Worth the Risk

by Lindsay Paige

  “We’re fine, Raelynn. We’ve made ourselves at home.”

  “Good. I don’t know if Elias told you, but I have other plans for Christmas. If you’re good with keeping Bree until Elias gets back...”

  Alice raises one thin eyebrow at me. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of my granddaughter.”

  “Right. I didn’t mean...” She doesn’t seem like she cares what I meant. “Do you mind if we say goodbye to her?”

  “Of course not.” She hands her back to me.

  “We’ll see you in a few days, sweet Bree.” I kiss her cheek and crouch. “Do you want to hug Bree bye?” I ask Jackson. He knows we’re leaving, but he doesn’t exactly know where we’re going.

  He carefully hugs her. “Don’t do anything new while I’m gone,” he says, echoing what he’s heard Elias say to her. “I’ll miss you.” He kisses her cheek. “Love you, Bree.”

  My heart combusts at his declaration. The only person Jackson has ever said he loved was me and now, he’s telling it to Bree. Jackson releases his hug and I stand, giving Bree back to Alice. Doing my best not to shed tears, I tell her when she last ate, napped, and was last changed, and any other pertinent information.

  And then we leave.

  It takes me a minute to figure out where to go since there’s no chance we can check into the hotel a day early. I called and checked already. I despise the decision I’ve made, but somehow convince myself it’s for Jackson. That’s why I find myself knocking on Henry’s door, fulfilling his wish that we’d come over anyway.

  Surprise widens his eyes when he opens the door. “Rae, what are you doing here?”

  “Can we come in?”

  “Yeah, of course.” He steps aside and we come in. His house is nice, clearly a simple bachelor’s pad, but what surprises me the most is that in the corner of the living room are toys. “Those toys are here for you to play with, Jackson,” Henry says, noticing that Jackson’s focus is also on the toys. “You can play with them if it’s okay with your mom.”

  Jackson looks up at me.

  “Go ahead, baby. I need to talk to your dad for a minute anyway. We’ll be right in there.” I point to the archway leading to the kitchen, visible from where we are. Once Jackson is diving through the toys, we step into the kitchen. “I’m sorry to show up unannounced, Henry.”

  “It’s no problem. Do you want anything to drink?”

  I shake my head.

  “Not that I’m not thrilled to see Jackson, but what are you doing here, Rae?” he asks.

  I don’t even flinch anymore. Calling me Rae is too ingrained in him and he hasn’t been able to kick the habit yet. Maybe I can pretend it’s Bree calling me that, or that Bree is the one who originally gave me the nickname, and all the hurt and history that the nickname holds will begin to fade away. I take a deep breath and try to figure out how to answer his question before settling on the truth.

  “I’m not used to having people in my life, okay? Elias and Bree are in my life, which is great. But right now, his entire family, plus a friend, is spending the Christmas holiday at his house and I don’t think I can stay there with them. I didn’t realize they were coming today, and I can’t check into the hotel until tomorrow, so...” I stare into his eyes, hoping he’ll understand.

  “You want to stay here tonight?” There’s surprise and something else in his voice.

  “Please? We’ll still come back on Christmas Day.”

  “Raelynn, you and Jackson shouldn’t have spend Christmas in a hotel room.”

  I hold up my hand. “Do not question my decisions, Henry.”

  “I’m not,” he swears. “I’m just saying if you’d prefer, you can stay here. I have an extra room. I made sure to find a house with an extra room in case Jackson ever spent the night. Wouldn’t you rather be in a house instead of a hotel room?”

  For Jackson’s sake, yes. But do I want it to be Henry’s house? I don’t know.

  “And this is my first Christmas with him, so I’d be extremely grateful to have the extra time with him.”

  “I’d lose the money I paid on the hotel.” And I definitely don’t want to waste money.

  “I can pay you back for that,” he offers. “Please, Raelynn. I’ve made too many mistakes. Let me give you somewhere to go other than a hotel room. Let me spend Christmas with Jackson, even though I don’t deserve it.”

  His admission that he doesn’t deserve it might just be what does it for me. I hand him my car keys. “Our bags are in the trunk.”

  He smiles and stands. I walk into the living room and sit on the floor with Jackson, who plays with some toy cars.

  “Hey, Jackson.” He looks up at me. “We’re spending Christmas here with your dad. What do you think about that?”

  Jackson frowns. “What about Mr. EJ and Bree?”

  “They’re spending Christmas with his family. We’ll see them in a few days.”

  He nods, glances down at his toy, and then looks at me. “But there’s no tree here.”

  “I brought ours.” There was no way my boy would be spending Christmas without us carrying out our usual traditions. “It’ll be Christmas as usual, but here and with your dad.”

  “Okay.”

  Once Henry brings our things in, we get our tiny tree set up and decorated. Jackson frowns once it’s done. Apparently, it’s not as pretty as the one we did with Mr. EJ. Being here in Henry’s house and with Henry is just as awkward and uncomfortable as I imagine it would be back at Elias’s house.

  What’s worse is around three thirty in the morning, I’m still awake and lying in his spare bedroom next to Jackson. My phone vibrates on the nightstand just like I was hoping it wouldn’t.

  Elias: I thought you weren’t leaving until tomorrow? Mom said you bolted the second you got back from Sylvia’s.

  Me: Change of plans, sorry. We made it here safe and sound. Enjoy the time with your family. We’ll see you soon.

  Elias: I was hoping to see you before you left. It actually feels weird for you and Jackson not to be here.

  Elias: Have fun with your friend and let me know how it goes with Henry.

  Me: I will.

  I hate texting him. Over video or calling is so much easier. I feel like we actually talk that way. It’s worse now when I’m lying to him over something I’m sure he’d hate that I’m lying about. This is not how I expand my world. But maybe it’s working out since Jackson will spend more time with his father? Jackson allows for his world to expand far faster than I will. If anything will be my downfall in life, it’ll be my inability to do this.

  “Raelynn said she was going to stay with a friend?” Mom questions for the fifth time today.

  “Ma, why do you keep asking me that?” She’s really irritating me, especially since I don’t think that’s where Raelynn is.

  “Follow me.” She stands and I have no choice but to follow her up to Raelynn’s room, which is where my parents are currently staying. She picks up a piece of paper from the dresser and hands it to me. “I found it on the floor when we were going to bed last night.”

  It’s an email confirming hotel reservations. What the fuck? Why would Raelynn need a hotel if she’s staying with a friend? I knew something was up. The paper crinkles in my hand. “Can you watch Bree for me?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  I swivel on my heels and leave for the hotel. This isn’t right. Raelynn shouldn’t be spending Christmas in a hotel room when she could be staying here. I need to talk to her. But when I get to the hotel, they eventually tell me that those reservations were canceled this morning.

  This morning!

  So where the fuck is Raelynn?

  Where would she go?

  My stomach sinks. There’s only one other person in Raleigh. With my gut in knots, I put Henry’s address into my phone’s GPS and drive over there. When Raelynn got Henry’s address, she gave it to me, just in case I ever needed it, and boy is today one of those days. The nausea causes my knuckles to whiten as I g
rip the steering wheel when I see Raelynn’s car in his driveway. Sure, she could be here to let Jackson see Henry, but my gut tells me that’s not the only reason she’s here.

  With a deep breath, I make my way to his front door. I knock and I wait. Henry answers the door.

  “I need to speak to Raelynn,” I say before he can utter a word.

  Jackson sees me first. “Mr. EJ!” he shouts, running toward me. “Are we going home?”

  “Hey, J-man.” I pick him up and allow his tight hug around my neck to relax me a bit. “I’m just here to talk to your mom for a few minutes.”

  “Elias.”

  My gaze meets hers, which is surprised, but also very worried. “Can I talk to you?”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  I set Jackson down on his feet.

  “Come back inside, Jackson,” Henry tells him as Raelynn walks past them.

  Looks like we’re having this conversation outside. As soon as the door closes behind her, I take her hand and lead her to my car. We get in and I crank the car, turning on the heat.

  “How’d you know where I was?” she whispers.

  “Mom found a copy of your hotel reservations on the floor of your bedroom, but they told me you canceled this morning. Who else do you know here?” She nods. “Why are you here, Raelynn? Why were you going to stay at a hotel? Why aren’t you at home with Bree and me?”

  “Did your mom tell you that Jackson told Bree he loved her yesterday?” she asks with her gaze on the front door.

  Her question stuns me. Because it’s not an answer, I didn’t know that, and I’m not sure what that has to do with her not spending Christmas with us. “Is that a bad thing?” I ask since I can’t read how she feels about it.

  “Of course not.” She turns her head to look at me, showing her sincerity.

  “Why did Jackson ask if he was going home when he saw me?” Maybe we need to start small.

  She sighs. “He misses you and Bree. He wants to go home.”

  I want to smile because that means Jackson is finally truly comfortable in my house, but if she’s here because she wants Jackson to spend time with his father, smiling seems wrong. “So why aren’t you there, Raelynn? Just explain it to me and I’ll go home.”

  Her gaze slides away again until she’s staring out of her window. “It’s too much,” she whispers. “For five years, every Christmas I’ve spent only with Jackson. If it was only you and Bree, then that would be okay, I think. But the idea of being there with your entire family, especially after I pissed your mom off? And she only thinks I’m your nanny, so sleeping in your bed isn’t going to work, Elias. It would’ve been off the charts awkward.” She glances at me. “I’ve expanded my world enough, don’t you think?”

  Shit. This is partly my fault. “How did you piss her off?” Let me get that out of the way first.

  “I asked her if she was okay with keeping Bree until you got home and she let me know she was capable of watching her granddaughter.” Her face winces as she recounts that tidbit.

  “Don’t worry about that, Raelynn.” I take her hand in between mine and rub my hands over them as if she could still be cold. “I planned to tell my family about us while they are here, so it would’ve worked out. Derek already knows, actually.” Her eyes widen in surprise at this. I release her hand to grab the lever and push my seat even further back. Not much further it can go, but I want a bit more room. I take her hand and tug. “Come here for a second. It feels like there’s an ocean between us.”

  She’s small enough that she has no trouble crawling over the center console and straddles my lap, her hands resting on my chest. “You’re disappointed in me, aren’t you? I mean, my five-year-old has been able to let more people in than I have. I don’t know what it is about this holiday, but the thought makes me uncomfortable, Elias.”

  I cup her cheeks. “I’m not disappointed, Raelynn. I only want to understand, so I can help. Staying here with Henry can’t be more fun than staying with me, can it?” I kiss her cheek, then the other, her forehead, and finally her mouth.

  “It hasn’t been too bad so far,” she mumbles against my lips. “He practically begged me to stay so he can spend this time with Jackson. He’s been behaving.”

  “Are you really kissing me and talking about Henry?”

  She laughs, but her mood quickly sobers. “I’m sorry for lying to you, but it seemed easier than telling you I couldn’t stand the thought of spending Christmas with your family.”

  I smile. “Does this mean you’re not coming home with me?”

  She rests her forehead on my shoulder. “I don’t know.”

  “I really want you to meet Derek.” She remains silent, so I add, “How can I convince you?”

  “I already told Jackson we were staying here,” she says.

  “And he told you he wants to go home.”

  She shakes her head a little. “It’s a little mind-blowing that your house is our home,” she whispers.

  “Only way to overcome your fear is to conquer it.” Her silence isn’t encouraging, so I try one last time. I kiss her softly. “I feel like Little Grizzly would come home with me.”

  Raelynn laughs and finally lifts her head. “How exactly does that apply here?”

  “Because Little Grizzly is fierce. She tackles what she perceives as threats, or fears, head-on. She is more than just a momma bear. Little Grizzly encompasses her entire being and all the things she fights for. I think this is something she’d fight to overcome.” Raelynn’s eyes water. “I promise to make it a good Christmas for you both. Please, Raelynn.”

  She nods. “Okay. We’ll come home.”

  “You won’t regret it.” I turn off the car, open the door, and as we’re both climbing out of the driver’s side, we see Henry at the door with his jaw hanging. “Shit.”

  Raelynn walks to him as if we both didn’t obviously get out of the driver’s seat.

  “You’re...” Henry can’t seem to form words.

  “Might want to watch what you say,” I tell him. “You have a bad habit of sticking your foot in your mouth.”

  His eyes harden.

  “All you need to know, Henry, is that this is new. Jackson doesn’t know right now, and he’s good to us both. Now, move, so I can go inside to my son.”

  Henry moves out of the way as she asked and this time, I don’t wait to be invited in.

  “Are we going home?” Jackson asks hopefully once again. His eyes flit to Henry. “I miss Bree and my house.”

  “It’s okay, baby, and yes, we’re going home. Let’s get our things together.” She takes Jackson’s hand and leaves the room before Henry can open his mouth.

  But never fear, Henry still speaks.

  “You’re taking my son from me on Christmas Eve?” Anger laces his voice. “You’re a real prick, you know that?”

  “It wasn’t my intention. I came to talk to Raelynn, and Jackson clearly wants to go home. Raelynn made the decision.”

  “On her own?” he asks skeptically.

  “Don’t start shit with me, Henry. I’m not an enemy you want. Raelynn and Jackson never should’ve been here, and she’ll be back tomorrow like she originally promised.”

  He glares at me, but doesn’t say another word. His glare hardens when Jackson and Raelynn return and Jackson asks if he can ride with me back home. He takes my hand and we walk out while Raelynn stays behind for a moment to talk to Henry. By the time Jackson is buckled in, Raelynn walks out. The look on her face makes me want to storm back into that house and remind Henry of what I just said.

  I walk over to her, but she waves her hand in dismissal.

  “It’s nothing. He’s upset.” She tosses her bags into the trunk and then slides into the driver’s seat. She attempts to crank her car, but nothing happens. “Shit. No, sweet car. You can’t die on me now.”

  “Die on you?”

  She looks at me. “It’s been trying to die for a year. Let me just leave it here for now. Will you bring me bac
k tomorrow? Or Henry can come get us?”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  Once she grabs her bag and puts it in my car, we’re on our way home. Right where we all should’ve been from the start. This better go well because if this blows up in our faces, I don’t know what it’ll do to Raelynn. I also have to figure how out to tell them I’m dating Raelynn without spilling the truth in front of Jackson.

  “Can you stay in here for a minute?” I ask Raelynn when I park in the garage. “I’ll come get you when I’m finished.” This seems to be the best and easiest way to break the news. It also ensures that it’ll happen quickly. Raelynn nods. I escape into the house and find everyone in the living room, watching a movie. I steal my kid from my sister and clear my throat.

  “I need to tell you guys something real quick before Raelynn and Jackson come inside.” All eyes finally land on me. “I’m dating Raelynn. Don’t mention this in front of Jackson. Got it? Great.” I ignore their surprise and start to walk away, but Mom’s voice stops me.

  “You’re what?”

  “Ma.” She heard me; there’s no need to repeat myself. “Trust me.”

  She frowns, but nods. Good enough for me. I leave to get Raelynn and Jackson.

  “Did anything new happen while we were gone?” Jackson asks, reaching up to tickle Bree’s foot. “We didn’t miss anything, did we?”

  “No, Jackson. She’s saving whatever she does next for when you’re here,” I reassure him, causing him to grin. I can’t believe he cares that much. “Come on. Let’s get inside.” Raelynn takes Bree while I get their things.

  Bree is ecstatic to see Raelynn and Jackson. She reaches for Jackson, but he’s only held her when he’s sitting down. He doesn’t look like he wants to make an attempt at something different right now either. I think me and him are on the same page. After I drop their things off in my room, I find Raelynn, Jackson, and Bree sitting on the floor. Bree stands in front of Jackson and fist bumps him.

  “You can sit here, Raelynn.” I motion to the only empty seat left, but she shakes her head.

  “I’m fine down here.”