Deep Dark Secrets (The Spiritwalkers Book 1)

by Sarra Cannon

  No doubt Troy and his little girlfriend had told everyone their version of the story. Rumors spread so fast in this town that by now, people were probably saying I’d threatened to kill myself over their relationship.

  Oh well, let them say whatever they wanted to say. I couldn’t stop them if I tried.

  I disappeared into the girl's’ locker room, changed into the stupid black top, and stood at the back of the line, waiting for my turn. Nicole sacrificed her place in line and waited at the back with me.

  My mom sat on the bleachers, chewing on her fingernails and watching me like a hawk.

  So, this was my life now. I had gone from being one of the most popular, well-liked girls in school to being the one everyone liked to whisper about behind her back.

  I lifted my chin and stood as still as I could, as if bracing for the storm ahead.

  But inside, I had never felt more scared or more alone in my life.

  9

  I Wanted No Part Of It

  The weekend passed by in a blur.

  I did what I could to appease my parents and show up for all family meals and TV time, but I mostly just wanted to be alone in my room.

  Nicole texted to invite me to a back-to-school party at one of our classmates’ houses, but I told her I wasn’t feeling up to it. The idea of another party after what had happened at the last one scared the crap out of me. Besides, I really didn’t want to go and be faced with more of everyone’s pitiful looks and rumors.

  School was set to start on Tuesday, and by the time Monday night rolled around, a giant stone of anxiety had settled in my stomach. Parties I could avoid, but tomorrow morning, school would start, and there was no avoiding that.

  I excused myself after dinner that night and went up to my room to start getting my things ready. Mom had taken Kimi and me shopping to get new backpacks, supplies, and clothes. She gave me the side-eye every time I picked something black off the hanger, but I didn’t care.

  I simply couldn’t wear the same bright colors and florals I’d worn before. I was different now, and Mom was going to have to get used to it.

  In my room, I spread my new notebooks out on my comforter. Things like this used to give me such a thrill. New pens. Fresh notebooks. The mark of a brand-new year and a brand-new start.

  But tonight, all I felt was fear.

  I was going to have to face school without Hailey.

  I’d met her on my first day of Kindergarten eleven years ago, and we’d been inseparable ever since.

  I kept wanting to reach for my phone and call her up to ask her what she was planning to wear or who she had for homeroom this year.

  I missed her, and I knew it was time to move on, but I was stuck. I couldn’t make sense of what really happened to her, and that held me here in some kind of prison.

  That was the part I couldn’t talk to anyone about. All it did was start a conversation about teen suicide, depression, and the dangers of abusing drugs. Everyone else believed the story was simple.

  Hailey and I had gotten trashed at the party and for whatever reason, we got in that car and decided to drive to the old factory outside town to see if we could score some more drugs. They debated about whether Hailey had simply lost control of the car in the storm or if she had purposely driven us off that bridge, but either way, it was the drugs and alcohol in her system that impaired her and caused the tragedy.

  But they didn’t know her like I did. They weren’t there.

  I may not have been able to remember everything about that night, but I remembered the strange black tears that fell across her cheeks and the vacant look in her eyes. There was something different about her that night that I couldn’t explain, and it haunted me.

  Exhausted, I crawled onto my bed. I didn’t even bother to move the notebooks out of the way. I simply curled into a ball and cried myself to sleep.

  The nightmare started the way it always started. With the rain.

  It was pouring down so hard, I couldn’t see where we were going. I begged Hailey to slow down. To stop the car. But this time, when we reached the bridge, there was a man standing in our way.

  His long black hair fell below his shoulders.

  He raised his hand, and the car stopped abruptly, slamming both Hailey and me into the dashboard. She crawled out of the car, blood covering her face and hands. I screamed her name and tried to follow her, but something held me to the spot.

  The man’s eyes were dark, but his body was surrounded in a pale blue light, as if he were some kind of ghost in the night.

  “You have to fight this,” he said, staring straight at me as I sat, paralyzed, in the passenger seat of the car. “You’re stronger than this, Marayah. You can’t let the darkness win.”

  As the last words left his lips, the blue mist around him thickened, nearly blocking my view of him completely. I could just make out the form of a large bear running back toward the woods.

  The next instant, a giant eagle flew toward the car, swooping close to the windshield and then flying up into the sky.

  My hands found the handle of the door, and I tumbled out onto the wooden bridge. It creaked beneath me as I stood and stumbled forward, searching for Hailey in the growing mist.

  I found her broken body near the railing, one hand clutching the twisted steel. Her eyes were open but dull, the life stripped from them. I fell to my knees beside her, calling her name, but the moment my hand touched her skin, a flash of lightning struck dangerously close by.

  I screamed, unable to move as something black and oily bubbled from my friend’s open lips. The darkness slithered out of her like a snake and headed straight for me.

  I tried to move, but some invisible force held me down.

  He was wrong. I wasn’t strong, and I had no idea how to fight something like this.

  The darkness coiled around my leg and slithered up my body. Its head drew back and dark fangs made of shadow protruded from its gaping mouth.

  And then it struck.

  I woke with a start, jerking my head off the bed and dropping something onto the comforter. What the hell?

  I blinked, forcing my eyes to wake up and clear, but my heart was still racing.

  I had never had a nightmare quite like this one. It felt darker somehow. More terrifying. And I could swear the place on my side where the snake had struck me ached.

  I shook my head and took several deep breaths to calm my heart, but when I looked down, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

  There beside me on the bed was an open notebook. One of the new ones. The pen I’d dropped bled ink onto my comforter, and I snatched it up and replaced the cap.

  I sat up straight and pulled the notebook into my lap, staring at the strange symbol drawn on the page. In the center of the page were three concentric circles, and in the center of those circles was a set of three triangles, each drawn inside the next. I had never seen anything like it before.

  And yet, I had to have drawn it myself.

  These notebooks were brand new.

  And that dream. I shook my head and closed my eyes, not wanting to look at the symbol any longer.

  That dream had been different than before. It didn’t feel like a memory, exactly, and yet there was something about it that tugged at the truth locked deep inside of me.

  Some secret I was keeping, even from myself.

  I could still see the black liquid oozing from Hailey’s open mouth, and when I opened my eyes to look at what I’d drawn, I knew that somehow, the two things were connected.

  Fear pooled in the base of my stomach like acid.

  I ripped the page from my notebook and ran out of my room and down the stairs. The house was quiet, so it must have been late, but I didn’t care about the time. I just needed to get rid of this paper. Now.

  I rummaged through the drawers in the kitchen until I found the long lighter my dad used to fire up the grill. I took it out back to the patio and fell to my knees on the brick. I crumpled the piece of paper into a tiny
ball and clicked the lighter until it sprang to life with fire.

  The moment the fire touched the page, my shoulders relaxed.

  I watched as the flame devoured the writing, taking it down to a small pile of ash that I stomped with my shoe.

  Whatever that was, I wanted no part of it.

  A breeze whipped across the patio, scattering the ash, and somewhere in the trees behind my house, a twig snapped. I froze in fear, not breathing as I listened.

  Something rustled in the underbrush, and I couldn’t tell if it was an animal or a person.

  “Hello?” I managed, though it only came out in a whisper.

  No one responded, but as I turned to go back into the house, I had the distinct feeling I was being watched.

  10

  The Beginning Of My Last

  “You got this,” Kimi whispered as we stood in front of the doors to Twin Rivers High School. “The first day is going to be the hardest. It’s all downhill from here.”

  I nodded and took a deep breath. She was right. I just had to make it through this first day, and then it would get easier.

  Besides, I honestly didn’t think I could survive one more day at home with my mother.

  “I should be the one giving you a pep talk,” I said as we walked into the school.

  It was the beginning of her first year here, and the beginning of my last.

  “Do you know where to go?” I asked.

  She nodded. “We had orientation a couple of weeks ago,” she said. “I’m in Mr. Fratelli’s homeroom, so I better go this way. You’re the opposite, right?”

  “Yep,” I said. “I’ll see you after school?”

  “See you,” she said.

  “Kimi,” I called after her.

  She turned around, walking backwards and somehow managing not to slam into anyone. “What?”

  “Have a great first day,” I said.

  “You too,” she said with a wave.

  Some of her friends stood waiting for her at the opening to the freshman corridor, and she ran to catch up with them, the group giggling and laughing as they disappeared around the corner.

  My heart ached for a second as I missed my best friend, but I couldn’t stand around being sad about it for the rest of my life. I needed to find a way to move on.

  I lifted my chin and decided I was going to make this a great day, no matter what.

  And that’s when I saw him. The new guy I’d seen on picture day. His shoulder-length black hair was pulled back in a pony-tail today instead of a braid, but his dark eyes were just as piercing as before.

  He was talking to one of the teachers, but his eyes were locked on me.

  My mouth went dry as he lowered his chin in a subtle nod before looking away.

  “Marayah, what’s up?” John said. He bumped my shoulder and smiled. “You missed a great party the other night. Asher Evans jumped off the balcony into the pool and nearly broke his arm on the concrete when he landed.”

  “Sounds thrilling,” I said.

  He laughed. “It was hilarious.”

  Shaylene came over and pushed him. Her long blonde hair flowed in waves across her shoulders. “You giving our girl a hard time?” she asked. “I think we should at least let her ease back into things before we start harassing her.”

  “I’m just trying to make small talk,” he said. He leaned back and looked me up and down. “What’s with the goth attire these days? Did you meet some stoners during your stint at Longview?”

  My mouth opened in shock at his blatant reference to the rehab center.

  Shaylene slapped his arm and gave him a dirty look, but John didn’t seem to notice.

  “Seriously, though, I like it,” he said, giving me a wink. “Dark can be sexy.”

  “Who’s sexy?” Lena asked, butting into the conversation with Troy in tow like a puppy on a leash. Her upper lip raised in a slight snarl as she looked at me, but she quickly turned it into her normal, fakey-fake smile.

  I was worried she might break into her speech about how amazing it was that we were starting our last year when Nicole walked up and threw her arms around me.

  “It’s so good to be able to walk in and see you here again,” she said. “Just like old times.”

  I managed a smile, but I knew that it wouldn’t quite be like old times. Hailey was gone, Lena was with Troy, and I was so different I hardly recognized myself.

  Nicole and I said goodbye to the others and started walking toward the homeroom we both shared at the end of the hallway.

  “Are you feeling okay?” she asked. “I know this has to be tough for you.”

  I sighed. I would not be down and depressed all day. I couldn’t live like this.

  “I know you guys have all had a year to deal with the reality of what happened and with Hailey being gone, but this is my first day back. It just feels weird.”

  I didn’t mention the fact that I was also still strangely unsettled by my nightmare last night. I shuddered now just thinking about it.

  “It’s going to take time,” Nicole said. “Just don’t let it ruin your day, okay?”

  “I’ll try not to,” I said.

  We walked into Mrs. Hanahan’s classroom and found two seats near the back of the room. A few seconds later, the new guy walked in and glanced around.

  I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, trying to not stare at him, but not really able to help myself. He barely glanced at the empty seat next to mine and must have thought better of it, ultimately choosing a seat closer to the front and on the other side of the room.

  I exhaled, realizing I’d been holding my breath since he first walked in.

  “Good morning, class, and welcome back,” Mrs. Hanahan said as she took her spot in the front of the room. “I hope you all had a restful summer and are ready to get back to work. The first round of SAT’s for the fall are only three weeks away, so those of you needing to get your test scores up will want to sign up and take advantage of this before your college applications go out.”

  She continued, calling roll and talking about test schedules and sporting events until the bell rang and we all scattered to head to our first classes of the day.

  Most of the morning passed by uneventfully. I got a few stares here and there, but for the most part, everyone was so wrapped up in their own lives that they hardly seemed to notice I was back.

  At least until I got to calculus, my final class of the day.

  I should have known everything had been too easy. I was running late after accidentally heading to the wrong classroom and just barely squeezed through the door of Mr. Foster’s classroom as the bell began to ring.

  “You just made it, Miss Freeman,” he said. “Have a seat, please, and we’ll get started. Hopefully your semester of homeschooling didn’t put you too far behind, because we’re diving straight into our work this morning.”

  A couple of guys near the back snickered as I walked past to find an empty desk.

  “Yeah, how were the math classes at Longview?” one of them said. I didn’t have to look back to know it was Asher, the guy who’d nearly broken his arm diving into the pool. He was a loud-mouthed jock who found joy in torturing others. “If you have five pills and you take four of them, how many do you have left?”

  I ignored him and sat down, but when I went to take out my pencil and binder, my bag fell open and a few things spilled onto the floor, including a bottle of pills Dr. Millner had given me for anxiety. Oh, the irony.

  I groaned internally and scooped them up, hoping no one had seen.

  “Wow, she’s already back on drugs, and she hasn’t even been back for a full day yet,” Asher mock-whispered.

  A few of the guys around him laughed and joined in as soon as Mr. Foster’s back was turned.

  “See how her hands are shaking? That’s what happens when you detox, or so I’ve heard,” another guy said.

  “Yeah, I give her about two weeks before she’s back at Longview with the rest of the suicide squad and the d
ruggies.”

  I bit down on my tongue until I tasted blood. I refused to say anything that would let them know they were getting to me.

  I zipped my bag up and placed my pencil on the desk. It was true that my hands were shaking, but not from any kind of withdrawals. I’d never done drugs in my whole life. I didn’t care what the toxicology reports said. I refused to believe it.

  The girl sitting next to me, Amber, threw me an apologetic glance and then looked away.

  Mr. Foster assigned textbooks to everyone and then asked us to turn to page fifty for our first lesson, but my concentration was already shot. Ten minutes into class, I was already praying for the bell to ring.

  “Hey, Marayah,” Asher whispered when Mr. Foster turned his back to work out a formula on the whiteboard.

  I tried to ignore him at first, but he kept calling my name. I finally turned slightly in my chair to face him. “What do you want, Asher?”

  “Just wondering what really happened that night,” he said. He leaned forward across his desk. “Did you and Hailey really make some kind of suicide pact?”

  I glared at him and then turned around.

  “I’m just asking because I heard that there were no tire marks on the bridge at all,” he said. “She didn’t even slam on the brakes before you hit the railing, almost like she meant to go over.”

  I kept my eyes forward, trying to ignore his question, but he apparently wasn’t going to let up.

  “I mean, if Hailey wanted to kill herself, fine. But why take you with her unless you both wanted to go?” he asked. “I personally have a theory about this, but I wanted to hear it from you first.”

  I twirled around in my seat. “Shut up, Asher. I mean it.”

  He held his hands up in defense. “Gosh, I didn’t mean to inspire an outburst,” he said. “No need to get angry.”

  “Is there a problem?” Mr. Foster asked.

  “No problem on my end,” Asher said. “But I think Marayah here has some anger issues she still needs to work through with her therapist.”