by Sandi Lynn
****
Ben
Keaton came over around four thirty to pick up Leah for dinner. I had to explain to her why I wasn’t going.
“I talked to Paisley earlier,” he said as he followed me into the kitchen.
“How is she?”
“I don’t know, man. She kicked me out of her house and I said some things I probably shouldn’t have. I guess just give her some time. She’s freaking out and I don’t know how to help her anymore.”
I placed my hands on the counter and pushed myself back. “I’m sorry,” I said as I looked down.
“Don’t apologize. Listen, Ben, I think you and Paisley make an amazing couple and I’m sorry she’s doing this to you. I know how much you really like her.”
“I do like her a lot. Hell, I’m falling in love with her.”
Leah walked in and Keaton put his hand on my back. “Keep the faith and give her time. She’ll come around.”
“Thanks, Keaton. You two have fun and tell your family that I said hi.”
“Will do, bro.”
Leah kissed me on the cheek and the two of them left. I went into the garage and looked at the table and chairs that still had to be delivered. I called up the buyers and told them that I could make the delivery tomorrow afternoon. I originally planned on asking Paisley to go with me, but now I’d ask Leah. Once I got the dining set out of the garage, I’d start building a sofa table for Paisley.
Chapter 33
Paisley
“Here’s the key to your cottage, Ms. Logan. You’re in cottage number five like you requested.”
“Thank you.” I gently smiled.
I held the key tightly in my hand and followed the bellhop to the golf cart, where he loaded my luggage and drove me to the cottage. I took in a deep breath as I stepped inside. The room looked exactly the same, right down to the canopy king-size bed and the perfectly polished Brazilian walnut floors. The first thing I did was step out onto the lanai and watched as the waves crashed into the shore. This place. This cottage. Hawaii. They held the happiest memories of us. Our honeymoon and the start of our life together happened here. Little did we know that our time was limited. Tears filled my eyes as I stared at the bed where we made love multiple times a day during our stay. The bed where we discussed our future and our plans. The same bed where he would wrap his arms around me every night and tell me how much he loved me. I could no longer control the flow of tears as they fell down my face. I came here for a reason. A reason that I wasn’t even entirely sure of myself. I missed Ben, but I knew that things would never work out with us unless I figured out how to put closure on the past.
I picked up my phone and looked at the message I sent to Keaton before I left.
“I need you to do something for me. I have to go away for a little while and I need you to stay at my place and take care of Romeo. Don’t ask me where I’m going because I won’t tell you. All you need to know is that this is something I need to do for me. I’ll be back when I finally have my life figured out. Tell the family not to worry about me because I’ll be okay. I promise you, Keaton. I’ll be okay. I love you.”
“I’m pissed off you left without saying goodbye, but I understand. I’ll miss you, Paisley. Do what you have to do and then come home. As soon as you get back, we’re going surfing. Mom and Dad are going to be pissed, but I’ll calm them down. Don’t worry about Romeo. That little man and I have a special bond. I love you too, Paisley. Take care of yourself and be safe.”
I needed to send one more message before I settled in and began my healing process.
“Ben, I had to go away for a while. I want you to know that I’ll miss you and I’m sorry. You’re an amazing man and you deserve so much more. Please don’t respond to this message. I just wanted you to know that I’m away, trying to figure life out.”
I took my laptop out of my bag and set it on the desk. Before I left, I took Kenny out to lunch and explained to him why I had to leave, but that I’d still keep up with the columns every day. He smiled and told me that he wasn’t worried and he knew that I’d work everything out. I was happy that everyone else had so much faith in me because that was something I didn’t have myself.
****
Ben
I sat on the edge of the bed, reading Paisley’s text message over and over again. I wanted to text her back and ask her to please come home and that we could work it out together, but she asked me not to respond, so I was going to respect her request. Leah woke up early and asked me what was wrong.
Paisley went away somewhere to try and figure her life out.
I’m sorry, Ben. I wish there was something I could do to help.
The only thing we can do is wait and pray to God that she figures things out soon. I miss her so much.
Leah walked over and wrapped her arms around me while I tried to fight the tears that stung my eyes. It killed me knowing that in a couple of days it was the anniversary of her husband’s death and I couldn’t be there for her like she had been for me. It angered me, but at the same time, I needed to realize that this was what she needed to do. I went out to the garage and looked at the pile of wood sitting on the floor. I was going to build that sofa table for Paisley and give it to her when she came back.
A few hours later, as I was cutting the wood, I heard the door open and, when I turned around, Keaton was standing there with his hands in his pockets.
“Hey. I thought you should know that Paisley left town for a while.”
“I know. She sent me a text message and then told me not to respond.”
“Sounds like Paisley.” He smiled. “What are you building?”
“A sofa table for her.”
“She’ll love it.”
“If she ever sees it,” I said as I examined the piece of wood I had just cut.
“She’ll be back, Ben. She can’t be away from me for too long.”
I looked at him and smirked. “I hope so because I miss her.”
“If I hear from her, I’ll let you know. Anyway, I came to pick up Leah. We’re going to go to dinner. Would you like to join us?”
“Thanks for the invite, but I have dinner plans already.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I have my usual Friday night date with some great fish and chips.”
Keaton raised his eyebrow. “Have fun with those fish and chips.”
“I fully intend to.” I smirked.
Keaton and Leah left and I continued working on the table for another hour. I showered and headed to the Sunset Bar. When I walked through the door, I was surprised that David wasn’t sitting there. I took my usual seat and asked Damian if he’d seen him. He shook his head and grabbed my beer.
“Nope. I haven’t seen him yet. I’m sure he’ll be in.”
I scrolled through my phone, looking at all the past messages from Paisley and staring at her picture. I hadn’t felt this way about anyone since I first laid eyes on Amy. I ate my dinner and David still never showed up. He sure acted strange that day at the pier and the way he just took off was weird. As I sat there, I wondered if I’d ever see him again.
Chapter 34
Paisley
“Good morning, angel,” I heard as I felt warm lips caressing my temple.
I rolled over and into his arms, snuggling tightly against him. We left the sliding door wall cracked so we could hear the sounds of the waves crashing over the shore and feel the subtle early morning breeze sweep across us when we awoke. It was a beautiful morning and the sun was shining. His grip on me tightened.
“I love you so much, angel.”
“I love you too,” I whispered as I stroked his bare chest.
“I want to talk to you about something.”
I lifted my head and looked at him. “What is it?”
“If anything should ever happen to me, I want you to move on and find someone who will love you as much as I do.”
“Baby, why are you talking like that? Nothing’s going to happen to you.”
“You never know, and I just want to make sure that you won’t stop living life.”
“Seriously, stop it. You aren’t going anywhere. We’re going to grow old together and watch our children have children and their children have children. We’re going to be around for a long time.”
“Paisley, I’m being realistic. Shit happens. You never know what life will bring.”
I wiggled out of his grip and climbed out of bed. I slipped on my silk robe and went out onto the lanai.
“Life gave me you and you’re not going anywhere. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you. It’s not even an option.”
He got up and wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder. “Sometimes we don’t have a choice. Paisley, all I want is for you to be happy. If you’re not happy, then I’m not happy, and it kills me to see you sad. You can do this, angel. You’re a lot stronger than you know. Don’t be afraid.”
Suddenly, I found myself standing in the sand, looking around and wondering how I got here.
“Where are you? This isn’t funny, baby,” I yelled as I looked around.
“I’m in front of you,” I heard his voice say.
I turned my head and saw him standing in the water a few feet in front of me. “What are you doing?” I smiled.
“I need you to do me a favor, Paisley. I need you to promise me something.”
“You know I’ll promise you anything.”
“Embrace our memories here. Aside from the day I married you, our time spent here was one of the happiest times of my life. Let these memories heal you. Can you promise me that?”
“I’ll try.”
“That’s not good enough. You’ve never broken a promise to me. You’ve always kept your word and now’s not the time to doubt what I’m asking you. Do you promise?” he asked as he held up his pinky finger.
“I promise,” I whispered as I held up mine.
My heart was pounding out of my chest and my eyes flew open. I lay there for a few moments, trying to catch my breath and calm my racing heart. Maybe coming here wasn’t a good idea. I slowly climbed out of bed and stared out into the crystal blue water. The sun was just rising and the waves were huge. I grabbed my wetsuit from my luggage and slipped into it. Grabbing the surf board I had rented when I arrived, I ran down the beach and put it in the water, paddling my way out to hit the next big wave, but I didn’t ride it. I sat up on my board, gripping it tight and letting the waves crash over me and drag me along the ocean floor. I let them have their way with me and gave in to their full control. When I surfaced, the adrenaline racing through my body was astounding. It felt like it had breathed life into me. That was the only way I could describe it. Another surfer paddled her way over to me.
“Are you okay? That wave was crazy. I didn’t think you were coming back up.”
I looked at her with a small smile. “Yeah. For the first time in very long time, I’m okay.”
She nodded her head and smiled as she paddled away from me. I swam back to the shore and went to the cottage. After changing out of my suit and putting on a sundress, I made a cup of tea and took my laptop out to the lanai. As I opened the Word document, I couldn’t stop thinking about that dream, although it didn’t feel like a dream. I could feel his arms wrapped tightly around me and I could feel his lips on my skin. His words consumed me and I couldn’t stop hearing them in my head. It felt like he was reaching out to me; like somehow he knew how sadness and despair had taken over my life since he died. My fingers began typing the words that I couldn’t bring myself to type over the last year.
****
After I showered, I put on a pair of khaki shorts and a black tank top. Today was the day. The day I had dreaded for a long time. Not only would it have been our two-year anniversary, it was the one-year anniversary of his death. All I kept hearing in my head were his words: “Let these memories heal you.” He wanted me to remember our time here and be happy that we got the chance to share it. I made him a promise that I’d be okay and that was what I was setting out to do. I would go to all the places we visited and do all the things we did.
Spending the day horseback riding and stand-up paddling left me tired and hungry. After freshening up and changing into one of my dresses, I took a walk to Ola Restaurant and sat at a table right on the beach, just like we did on our honeymoon. I ordered a glass of wine and watched as the sun set over the bay.
“Here’s to you, my darling husband. It’s just as beautiful as it was when we were here together.” I raised my glass.
It’s funny how the most dreaded day of my life had turned into one of the best. The memories we made here were some of the best and I finally realized that no matter what I do or who I love, those memories would always be with me. After I ate dinner, I walked back to the cottage where I soaked in the deep marbled tub and then sat out on the lanai, listening to the whispers of the ocean and the laughter of the waves as I wrote more of my story.
Chapter 35
Ben
Two weeks had passed and it was time for Leah to go home. Lindsay flew here from Arizona to pick her up, and since there was a three-hour layover, I treated them to dinner at the steakhouse restaurant in the airport.
“I can’t thank you enough for letting Leah stay with you.” Lindsay smiled.
“No need to thank me. We had a really good time.” Didn’t we? I signed.
Leah smiled. I had a great time here. In fact, I think I want to attend UCLA.
That’s great, but make sure you attend for the right reasons. I winked.
Lindsey got the job in Phoenix and Leah was more than happy to move. After talking, laughing, and doing a lot of catching up, it was time for them to go to their gate.
Bye, Leah. I love you and I’m going to miss you. I hugged her tight.
Bye, Ben. Please come visit us more when we move.
You can count on it. I smiled.
I hugged Lindsay goodbye. “If you need any help moving, call me. I’ll be there in a flash.”
“The company I’m working for is paying for a moving company. But maybe I could use your help unpacking.”
“I’d love to help. Give me a call.”
I climbed in the truck and drove home. When I walked through the door, I could feel the emptiness of the house now that Leah wasn’t here anymore. My phone rang and my heart started to race with the hopes that it was Paisley calling, but it wasn’t. It was Finn.
“Hello,” I answered.
“Hey, bro. Long time, no talk. What’s going on?”
“Not much. I just got back from dropping Leah off at the airport.”
“Oh. Me and a couple of the guys are going to Vegas next weekend for a little man time. Come with us.”
“Thanks for the invite, but I’ll probably have to work since I just took two weeks off.”
“Well, if you don’t have to, come with us. It’ll be fun.”
“Thanks, Finn. I’ll talk to you later.”
As I got to thinking about work, I thought about extending my leave. Christmas was in a couple of weeks and I wanted to finish the sofa table. Not that it mattered because I doubted Paisley would be back for the holidays. I was going crazy without her and not knowing where she was or if she was okay.
I called my boss and asked him if he would meet me at the Sunset Bar for a drink.
“Hey, Ben,” he said as we shook hands.
“Hi, Lou.” I took the seat next to him at the bar. “Drinks are on me. I need to talk to you about my leave.”
“What about it?”
“I want to extend it. I actually want to take a personal leave of absence. I never took any time off after Amy’s death and there are some things I need to do and take care of.”
“How long are you talking?”
“Until after the first of the year.”
“You know what to do. Fill out the paperwork, turn it into me tomorrow, and I’ll approve it.”
“Thanks, Lou.”
; He placed his hand on my shoulder. “You’re welcome. Do what you have to do. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He smiled as he got up from his seat and walked out of the bar.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and thought about calling Finn and telling him that I’d go to Vegas this weekend. Then I decided that if I went, it wouldn’t be because I wanted to. It would be to try and put Paisley out of my mind. It bothered me that I didn’t know where she was just as much as it bothered me that I didn’t know if she was okay. I didn’t want to spend Christmas without her. I missed her so much that I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel this way again. I needed her just as much as she needed me. She left for a reason and when she figured out her life, she’d be back, and I would wait for her for as long as it took.
Chapter 36
Paisley
I took my tea and walked down by the crystal blue water. I’d been here almost three weeks and I’d accomplished so much. I kept up with my columns and I was on the last chapter of my novel. Writing about my experience and his death was therapeutic and it helped me to see that life can and does go on. I missed my family, but more importantly, I missed Ben. I was able to finally admit to myself that I was falling in love with him, a love and companionship that I didn’t think was possible ever again. As I stared out beyond the water, I could finally feel a sense of peace in my life. A different kind of peace that I’d never felt before. I smiled as I sipped my tea and headed back to my cottage. Tomorrow would be the day that I contacted Ben and hoped to God that he still wanted me.
****
Ben
I started off the morning with a run before heading to the station and turning in my papers. Brady wasn’t too thrilled that I extended my leave, but he understood. The morning air was crisp and the sky was a bit overcast. As I ran along the pier, deep in thought about Paisley and listening to my music, I saw David out of the corner of my eye run up next to me. I turned off my iPod and looked at him.