Good Intentions (The Road to Hell Series, Book 1)

by Brenda K. Davies

  I stood, my knees shaking and my heart shattering as tears spilled from my eyes. My legs finally gave out on me, and I crumpled to the floor as sorrow tore through my heart. What have I done? I rested my forehead against the dirt floor when my muscles began to cramp. What had to be done.

  Maybe it had, maybe it was best to break this off before it could go any further, but I didn’t think I’d ever be able to walk again as a spasm wracked my muscles.

  I couldn’t give up my humanity and who I essentially was for him, or for Lucifer. It would turn me into Lucifer if I did, and I was determined to be the apple that fell far far from his tree!

  CHAPTER 43

  Kobal

  “Stay with her!” I snapped at Bale when I stormed out of the tent.

  “Wait, Kobal, we have to talk about what just happened!”

  I rounded on her. “What about it?”

  She took an abrupt step back and folded her hands demurely before her. I’d rarely seen such a position from her. She treated me like her king when it was required, but she’d always been free to say what she had to around me, as had the others. I valued their opinions. Now she looked like she was trying to handle a live bomb. Perhaps she was; I certainly felt as if I was ticking steadily toward a large explosion.

  “You have to admit you handled that poorly,” she said.

  “No human will attempt to harm her again,” I grated.

  “They barely trusted us before—”

  “I don’t care if they trust us or not; they will do what has to be done if they want their species to continue.”

  Bale looked toward the others as if seeking help.

  I turned to face all of them. “What do you have to say about it?”

  “Nothing,” Morax said. “If it had been Verin that woman tried to kill, I would have eaten her head after to make an even bigger point. She deserved to die.”

  “I would have done the same if it had been Morax,” Verin replied. “And I’m not one for head eating.”

  At least someone could see reason. My fingernails dug into my flesh as I recalled what had transpired with River. She’d calm down; she’d come to her senses once she realized I’d done what had to be done. She was human, and they were overly sensitive creatures.

  Since arriving here, she’d been far more resolute and composed than most of the humans thrust into this new existence of knowledge, probably because of her demon and angel side, but she was now showing her more irrational, human side.

  She’d been through a lot, and Lucifer had rattled her last night. I knew he was the main source of her irrationality now, but I wasn’t used to dealing with humans in a fit of emotion. They cried far more often than we did, and also showed affection and friendship with far more ease than us. Perhaps, I’d handled it poorly, but I wasn’t going to apologize for it.

  I couldn’t have stopped my course of action anyway, not once I smelled River’s blood on the air, not once I saw it on her pristine flesh. There had been no control after that. I hadn’t been able to protect her from Lucifer last night, but I could protect her from that woman and from any possible future attacks from a human.

  We were different, but she would understand, and then she would ask me to return to her. She had to; I wasn’t going to give her up. There was no separating the two of us. I’d marked her as my Chosen, and she’d done the same to me.

  However, she was not fully demon; she didn’t feel the bond as deeply as I did. If she did, she would have had no problem with what had happened today, and she wouldn’t be trying to push me away. She would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed.

  If she didn’t feel the bond as acutely as me, if she didn’t feel this twisting, wrenching disconnect from her as deeply as I did, she may not return to me.

  No! I refused to consider the possibility. She would come back. There had been enough demon in her to mark me repeatedly and to wield fire. There would be enough to drive her into my arms once more. I couldn’t consider the consequences of it being any other way; I would go mad with the loss if I did.

  “Did you stake up the remains of that woman?” I inquired of Corson as I tried to keep my riot of emotions under control.

  “That is taking it a step too far,” Shax replied, ever the voice of reason. “They all know what you did. Talk is flying around the camp already, but to stake her out somewhere will only upset them and make them believe we’re monsters.”

  There was that word again. River had told me I was acting like one, and perhaps I was. It was time to regain control, to react to this situation as I would have before River had become central to my life. As badly as I wanted that woman’s body splayed out for all of the humans to see, I had to admit Shax was right.

  “I’ve already ordered it to be done; I can’t back down from that now,” I said.

  “Then have her remains put somewhere they won’t see them much,” Shax replied.

  I rubbed at my chin as I considered his words. “Have her placed in the field above the burned out town where the revenirs attacked. Few people will see her there, but there will be enough of them to know my command was upheld.”

  Shax’s shoulders sagged as he heaved a breath. “Now to convince the fifty humans you’ve chosen for this mission they won’t be slaughtered.”

  “There’s a good possibility they will be along the way,” I muttered.

  “True, and they know this, but I think they’d far prefer to know you’re not the one who is going to do it. We have to make sure they don’t tuck tail and run from this mission, Kobal.”

  I folded my arms over my chest. “I hate catering to this species.”

  “It’s what must be done if we’re going to get them to leave here. And you might think about catering to at least one of them a little more, given your Chosen is more human than not.”

  My lip curled back and Shax backed cautiously away from me. “Fine,” I snarled. “I’m going to speak with Mac. She needs a shower; take her over there,” I commanded Bale.

  “I will,” she said.

  “Shax, Corson, come with me. The humans like you best.”

  “That’s what comes of leaving them in one piece,” Corson muttered.

  I glowered at him, but turned on my heel and led the way down the hill toward the town. I didn’t bother with trying to clean myself up. I was tired of pretending to be more human than we were. If this species was going to survive, they had to trust and work with us; they had no other options.

  Humans scurried to get out of my way when we arrived at the main road and I strode toward the house at the end. Mac answered the door before we arrived there. His gaze raked over my bloodstained clothes before he stepped aside to let me enter.

  ***

  River

  The man who had been working on hand-to-hand combat with a lanky tall woman took a step back and accidentally hit my foot, knocking me off balance. “Sorry!” he yelped and jumped away from me.

  He had to easily be two hundred pounds of solid muscle, yet he backed away from me and shot a look at Kobal like he weighed no more than a five-pound Chihuahua. I scowled at him before shooting an infuriated look at Kobal, who merely smiled blandly at me in return. He held his palms up toward me in offering to be my sparring partner.

  Instead of going at him and finally releasing some of my pent-up misery by beating at those palms and his infuriatingly enticing physique, I turned away from my newly assigned sparring partner, Corson, and stalked across the clearing to the cooler of water on the side.

  I poured myself a cup from the tap as I listened to the grunts, heavy breathing, and thwacks of flesh on flesh while the group of fifty handpicked soldiers worked together. We would be leaving in two days, and I could feel the sand running through the hourglass of my life. None of the soldiers had done any training with me. They either avoided me like I had the plague or treated me as if I were more fragile than glass.

  Either way, I’d officially become an outsider all the way around. I didn’t fit i
n with the humans; they were petrified to brush against me. The demons were mostly protective of me, but distant. Bale and Corson had started to have more interaction with me as they’d been assigned to replace Kobal and work with me in private on my ability to wield life.

  I didn’t comment on the fact Kobal had told me to keep it a secret. We may not be speaking, but I knew he wouldn’t do anything to endanger me. He trusted them, and I was beginning to trust them more too, though I kept how good I was really getting at it from all of them.

  Kobal and I continued to avoid each other like the mature adults we were. Well, I wasn’t sure if being over fifteen hundred years old qualified him as an adult, maybe an ancient would be a better term for him. Me, I had mastered the art of ignoring him when all I wanted was to throw myself into his arms. The marks on my neck were fading, and the more they did, the more freaked I became over the knowledge they would one day be gone for good.

  The realization robbed my breath from me and caused my chest to clench so fiercely I couldn’t draw a new breath. I needed those marks back.

  I wanted to feel loved and cherished, even if it was in the demon way that could result in human head removal.

  I shuddered at the reminder of Eileen’s warm blood splattering over my face. I wanted to know I would never become like Lucifer, or that I couldn’t be used as the one weapon he’d never had against Kobal. Kobal had said a demon would still recognize me as his if the marks faded from me, but perhaps without them they wouldn’t think of me as a weapon. They would think of me as the Chosen who wasn’t. I could hope anyway. I’d rather die than be the one who brought him down.

  And then there was Lucifer’s gift. Every night I lay away thinking about it, quaking in dread and yearning for the security of Kobal’s arms. What could the gift possibly be? Nothing good, of that much I was certain, but how awful would it be? And when would it come? I had no doubt I’d recognize it for what it was the second I saw it.

  I didn’t look at Kobal when I felt the heat of him against my back. My body tensed as longing and suffering tore through me, shaking my muscles and burning my eyes. It’s for the best, I reminded myself for the thousandth time.

  It did little good.

  “You have to get back on the field,” he said gruffly.

  Finishing off my water, I placed my cup down next to the cooler and turned away. I walked across the field toward Corson. He’d always been the most approachable of the demons with his easygoing smile, handsome face, and the shiny earrings dangling from the tips of his ears. He smiled at me now before glancing at Kobal.

  I didn’t follow Corson’s gaze; Kobal’s face had been emblazoned in my mind in the three days since our fight. I couldn’t look at him right now without crying, and I couldn’t think about the fact Bale had stayed in the main tent last night instead of him. My heart had been sliced open and shredded by the possibility he may have returned to the fire last night while I’d cried myself into a fitful sleep.

  You’re the one who told him to get out.

  And he’s the one who told you you were acting hysterically after tearing the head off of someone.

  The same someone who tried to kill you.

  Sometimes I really hated my inner voice.

  I thrust my shoulders back and stopped before Corson. I despised the pity in his eyes and the way he glanced at Kobal again, as if asking for permission. I would guarantee he was. He raised his hands before him and took up a fighter’s stance.

  “Don’t pity me,” I grated through my teeth at him.

  His citrine-colored eyes flickered over me, and his head tilted to the side, causing one of the stars in his ears to twinkle as it spun around. “No pity from me,” he replied as he moved around me.

  “It sure seems that way,” I said as I jabbed at his hands.

  Corson moved to the left to avoid a kick I launched at him. “Maybe some, but not for the reasons you think.”

  “Then why?” I demanded.

  “Because there is enough demon in you to have driven you to mark him too. I have never met my Chosen, but I know how much my parents cherished each other. When my father was killed by Lucifer, it destroyed my mother. She threw herself into the fires afterward.”

  Tears sprang into my eyes at the thought of such loss and pain as I stopped moving. Freaking tears, again. I wiped them hastily from my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whispered and started moving again when Kobal stepped toward us.

  “It was centuries ago, but I know how strong the Chosen bond is. If you’re feeling a fraction of the grief they did, then I do feel sorry for you.”

  I glanced away from him and focused on the sun dipping toward the horizon. Pinks, oranges, and reds streaked over the clouds floating across the sky. “But you feel I’m an idiot or selfish for resisting the bond that destroyed your mother.”

  “Kobal told Bale and me about your dream with Lucifer. Fearing for the life of the one you love, and you do love him…?”

  I gave a brisk nod when Corson’s voice trailed off questioningly. I may not have told Kobal that I did, but there was no denying it. “Yes.”

  “Fearing for his life, and for what you might become, and suffering unimaginable sorrow to protect the one you love is neither selfish nor idiotic.”

  My eyes slid back to him. I was half tempted to throw my arms around him and hug him. However, I had a feeling it might end up in his limbs being tossed around if I did. They’d grow back, but I seriously doubted he’d talk to me again after. “Thank you,” I whispered.

  His head tilted to the side as he studied me. “You stood up to him, which means you can more than hold your own against any of us, including Lucifer.”

  With those words, Corson had just become the closest thing to a friend, outside of Kobal, I’d had since arriving here, and I so desperately needed someone to listen.

  “One thing though,” he said quietly.

  “What’s that?”

  “He’s not going to be able to let you go. It’s not possible for us. You’re going to have to decide, when you’re not so angry and frightened.” I shot him an irritated look, but he merely smiled in return. “Your feelings for him terrify you. They’re far deeper than anything a human would feel and you know it. Lucifer has unnerved you, and what Kobal did to the woman was disturbing, but you must realize by now it was an instinctive reaction for him to protect you and not meant as one of maliciousness.”

  I recalled Kobal’s words about the mark Ziwa being a blessing and a curse, and how there was nothing more dangerous than a hound when its mate was threatened. He’d warned me many times he was capable of being vicious, but I still had never expected to see that from him.

  “I do,” I admitted.

  “You reacted out of panic and shock.”

  “Yeah,” I muttered.

  “You are going to have to decide if you really can live without him, or if you just need some time to come to grips with who and what you are now. Because if you can live without him, you are going to have to get far away from him after all of this is settled. Your presence will only bring him more hurt.”

  My head canted to the side as I stared at him. The easygoing, earring-wearing demon was far more perceptive than I’d believed him to be. If Kobal knew he was discussing this so openly with me, he may kill him.

  “I know.” Though I couldn’t picture my life without Kobal in it. We may not be speaking or touching right now, but I was still able to see him every day. The idea of not being able to do so nearly drove me to my knees.

  “Will he survive without me?” I whispered in a strangled voice.

  “Will you survive without him?”

  No.

  He grinned at me and sidestepped to avoid the leg I kicked at him. “I can understand keeping your distance if you think it really will help protect him; you have to figure that out on your own also. Your instincts are strong, maybe a little frazzled right now, but they’re there, so listen to them. The sooner the better would be good too. Kobal was never a ba
ll of laughs before; now I’d rather play keep away with a madagan than deal with him.”

  I couldn’t stop the burst of laughter his words caused to escape from me. I chanced a glance at Kobal to find him glaring at us across the clearing. “I’ll figure it out soon,” I promised.

  “Thank you.”

  I stayed focused on Corson as we moved around the clearing. Everything had been moving so quickly and become entrenched so fast it had overwhelmed me. What mattered most was stopping the looming threat to the humans and demons and possibly even the angels.

  What mattered was in two days’ time, we would be leaving here, and we would be exposed to things I’d never dreamed of before. Things that would make my worst nightmares seem like pleasant daydreams in comparison. I couldn’t allow the hole in my heart to drag me down and distract me. I couldn’t let anything stand in the way of what was to come.

  I would survive this. I would do what had to be done to keep Bailey and Gage alive, and one day, I would return to them.

  My entire life my mother had told me I was evil, that I was the spawn of Satan. I wondered if maybe somehow she’d known my heritage, or if her rotten mind had accidentally latched onto those vicious words and repeated them often. My ancestor, the one I refused to call my father, believed I would also become evil, but I would prove them both wrong. I simply had to.

  Kobal didn’t believe in pure evil, but after meeting Lucifer, I knew he was wrong. I’d endured years of my mother telling me I was a monster, and now Satan himself had told me it would one day come to pass. I didn’t entirely believe him, but I did believe something had made him the way he was and that there was a possibility it could happen to me too.

  Kobal would never believe I could become like Lucifer, and because of that, I worried I could be his downfall. I wouldn’t be used as a way to destroy the man I loved. I would figure out some way for that not to happen. Even if it meant I had to put distance between us, and I could never be with him again.