,” Theo said. “That was before I knew she was in love with my brother.”

  “No, really?”

  “Yes, really,” he said. “She wants someone like him. Quick and strong.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “She had a hard time until Pastor Lind and his wife took her in as their own when she was nine years old. Her father had hurt her, torturing her with horrible games like chasing her through the woods with a shotgun to teach her how to be tough.”

  “How awful.” My stomach turned at the thought of anyone doing such a thing to an innocent child.

  “As
the years went by, living with the Linds, I saw her flourish. She lost the scared look in her eyes, like she was waiting for the next punch.”

  We’d had a few children at the orphanage who had come from violent homes. They had had the wary look of an abused animal, watchful and suspicious. Any loud or abrupt movement made them jump or instinctively cover their faces.

  Louisa was making her way directly toward us. “She’s coming right over to us,” I said under my breath.

  “What? Are you sure?”

  He had no more time to ask questions. She was upon us, giving me a shy smile before touching her fingers to the sleeve of Theo’s jacket. “Hi, Theo.”

  He turned toward her, acting surprised to see her. “Hi, Louisa. Are you home from school?” He kissed her gloved hand.

  She nodded, ducking her chin modestly. “Yes, I’ve graduated finally. I now know all the forks and can walk across the room with a book on my head.”

  “Allow me to introduce you to our friend Phillip Baker.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “Phillip, meet Louisa Lind.”

  She turned to me. “Pleased to meet you.”

  “Pleased to meet you as well.” I took her offered hand and bowed my head in greeting.

  “Is Flynn here?” Louisa asked Theo.

  Right away asking after Flynn. My sympathy for Theo deepened. To be the one not chosen was never easy, heightened when your rival was your charming, popular brother.

  Theo spoke quickly without seeming to breathe between sentences. “He’s around somewhere, talking with Shannon Cassidy last I noticed. Would you like punch? Either of you? I’m going to have some with some whiskey.”

  “I’d love a punch,” Louisa said.

  “Me too,” I said.

  “I’ll be right back.” Theo didn’t wait for a response, charging across the room toward the punch bowl.

  I cleared my throat. What did I do now? I had a good mind to give her a tongue-lashing. How insensitive to ask after his brother, given their last interaction.

  “You’ve been staying here at the Barneses’?” Louisa asked.