Renegade

by Jeanne McDonald

  “Please tell me this is a matching set.”

  My mouth parted at the realization of his insinuation. To make matters worse, he was right.

  “So much for unwrapping a present,” I chortled.

  Ian said nothing, he merely pulled me to him, bare skin to bare skin, kissing me hard and deep. Our legs began to move of their own accord, leading us straight to the bed. Arms and hands roamed over each other’s bodies, aching to touch every inch of skin. Tongues explored, tasting, sucking, and licking, never satisfied. Always aching for more. There was no grace between us. We tripped, fumbled, and stumbled. It was raw, feral, and utterly chaotic. A trail of clothes, what was left of them anyway, lay in the wake of our passion.

  Upon the bed, I scooted to the headboard and waited for Ian to join me. It was almost as if the man was mesmerized by me. He stood there, staring at me. I squirmed under his gaze, so intense that it was almost as if his hands were roaming my body. I wiggled my finger to him, indicating for him to join me. He blinked a few times before he knelt down on the edge of the mattress. It sank beneath his weight as he moved toward me.

  It was the most sensual thing I’d ever experienced. He started at the tops of my feet, kissing each one, then trailed light kisses up my legs, along my pelvis, over my stomach, between my breasts, along my neck, until he finally reached my mouth. All the while, he passed every single place I longed to feel his mouth.

  My senses were confused, muddled by this man. Ian was all around me. He became the very air in my lungs. My soul felt alive for the first time in ages within his arms. He was the light in my darkness.

  All I wanted was Ian and this moment. His solicitous mouth, as it explored every inch of me, taking me deeper into ecstasy than I thought was possible. Every unspoken thought conveyed through the way he touched me. Never in my life had I experienced something so erotic, sensual, yet intense and all-consuming. In his touch, heaven and earth moved. Hell didn’t exist, and the monsters of the world disappeared.

  And just when I couldn’t handle much more of his sensual ministrations, he took my bottom lip between his teeth, sucking it gently before driving himself into my depths. This connection, this bond was intense, and with each thrust of his hips it grew. I dug my nails into the rippled muscles of his back and closed my eyes, allowing the moment to wash over me. Every sound, every scent, every touch seemed to move me past the darkness and into the light. All of the pain I’d felt vanished in his hands.

  My mother. Losing George. Shooting Neil. And even finding Jude again. None of this existed as long as I had Ian in my arms.

  So much for chaos. That was my life. No. This was structure at its finest.

  Ian kept a steady rhythm, not teasing, purely enjoying the feel of our bodies connected. I placed tender kisses along his jaw, down to his chin, meeting his lips. He linked our fingers together, lifting my arms over my head, holding them against the pillows. This wasn’t some sort of dominating move. No, this was yet another way for us to be connected.

  Higher and higher he drove me toward my climax. Suddenly, his hands were in my hair, his mouth on mine, and our tongues tangled together. I had no idea how he knew, I didn’t even realize until it happened, but in that exact moment, I reached the pinnacle of my orgasm, as did he. The feeling of our bodies trembling together, the quaking of my stomach as that moment of pure bliss rushed through my veins was intoxicating.

  Spent, Ian slumped forward, pressing soft kisses to the point right behind my ear. Mindless with pure pleasure, I savored the incredible closeness of our bodies. We were locked together, in a moment of time that no one could ever steal away. It was light and heady, need and want, and no matter what, it was ours.

  “That was…that was…”

  “It was,” I agreed, knowing exactly how he felt and as equally unable to articulate the sensation.

  Ian rolled off of me and disposed of his condom before pulling me into his arms. I pressed my ear to his chest, listening to the sound of his heart racing. Sweat covered our bodies, the sheets stuck to our skin, yet neither of us cared.

  His fingers moved through my hair, and I began to be lulled by the gentle way he played with my long, dark locks.

  “I should probably go,” I breathed into the darkness.

  Ian stopped moving, his body stiffening. “Why?”

  “Because I’m about to pass out and I don’t think you want me staying the night.”

  He resumed toying with my hair, lightly raking his nails over my scalp. “Nonsense. I want you here when I wake up.”

  I lifted my head, looking into Ian’s eyes. It was dark in the room, but even in the darkness I could feel the intensity of his gaze. “Are you sure?”

  “Positive. Now, let’s get some rest. I want to do this at least two more times before you leave me in the morning.”

  I gasped. “Two more times?” My stomach clenched with anticipation.

  Ian placed a kiss against my temple and laughed. “Keep arguing with me and I’ll make it three.”

  “Oh, buddy, you messed with the wrong girl. I could argue all night long.”

  “You asked for it!” He began tickling my sides, and before I knew it, the flames of desire had ignited again, and Ian did exactly as promised.

  I woke with a jolt. Jumbled memories rattled around in my brain. Rarely was there a night that I didn’t dream of being fifteen again, but the dreams were stronger now since seeing Lucy. Guilt and regret inundated me. She hated me and why shouldn’t she? In her mind, I abandoned her.

  I rubbed my eyes, forcing away the remainder of my dream. My mouth felt thick and dry, and my head throbbed worse than any hangover I’d ever experienced. Though I knew it was just a dream, I could still see the peaceful expression on Lucy’s sleeping face the night I’d left.

  She was so beautiful, and she might not believe it, but I really did love her.

  Reed, our warden – no way would I call that man a parent, even if it had the word foster in front of it – beat me so bad that night. Leaving was my only option to save us both. Klaus and I escaped after the asshole fell asleep on the couch with a beer in his hand and his cunt of a wife asleep upstairs. Klaus made the call to CPS the next day, and it seemed to have paid off, because Lucy was placed with a good family.

  I rolled over, groaning at the ache in my head. With my eyes barely cracked open, I felt around on the nightstand for my pack of cigarettes.

  “Whatcha lookin’ for, baby?”

  I nearly jumped out of my skin at the feel of a small hand rubbing against my bare chest. I jerked my head in the direction of my companion, instantly regretting the movement as it caused a sharp pain to explode behind my eyes. “Who the fuck are you?”

  The woman propped herself up on her elbows, watching as I located my cigarettes and popped one from the package. Fire burst from the end of the lighter, instantly igniting the cigarette placed at the tip of my lips.

  “Seriously? You still don’t remember my name?”

  I blew a puff of smoke into the air. A rush of nicotine flooded my veins, soothing the ache in my skull. I touched my forehead, feeling the bandage that rested above my eyebrow.

  “Am I supposed to?” I croaked, taking another drag from my cigarette.

  She flopped back down on the bed, crossing her arms over her chest, and huffed. “You’re an asshole, Jude Wallace.”

  “Tell me something I didn’t already know, sweetheart.”

  I swung my legs over the side of the bed, burying my toes in the gray carpet, as I blew smoke out through my nostrils. A gray cloud filled the air, blocking the dull light in the room. I stood up, my legs wobbling beneath me, but I managed to steady myself to begin the search for my pants.

  “Where ya going?” the blonde whined.

  I glanced behind me to the naked woman in the bed. She seemed vaguely familiar to me. Probably because I’d fucked her at some point in the night. Anything was possible, even if I didn’t remember it.

  I searched my memory for an inkli
ng of something, anything that might tell me who this woman was. When nothing came, I grabbed my jeans from the floor and started to pull them on.

  “Look. No offense, but I’ve got shit to do,” I replied around my cigarette. “Thanks for,” ─I waved my hand over her body─ “this. It was great.”

  Or maybe not. Couldn’t have been too spectacular if I didn’t remember it.

  “Then stay,” she whimpered. She moved her hand between her thighs, slipping a single finger inside. “This should be your cock right now.”

  I tilted my head, watching her thrust her finger in and out, moaning and squirming for my attention. I was almost tempted to tap that…again?, but the call of something, or more like someone, greater reached out to me.

  I blinked, and suddenly, instead of a busty blonde in my bed, Lucy lay before me, naked and succulent. Dark hair and hazel eyes tempted me, as I focused on the woman squirming and moaning in my bed. She slid a second finger inside of her, pumping hard and fast. I took one last hit off of my cigarette, stamping it out in the ashtray by my bed. I released the smoke from my lungs and licked my lips, watching as this woman fucked herself for my pleasure.

  “Does this turn you on, baby?”

  I buttoned my jeans, pressing the zipper against my half hard, naked cock. I was turned on, but not by her. I was turned on by the imagery of a woman I’d turned her into. This woman wasn’t who I wanted. She spread her legs wider for me to see the pink of her pussy, open and pulsing with need as her fingers continued to plunge inside. I tilted my head, eyeing the live sex show on display for me. It didn’t hurt to watch a moment longer. I kind of wondered if she’d been this active when we fucked.

  “It does, uh, um, ah…” I snapped my fingers, still trying to remember her name. “Um…”

  She stopped moving. Her hooded eyes widened, and she sat up in the bed, pulling the covers over her naked body. “You really don’t remember my name, do you?”

  I grabbed my cellphone from the nightstand and glanced at the screen to see if Lucy had responded to my last text.

  Nothing.

  I assumed she would’ve responded by now, but nope.

  I shoved the phone into my back pocket. “I do, beautiful.”

  “Really? What is it, then?”

  I grabbed a black T-shirt from the chair and pulled it over my taut abdomen. The cotton material clung to my biceps, highlighting the sleeves of ink that decorated my arms. My tattoos were my story. Not one piece of art on my body was without meaning. They ran down my toned chest and over my abs, creating a vortex of color that led straight to my ankles. My face, hands, and feet were the only places I’d never allow ink to touch. To me, those areas were sacred and I wished to keep them that way.

  My first tattoo started my art-worthy story. The one over my heart belonged to Lucy. It was a diamond kaleidoscope, a reminder of the girl I loved and left behind.

  I turned to the woman, putting on my best smile, wincing at the way it tugged against my brow. “It’s a beautiful name. One that doesn’t deserve to be uttered by my unworthy lips.”

  Her face softened and she tilted her head to the side, placing her hand over her heart.

  Shakespeare was onto something. That romance shit works every time.

  I straightened up, grinning, proud of myself for being quick on my feet. Especially when my head felt like I’d been hit by a truck. Then again, I was. Ringo was as big as one.

  Ugh. Ringo. I was in so much trouble for fucking with him. Not that I cared. It’s what Sutcliffe deserved for stalking me. I’m a pro, mother fucker, and don’t need a fucking babysitter to get my job done. Sure, I’m a day or two behind, but that’s not uncommon in this business. Especially when cops are trailing you.

  I wasn’t an idiot. Lucy just so happened to be where I was expected to recon a car. The pigs were on to us. I needed to take it slow.

  It’s why I showed up at the precinct. I figured if I made an appearance there, under the pretense of taking Lucy to breakfast, it would make her and her partner less suspicious of me. Besides, it gave me more time with Lucy.

  “That’s so sweet,” the naked chick purred, fumbling for something on the nightstand. Without warning, her expression changed and suddenly her eyes were red with fire. “And it’s total bullshit, asshole. You don’t know my name!”

  I ducked as a lighter went whizzing by my head. I grabbed my black hoodie from the back of the chair and shrugged into it. Traces of blood were on it from the other night, but I didn’t care. It’d have to stay that way until the job was done.

  “You son of a bitch!” She hopped to her knees, flipping me off, as she searched for something else to throw.

  Rushing toward the door, I grabbed whatever personal effects I could gather before making a mad dash from the bedroom. At the door, I casted her a cocky grin. “You know, sugar, if my knowing your name was so important, you shouldn’t have bounced my balls when I was practically unconscious. If the tables were turned, you’d be accusing me of rape.”

  A loud, horrific screech pierced my ears. I barely managed to escape the room before something crashed against my bedroom door. I cringed but shrugged it off. Nothing in that room held any importance to me. I’d made sure of it. Being on the run most of my life taught me that stuff was just stuff, and everything was replaceable.

  I pulled my phone from my pocket, willing it to indicate a new text.

  Lucy was definitely irreplaceable.

  “Asshole,” rang through the thin walls, pulling me from my thoughts.

  I snickered, twirling the keys to my 1970 Superbird 440 6-pack Road Runner around my finger. That car had been pieced together from boosts and chops I’d made over the last ten years. She was my dream car, and no one else was allowed to touch her.

  My chest swelled as I thought about Lucy sitting in the passenger seat. That car suited her.

  I bounded down the stairs, still spinning the keys around my finger. The pain in my skull pounded with each step, so I made a quick detour to the kitchen. Nothing a little vodka and maybe a quick hit from a bong couldn’t cure.

  With his back turned to the door, Klaus stood at the kitchen counter snorting a line. His boxers hung low on his lean hips. Fire from the mouth of the dragon tattoo that started at his neck, fanned across his back and waist. The vibrant colors of the green and gold scales danced with the flames, adding luster to his bronze-colored skin.

  Klaus made a huge leap running with me that night, ten years ago. He was my brother from another mother. The only family I really had.

  “Any of that left?” I asked, approaching my friend and dropping my keys on the counter.

  Klaus lifted his head, rubbing his finger and thumb along his nose, wiping away the remnants of the powder he’d just snorted. “That’s the last of it. I thought you quit the hard shit.”

  I shrugged and opened the freezer for the bottle of vodka stashed there. “I have. I just need something to fix this fucking headache.”

  “About that. Who fucked up your face the other night?”

  I twisted off the top and drank directly from the bottle. “Ringo.”

  “Whoa! Why’d you fuck with Ringo?”

  “He was monitoring me while I scouted our car.”

  Klaus grabbed the bottle and took a swig. “Mother fucker.”

  I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes, seeing those kaleidoscope eyes in my mind. “Yeah. And you’ll never believe who I ran into.”

  Klaus handed the bottle back to me and I took a long, hard pull.

  “You know I hate guessing. Who the fuck did you run into?”

  “Lucy Diamond.”

  Klaus slammed his hand down on the counter. “No way! Is she still fine?”

  I chuckled, looking down into the bottle. “Better then fine, dude. She’s drop-dead gorgeous.”

  “Fuck me.” Klaus grabbed the bottle from me, taking another drink.

  “Only one problem.”

  “Married? Six little brats?”

 
“Worse. She’s a cop.”

  Klaus placed the bottle on the counter with a thud. “You lie.”

  “I wish.”

  “Karma fucking hates you, asshole.”

  “Fuck you, dick.”

  “It’s true. No way will she ever forgive you for running away. And no way will she ever hook up with the likes of you.”

  I couldn’t deny my friend was right. Guys like me didn’t get involved with girls like her.

  “I know. She damn near arrested me.” I grabbed the bottle and took another swig.

  “You would’ve deserved it.”

  “Don’t I know it.”

  We laughed, but our laughter was interrupted by the slamming of the bathroom door.

  “Shit. I totally forgot about her,” I mumbled.

  “Who? Lisa?”

  “Lisa? The waitress from the bar?”

  “The very one.”

  “Dude, I thought I told you not to let me tap that.”

  Klaus shrugged. “You didn’t. I did.”

  “Then what the fuck was she doing naked in my goddamn bed?”

  Klaus rubbed his arm. “Fuck if I know. She came over. We fucked and I went to sleep. She was gone when I woke up, so I thought she left.” Klaus finished off the vodka and tossed the bottle in the trash bin. “That is until I saw her coming out of your room to use the shitter.”

  “And you didn’t think anything of it?”

  Klaus shrugged. “Nah, man. I thought you were picking up my sloppy seconds.”

  I leaned back against the counter, rubbing my temple. “Fuck you.”

  Klaus laughed, giving me a once over. “So, did you hang out with Lucy at all? Catch up for old times?”

  A smile tugged at my lips, giving me away. “I made her join me at Sgt. Pepper’s.”

  “Nice!”

  I pushed away from the counter and patted Klaus on the shoulder. “It was.”

  Klaus’s smile dropped. I hated when he got serious like this. “Jude, you know you can’t go back down that road, right? She’s a fucking cop. That’s like signing your own arrest warrant.”