by Eve Rabi
“What is wrong with me? You, Reed, you! You are what’s wrong with me. How can you ...?”
“Megan, I didn’t plan this.”
“What did you plan? To have a harem? You sleep with me and you sleep with her at the same time? Now she’s pregnant? How do you expect me to feel, Reed? How do I not love you? How do I not miss you? After all we went through, huh? How? Tell me how?”
He stares at me for a moment, then crushes me to him. I will myself to push him away, tell him to fuck the hell out of my life, but instead, I hug him back and weep.
“Megan, leave him,” he whispers. “I won’t marry her. Let’s make it work.”
Even though I’m thrilled with his proposal, Damien will never let me marry him. “I … I … not right now, Reed. I need you to wait for me.”
Slowly, he releases me and steps back. He sticks his hands deep into his pocket and looks grimly at me.
I glance at him, then look away.
“I thought so,” he says, his voice tinged with bitterness. “You know the difference between you and Abeeda? She loves me, Megan. She loves Wyatt. She wants to be with me all the time and she’s prepared to fight for me. She wants to be a mother to my child and our child, Megan.”
What do I say to that?
“Forget I asked that of you. I’m gonna make it work, Megan. I’m going to marry her and make it work. Hear that? I’m going to marry Abeeda and make her my wife. I owe her. She saved me when I needed saving. I will marry her and I will spend my life making her happy.” He turns and strides off.
For a long time, I stand and stare after him. Finally, feeling like I’ve completed a triathlon, I drag myself into my car and drive off.
I’ve lost him.
Tears run down my cheeks as I silently bid goodbye to the man I love. The man I fought for. The man I protected. The man who protected me.
Derailed. That’s how I feel. With a heavy heart, I crawl into bed and draw the covers over me. The black dog descends. I have trouble sleeping and I have trouble waking up. I cannot even muster the energy to pick up Wyatt. All I manage is a text to Reed saying that I’m feeling flu-ish and I won’t be able to pick up Wyatt.
My phone rings. Caller ID shows it’s Reed. I hit decline.
He calls thirteen times, but I don’t answer.
I lie in bed, and when the covers are not over my head, I’m staring vacantly at the ceiling.
Chapter Twenty-Five
It’s been three days since my encounter with Reed and Abeeda, and I realize I have to get out of bed. Not wanting to piss off Damien and lose my visitation with Wyatt, I force myself to shower and change.
As I do that, I give myself a pep talk. So Abeeda’s pregnant – big deal.
So they’re going to be a happy family of four – nothing I can do about it.
I will move on. I can. I will.
Women everywhere in the world go through this and survive. I can do it too. It’s for the best. Everything happens for a reason.
I must just avoid Reed. That’s all. Do something for twenty-one days and it becomes a habit. I print out a calendar, stick it behind my bedroom door, and cross off days as I pass it.
Day one – strike.
Day two – strike.
Day three – strike.
Rallying every bit of courage I can, I finally venture out to see my baby. My timing is of paramount importance – Reed has to be away. Don’t want to bump into him.
But, to my chagrin, I do. Well, he is waiting for me when I get there.
“Hi,” I greet him without making eye contact.
“Hi,” he says.
As I busy myself with Wyatt, I feel him looking at me.
“So what – you don’t wanna talk to me anymore?”
I shake my head from side to side.
“Why?”
“It’s better this way. I need to get used to you being out of my life. Need to get used to not needing you.”
“Not needing me? Why? Why would you want that?”
I look at him. “You want me to? Continue needing you?”
His quick answer surprises me. “Yes.”
I stop what I’m doing and turn to face him. “Reed, you’re having a baby with another woman. You’re getting married, and you still want an ex-girlfriend to need you? Make up your mind, will you?”
“I want to be there for you. Always. I don’t like it when you don’t need me.”
“Why don’t you run that by your soon-to-be bride?”
He clams up and stares at me.
“I asked you to be patient and to trust me. You did not. You will not. I pledged my love for you time and time again, but you ignored that. So, yes, my goal is not to need you. I’m working on it, so stay away from me, and enjoy your fucked-up life with a woman you don’t love. Your empty life with a woman who manipulated you when you were vulnerable and at your lowest point, unable to think clearly. Now, she’s a mother-figure in your life, Reed. That’s all she is. She’s not your lover and she never will be. She’s your mother. And how much fun is it jumping into bed with Momma, huh? Now, she’s trapped you with a baby and from what I see – you feel like you’re in quicksand. You’ve lost your luster and you actually look depressed. It will get worse as the years go on and the rope tightens slowly, day by day. What a mess you’re in, what a mess you’re going to live in! Enjoy.”
I pick up Wyatt and walk out of the apartment.
For the next two weeks, I manage to avoid Reed.
These days, Abeeda is bubbly and cheerful whenever I’m around. Probably because she is having Reed’s baby, and no doubt because she sees the strain between Reed and I.
Bitch.
However, Reed is morose and withdrawn. I see it, but I avoid looking at him. Avoid him, mainly, and there is harmony at last in our triangle. Until I see the dress. My wedding dress – the one I couldn’t afford, so Abeeda was kind enough to buy it for me? Remember that dress? It’s hanging up, and she appears to be altering it.
“What are you doing with MY DRESS?”
“It’s my dress. I paid for it, remember?”
“No, no, no …”
“Slight alteration. Just the arms and then it will fit beautifully.”
“You bitch!” I shout. “You fucking …”
She sighs. “Another tantrum. Reed is tired of raising you.”
“Go fuck yourself!” I shout and storm out of the apartment.
The thought of her in my dress – my dream dress, is like a blade in my heart. But what can I do? Once again, I’m up at 3 a.m. plotting and finding ways to hide her body. Devising ways to kill her, slowly, painfully.
***
I’m lying in bed feeling blue when Maya enters my room. I haven’t seen or spoken to her since I moved back with Damien. I figured that with Damien threatening to send her to jail, it was best I avoided her.
She gives me a don’t-even-think-of-sending-me-away look. “The door was unlocked and I thought that if I knocked, once again, you wouldn’t answer, so …”
I look at my sister and burst into tears.
“Megan, what the hell …?”
Through my sobs, I tell her everything. Everything! It just pours out as I lie in her arms, snot and tears falling all over her.
I expect her to get worried about what Damien knows and about his threats, especially toward her. But to my joy, she doesn’t.
“You poor thing,” she says. “You shouldn’t have had to handle all this on your own. As for Damien, he can go jump in the lake. I don’t care about his threats.
She makes me a cup of tea and hops into bed with me and we talk for hours.
When the subject of Christmas comes up, I grow silent. It’s December, and Christmas decorations adorn the streets. Christmas has always been a happy time for me, and ever since I had Wyatt, I’ve fantasized about his first Christmas with me.
But now, my dream to spend Christmas with Reed and Wyatt is never going to be realized, and that hurts so much.
&nbs
p; “You have to think about Wyatt,” Maya reminds me. “Tomorrow, we go toy shopping.”
And toy shopping, we do. I go wild with the money and really splurge. Maya takes all the things to her house so Damien won’t see them.
When next I see Reed, I bring up Christmas. “Can I have Wyatt for Christmas?” I say, without making eye contact.
“Sure.”
I’m thrilled. “Thanks. I’ll pick him up on Christmas Eve and bring him back the day after Christmas?”
“Sure.” He squints at me. “How you going to …?”
“I’m spending Christmas with Maya. It’ll just be Wyatt and me.”
“Oh? Well, okay then.”
“Thanks,” I say and walk away. Well, at least part of my dream is going to become a reality. Knowing that they’re getting married around that time made me think that Reed would refuse my request. But he didn’t.
For the first time in a month, I feel like smiling, and I do.
Two days later, I enter the apartment and stumble into what looks like an argument between Reed and Abeeda.
“Hi …”
“Hi, Megan,” Reed says as Abeeda glares at me.
Quickly, I drop off Wyatt and walk to my car.
Reed runs after me. “Megan, wait!”
I turn around. “What?”
“Got a situation here.”
“Oh?”
He takes a deep breath and appears to search for the correct words. “Abeeda … see we’re booked on a five day holiday or … eh, honeymoon, December twenty-fourth through the twenty-ninth.”
Clever Abeeda. I look at the ground, then I look at him.
“I … eh, look, I’m sorry. It’s paid for. I didn’t know she … I mean, like …” He shrugs and his shoulders sag.
It takes a while before I respond. “I don’t have a choice then, do I, Reedwan?” No use letting him know just how disappointing this is to me.
He stares at me. “You’re calling me Reedwan – you’re mad at me, right?”
Without another word, I get into my car and start the engine.
“Megan, wait!”
I look at him.
“It’s a bit late to cancel now, you know.”
I shift the car into gear. “We can’t have Momma unhappy, Reedwan. She’s on a winning streak right now.”
He sighs. “Megan, you expect me to cancel our honeymoon? That’s not fair.”
I release the brake and hit the gas. “Enjoy your honeymoon with Momma.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
It’s three days before Christmas and Maya, Jack, and I lunch on the patio at Maya’s beach house. The weather is beautiful, the air is festive, but my spirits are at an all-time low.
Reed is getting married tomorrow and my heart is breaking. Not wanting to ruin Christmas for Maya and Jack, I try not to cry in front of them. They have been nothing but supportive and understanding.
I try to count my blessings – at least I don’t have Damien breathing on my neck. He’s away for a week to visit his family, which I don’t believe, but I’m only too happy to play along with.
I have Maya and Jack, who are very understanding.
Muttering something about wanting a siesta, I go to my room and lie on my bed.
Hugging my pillow, I pretend it’s Wyatt I’m holding. Secretly, I also pretend it’s Reed. Facing the wall, I close my eyes and wish I was in Iraq with Reed and Wyatt.
No matter what I went through, no matter how terrible things were, I had them next to me. That’s all that matters when it comes to your loved ones.
“Kitty?”
I stiffen. Only one person calls me that.
I whirl around and look into Reed and Wyatt’s face.
I rub my eyes and blink rapidly. Am I dreaming?
“He belongs with you during this time of the year,” Reed says.
Bursting into tears, I open my arms to them. My love for Reed is more than my feelings of disappointment and anger that I recently had for him. The three of us hug while Jack and Maya look on.
“Why you sleeping in the middle of the day?” Reed asks.
“Cos … cos Reed, I missed Wyatt and …” I bite my lower lip.
He smiles and hugs me again.
“Reed, tomorrow, you’re getting …” I stop, unable to say the words.
Reed shakes his head. “Postponed.”
“What?!” I jerk upright. “You serious?”
“Mm.”
“Hey, Wyatt,” Maya interrupts, “Wanna come see the rabbit?”
She and Jack take Wyatt away, allowing Reed and me a chance to talk.
“Whaddyamean?”
“Long story, and … it’s none of your business, okay?” He tips my nose with his index finger.
What about the pregnancy?
I long to ask him about that, but I don’t. “O … kay.” I’m too stunned to be thrilled about this tiny, accidental victory.
“I don’t know what to say,” I murmur.
“How ‘bout, ‘Thank you for bringing him, Reed. Thank you so much.’”
I smile and touch his face. “Thank you for bringing him, Reed. Thank you so much.”
“Don’t mention it,” he says, grinning.
I chuckle and whack him with a pillow.
“Got anything to eat? I’m starving,” he says.
“That depends – when do I have to return Wyatt?”
“Whenever you want to.”
“Oh my God! In that case, I will give you both food and whisky.”
“Good. Could really do with alcohol now.” The grimness in his voice makes me believe that things between him and Abeeda may be worse than he’s making it out to be.
“Okay, so allow me to feed you and intoxicate you.”
“Deal, infidel!”
***
To my surprise, Reed doesn’t talk about leaving and we spend the day together. He’s relaxed and funny and I forget everything bad that has happened, and everything bad that is going to happen. I hear myself laughing and I think how nice it is to laugh with the most important people in my life.
I do notice Reed looking at his phone a couple of times and frowning, and I suspect it’s Abeeda calling. Eventually, I watch him turn off the phone and leave it on the table.
Around eleven at night, Maya, Jack, Reed, and I are up sitting in the lounge and chatting. Jack and Reed get on really well, to my delight. Reed and I sit with thighs touching, and his nearness plays havoc with my senses, but I know better than to entertain it. Doesn’t mean I move my thigh away from his.
Finally, Reed nudges my thigh with his and whispers. “I should be going.”
“You have a curfew?”
“No.”
“So?”
“Well, I’m scared if I stay, you might jump me.”
I giggle and take a sip of my wine. “You wish.”
His answer is immediate. “Yes.”
I giggle some more and Reed playfully puts me in a headlock.
“Ahem!” Maya says. “We’re off to bed now.” She stands up. “Let’s go, Jack.”
Jack looks at her and frowns. “Why? It’s earl …”
“Jack!”
“Okay! Okay! I’m coming.” Jack gets up and leaves.
Alone, Reed smiles at me. “Soooo …”
“Soooo …” I mimic.
“What are you cooking for Christmas?”
“Alcohol,” I say with a smile. “Main dish.”
“Ah. My kind of party.”
“You’re welcome to stay, you know.”
“Thanks, but as I said,” he gets up, “you might take advantage of me.”
I get up and follow him to the door. “You’re safe. I only take advantage of men who want to be taken advantage of.” I open the door for him.
He smiles and steps outside.
“Goodnight, Reed,” I say. “Thank you so much for bringing Wyatt to me, and drive carefully. Please.”
“No goodnight kiss? I brought you your baby, you kn
ow.”
Chuckling, I lean over and kiss him lightly.
“What was that?”
“That’s a kiss.”
“You call that a kiss? Allow me.” He reaches up, yanks me to him, and kisses me long and deep. When he finally lifts his head from mine, we’re both breathless.
“Wow! I’ve forgotten what it’s like,” I say.
Then I reach up and slide my tongue into his mouth. Blame it on the alcohol, I don’t care – I want more, and more I take. I slide my hands under his shirt and caress his back as he cups my ass and grinds his hips to mine. His kisses are urgent and demanding as they trail my neck and breasts.
I want him so bad, I can’t bear it. I don’t want any more foreplay, I just want him inside me, rocking with me. I want him to call my name when he explodes inside me. But it’s not going to happen tonight, because he postponed, not cancelled the wedding. Summoning every ounce of willpower, I shove him away. “Go home before it’s too late, Reed.”
He stares at me for a few moments then nods slowly.
I shut the door on him and lean against it. Damn! Willpower, do you really exist?
Minutes go by and I frown. I don’t hear his car door open and shut. I don’t hear the car start. I don’t hear him driving off. Could he still be parked outside?
I yank open the door. He’s exactly where I left him. Outside my door.
We stare at each other for a few moments, our desire for each other tangible. I take his hand, pull him inside, and shut the door. As I walk to my room, I draw my top over my head and toss it aside. He grabs it. I stop to drop my skirt to my ankles and kick it away. He grabs that too. By the time we’re in my bedroom, he’s breathing like he’s been jogging and I’m only in my panties and bra.
“I’m gonna fuck you tonight,” I whisper, as I slowly lie back on the bed and prop myself up on my elbows.
He dives onto me and kisses me, trying to fight off my bra at the same time. When he fails at that, he yanks it over my head and tosses it aside. He kneads my breasts before taking one into his mouth.
I grab his hair and draw his head up for a lusty kiss.
As he kisses me, he rolls down my panties and abandons them just below my knees. I writhe and moan when his fingers disappear between my thighs.
“Fuck!” I struggle with his belt buckle, but finally get his pants off.