by Sandi Lynn
Chapter 31
Ben
The four of us walked along the pier and Keaton did a little bit of signing with Leah. Apparently, he spent all day yesterday learning some things so he could communicate better with her. Paisley and I walked hand in hand and enjoyed the day. We stopped into a restaurant for lunch on the pier and, as soon as we were seated, my phone rang. It was my dad.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Hello, Ben. Your mom and I would like you and Leah to come for dinner tonight and bring Paisley too.”
Shit. “Hold on a second, Dad.”
I signed to Leah. Dad and Lucinda want us to come to dinner tonight.
NO. I don’t want to go.
Paisley is invited too. “Would you like to have dinner with my parents?”
She smiled and looked at Leah. “Sounds like fun.”
She signed. It’s not fun and they make it clear that I’m not welcomed there.
Come on, Leah. You knew you’d have to see them eventually. Might as well get it over with.
Fine.
I understood her not wanting to go, but she really had no choice. Once she turned eighteen, the decision would strictly be hers.
“Thank you.” I smiled as I looked over at Paisley.
“You’re welcome.”
This particular restaurant had a pond outside and Keaton took Leah to show her it. “I think Leah had a great time today.”
“It seems like she did. She’s a great girl, Ben. The bond the two of you have reminds me of the bond between me and Keaton.”
“She is pretty amazing and she’s so smart. She never lets her deafness stop her from doing everything she wants to. It’s just too bad that my dad can’t see her for what an amazing person she really is.”
Paisley took hold of my hand and squeezed it tight. “He will one day.”
As I smiled at her, I leaned my forehead against hers. A few moments later, Keaton and Leah walked back to the table.
“You and Leah are coming to family dinner tomorrow night,” Keaton said.
“We are?”
“They are?” Paisley asked.
“Yep. I already called mom and she’s really excited.”
“I guess we’re going to your family dinner tomorrow.” I smiled at Paisley.
After lunch, we walked Keaton back to his car and I drove Paisley home.
“Why don’t you and Leah come inside while I change and then we can go back to your house until it’s time to go to dinner?”
“Okay. Leah can play with Romeo for a bit.” I smiled.
I signed to Leah that we were going to stay at Paisley’s house for a while so she could change and freshen up before we went home. When we walked through the door, the first thing Leah did was sit on the couch and Romeo followed, jumping up on her lap. Paisley set her purse down and told me she’d be right back after she changed her clothes. I took a seat next to Leah on the couch and Romeo walked over to me.
I love him, Leah signed.
He’s a great cat.
I heard Paisley call my name from the bedroom, so I got up and walked in there.
“Where are you?” I said.
“In the closet. Can you reach that white box on the top shelf? I usually keep a little step stool in here, but I don’t know where it went.”
I smiled as I reached up and took the box off the shelf. “Here.”
“Thank you.”
I looked around and noticed that all of her husband’s clothes were still hanging in the closet. His shoes were neatly placed and his ties hung on a tie rack. When I looked at Paisley, she looked down.
“I—”
She didn’t need to explain because there wasn’t one part of me that couldn’t believe she never cleaned out his things. I placed my finger under her chin and gently lifted it so she was staring at me.
“Don’t. There’s no need for you to feel bad or embarrassed. All of Amy’s things are still in the bedroom, right down to all her makeup and perfume. I get it, Paisley. No one else does, but I do.”
She looked down at my lips as she gently placed her hand on my cheek and then kissed me. She dropped the box and ran her fingers through my hair as our kiss became more passionate. Our tongues danced and our lips moved in sync. I wanted more of her. I wanted to make love to her.
****
Paisley
Ben was an amazing kisser. I could sit and kiss him all night long. He pulled me closer and I could feel his erection through the fabric of his jeans. He was rock hard. I often imagined what he looked like completely naked. I could feel the wetness between my legs and the ache was begging me for a release. I hadn’t taken care of myself in a long time. I wondered if Ben had had sex since Amy. He was a man and he had needs. His hand brushed over my breast while mine made its way to his rock solid bulge.
“We have to stop,” he said as he pulled away. “Leah’s in the other room and—”
I placed my finger over his lips. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“Please don’t apologize. Don’t ever apologize for turning me on. God, Paisley, something’s happening here,” he said as he ran his fingers through his hair and turned away.
My heart was pounding and the ache wasn’t going away. “I know,” I responded.
“I better get back out there before Leah walks in here.”
He walked out of my bedroom and I picked up the box I dropped on the floor. I took out the blue floral cami that was in it and put it on. It was the first time I’d ever worn it. I had purchased it to wear to Montana, but I couldn’t bring myself to even look at it after he died, so I tucked it away in a box and shoved it up on the shelf, where it stayed for the past year. I wasn’t even sure why I wanted to wear it. I ran a brush through my hair and touched up my makeup before walking into the living room. Leah was sitting on the couch with Romeo in her lap and Ben sat in the chair across from her, playing on his phone.
“Are you ready?” he asked with a smile.
“Yep. Let’s go.”
****
I sat and watched the way Ben’s dad was with Leah. He barely paid attention to her and, when he did, Ben had to translate. It was really sad that he had never learned to sign, knowing his daughter was deaf. Ben’s mom, Lucinda, wouldn’t give Leah the time of day and now I saw for myself why Leah hated coming over here. Finn and Olivia didn’t say too much to her and I was feeling really uncomfortable with their behavior. I said something to Ben about it and he said just to try and ignore it because that was what he had to do. As I was helping Lucinda clean up the kitchen, I spoke about Leah.
“I know how hard it must be to have Leah here.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because it seems like Ben is the only person in this family who treats her with dignity and respect.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about, nor do you know the situation,” she said with irritation.
“Ben told me the story, and I know it’s none of my business, but that poor girl didn’t ask to be a part of this family.”
“You’re right, Paisley; it’s none of your business.”
Just as she said that, Ben walked into the kitchen. “Mom! What the hell is going on?”
“It’s okay, Ben,” I said.
“No, it’s not. You do not talk to Paisley that way.”
She turned and gave him a stern look. “Then I suggest you tell your girlfriend that what goes on in this family is none of her business. This isn’t one of her columns where she can just spew advice.”
“She’s right, Ben. I’m sorry.” I grabbed my purse and went outside.
As I lit up a cigarette, Ben came walking out.
“Paisley, I’m so sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I was out of line. I never should have said anything, but I couldn’t help it. The way your family treats Leah is terrible.”
“You know those things start fires.” He smiled as he pointed to my cigarette.
I smiled back.
; “My mom isn’t used to anyone talking back to her. She can be kind of scary sometimes. Amy never liked the way they treated Leah either, but she was too afraid to say anything.” He reached over and took the cigarette from me and put it out.
“Hey. I wasn’t finished.”
“You don’t need that.” He wrapped his strong arms around me from behind and placed his chin on my shoulder. “Thank you for sticking up for Leah.”
“Even though it pissed your mom off?”
“Yeah. It’s about time someone told her. I’ve tried so many times, but she would always just put her hand up and cut me off.”
Leah walked outside and looked at me and Ben. What’s wrong? she signed.
Nothing. We’re just talking. Are you ready to go?
I was ready before we even got here.
Ben and I broke out into laughter. We walked back into the house and said our goodbyes to everyone. Ben’s dad gave me a light hug while his mom wouldn’t even look at me. Ben dropped Leah off at home before driving me back to my house. I invited him in for a beer and we sat at the kitchen table while he taught me some basic sign language.
“I better get going,” he said as he got up from the table.
“Okay. Thank you for teaching me some sign language.”
He smiled as he leaned over and brushed his lips against mine. Our kiss started out soft but soon it erupted into a passionate one. His hands found their way under my shirt and he moved them up and down my bare back. He felt so good and I was turned on. So turned on that I lifted my shirt over my head and stood there in my black push-up bra. He gasped as he stared at my cleavage and then kissed me again. His tongue glided around my neck and the wetness that I felt below was more than ever. He picked me up and carried me over to the couch, where he laid me down and climbed on top of me. We stared into each other’s eyes before his lips trailed down the front of my neck and to my chest. We didn’t say a word to each other. I think we were too scared to. The hardness of his erection pulsated through the fabric of his jeans as he moved it back and forth against my aching clit. His hand pushed my bra cup to the side as he groped and kneaded my bare breast. He felt so good and I was so turned on. His warm lips made their way around my erect nipple while my hand unbuttoned his jeans.
“Paisley,” he whispered.
“Ben.”
I unzipped his jeans and placed my hand down his pants, feeling his hard cock and the wetness that surrounded the tip. He moaned and threw his head back as I stroked him up and down. He was well gifted in the goods department. He was long and thick and well shaven. When his hand traveled down the front of my pants, I couldn’t see anything but my husband. I suddenly broke our kiss and pushed Ben off of me.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t. I shouldn’t have...Oh my God, I’m sorry, but I can’t.” I jumped up and slipped my shirt over my head.
He sat there and stared at me. “It’s fine. I’m sorry,” he said as he buttoned his jeans.
“You need to go, Ben, right now!”
“Paisley.”
“NO! Please just leave. Leave me alone. What the hell was I thinking?”
He walked over to me and attempted to place his arms around me. I immediately backed away.
“This isn’t going to work. I’m sorry.”
“Paisley, don’t do this. Everything will be okay. I promise,” he pleaded.
“No, it won’t. Nothing will ever be okay for me. There’s too much pain and I can’t deal with it. Please just go and don’t call me. I’ll call you when I’m ready. I’m so sorry,” I said with tears in my eyes.
“If that’s how you truly feel, then fine. I won’t bother you again.” He shook his head at me and, with a look of hurt and disappointment, he walked out the door.
I ran to my purse and grabbed my cigarettes and went out to the garage, shutting the door before Romeo could follow me out.
Chapter 32
Ben
I was still trying to wrap my head around what happened. I loved her and I couldn’t bear to leave her like that, but I had no choice. She made it very clear that she wanted me to leave and to leave her alone. Sadness and disappointment tore through me as I tried to fall asleep. I kept my phone close to my side with the hopes that she’d either call or text me.
I got up the next morning at six a.m. and headed out for a run. It was earlier than usual, but I couldn’t sleep, and lying in bed just forced me to think too much about Paisley. Before heading to the pier, I decided to do some running on the beach near the shoreline. That was when I ran into Keaton as he was putting his surfboard in the water.
“Hey, Ben.” He smiled.
I stopped and placed my hands on my thighs as I tried to catch my breath. “Hey, Keaton.”
“You’re out early this morning? Couldn’t get Paisley to run with you?”
“Nah. She told me last night not to call her anymore and, when she’s ready, she’ll call me.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have told Keaton that, but I was hurting.
“Huh? What happened?”
“I shouldn’t have mentioned anything. It’s not my place. I’m sure she’ll talk to you about it.”
“Ben, I’m sorry. I’ll talk to her, but you and Leah still have to come to family dinner tonight.”
“Please don’t mention that I told you. She’s hurting enough as it is and I don’t want her to think that I ran to you with this. As for dinner, I don’t think so. If you still want Leah to go, she can.”
“I won’t say anything to her. Don’t worry. I really want you to come to dinner. I’ll check on Paisley when I’m done surfing.”
“Thanks, Keaton. I better get going.”
I gave him a small smile and I continued to run along the water. Once I made it to the pier, I saw David up ahead.
“David,” I yelled.
He turned around and slowed down so I could catch up with him. We ran for a few moments in silence. The last time I saw David was at the Sunset Bar.
“Ben, I want to apologize for the other night. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It’s already forgotten. I shouldn’t have stormed out like that. The reason I was so pissed was because everything you said was true. Paisley told me last night not to call her anymore.”
He abruptly stopped and looked at me. “What? Why?”
“After I dropped her off at home last night, things started to get a little crazy between us, if you know what I mean, and all of a sudden, she pulled back and told me to get out and not call her. She said she’d call me when she’s ready. The look on her face was pure fright and she said that nothing would ever be okay for her again.”
“Did you tell her that’s not true and that everything would be okay?”
“Yeah, I told her and she wouldn’t listen.”
He grabbed my shoulders. “Then you make her listen and make her see that she’s wrong and that everything can and will be good for her again!”
I was taken aback by his reaction and I didn’t know what to think. “David, what the fuck is your problem?” I asked as I backed up.
He put his hands up. “I’m sorry. It’s just I lost someone really special once because of bullshit and I don’t want that to happen to you or Paisley. From what you’ve told me, the two of you are perfect for each other and you were meant to be together. Don’t give up on her. Make her see that it’s okay to start over again. I have to go, Ben. I have a breakfast meeting to get to. I’ll see you around.”
He ran away before I could say anything. I didn’t know what I felt at that moment. David’s reaction left me speechless and confused. I brushed it off and continued my run. There was no way Paisley would want me at her parents’ house tonight, so I wasn’t even going to bother.
****
Paisley
As soon as I heard my phone beep, I reached over to the nightstand and prayed to God that it wasn’t Ben. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw Keaton’s name.
“I know you’re home and I’m standing outs
ide your door. Open up or I’ll use my key.”
“Use your key. I’m not getting out of bed. I’m sick.”
After a moment passed, Keaton walked into my bedroom, holding a bag from the Donut Depot.
“I told you that I was sick.”
“Sick in the head,” he said as he climbed on the bed next to me.
“You’re an ass.”
He put his hand in the bag and pulled out a white frosted cake donut.
“I don’t want it,” I said as I rolled over and faced the other way.
“Yes you do. Donuts always make things better. You know that.”
“I’m sick, Keaton.”
“I saw Ben at the beach earlier. He was running along the water as I was putting in my surf board. He said that he won’t be at family dinner tonight. What did you do to him, Paisley?”
“Nothing,” I replied as tears filled my eyes. “I already called Mom and told her that I was sick and won’t be coming tonight.”
“So is this how it’s going to be forever? You’d rather spend your life alone and in misery?”
“Leave, Keaton.”
He left the bag of donuts on the bed as he got up and walked around to my side. “I’m going, but I have one last question. Is this the advice you’d give someone that wrote a letter to Dear Paisley? Would you actually tell that person who reached out to you for the best advice possible to hide away from the world for the rest of their life? Would you tell them not to bother facing their fears because, in the end, it’s not worth it? Would you, Paisley? Because if you would, I want to see it in writing. I want to see you write those words. Call me when you’re done hiding.” He turned and walked away and I flinched at the slamming of the front door.
Romeo jumped on the bed and started nudging me and begging me for food. I finally climbed out of bed, opened a can of Fancy Feast, and took a hot shower. As the water streamed down my back, I stood there with my head down. I felt lost and no longer in control of my life. My husband had become my very existence, and when he died, a large of part of me died with him. Keaton was right. Would I actually tell someone to live like this? Was this what I really wanted? Did I even have a choice? I needed to find myself again.