Searching For Who I Am: Book 1 (The Searching Trilogy)

by Paige Orr

  Taehyung

  She tastes like the sweetest dessert that I've ever had the pleasure of indulging in, I’ve never seen someone quite so beautiful in the throes of an orgasm. I can’t wait any longer to be buried inside her tight little cunt. So settling over her, I position my cock at her entrance, before teasing my tip up and down her slit. Seeing her so needy for me is a sight to behold, I could bask in it all night. I begin to sink into her heat torturously slow and I nearly cum just from the feeling of her walls tightening around me. She fits me like a fucking glove, like she’s made just for me.

  Finally seated fully inside her centre, I give her a moment to adjust before I begin to piston my hips at a teasingly slow pace. Leaning forward, I capture one of her pert nipples in my mouth gently biting down, making her arch from the bed with a moan. Before I soothe the sting with my tongue and move to her other breast, showing it the same attention. The way she writhes beneath me is driving me crazy but I’m determined to savour every moment. I won’t rush this, she deserves to be treated like a queen and I'll show her exactly that.

  I draw myself out till I’m almost completely out of her before driving my cock back inside her, watching how her perfect tits bounce has me fucking enraptured. Leaning down, I begin to leave little love bites across her collar bones, taking my time when I reach the base of her throat. Watching in fascination as she bares her throat to me, I slide one hand up her body before wrapping my hand around it, applying a little pressure as I continue pistoning in and out of her heat,

  I begin to pick up my pace as I reach my other hand between our bodies, circling her clit with my thumb. “Does that feel good kitten? Do you love the feeling of my cock buried in your tight little cunt, fucking you so very slow?” She nods her head, completely breathless, and it just spurs me on. Her sexy little moans have me driving into her harder and harder. She's such a good girl giving herself over to me, and her beautiful pussy is all mine now. I'll make sure she knows exactly who she belongs to. I can feel my orgasm approaching, I drive into her harder and harder, leaning down to whisper in her ear. “Cum for me kitten, let me feel your walls milking me. I need you to cum all over my cock, I want you to drench me with those sweet juices!” With that she shatters around me, screaming my name and I follow her over the edge, my wolf surfacing enough to cause me to roar out with my release, like an animal.

  When we both come down from our highs. I release her wrists from their tie and lay down, pulling her into my side. As she snuggles into me, I realize that I've never felt so content in my life. This woman is everything I could have ever dreamed of and my brothers and I are damn fucking lucky to have found her. I watch as she drifts off to sleep and I tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

  I must sit there for hours just staring at her face, until there's a light knock at the door. I get up throwing my trousers on and slipping out into the hallway, closing the door gently behind me. I find the guys standing there, so I brace for whatever they have to tell me. Finally, it's D who begins to speak.

  “We've managed to narrow the suspects down to ten. Gale and I are going to head out, try and narrow it down a bit more so hopefully, in the next few days we will have our guy. In the meantime why don’t you and Sam take our girl into the garden tomorrow with her friend while we're out, try and keep her distracted for a while from all this bullshit. Did you manage to talk to her about everything tonight?”

  I give them a sheepish smile as I rub the back of my neck and they chuckle at me. “Sorry man, our girl had me a little distracted so I didn't get the chance. But if you guys are so close to tracking this fucker down maybe I shouldn’t worry her unnecessarily. Hopefully we will have this all wrapped up without having to freak her out even more than she already is.”

  They exchange a look between them and I feel like a dick. I know that she wants to be kept in the loop, but if we can keep her safe without having to upset her, surely my choice can't be that wrong. I’m just looking out for her, that can’t be a bad thing.

  “Look, I know what you’re all thinking, but our girl has had one hell of a week. From everything that happened before she found out the truth, too everything that’s happened after. I know the thought of this creep is really getting to her, all I want is for her to relax and us to do our job to protect her.” Sam looks at me with anger in his eyes.

  “You’re our leader and it’s your choice, but can you really live with yourself if anything happens to her? Especially when all you have to do is fucking tell her what we know, like she fucking deserves. Come on Tae, I've got pictures of each of the people left on our list, at least let me show them to her so that if she sees any of them she knows to get away as fast as she can and to get one of us. It could be the difference between this arsehole getting his hands on her or not!”

  I take a moment to really think over his suggestion before I make up my mind. Sighing, I give him my answer. “Just give her one more day of normality Sam. One day of hanging with her friend without this hanging over her head. She won’t be going out anyway so what harm could it do? I just want her to have one more fucking stress free day, is that too much to ask?”

  He shakes his head, I know he doesn’t agree but surely this is for the best. She has had so much thrown at her that she truly deserves a break to just live. I’m so sick of seeing her scared and confused, one day won’t hurt and then we can fully prepare her.

  The guys head off to do what needs to be done and I head back into our girl’s room. Stripping and crawling back in beside her, she wakes as I nestle her to my side again. “Go back to sleep kitten, everything is going to be alright.”

  I hope I'm right, because the thought of anyone else touching her is fucking killing me. I know that Sam’s right, if anything happens, it'll be on me for dealing with the situation the right way. I just don’t want her to be so fucking frightened. I lean over, inhaling her scent and feel peace come over me. One day, then I'll make sure she can protect herself.

  No one will get to try to hurt her, because I won’t let anyone fucking near her. If anyone even tries, I'll rip their fucking heart from their chest. She's mine and it’s about time people learned their place.

  Lilith

  I wake to the sun shining through the window and Tae’s arms wrapped around my waist. A content smile covers my face, as I realize for the first time since this all began, I’ve woken up happy and refreshed. I feel him stirring behind me and turn around in his arms.

  As his eyes open a smile spreads over his face. “Good morning kitten, how did you sleep last night? You looked so peaceful, it was great to see you so relaxed.” I reach out, bopping him on the nose and he chuckles at my antics. I can’t help it though, I just feel so at peace around him and last night was so good, I don’t even have the words to describe it.

  “I slept amazing having you here, it was the first good night sleep I’ve had since all this started. Thank you for staying with me, I really appreciate it.” His gaze softens, as he reaches out, stroking his hand down my cheek and tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

  “There’s no place I’d rather be kitten. Now, Demetrius and Gale are out running some errands. So Lucien, Sam and I were thinking that you might like to join us with Gemma for a day in the garden. How does that sound?”

  I squeal in excitement at the thought of us all having a fun day in the beautiful garden, I truly fell in love with it yesterday. It’s so peaceful and I'm sure Gem and I could get up to some mischief together. “That sounds great. I'm going to go get ready and grab Gem to see if she’s up for it. Why don't you get that sexy arse out of bed and go get ready too.” I jump from the bed giggling as Tae tries to catch me, running into the bathroom, I shut the door behind me and begin getting ready.

  Once I finish my morning routine, I head into the closet to choose today's outfit, I settle on a baby pink sundress and white gladiator sandals. As I'm getting ready, I come up with a plan. I’m going to need my best bitches help though. I head downstairs to make me and
Gem some breakfast and coffee. I can’t wait to hear what she thinks.

  Half an hour later

  I knock on Gem’s door, giddy to talk to her about my plan I came up with to show the boys who’s boss. She opens the door, bleary-eyed and I squeeze past her jumping on the bed. “Morning sleepy-head, please tell me you don’t have work today, Actually before I get to the good stuff, Lucien got in touch with my company to set a job up for you there. Which totally means you can do what you want, infact as your new boss, I’m telling you to have the day off. We were all planning on having a day in the garden and I wanted your help to play a little prank on the boys. What do you say to having the boys participate in a little wet t-shirt contest? You have to keep it quiet though, they have no idea that they’re participating.”

  She plops down onto the bed beside me, as we both dissolve into a fit of laughter. “Girl, I’m so fucking up for that but first, I need coffee and lots of it, I feel like fucking death after all the wine we ended up drinking. Remind me not to try and keep up with a demon in future.” I turn toward her leaning my head on my hand. “What can I say, my metabolism got a pretty good boost it seems, you’ll be happy to know that there's coffee and food waiting downstairs for us!”

  We both head downstairs and I fix her coffee just how she likes it, then we sit down to eat our breakfast. I made us a spread of croissants, with chopped fruit and as we eat, we sit chatting about everything that has been happening in my fucking drama of a life that we missed last night.

  “So he just left you a letter and expected you to take it well. Girl, that’s some fucked up shit...you said all the guys are demons too? Even Mr. Lawyer? So what kind of demons are they? I don't really know anything about demons, but I want to know everything about you all.I ain’t gonna be the odd one out, feeling like a ditz when it comes to talking about supe stuff!”

  I nod my head in agreeance. “Bitch I know, I was the exact same way. So Demetrius and Lucien are Incubi, Tae is a wolf shifter, Sam is a Nekomata and Gale is a freaking nine-tailed kitsune!...Which is a fox, by the way. I was so freaking stunned. Shit, I hadn’t even heard of two of those but Sam sat me down and told me all about them, then they all showed me their demon forms. Which apparently isnt the only form they have, bitch it’s fucking mind blowing”

  I go on to tell her everything that Sam told me about their powers. We giggle about all the fun things they could do with them and all the shit we could have pulled with the kind of powers they have. Once we finish eating I go on the look for a couple of water hoses, finding them stored in a little hut at the side of the house. Plan in action we walk around the house looking for somewhere to attach them. Who would have thought it would have been so freaking hard, there’s obviously somewhere that the gardner uses, finally we find it around the corner from where the guys are sitting.

  With the hoses attached, we sneak around until we fare almost at the guys, sitting at the back door drinking some lemonade and laughing at each other. Gem and I stand just around the corner and I count down from three. Then we charge around the corner, turning on the hoses and spraying the guys. Shouting, they jump to their feet as we continue to completely soak them while unable to stop laughing.

  Suddenly I stop dead in my tracks, I can’t believe what I’m seeing... This can’t be happening! Why the fuck would he hide this from me!? Right there in front of my eyes, underneath Lucien's soaking wet shirt, is my mate mark. Right in the middle of his chest!I could have sworn that it wasn't there before!

  I drop the hose stunned, and everyone looks from me to Lucien. I try to get my mouth to work, but I barely manage a whisper. “W-Why Lucien? Do you hate me? Is that the issue? Could you not bear the thought of being connected to me in any way? Or am I just not good enough for you? Why the fuck wouldn’t you tell me that your my fucking mate!?” By the end of my rant, I’m screaming at him with tears streaming down my face, I probably look like a crazy bitch but who fucking cares about that right now.

  He tries to reach out to me, but I charge past him stumbling my way through the house and out the front door. I can hear everyone arguing all the way out here and it’s the final straw. I've got to get the fuck out of here, this is just too much. I knew that they all probably hated being tied to me but this just fucking proves it. I obviously mean absolutely fuck all to that prick!

  I run out of the front gate, looking from left to right, trying to figure out where I’m even going to go. In the end, with my head spinning. I just let my feet carry me, not thinking about anything apart from getting as far away as I can and stop paying attention to anything around me. That is until I feel someone grabbing me from behind. Before a scream can even sneak past my lips, a hand comes up, covering my mouth, while the person’s other arm snakes around my neck where I feel a sharp pain. In shock, I raise my hand to my throat prying the stranger’s arm free from me, before staggering forward out of my attackers reach. I reach up as I feel something wet dribbling down my neck and I'm shocked to find blood, what the fuck did this bastard do to me?

  I try to turn around, but before I can get a glimpse at my attacker’s face I fall to my knees and everything goes black.

  Lucien

  I can’t believe I've been so fucking stupid! She has it all wrong. Dammit all! I was just so scared to tell her and heap more shit on her plate. I didn't even think this was possible, especially since the others received their marks before me. I've never heard of that happening before so I was positive that it had to be a fluke. Shit the girl means the world to me, and I was so much of a coward that now I might have lost her. I try to follow her, but Gemma stops me with a scowl on her face. She slaps me across the face and begins to scream at me.

  “Are you fucking stupid dude!? My best fucking friend doesn’t need this shit right now! Why the fuck didn’t you just tell her!? She’s stronger than she fucking looks! Your stupidity has just caused her to break! Do you realize what she might fucking do to herself!? She can’t fucking handle this shit! Don’t you fucking dare go after her, you'll be the last person she wants to see right now! Get the fuck out of my way, so I can go stop her from doing something stupid and we all fucking lose her!”

  She barges past me and in a daze I watch as she storms through the house. When I can no longer see her I collapse to my knees gripping my hair in my hands. She’s right, I know that. But I know that I would be the worst mate ever, I’m already making such a fucking cock up of it. Every woman I’ve ever been with fucking hated my guts, why would she be any different? Especially when the rest of her mates are so fucking amazing!

  I look up to the guys and find Tae on his phone probably telling Gale and D what I’ve done. Even calm, collected Sam is looking at me with fury in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, I swear I thought I was doing the right thing. You saw how bad she took the news of having four mates! I’m a goddamn coward! Who would even want me as a mate? She has already created such a bond with you guys. How could I get in the way of that? You know what the women in my life ended up doing, I didn’t want that for her too, I didn’t want to lose her!”

  Sam just shakes his head in disappointment and I feel even worse. This is exactly what I was trying to tell them, I’m such a fucking failure. All I would truly do, is make her life worse. I would take away those gorgeous smiles and carefree laughter because everything I touch, ends up broken.

  Finally, Tae turns back to me snarling and I know I’m in for hell. “You better be glad it’s me you're dealing with right now, you wouldn't like to hear what D wants to do to you, cause it ain’t fucking pretty! Believe me, the beating I want to give you would be bad enough! I can’t fucking believe you would hurt her like this and betray her trust! All of our trust for that matter! You were fucking there, when WE found her in a pool of her own blood. What about that made you think 'Oh hey, let’s just keep a massive fucking secret from the girl who is known for hurting herself when something major is dumped on her!?' Are you fucking dense or just plain fucking stupid? We’ve been friends for a long fuck
ing time man, why didn’t you at least tell one of us so that we could talk you out of your fucking stupidity?!”

  I hang my head in shame, how can I make them understand that this was for the best? I don’t wish to bring her any more pain. “I’m not good for her and deep down you guys know that too. You know that all of my relationships end in heartache and I don’t want that for Lilith. She deserves so much better than what I've got to offer! She deserves the fucking world, you know you guys are better equiped to give her that!”

  Tae takes a menacing step towards me, and I brace for the punch I know I've got coming, but I’m shocked when he crouches down in front of me. “You're forgetting something very fucking important here Lucien. It’s not your choice to turn around and say that she deserves better. That’s her decision and hers alone. When a female has her mates chosen it’s because she needs them. Who are you to decide for her that she doesn't need you?! She should be the one to make that choice or you should have at least gave her some fucking input, its not only your life your messing with you fucking fool!”

  I sit there stunned, as his words sink in, he's right. I took her choice away. How will she ever forgive me for this? Then I remember the pain filled words she said before she barged past me. I made her feel like I don’t want her, that she isn’t good enough for me. I’ve made the most amazing woman that I've ever had the honour to meet feel like trash. I can’t blame anyone else but myself for this. She’s not the one who’s trash, it’s me!

  I look to them both in despair, watching as the tension leaves them in matching sighs. Tae grips my shoulder before telling me, “You have to fix this, before it’s too late and you lose her. Is that really what you want to happen? If not you have a helluva hard road in front of you, but she's worth every fucking minute!”