Loved by the Plus Sign

by ChaShiree M.

  “Listen. You don’t need to feel like you have to ask me out because you had a moment of weakness. I swear. I won’t tell anyone, and I won’t hold it against you. Ok? Now if you don’t mind, I have some papers to grade, and I need to check on Lily.” She finishes and opens the door. It takes me a second to gather my words. Make sure I don't say something to spook her. I mean let’s be honest, I am barely hanging on, but right now with her dismissing the moment we just had, it is just pissing me off.

  “First of all, Vanessa, don’t ever treat me like I am some common prick who uses chicks and walks away. A real man touches nothing unless it belongs to him and that brings me to point number two. You, my scared little tulip, belong to me. Third, I was not giving you a choice of whether to go or not. I was simply asking you what you like to eat. But, since you can’t decide, I will decide for us. Be ready at 7.” I get up off the couch, lean into her as she stands by the door, and whisper in her ear, “Trust me baby, once you say yes to me, no, will seem like another language. See you tomorrow.” Kissing her neck, I wink and walk out just as Mark pulls up.

  “Pedro.” he says opening Lily’s door.

  “Mark.” I nod my head knowing he is not going to want to talk with her in front of him. I figure he will pull up to my house in about twenty. We live a couple houses down from one another. Driving home, I can’t help but picture finally getting Vanessa into my house, no scratch that. Our house and our bed. I need her under me, squirming and moaning as I eat her sweet treat before sliding my snake down her throat. Fuck!! I think shaking my head. This is not going to help me at all right now. My jaw behind to grind into my teeth, hiding the tongue that is dying to taste every part of her as I shoot my son or daughter into her belly. I slam my car door a bit too hard everything hitting me all at once.

  “Take it the night didn’t go the way you thought it would?” I turn shocked to hear Mark’s voice, but also rigid with someone coming up behind me. Normally, I am more alert than this.

  “It went fine. What about you and Lily?”

  “We are moving along nicely. Just waiting for her to turn 18 and I am marrying her on that day.” You can see the determination in his eyes.

  “I am happy for you friend.”

  “Thanks. Anything on the scumbag?” He asks me about Lily’s father. We still cannot find him.

  “Nothing. He fucking disappeared like a phantom. But don't worry, my men are good. He won’t get nowhere for long.”

  “He better not.” We shoot the shit a little more and then both head home. Walking into my house doesn’t feel the same now. I need to get her here. One way or another.

  3

  Vanessa

  What in the hell? How did I let him jinx me into going with him tomorrow? “Weak.” I castigate myself as I walk into the kitchen to put the pizza box up. I was hungry before all of this but now my stomach couldn’t hold anything down if I tried. I can’t help but put my hands on the counter. I really don’t need this right now. As much as what Mark did to me hurt, I know deep down inside, that somehow, Pedro walking out on me and betraying me, would kill me. It took me a lot to come to terms with the fact that I would never have the life I always wanted. A husband that loved me, the way I am. Kids running around the house. A home filled with love, laughter and passion. I was finally ok with this. But now, in the presence of Pedro, I find myself wanting those things all over again and that needs to stop. Taking a deep breath, I reach for my phone, needing to call him and cancel this date when I hear the front door open. Walking back into the front room, I spot Mark, kissing Lily on her forehead as he whispers in her ear before closing my door and leaving. She stands there, looking out the door, a look of longing on her face and I feel my motherly instincts kick in. “How was your night?” I ask her walking all the way into the room. She jumps a bit and turns around. “Crap. I am so sorry Lily. I didn’t mean to scare you sweetheart.

  “It’s ok.” She says holding her chest. Seeing her so startled, makes my heart break for this girl. Knowing even a little of what she went through is too much. “It was nice. He took me to his house...and made me dinner and then we watched a movie and just hung out.” she says that last part in a little whisper. I can’t help but smile for her.

  “Was he a gentleman?” I put on my fake mother's voice. I know deep down he wouldn’t hurt her.

  “He was. Was Pedro?” My eyes widen as I look at her. Not sure how she even knew he was here. “He was leaving as we were pulling up.” She giggles and looks at me clearly waiting for an answer.

  “Uh... I guess you could call him that.” I mean, it's sort of true.

  “He said you are going out with him tomorrow night. Is that true?”

  “He wouldn’t really take no for an answer. But I am going to text him and tell him I can't go.”

  “Why?” Her question is so honest and pure, it even makes me think for a second.

  “I don’t know. I guess I just don’t see what could come of it. I mean a man like him could have any woman he wants. What would he want with me?” I ask this question honestly and out loud for the first time.

  “Miss…”

  “Uh uh. You know to call me Vanessa, Lily.”

  “Sorry. It’s a habit. Do you see how the male teachers look at you at school?” I know the confusion shows on my face because I feel my eyebrows scrunching up.

  “I am sure you are seeing things. None of them are looking at me. Trust me.” I say shaking my head heading into the kitchen for something to drink.

  “Vanessa trust me when I tell you, if you really pay attention, you will see it. You are beautiful. Why don’t you see it?” I know why, but I can’t find it in myself to say anything, so I grab some ice cream, two bowls and spoons and motion for her to sit beside me.

  “Have you really thought about what you want to do after graduation? I mean I know Mark wants you to live with him, but you know you don’t have to. Right? You could go to college, you could do anything, Lily. What do you want to do?” I look at her, making sure she knows I am serious. I want her to decide what is best for her. Not anyone else.

  “Well, I always thought I would go to school and be a Kindergarten Teacher.”

  “That’s great. We should start looking at college this weekend.” I feel myself getting more excited.

  “Thanks. But….”

  “But what, Lily? You can tell me anything.” I assure her touching her hand.

  “Well, now I am not so sure. First, ever since my mom died, my dad hasn’t worked, and he no longer has his union job that would have paid for school. So how will I afford it. Second....I mean...well...I don't know. Ever since Mark has been making himself...visible….” she giggles as she says it. “I have been thinking more about having a family. Is that stupid?” This girl is amazing.

  “Why would that make you stupid? I mean for that matter, why couldn’t you do both? If Mark really cares about you, he would make it his business to give you any and everything you want. Decide what you want, Lily and don’t take anything less. Understand?” She nods her head and bites her lip clearly wanting to say something else. “What is it?”

  “I was just wondering if you believed in love at first sight?”

  “Do you?” I ask her not wanting to answer right now. It would force me to admit something I am not ready to say to myself.

  “I didn’t. Until I met Mark. Is that crazy?” Her eyes glossy and filled with love. I envy her more than anything right now, being able to admit this.

  “No, Lily. Not crazy at all.” As close to the truth as I can get right now. She smiles at me and leans over, wrapping her arms around me.

  “Thank you, for everything, Vanessa. My only wish right now is that you take your own advice and know you are worth everything, too.” She says this, making me speechless before kissing my cheek and walking out the kitchen. The tears begin coming immediately, my emotions not able to handle the conflicting fears. Can I do this? Give my heart to someone, one more time, knowing that I could be
destroyed? Do I even want to? As I ask myself this, I know what I am going to do. I am going to go out with Pedro, not only because he looks at me like a mountain lion looks at a human, but because I look at him the same way. I would be more than lying to myself if I don’t admit that man makes me squirm and drip for him every time I see him. Crap. I guess I am doing this. I just have to figure out how to guard my heart.

  4

  Pedro

  Fuck! I think rolling over in the bed. That damn dream I just had about my tulip was hot as fuck. Damn phone. “Hello!” I answer a bit more gruffly then I intend to.

  “Get down here now. Portofino has a hostage at the port. Gamber and the guys found him last night at a strip club and he fled. He grabbed a woman off the pier and is holding her hostage. You are the only negotiator we can call.” Son of a bitch! We have been searching for this maniac for months. We first got alerted to his presence in our city when bodies of young high school girls started turning up all over the city, bound and gagged, underwear around their neck with obvious signs of rape. I went on high alert because after we caught Savorino who tortured and killed hookers, we haven’t had this. For months we searched, picked up anyone we thought guilty, nothing. Then, we got a DNA hit on CODAS after the second to the last girl and with that came a phone call from the FBI in Florida. Seems they too had been searching for this monster for over a year. Before them was the CIA. Apparently, he started in France.

  “I’m on my way.” I grab my badge, some pants and a T. I grab my gun out of the safe, my phone and wallet and walk out the door. It isn’t until I am pulling up to the port that it hits me that I have a date with Vanessa tonight. Looking at my clock, it's only 10am. I could have this done and over with before then. Good.

  “Thanks for coming so swiftly, Detective Cova. Everything has been setup in the mobile unit. The tech team has connected to the payphone located on the port. The perp doesn’t have a phone on him. Seems he left it behind when he ran.” Figures. No one ever said criminals were smart.

  “No worries. Has the perimeter been secured?”

  “Yes. We have eight blocks sealed. Snippers on the roof as well as the squad ready to breach. Just waiting on your ‘go’.”

  “Well let’s hope it doesn’t have to come to that.” I walk into the mobile unit, pick up the headset and do what I do best. Let’s hope this is something swift. I have my woman to go pick up.

  Walking out of the boatshed, I crack my back and neck. This has been one hell of a day. I began trying to negotiate with Portofino for about an hour before realizing he wasn’t going to go for it. All he wanted was to be shot so he didn’t have to answer for his crimes. At one point, I heard the woman scream and my body immediately went into attack mode. I sent a snooping robot into the building to look for all the entrances and exits and had a scope tube put underneath the door. I saw her bleeding from the camera, as he continued to hold her with his hand around her neck and the knife sticking into it. By this point I didn’t care if he lived or died. The problem was, because of the way he was standing, we didn’t have a clean shot that wouldn’t also injure the hostage. You have no idea how hard it is to figure this shit out. In the meantime, he and I went back and forth. Him blaming me for this woman’s predicament, me telling him to own up to his shit. He knew I had been looking for him. According to him, he found it refreshing to have someone else ‘play the game’ as he called it. Bastard. I finally gave him a choice. I would come into the shed, no gun or weapon, if he released her and let her get some help. This, it seemed, was the right answer.

  He released the woman, I went in and finally after six hours of negotiating and trying to find a way to end his reign, the shot rang out and he was dead. As with any case, there was crime scene techs and IAB at the crime scene making sure everything I did was above board. Of course, it was. I don’t do that crooked shit. Now here I am walking out of the Lt’s office. “Shit.” I say looking at my watch. It’s eight o’clock. Son of a bitch. Grabbing my phone out of my pocket, I dial Vanessa’s number.

  It’s your lucky day. You found me. Well sort of. Leave a message and I will make it official. Thanks.

  Her fucking voicemail. We are going to talk about that message. But first I need to get her to listen to me. No doubt she is pissed and rightfully so, but I don’t want her thinking a bunch of shit that isn’t true. As I get into the car, I call Mark. desperate times call for desperate measures.

  “What’s up?” He says out of breath. Shit. I forgot this is the time is normally at the gym.

  “I need Lily’s number.”

  “Fuck no.” How did I not know this was going to be not so easy?

  “Damn it, Mark. This is no time for your shit. I need to talk to Lily. Vanessa and I had a date tonight, but I got called into a hostage situation. I was late and didn’t get to call. She's not answering my call. I need to know if Lily is with her.”

  “Why didn’t you say so. Hold on.” Did he just fucking put me on hold? Asshole. No clue how long he has me on hold as I drive toward Tulip’s.

  “Lily said she is home and in bed. She said she cried for a second before she reminded herself that this is what she expected. I am supposed to tell you that Lily was rooting for you, but now, not so much. Make it right.” It’s like he just shot me in the heart. Knowing that even though it was not on purpose, something I did made her cry, is killing me. DAMN IT! This is going to throw a wrench in things. Doesn’t matter. She is mine. I just have to show her.

  5

  Vanessa

  I don’t know why this hurts so damn bad. It shouldn't hurt at all. It’s not like we were even dating. I chastise myself over and over wiping my eyes. I guess the truth is, last night, he had me so convinced that he was different that I let myself drop my wall a little and this is what I get.

  Bzzzz.

  I roll my eyes hearing my phone ring. Looking down, I see it’s him. I turn it off and roll back over. My mind drifts off to my sister, Araya. I wonder how she is doing. Deciding I need to talk to the one person I can always count on; I call her.

  “Little sis. How are you? What’s wrong? Is Lily ok?” Geesh. I smile laughing at her franticness.

  “Calm down, Ray. I am fine. You are going to get my niece all worked up in your belly. Lily is fine as well. She is downstairs having a study session with a friend from school.” I assure her.

  “Ok. Then what is wrong? I can hear it in your voice, hermanita. Talk to me.” Hearing her call, me what she has called me since we were kids brings tears to my eyes. I love her so much. She has been the one constant in my life.

  “Nothing, really. I am just stupid. For one split second I let myself believe that a man really wanted me. Then reality hit and I woke up.” I tell her not really wanting to get into it.

  “So, we are either talking about Pedro, the guy that was with Mark and looking at you like the steak to his Lion side. Or, you have a whole other life going on I know nothing about. So, spill.”

  “Yes. It was Pedro. We were supposed to go out tonight on a date, but then he didn’t show and didn’t call. The thing is, why do I give a shit? He wasn’t my man or anything. Just like I am not his woman.”

  “That’s where you are wrong, tulip. I am your man and you, my delicate flower, are very much...my woman.” I scream and jump dropping my phone on the floor at the sound of his deep masculine voice in my room.

  “Jesus.” I say holding my chest. “How the hell did you get up here?” I look around and note the window is still closed.

  “Lily let me in.”

  “Oh, she did, did she? I see she and I are going to have a talk when you leave.” I say crossing my arms over my chest.

  “Not necessary, tulip. She gave me a lecture before she let me up. She just wants to see you happy. Now, are you going to let me explain, or you just like being upset?” The smirk on his face makes me want to smack him and kiss him all at once. I am trying to keep my mad face, but with him standing here, smiling at me like I am his favorite breakfast,
I can’t help but want to give in.

  “It doesn’t matter. It won’t change anything.” I say trying once more to keep up my facade. He walks up to me, pulls me into his arms and everything begins to fade.

  “Look, I had every intention of coming to get you. I got a call about a hostage situation and I was the only hostage negotiator on duty. I thought it was going to be quick, but it turned out to be a serial killer we had been looking for and everything went to hell. I had to save the woman he had taken, baby. By the time it was over, I was already late, and I had to ride back to the precinct to give my statement and fill out my paperwork. I am so sorry, Vanessa. I would never want to hurt you.” He leans in and kisses me softly, his thumb rubbing my cheek. “Can you forgive me?” I find myself nodding yes before I can give it another thought. “Excellent. Now it is not too late to go out and get a pizza. Grab your jacket, baby and let’s go.” I look down at my sweats and t-shirt and back up at him.

  “Like this?” I say gesturing to myself.

  “What the fuck is wrong with how you look? To me you are the most beautiful woman in the world. No matter what you are wearing. Understand?” He holds my chin forcing me to look at him.

  “Yes.” I say simply.

  “Good. Now let’s go get something to eat. Do you think Lily wants to come?” I shrug not sure and go into her room.

  “Did he tell you why he was late?” She asks and smiles at me.

  “Yes. Don’t think I don’t have some things to say to you for letting him in here and not at least giving me a warning.” I put on my best frown.

  “Why? So you can tell me to ignore him...nope. You needed to hear what he had to say. Are you guys going out?”

  “Yeah. We are going to grab some pizza. You should come.”

  “Thanks for the invite, but Mark is on his way over and we are going to have a movie night. He is bringing pizza already. You have fun though.” she giggles and finishes her homework.