Love, Michael: A second chance romance

by Gina A. Jones

  "Okay, maybe some ice cream?"

  "Bindi," I hear Michael say, "You want Grammy to get you ice cream? That's a big nod."

  "Okay, I'm just leaving the cleaners." Lie. "I'll be home soon. Kiss Bindi for me."

  "I will." I start to end the call when he says, "I love you, Jill."

  "I love you too, Michael." And that's why it hurts so much.

  It's been two days. Two days of biting my tongue into oblivion. Michael has been overly sweet, and attentive, and loving, and regretting the past. And maybe that's how older men have affairs. Kill their wives with kindness, while having sex with other women. While the younger find fault with what they have because there's something different they want. I hate both.

  Today is my half day at the hospital, and I've called Cathy's number six more times. Only to have it go to voicemail. She has my number now. Surely, she's had to say something to Michael. If she has, he hasn't said anything. But, I do detect something in his demeanor. Last night before bed, he sat up and waited for me while I brushed my teeth. He had a look of wanting to talk when I walked in.

  "Hey, what's on your mind?" I said.

  "You. Always you. Never doubt that." It was hard to accept his sweet talk, and I tried to get it out of him.

  "Michael is…is there something going on?" He looks at me intently, about to spill something. He looks down and then pulls me to him.

  "I just have a lot of regrets. That's all. Let's focus on what we have left."

  "Left?"

  "Now. Let's focus on us, our life and do all those things you talk about when we were young. Maybe you should quit your job. We could travel around."

  "But, what about Monica and Jordon, and Bindi?"

  "We'd be back. Maybe take Bindi on vacation with us." Does he want me gone, so as not to find him with Cathy?

  "Michael, I can't quit my job. I love my job."

  "Okay, but the offer still stands if you change your mind," he said and turned off the lights. As he slept, I watched his face in the moonlight and wished I could climb into his mind.

  Pulling in, I park in the garage and see that Michael is not home. Perhaps he took Bindi to the park. But, it's pretty cold today. This will give me time to search for something. But what? All his expenses are paid through his business. How clever. I must be cleverer.

  I throw my purse and bag of scrubs down and run to the computer. Tapping on Michael's expense account in the Danforth Jet Center file, it opens, and I scan my eyes down the columns. But everything to me looks legit. Of course, it's not like he's going to put a column for sex. Look. Look. It has to be here. And then I spot it. The travel log column. Where's his flight ticket? Nothing in here shows any expense, travel or food for the last year. The previous travel expense was dated two years ago. Yet, everything else has dates of at least two days ago. Why wouldn't he add last week's travel expense?

  I hear the door from the garage into the kitchen close. Michael. I minimize the excel spreadsheet and crane my neck to see if he's coming. "Michael? Is that you, Honey?" He doesn't answer, but I hear him talking to someone. He's on his phone. I wait for the screen to go dark before leaving and walk out to find him on the phone. He looks up, and his face changes expressions.

  "Look, I can't talk right now." He seems very upset and ends the call.

  "Is everything all, right?" I ask.

  "Just…some shit at the jet center," he says, running his hand through his hair.

  "Michael, what's going on at the jet center? I'm tired of you keeping me in the dark." His head swings back, and his eyes show anger. "I think we should talk about it."

  "Jill, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about anything." He is angry. Frustrated. At me?

  "Don't bite my head off, Michael. Something is going on, and I have a right to know, don't I?"

  "I'm sorry. I…it's just been a frustrating day."

  Looking around, I notice I don't see Bindi. "Where's Bindi? Isn't she with you?"

  "I dropped her off at home."

  "With who? Monica and Jordan don't get home for another hour."

  "Jill, will you stop badgering me?" A wave of panic runs through me. The room is dead silent as he looks at me with fear in his eyes. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. It's just been a bad day."

  "Was Bindi being a handful today…."

  "No, and I called Monica to see if she could get off early. I had to meet with associates from the jet center in town."

  "Well, why didn't you call me?"

  "Jill, I don't know." His voice is rough, and he's becoming angry again. We stare at each other, and I can't take it any longer.

  "Who's Cathy?" He stares at me in disbelief; then, that anger rises.

  "She's nobody," he says and begins to walk away.

  "You think I don't know, Michael? I was trained by the best—you. I found her number in your suit pocket." He stops and turns around.

  "What's this about, Jill?"

  "I think you know. You're back to having your affairs again."

  His smile is all too condescending as he shakes his head. "That's what you think. I'm sleeping around?"

  "Why would I not think that?" He doesn't respond and walks away. "That's right, Michael, just walk away like you did before." Still no response as he shuts the bedroom door hard, and I jump. I'm about to run to the room when the doorbell rings. Shit, not now.

  Moving the blinds, I see Casey standing on the porch and open the door. "Casey, what's up? Is everything okay?

  "Yes, is Michael home?" Why would she need to speak with Michael?

  "Well, yes, but…I think he's in the shower," I say and notice she's holding Bindi's favorite teddy bear. The one she naps with.

  "I forgot this when Michael picked her up today. I know she can't sleep without it. And could you tell Michael that I switched my classes around? And I'll be able to watch Bindi next week as well?"

  "You've been watching Bindi?"

  "Yes, the last few weeks. It's not a problem. It's kind of a nice distraction with Mom gone and all."

  I have no idea how to respond, so I take the teddy bear and thank her. "I'm glad, and thanks for bringing it over. I'll let Monica know we have it. And I'll let Michael know too." Boy will I ever, I think and squeeze the bear. When I look back at Casey, Tammy, not as Marilyn, is standing beside her daughter. Tammy strokes her hair, but I know she's only my imagination.

  "Okay, thanks. Bye, Jill."

  "Bye, Casey. Tell your dad and sisters I said hello."

  "I will."

  Shutting the door, I hear Tammy. "I miss them all so much. I can't believe she's in college. Looks like their doing well. It's the best I can expect."

  "Now why are you here?" I say to a figure of my imagination. "It better be to offer me support." She's not looking at me, but past me. There's a faraway look in her eyes. Then, I finally hear her.

  "That's not why I here, Jill," she whispers and walks away. I watch her move to the door, where Michael is on the other side. She looks at me, then disappears.

  Get a grip, Jill.

  I march to the bedroom and start to open it when I hear Michael speaking quietly on his phone. I carefully crack open the door and see him pacing and whispering.

  "I can't do this anymore. I hate lying to her." A pause. "She called you? When? Fuck! She said she found your number. You didn't tell her anything, did you? Because she's been acting suspiciously." Cathy. He's talking to Cathy. I should bust in there and tell his ass to get out. But instead, I continue to listen. "Yes, I have a sitter for my granddaughter all of next week. God, this has got to work. I can't lose everything again."

  I can't take it any longer and push open the door. He swings his head, looking at me with fear. I don't walk in, but stand in the doorway, my arms crossed.

  "Look, I have to go."

  "No, you don't Michael. Continue your talk with Cathy in front of me." He looks at the teddy bear in my hands. "Casey dropped this off." His chest heaves with defeat.

  "
She's here. Yes, right here in the room with me." It's amazing I'm able to stand because I'm shaking so bad. "I can't tell her," he says and drops the phone on the bed and walks into the bathroom. I walk over and pick up his phone.

  "You'll have to talk to me now. Michael has left the room."

  "Jill, can you please hand Michael the phone? I need to speak with him."

  "No, you speak with me. And then, you can talk to Michael as much as you want. Because as of today, he's out of here." I stand in the bathroom doorway and look at Michael looking at me in the mirror. His look is total defeat.

  "Jill, just one second. Let me speak to Michael, and then I'll have him hand the phone back to you."

  "Here, you high-priced whore needs to speak with you," I say, handing Michael the phone.

  He takes the phone and presses his eyes shut. "Yes, tell her everything." Handing the phone back to me, he walks out, and I put the phone back to my ear.

  "Hello."

  "Jill, I'm Michael's oncologist, Dr. Cathy McGregor. Michael has stage four cancer."

  Then

  Monica was now in college, and my days were filled with lonely despair. If it weren't for Tammy and her girls, now three, I'd be a hermit. Molly died the week after Monica left for college and she blamed herself. No matter how much I told her Molly died from old age, she was still convinced it was from a broken heart. But the only broken heart was mine. I worked more than my share at the hospital, putting in many hours. Because, what else did I have? No husband, no daughter at home, and no dog to sit with me while I sipped wine and stalked Michael's Facebook. I never got over Drake, and five years after that day in his vet's office, I ran into him and his twin boys. I saw everything that could have been mine.

  I had just dropped Monica off for her piano lessons. Barb, who lived next door to my parents, gave lessons and had stressed to my mother how I should sign Monica up. She was ten at the time, but Barb said it was never too early.

  I was to have a date that night with a new doctor who just had come on staff at the hospital. Another one of Tammy's fix ups. Needless to say, I wasn't too enthusiastic about the date and decided to cancel and stay in. After dropping Monica off, I thought I would order us a pizza and went to my old high school hangout, Delanie's.

  Walking in, the smell of onions and pizza sauce hits me and I was transported back to the first dance I shared with Michael. The night I delivered his pizza. Looking back, my whole life pivoted on that night. I sometimes wondered, if I would have stayed in the kitchen instead of delivery pizzas, would I be here now? It's strange how things work out.

  As I stood in line waiting to order, the door behind me opened up, and I heard a man talking to his children.

  "Okay, guys. What kind of pizza are we getting?"

  "I want cheese. Just cheese on it."

  I turned around to smile at the cute, little voice and my eyes stared into Drake's. The same eyes that loved me once. I stared at the mouth that kissed me and called me Peaches. I looked down at the hands that used to touch and hold me, now holding the hands of two little boys—twins.

  "Jill. Hey, it's good to see you," Drake said.

  "Hi, Drake. Oh my, are these your boys? They're adorable."

  "Yep. This is Cody," he said holding up his right hand, "And this is Jody. Boys, Jill is an old friend of Daddy's." The word, old friend, hit like a punch in the gut. I was downsized from all his pet names to just an old friend.

  "Hi there," I said, bending down and meeting their faces. They were at least four or five, with Drakes brown eyes, and all I could see was what was supposed to be mine. Our own children and saw everything so differently. "Oh, Drake. They are adorable. You must be so proud."

  "Yes, I am. Wasn't expecting two at once, but I wouldn't change them for the world." He bent down and squeezed both boys into him. A father that was so happy to be a father. Once again, something I never had and could of. If only I wouldn't have walked out that night.

  "How's Tawny?" I heard they had married but didn't know they had had twins.

  "She's good. She's away on business with her real estate company. So, the boys and I are roughing it with pizza."

  "Well, that's what Monica and I are doing tonight."

  "How is she? I bet she's grown so much."

  "Yes, she has. She's currently at her piano lessons. So, I stopped in to get us a pizza." Though I knew it was wrong, and with his wife out of town, I made a suggestion. "Hey, maybe we could all go to the park and have a pizza party."

  "Yeah!” one of the boys yelled.

  Drake's brows furrowed and he smiled a weak smile. "Jill, I don't think that's wise—with my wife out of town and all." And once again, I fell deeper in love with him. He may have been breaking my heart at the moment, but he was loyal. A good husband.

  "You're right. I wasn't suggesting…"

  "No, I didn't think you were. I just don't think it's appropriate of me—as a married man. And…you? Are you married?"

  "No, I'm not. Guess I haven't found the one." Though I had and let him go.

  "Miss, what can I get for you?" I heard the girl behind the counter asked.

  "Hey, it was nice seeing you," Drake said, and I suddenly had no appetite for pizza.

  "Yeah, you too. Your boys are gorgeous." Like you. He smiled then nodded for me to order my pizza as the girl was waiting. I turned around and made my order, then left to wait in my car. Outside, I saw Drake's big truck parked in the lot and missed everything we had. He had a perfect family with two perfect boys. And even though it was what I said I wanted for him; I couldn't be happy. And I hated myself every day for it.

  I poured myself another glass of wine when my cell phone rang, and Monica's face smiled at me. Setting the glass down, I accepted her call.

  "Hey, Monica."

  "Hi, Mom." She sounded giddy, and I hoped she wasn't tipsy. I had a stern talk with her before leaving for college. And even though she swore she wouldn't drink and party, I still worried. I couldn't say, because I remember myself at twenty-one. Because I was busy being her mother—and living the Michael hell years.

  "Monica, are you drinking? You sound a little silly."

  "No, Mom, I'm not. In fact, I hope you're home. Because Jordan and I are in town and we are coming over."

  I jumped from the couch with excitement. "Of course. This is a great surprise. How far away are you?"

  "Um…I'm looking at your garage. We are just pulling in."

  "Ahhh," I screamed and ran to the door. Jordan's pickup was just pulling in, and I ran to the drive. She came running from the truck, and we embraced. I've missed her so much and just to have her in my arms again was a blessing. Last summer, she didn't come home and traveled for a project to complete her thesis. This was the first I had seen her in almost a year.

  "How long are you home for? Are you staying here? Of course, you'll stay here. This is your home." I was bombarding her with questions. Not allowing her time to talk. But I was so happy to see her. "Jordan, come here," I said and gave him a big bear hug. He was the perfect boyfriend for my daughter. They had met her sophomore year in college, and though they had a few hiccups, they managed to work things out and had been happy and together ever since.

  "Mom, we have a surprise for you," Monica said.

  "Yes, I know. You're here."

  She held out her hand. "Jordan asked me to marry him. I said yes, Mom." I stared at the jewel shining on her tiny fingers and couldn't believe she was not a baby anymore. We screamed and held each other as we jumped up and down. We were like two school girls.

  "Jill, I wanted to ask for your permission. May I marry your daughter?"

  "Oh, Jordan. I couldn't have picked a better man for her. You have my blessing." He smiled big and kissed my cheek as he thanked me.

  "I promise that I will be a good husband. Never worry."

  "I'm not, Jordan. I'm so happy." I grabbed both their hands. "Come on in. I want to hear all the details. Like where and how he purposed. How you reacted. Everythin
g. I want it all."

  We went inside, and I opened a new bottle of wine to celebrate. This was the best news in a long time. And I couldn't recall the last time I've even had good news. If everything I went through was to put Monica here in this moment, then it was all worth it.

  "Who all knows? Can I call Tammy? Oh, my God. She'll just be tickled."

  "You're the first Mom." She looked at me, and there was something there. She then looked at Jordan. "Well, someone else knows." She was still looking at Jordan.

  "Jordan's parents? Well, that's understandable. Your parents are wonderful people, Jordan. Monica is so lucky to be joining your family."

  "Ah, no. We haven't told my parents yet," Jordan said.

  "Mom. Please don't be mad. But Dad knows."

  "Dad? Michael?" I was shocked. He had been out of our lives for years. How could this be? "How would Michael know?" I couldn't even bring myself to call him her father.

  "He…friended me on Facebook about a year ago."

  I had no idea they were friends. The many times I stalked his Facebook, it never occurred to me to look at hers. But, why would I? I saw her post and approved of the ones she posted of us together. And truthfully, I stopped checking his about a year ago. Tammy made me promise to stop and focus on my life, and not Michael's.

  "Mom? Are you mad at me?"

  What could I say? I had taught her to love and forgive. But I was a hypocrite because I didn't practice what I preached. "Of course not, Honey. He's your father."

  "Well, there's more."

  More? "What do you mean?"

  "Jordan and I want to marry right after we graduate. That's three months away."

  "Honey, planning a wedding takes time." What was I talking about? My wedding happened in a week. Though, I would never call it a wedding. Or a marriage.

  "It's all been arranged and paid for."

  "How?"

  "Dad had paid for everything. The Round Barn, the reception, the dress, food, drinks, and…and the honeymoon."