An Inconvenient Desire

by Alexia Adams

  “You haven’t changed your mind about helping, have you? Because I can’t do this without you.”

  A flood of warmth swept through her. It was great to be needed. For a second she wished it was more than just her newfound nanny skills he wanted. But she still had her career aspirations and plans. Well, it wouldn’t hurt for them to be delayed. After all, she was enjoying this change of lifestyle. She’d just have to make sure she didn’t lose her focus on what was really important. Which was especially in danger when Jonathan touched her, even accidentally.

  “No, I haven’t changed my mind,” she said. His eyes searched hers.

  Maybe she could lift her restriction on physical intimacy. Set a time limit on an affair. How long would it take to get enough of him? A month? Two? Forever? No, she needed to stay perched on top of her self-imposed celibacy wagon, knickers on, because Jonathan was likely an addiction she wouldn’t be able to break.

  She put the bowl down and got the cake tin ready. Before she could pour in the batter, Jonathan ran his finger along the inside of the bowl then popped it into his mouth. His chest was pressed against her shoulder. His enticing aftershave filled her nose. When she glanced up, he gave her a cheeky grin and her heart rate sped up.

  “Yum, that’s good. And no box in sight. I knew you had talents,” he said.

  Oh, darling, you have no idea the things I can do.

  She cleared her throat. “Cakes are easy. Can you watch Hannah for a few minutes? I need to, um, call my agent and tell her I’ll be extending my holiday. I’ll clean up here when I get back.” Her voice came out all breathless.

  She poured the batter in the tin then popped it in the oven, set the timer, and fled the kitchen before her resolve melted and she ravished him right there on the kitchen table. How the hell am I going to manage weeks of daily Jonathan and keep a no-touch policy? I am out of my mind.

  Twenty minutes later, when she returned to the kitchen, the air was filled with the aroma of the freshly baked cake, which sat cooling on a rack on the counter. The room was spotless. Hannah and her dolly were playing tea party on the floor. A miniature cup was next to Jonathan, who glanced up from his laptop as she entered the room. His smile of greeting released a swarm of butterflies in her stomach.

  “What did your agent say?”

  “She wasn’t in so I left a message. But I did speak with Sophia. They’re back now and have invited us over for dinner. She can’t wait to meet Hannah. Unless you need to go somewhere, I thought I’d walk over now so we can have a girly chat. Then you and Hannah can come after her nap?”

  He searched her face. “Sure. But I can drive you over. Hannah likes riding in the truck. She may even fall asleep and save me from having to read that fairy book that she likes for the 8 millionth time.”

  Olivia laughed. Hannah had a dozen books but insisted on the same one over and over again. And it wasn’t surprising she loved it when Jonathan read it to her, as he made funny voices for all the characters. But her desire to go early to Sophia’s was also about needing some space from temptation. “No. I want to walk. And you seem to be busy.”

  “I’m looking at houses for sale in London. I have a flat in Docklands, but it isn’t really suitable for a child. Do you have a preference for where we’ll live?”

  It sounded like something a couple would discuss. Her brain flashed to an image of them house-hunting together. It was doing that more and more lately—picturing the two of them and Hannah as a family. Yep, temptation on a stick.

  “Anywhere but Edmonton.” Although she had no idea where her mother was, it was likely she was still in north London. The very last thing she wanted was to walk down the street and run into her.

  “No, Edmonton is definitely out of the question. I was thinking somewhere near Docklands. Lewisham perhaps? It has lots of parks and good schools.”

  “Sounds ideal for Hannah. After all, it’s not like we’re choosing our forever home.” His eyes narrowed at her words and she turned to leave.

  “Olivia.”

  She turned back. “Yes?”

  “It may not be our forever home, but I do want you to be happy.” The sincerity with which he said it tugged at something inside her.

  “It’s your house, your decision. I’ll see you at Sophia’s later.”

  He hesitated for a moment while he searched her face. “We’ll be there,” he said at last.

  The fake family together again. She spent the twenty-minute walk to Sophia’s villa trying to calm her heart rate. Why couldn’t Jonathan be an ogre she wasn’t attracted to? The way he’d held her after she told him about her mother and his constant reassurance that he appreciated Olivia’s help with Hannah had touched her deeply. She also admired the way he’d dealt with his sudden fatherhood, even if he’d been stunned at the start. But even though he stirred things within her that made her question her decisions, she was determined to stick with her plan.

  Before she’d sorted out all her emotions, she arrived at Sophia’s.

  “You look wonderful!” Olivia gave her best friend a long hug. “Where’s Luca?”

  “He had to go in to the office but will be back for dinner. So, how are you?” Sophia’s gaze probed hers, no doubt searching for telltale signs of recent romantic activity.

  The whole “oh I’ll feel much better if sexy hunk Jonathan takes my poor unmarried friend to Brisighella” setup had been well played. What was it with married people that they felt their single friends were broken and needed to be fixed up with the nearest also-single? “I’m good. Been shagging Jonathan night and day since you’ve been gone. Of course, it gets a bit awkward sometimes with his daughter in the house.”

  Sophia looked shocked for a second, then burst out laughing. “All right. I’ll stay out of it. But you could do worse.”

  “Sophia.” Olivia crossed her arms across her chest and dared her friend to interfere further.

  “What? You want me to stop caring for you because we live 700 miles apart now? I want you to be happy, Olivia. As happy as I am with Luca.” Just saying her husband’s name made Sophia glow with joy.

  Olivia shook her head. She figured it would take a miracle to put that look on her own face. Or a half dozen of Jonathan’s potent kisses. “Men—enough about them. Tell me about the States. How many shoes and handbags did you buy?”

  • • •

  Jonathan fiddled with the cork from the bottle of Chianti while waiting for Olivia to come back down after putting Hannah to bed. A light, warm breeze fluttered the light from the citronella candles he’d lit to keep the bugs away. They’d had a pleasant meal at Sophia and Luca’s. Very casual, they’d eaten on the terrace so Hannah could continue to play in the garden.

  Normally, dinner with friends, especially ones who spoke English so he didn’t have to concentrate on everything he said, was a relaxing event. But tonight, he’d been so on edge that a couple of times he’d invented excuses to go check on Hannah, just so he could breathe without inhaling Olivia’s alluring scent as she sat next to him. Seeing Luca and Sophia so obviously in love had made his stomach all fluttery, and he’d barely been able to enjoy Maria’s fabulous food.

  When Luca’s hand had reverently touched Sophia’s abdomen where their baby grew, Jonathan had tried to picture Celeste pregnant with Hannah, but the image wouldn’t form. Instead, his brain flashed a vision of Olivia carrying his child. A warm flush had washed over him. Olivia was a natural mother and he couldn’t want anyone better for his daughter. But would she soon tire of playing mummy and jet off to some glamorous party or lucrative modeling assignment—leaving him and his daughter in the lurch?

  Even worse, for the three hours that Olivia had been gone while she visited with Sophia before dinner, he’d continually checked the time. Hopefully, she’d never find out that he’d woken Hannah from her nap so they could join her sooner. Acting like a hormonal teenager desperate for a shag, he could understand. It’d been a while. But behaving like a lovesick schoolboy was pathetic. Next t
hing he knew he’d be singing love songs in the shower.

  This need to be near her was not good. He was seriously rethinking his decision for them to live together once they returned to the UK. He could still call his mother and make arrangements for Hannah to go up to Yorkshire. Bury himself in his work and forget he’d ever had this time playing happy family with Olivia. Because that’s all it was—playing. Wasn’t it?

  He loved his daughter and wanted to be the best father possible. But he had to distance his emotions for his child from those for Olivia. He didn’t want to keep Hannah just so Olivia stayed. And he couldn’t use Olivia’s affections for his daughter to trifle with her—lure her into thinking they had a future when he couldn’t get over the betrayal of his ex-wife and Olivia’s chosen career. She deserved more than just an open-ended affair. She deserved a man who would love her unconditionally. Am I even capable of that anymore?

  The back door opened and Olivia stepped through. She’d changed into a simple, pink sundress that on any other woman would have been completely demure. On Olivia it was like seductive lingerie—exposing discreet glimpses of her cleavage, hugging the curve of her hips. His teenage hormones flared to life again. He needed to resurrect his internal analytical banker if he was going to make any sense.

  He poured her a glass of wine, handing it to her as she stood at the edge of the terrace staring out at the dark night.

  “Sophia and Luca seem really happy, don’t they?” Her voice was low and soft.

  He didn’t want to talk about the other couple in love. “Yes.”

  “Were you like that with Celeste? Always touching her? Hanging on her every word?”

  “I don’t remember.” And he didn’t. He’d either blocked that part of their relationship out of his mind or it had never existed.

  Olivia released a long sigh and he fought the desire to put his arms around her. “I just wanted to know if it was normal. Or if they have something special.”

  “I can’t say for certain. But even after forty years of marriage, my parents still hold hands. And my married brother and sister behave like that, too.”

  “It’s nice. I’m happy for them. Sophia really deserves happiness.” She hauled in a deep breath and took a sip of the wine. She stared for a few more seconds at the stars before sitting in one of the chairs on the terrace. He followed her like a puppy. “Hannah had fun. She didn’t even wake up when I changed her nappy and put her in her pajamas.”

  It was a good thing the night was dark and she couldn’t see the guilt on his face for Hannah’s abbreviated nap. “Would it be okay if I left Hannah with you for the day and flew back to London on Friday? I have a couple of meetings I have to attend and need to make a few arrangements for my return to work. I’m due to go back in six weeks. If I catch the first flight out in the morning and the last home in the evening, I should get everything done.”

  “Sure, no problem. Sophia’s dad and brother are flying in that morning, so we may pop over there for the day. I want to spend more time with her before she and Luca move closer to his hotel project site. From the way they were talking at dinner, it sounds like a difficult place to get to.”

  Damn. The reminder of the real reason Olivia was in Italy pricked his conscience. She’d come on holiday to visit her best friend, and instead he’d taken advantage of her kindness and turned her into an unpaid domestic worker. One who hadn’t even had a day off in two weeks. “If you want to spend time with Sophia without having to worry about Hannah, I could take her with me. My mother would probably come down to London and look after her while I’m in my meetings—”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Jonathan. We’ll be all right alone for the day.”

  She might be okay, he wasn’t sure he would be. Random thoughts of turning in his resignation and becoming a day trader, living the rest of his life in his Italian idyll, watching Hannah grow, making love to Olivia all night long, were tempting. Except his mother hadn’t raised an idealist. He knew this happiness wasn’t likely to last. Real life would intrude. Olivia would go back to modeling—jetting around the world from assignment to party to assignment—leaving him and Hannah to pick up the pieces of their lives.

  But he couldn’t just let things drift along.

  “What did your agent say when she called back?” He held his breath.

  Olivia shrugged. “She was surprised but agreed. Said things were slow over the summer anyway. But she may have a corporate deal for me later in the year.”

  His blood ran cold. “Have you ever thought of doing something other than modeling?”

  She sat upright and her eyes searched his face in the dim light of the candles, although for what, he wasn’t sure. “It’s what I’m good at,” she said softly. “I barely finished school. And the thought of working in a shop or day after day in an office fills me with dread.”

  “You’re fabulous with children. I could hire you to look after Hannah on a permanent basis. I’m even willing to match what you made modeling last year.” He was willing to pay a hell of a lot more to keep her in his life, but he didn’t want to come across as too desperate.

  “You want to pay me to care for Hannah?” She looked like he’d slapped her.

  He reached out and grabbed her hands, willing her to understand. He was making a complete hash of this conversation.

  “Olivia, I’m afraid to lose you. Hannah is so attached to you. Yet I feel guilty for ruining your holiday. And now you’re taking an extended break from your job. I can’t continue to take advantage of your generosity.”

  “I’m not doing this for money, Jonathan. I love Hannah.”

  “I know. It means so much to me that you love my daughter. But I insist on paying you for your time. Do you want the contract to start now or when we go to London? Once I’m back at work, you’ll get a real feel for the job as I won’t be able to help as much.”

  She took a moment to answer. “When you go back to work is fine. I had already booked this time off and I’m enjoying this change of pace. I’d feel guilty for taking your money when half the time I just sit around and watch you and Hannah play.”

  “You keep me sane. I can’t put a price on that. But we’ll say from my return to London for an initial three months. And if you want to stay on caring for her, then we can just extend the term. Or if you want to go back to school, or get training in some other career, we can come to some arrangement for you to do that.” She still looked skeptical. And not too happy.

  “I guess so,” she replied.

  “Brilliant. I’ll have my lawyers draw up an employment contract when I’m in London.”

  She pulled her hands out of his and sat back in the chair, distancing herself from him. “If that’s what you want.”

  It wasn’t what he wanted. Not by a long shot. His blood flooded to his groin just contemplating the two of them together. It had been too long since his lips were locked with hers. Too long since her voluptuous body was pressed against his. Too long since he’d surrendered to desire. He wanted her in his bed, in his life.

  “Well, boss, I’d better get to sleep. I have an early start in the morning.” Olivia rose majestically from her chair and swept from the terrace.

  Jonathan scrubbed his hands over his face. No, this wasn’t what he wanted at all. But he had between now and November to prove to her that staying with him and Hannah could make her happy. That giving up her career to be with him was the best option.

  And he had that time to figure out if he could trust his instincts again. And if Olivia wanted a relationship with him, and not just his daughter.

  He’d worked to tight deadlines before. But this might be the most challenging yet.

  Chapter 10

  “He’s going to get his lawyer to write a contract?” Sophia stopped folding clothes and sat on the bed. “Is he an idiot?”

  “No, he’s a businessman. This may come as a surprise to you, but not everyone proposes marriage when they need a woman in their life,” Olivia responded.

/>   “Hey, it was more than that with Luca.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. He loved you from the moment he set eyes on you. Who can blame him?” Sophia threw a skirt at her, which she tossed back. A few more clothes followed until they were both laughing. Olivia had to take a few deep breaths before she could continue. “Anyway, Jonathan says he feels bad about me temporarily giving up work to look after Hannah. So he’s going to pay me to do it.” She’d spent the past several nights trying to figure out her relationship, or lack thereof, with Jonathan. He’d left this morning before it was even light to catch his flight to London. She missed him already.

  “But still, if he’s your boss, it’s going to be rather awkward, isn’t it, when you jump his bones?”

  Olivia picked up a dress, folded it, and put it in the suitcase at the end of the bed. Sophia and Luca were getting ready to move to a tiny cottage near his new hotel project, an eight hour drive away. So this might be the last time she and her best friend could have a frank conversation in person for a while. “I told you, I’m not going to sleep with anyone until I’m sure the relationship has a future. And to be honest, even kissing Jonathan is addictive. I’m afraid of what would happen if I shag him and then we break up.”

  “Okay, I can see not sleeping with him. But how do you feel about him?”

  Trust Sophia to get right to the core problem.

  “I don’t know. I don’t know how much of what I feel is this inconvenient desire and how much is the start of something more. Some days I think I should just rip his clothes off and do him on the kitchen table. Get it over and done with.” Although that had more chance of starting an entirely different problem, rather than ending the current lust issue.

  “Over and done with. How romantic.”

  She ignored Sophia’s remark. “Plus I have no idea how he feels about me. He said he was afraid to let me go because of what it would do to Hannah. I don’t want him to want me because I make his daughter happy.”