by Eve Rabi
“Reed, honey, this time, if I leave, you will know why, and you will come after me, baby. But it’s not going to happen. If I give Damien everything he wants, he will leave me alone.”
I love Reed so much, it hurts to see him hurt or unhappy or even anxious. It’s important that I live in the moment and I do, most days. Reed tries to, and that allows us longer periods of happiness.
***
I sit on the toilet seat and stare at the stick in my hand.
One line. One line. One line. Please don’t let it be two lines. Please!
As much as I would love to be pregnant again, I know if that happens, I’m fucked. Damien would be my biggest problem, and he would put me through hell. Although, I would probably take it. It’s Reed I’m worried about. Damien will go after Reed when he realizes that we are still seeing each other. I shake my head hard to chase away images of Mahmood’s death. Can’t let anything like that happen to my darling Reed.
To my absolute horror, two lines appear on the stick! It can’t be. It must be wrong. I quickly rip open the second test kit and take the test again. I need to be doubly sure.
As I wait, I think of the upcoming swimsuit photo shoot – I would be wearing the briefest of bikinis while advertising a depilatory device. How would that work when I sport a belly? Of course, they can Photoshop it, but Damien will find out and hell would follow.
I pace, my head in my hands. I’ve been sick for days, throwing up, nauseous, and weepy. When Reed suggested I might be pregnant during one of our petty arguments last night, I yelled at him. But as I thought about it, I wondered if I was. Imagine not being able to fall pregnant, then falling pregnant twice in just over two years. Suddenly fertile – it’s downright bizarre.
Again, two lines appear on the stick! I run to the sink and throw up again.
When Reed walks in that evening, he peers at my swollen eyelids and puffy face. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“I’m pregnant, Reed.”
“What?!”
“You were right. I took the pregnancy test today.”
“Could it be a mis –”
“I took it twice, Reed.”
He looks away. After a while, he looks at Wyatt, then at me, and a huge smile crosses his face.
“How can you smile, Reed?”
“Kitt, stop! This is good news. You couldn’t get pregnant a while ago, and here you are, all knocked up for the second time.” He walks over to me and takes me in his arms. “We’re gonna have another baby, my love.”
“I know, I know, but Reed, I’m scared.” Terrified is more like it.
“Don’t be. We’ll figure it out.” He holds me and rocks me until I calm down. I take some comfort in his happiness, in his smile.
Please, God, help us figure something out.
The next day, he takes the day off so we can talk and try to find a solution. After more than an hour of talking, it’s painfully obvious to both of us that there is no way around this situation, other than a termination of pregnancy. But that is something I don’t want to think about or do right now. I’d rather die. I can tell he feels the same way.
Deeply troubled and needing time to think, I move away from him and mechanically finish chores. Whenever I look at him, I see a huge frown on his brow.
That evening, just as I’m about to leave them, he stops me and says, “Megan …”
“Yes, Reed?”
“Let’s leave this place.”
“What d’ya mean?”
“Let’s move – go somewhere where we can be together. You, me, Wyatt, and our baby. Dubai, Turkey, Istanbul, Africa – wherever you want to go, let’s just go, baby.”
“But … but, Reed, we’ve had this conversation before, in Iraq, remember?”
“But we’ve never done it. Time to do it.”
I nod slowly. “We’ll be on the run. Like fugitives. You think you can handle that? With two babies, honey?”
He appears thoughtful. “Do we have a choice? I’m prepared to live like that if I have you and my kids in my life. I don’t want to lose you, Megan. I need you. Without you, I’m not whole, and I want you in Wyatt’s life. I’d rather fight for us than walk away from you.”
My mind is racing – if we leave, Damien will come after me and he will probably hand us over to the authorities. There’ll be a bounty on our heads, and every time we hear a knock on our door, we would jump. Every time we see a cop, we will run and hide. It’s no way to bring up kids. We could stay and fight, but it will be from the inside of a prison cell.
The thought of Wyatt being raised by someone else guts me, and I quickly turn my face away.
He reaches over and turns my face to look at him. “Just think, Kitt – every day, you will awake with us next to you. You’ll be a full-time mom to our kids. No more hiding, no more caps and wigs, no more going to way out restaurants so no one recognizes you. How good will that be, huh?”
“That’s sounds sooo good,” I say, my voice wistful. “God, that sounds good!”
“I’ll do everything – get us new identities, jobs, everything. We’ll be helped by former Iraqis living in America who underwent similar problems. But this time, we’ll be out of the U.S., and nobody would really care. I’ve helped so many illegals here – people with no health care and no health insurance. Now, it’s my turn. They will help us. I know I can bank on them. You just say yes.”
“I …”
He releases me. “Go home and sleep on it, and we’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”
“Sure.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
As can be expected, I can’t sleep. I toss and turn and worry about life on the run. Then, I get up and worry about life under Damien while being pregnant, the money we’ll have to pay back when I’m unable to fulfill contracts, the media coverage of my pregnancy, Damien’s discovery that I was seeing Reed all the time …
After hours of weighing and wringing my hands, I make a decision – I decide to flee America, the land of the free. Ironic.
Strangely, once I’ve made a decision to leave, I feel lighthearted and fall asleep almost immediately.
***
“Good morning, oh, handsome boyfriend of mine and father of my two children!” I sing as I waltz into the apartment.
“Morning,” Reed replies, eyeing me warily. “What’s …? Why …?”
“What’s going on? Why am I so happy? You want to know? Mm? Oh, fertile lover of mine?”
He smiles. “Yes.”
“Cos I’m going to live in some Middle Eastern country with my lover and my darling babies and I’m going to wake up with them every morning and go to sleep with them every night.”
Reed jerks upright. “Really?”
“Yes, really. Let’s do it, Reed! Let’s lose Damien and let’s blow this fucking place.”
“I’m so relieved, Megan. I was terrified I was going to have to say goodbye to you. Oh, man, this is great! So great.”
“Well, Reed, I guess you did it for me when you came to the U.S.; now it’s my turn.” I kiss him. “We can talk more when you get back tonight.”
He shakes his head. “No, I don’t want to go to work. How can you expect me to work when I’m so excited?
“In that case, I give you the day off. Again.” We spend the rest of the day making plans.
The most difficult thing is not seeing my family for a long time. I just refuse to entertain the word never.
“I know leaving your family will really affect you, Megan, and I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll get over it,” I say, forcing a smile. “Listen, honey, we’re gonna need money, so I can walk into a bank and drain my account when the time is right.”
“Forget about the money. He will have a good excuse to come after us. With two children, we don’t want that. Give it all to him. We’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of that.”
He has a point there. Damien will hunt me down for the money.
“Just think … I will w
ork, and you can be with Wyatt all day; just like a regular mommy. Just like a regular family. No more shifts. If the heat is too much, we’ll move again. But, we’ll wake up together every morning.”
“Yeah.”
“I won’t be able to give you a mansion …”
“Don’t need it.”
“… no sports car ...”
“Don’t want it.”
“… no high profile lifestyle …”
“Hate it.”
“… but I can give you more kids.”
“I want that!” I say in a wistful voice. “I sooo much want that.”
We talk about nothing but that for the next week, and finally, it’s time for me to tell my family.
“They need to know. Everything. I won’t give them details of where we’re going but …”
Reed doesn’t answer.
“What?”
“Kitt, they might not want you to do this. What parents would?”
“Well …”
He’s right. I cannot see my parents supporting me with this eloping, but I need to tell them something.
“Leave it to me, Reed,” I say with a false bravado. “I’ll think of a way of telling them what they need to know. I have to tell them about Wyatt. I just have to.”
“What if you change your mind?” he asks. “What if they convince you not to?”
I take his hand and slide it onto my belly. We look at each other.
“Never doubt my love for you, Reed. It is stronger than anything in the world.”
***
“So, Megan, what’s on your mind?” my father asks. “What’s the important announcement?”
My palms are sweaty and my throat feels like sandpaper.
“Yeah, Megan, what’s up this time? Wait, don’t tell me!” Carl says, holding up his hand and closing his eyes, “You’re launching an action figurine and calling her Trust Fund Megan?”
The family falls around laughing.
Ben can’t help himself either, it seems. “And she comes complete with a second Iraqi outfit and …”
“Hey, you douchebags, this is serious!” Maya chides as they high five each other and laugh.
I smile. “Hey, no Iraqi jokes please.”
“Go on, Megan,” my dad says.
“Okay, but please, don’t interrupt me until I’m finished, then you can say whatever, speak your mind …”
They nod.
Taking a deep breath, I tell them everything. I mean, everything. The only thing I don’t tell them – the rape.
When I finish talking, the room is so silent, I wonder if they are ever going to speak.
“So …” Carl asks, his eyes narrowing, “where is this baby you talk about?” I hear the cynicism in his voice.
“Carl!” my mom chides.
“No, no, it’s okay, Mom,” I say. “He’s around. His dad, Reed, has him and they are probably
about ten minutes from here. I was hoping that you would like to meet them,” I say as I dial Reed’s number.
“No!” my father says.
My head jerks to look at him.
“Dad!” Maya says.
“You need to go home, back to Damien,” my father says, his index finger pointed at me.
“This is all rubbish, Megan, rubbish! And I want to hear nothing more about this crap. Forget him, go back to Damien, and move on.”
I sit up, shocked at his reaction. “Dad, we have a child and I’m …”
“I don’t want to hear …”
“… preg ...”
“… anymore about any of this. We will all be in danger because of this man!” Furious, he
gets up and walks out of the room.
“Dad, don’t!” I say to his back. “I really need you now. I’m in a bind. Please!”
He doesn’t turn around.
Crushed, I look at the rest of my family.
“Megan, sweetheart,” my mom says. “It’s been so hard on all of us, and he’s just starting to
relax and …”
“Yeah,” Ben says, “it has been tough on us, Megan, and our lives were so disrupted …”
“He’s a terrorist, Megan,” Carl says. “Don’t forget that.”
“Yeah, but … but … but Carl, there are extenuating circumstances,” Maya says. “You have to meet this guy to know him, and as for the baby, Carl … he … he looks so much like Ben ...” Her
voice breaks.
My mom starts to cry.
For a few moments I sit, my eyes fixed on the carpet, my mom’s sobbing and Maya’s pleading in the background. It was a bad idea after all.
Slowly, I wake up. “Everything you guys say is right, and I’m not arguing about it. See, before I left, I just wanted to come clean and I guess …” I smile at them, feeling utterly sad. “I guess this is goodbye, then. I’ll be leaving in two weeks, and I can’t tell you where I’ll be for a long time.”
“Megan,” my mom sobs, “don’t leave.”
I give her a hug. “It’s okay, Mom. I love you and I love everyone in this house.” After giving Maya and my brothers a hug, I step back. “Take care, guys,” I say and walk out the door.
When I arrive back at the apartment, I don’t have the energy to go upstairs, so I sit in my car for a few minutes, thinking about my family. Weary and disappointed, I rest my head on the steering wheel as my tears fall.
“Megan!”
I look up to see Reed outside my window, Wyatt in his arms.
“Hey,” I say in the brightest voice I can fake as I wind down my window. “Sorry, I didn’t get to call you. It didn’t … it wasn’t …”
Reed holds up his phone. “I heard it all.”
“Wha …?”
“You dialed my number.”
“You can’t be serious.” Now I remember. I did dial his number, but when my Dad gave me a hard time, I must have forgotten to cut the call. Fuck!
Reed hugs me. “It’s okay, Kitty. I understand. Just don’t tell me that you want to take their advice. Tell me you still love me enough to go with me.”
I shake my head. “Are you crazy? I love you, baby. I don’t want to live in a world without you, Reed. You two, you are my life and I … I can’t wait to say, ‘You three.’”
He smiles a beautiful smile. “Come, baby, come upstairs, I’ll make you something to drink. Something non-alcoholic.”
With his arm around me, we walk upstairs, both of us silently disappointed, but trying to comfort each other.
Even though I tell myself that my family is not that important, I’m deeply affected and my spirits are low for the rest of the week. I try not to cry in front of Reed because I hate seeing the helplessness on his face, but I guess hormones make me cry easily.
Chapter Thirty
“You’re doing what?!” Jake explodes.
“I have to, Jake. I’m gonna have another baby and I don’t have a choice. Damien is just not contented. He pushes and pushes and tries to get blood out of me and I just can’t do this anymore, Jake. I’m ill with all the vomiting and the … the nausea …” I put my fingers to my temple. “I’m afraid to even go for a scan in case someone discovers my secret and leaks it. Damien will probably kill Reed then and …”
“Do you want me to talk to him?”
“It won’t help. He won’t listen, Jake. He’ll just replace you, and then I’ll be in a worse situation. I have to run away. Literally.”
Jake sits back in his chair, a worried look on his face. “Where will you go to?”
I tell him because I need to. He’s my attorney.
“Megan, listen, I’m your friend, not just your solicitor, and man, Megan, I really like Reed. Tell me what I can do to help and I will. Money? Do you need money?”
I smile through my tears. “Thanks, that’s so sweet, but we’re okay. Reed’s taking care of that and his family is also helping.”
He sits forward. “I have a beach house. You and Reed are welcome to it any time. I can arrange for Damien to be away
this weekend to sign some papers, or just send him on a wild goose chase so you guys can have some alone time.”
“Beach house sounds good. Thanks. I’ll remember that. Thanks.” I hug our only true friend and leave.
***
I lug my bags of shopping to the apartment and open the door. “Honey, I’m home,” I say, then balk at the sight of my family in the apartment.
“What the …?”
My father has Wyatt on his knee, bouncing him around as the rest of my family stands around looking at the photographs I’ve put up. Am I dreaming?
Reed rushes over to meet me at the door. “Baby, your family, they’re here and they’re taking us to dinner.”
“Taking us … where?”
“To dinner.”
“Dinner? Whaddya …?”
“Hello, Megan,” my father says and walks toward me with Wyatt in his arms.
“Dad, hi, what …?”
“I owe you an apology, Megan. I’ve already apologized to Reed.”
I look at Reed, then at my dad, then back at Reed.
“Megan, I went to visit your father,” Reed says.
“What?!”
“Baby,” he drops his voice, “I couldn’t stand seeing you so upset and I thought, if your father is going to reject me or dislike me, he should first meet me, then make that decision.”
“Oh my God, Reed! You kidding me?”
“It’s okay, Kitt. It’s going to okay, I promise.”
“I’m taking you guys out to dinner,” my dad says, and gives me a hug.
I’m at a loss for words.
“Megan, it’s okay,” Maya says. “Let’s just have dinner before you go off into the big ol’ world. Please?”
I scan their faces, see that they are genuine, and say, “Okay, dinner sounds good. Give me a few moments to get dressed, okay?” As I head to the bedroom, Reed follows me in.
I turn to him and shake my head. “I can’t believe that you’d put yourself out like that. You must really love me, Angel-man.”
He bear hugs me. “I do, I do, I do, I do. If you’re not happy, how can I be? My happiness comes out of your laugh and your smile.”
I reward him with a kiss for being so cheesy.