Mind Game

by Iris Johansen

Only it hadn’t really been Cira’s world. This had been the domain of her young son, Marcus, who had played here all his young life. Cira’s world had been the castle some ten miles from here. But Jane’s dream had not been of the castle; it had been of these mists.…

  * * *

  “Are you sure you want to do this, Cira?” Antonio moved to stand behind her. He put his hands gently on her shoulders, and whispered in her ear. “You don’t have to say farewell to him here. We can go back to the castle and have the priest give the gods’ blessings and bury him near us.”

  “No.” She looked down at the small casket she’d had the carpenters craft with such care. “I want it to be here by the lake. Marcus liked it here.” She could feel the tears sting her eyes. “He told me someday he was going to go into that mist and bring me gifts of gold and jewels fit for a queen. I told him not to be foolish, that I had all the riches I could possibly want already.” She looked over her shoulder at Antonio. “It’s true, you know. This is a hard, wild land, but we’ve made it our own. I have everything I ever dreamed about in those days when I was a slave in Herculaneum. I have a husband I love who gave me five strong sons and two daughters who may be even stronger.”

  “You would think that.” He kissed her temple. “You did not feel love for me when you were going through those birth pains.”

  “It just seemed unfair that a woman has to bear all that pain. But I can see why the gods didn’t entrust having children to men. We do it so much better.”

  “Whatever you say, love.”

  She could feel his tears on her temple and knew he would not argue with her at this moment. He was feeling her pain at the loss of Marcus as well as his own. Marcus, eight years old, beautiful as the sun, who had been ravaged by the fever and fallen into darkness.

  She couldn’t stand here looking down at that small casket any longer. It was time to say farewell and send her son to take his final journey.

  She stepped away from Antonio and gazed into the mist. “We’re lucky, you know. To have had him this long, to have him the only one of our children whom the gods wanted with them.”

  “It doesn’t seem lucky to me.”

  “No. At first, I wanted to rage and beat my head on the stones. But then I started to think of Marcus and I was still angry, but there’s a kind of comfort in knowing that he’ll be here where he wanted to be. I can ride down here and imagine him running out of the mist and telling me how he’d just been hiding and playing in the caves and had great adventures to tell me.” The tears were running down her cheeks. “And now I believe we’d better go take him into that mist so that he can begin those adventures. Then we can go back to the castle and tell our other children that they must stop grieving and start living. Does that not sound like a good plan?”

  “A fine plan,” Antonio said thickly as he touched her damp cheek. “A magnificent plan, my own Cira.…”

  * * *

  Jane felt her throat tighten and tears sting her eyes. The memory was as fresh and poignant as it had been the night she’d had that painful dream.

  She looked out into the mist. She could imagine that sad journey that Cira and Antonio had taken to Marcus’s final resting place.

  Is that where you put the treasure that was to protect your family? Did you give it to your Marcus to guard until it was needed?

  No one could know. It was what Jane had thought was likely. It was what she thought Cira would have done. Cira had been part of her life, part of her youth; there had to be some reason why Cira had let Jane get to know her so well. Why else would Cira have given her that final dream?

  Jane could only guess and follow MacDuff when he went deep into the mist.

  She took a deep, shaky breath and straightened against the tree. Time to get out of this mist and away from that heartbreaking memory of Cira and her Marcus. She had come seeking isolation and another world, but that world had been too painful tonight. Go back to the real world and face—

  Her cell phone rang and she glanced down at the ID.

  Seth Caleb.

  Shit.

  He was more reality than she wanted to face right now.

  But she wasn’t going to avoid him. As she’d told Eve, she was an adult. She just didn’t feel like it all the time when she confronted Caleb. He managed to dominate effortlessly if she wasn’t on guard. Even now, when she hadn’t even answered the phone, she could see him before her. Olive skin, high cheekbones, dark eyes, dark hair with that thread of white, the faint indentation in his chin, that beautifully sensual mouth.

  And that aura of fire and power that always seemed to surround him even in his most casual moments.

  Answer the damn call and get it over with.

  She punched the access button. “Hello, Caleb. Jock tells me that you’re coming to help MacDuff tomorrow.”

  “That’s why I’m calling you.” His deep voice was faintly mocking. “I want you to have a good night. I didn’t want you to be tense or on edge when it wasn’t necessary.”

  “How kind. But I doubt if your intentions were entirely without another agenda.”

  “Of course not. We both know how self-serving I can be.” He paused. “How are Eve and the baby?”

  She could feel the muscles of her shoulders stiffen. “Fine. Wonderful. Michael is totally exceptional.” She waited, but he didn’t speak. She forced herself to go on. “She was just mentioning before I left how grateful she was that you were able to save him when all the doctors didn’t think he’d survive that poison in her system when he was in the womb.”

  “Really?” He added mockingly, “Then you must not have discussed the arrangement you offered to get me to do it.”

  She didn’t answer.

  “No, of course you didn’t. You wouldn’t want to tarnish anything to do with Eve and her child. Everything has to be perfect for Eve.”

  “Yes, it does. I love her.”

  “And I like her.” The mockery was gone from his tone. “She’s a unique human being. I was very happy for her when I heard she was pregnant.”

  “You never said anything.”

  “Would you have believed me? I’m always under your microscope. You’re never sure if I have an agenda. Just as you aren’t sure tonight. Deny it?”

  She couldn’t deny it. Caleb was too volatile and he had too much power and magnetism. She’d never been able to discover what lay beneath that mystique that surrounded him, and she was too wary to explore it. “I never know what you’re thinking. I don’t believe that you actually want me to know. Maybe you don’t want anyone close enough to find out what you care about.”

  “Very perceptive.” The mockery was back. “So I rely on being a challenge to you. That should be enough, right? Understanding is so tame compared to sex.” There was the faintest edge to his tone as he added, “That’s why you came to me and offered to let me screw you if I’d just try to save Eve and her child.”

  “I was upset; I was desperate.” She moistened her lips. “I shouldn’t have done it. I should have just asked you to help her.”

  “Oh, you mean as you would have asked anyone else who knew and liked Eve? But I’m not like anyone else, am I? I’m not one of the good guys. God knows, I accept that. You couldn’t trust me to give her that gift, to give you that gift. That’s not how you think of me.”

  “It was a mistake. I know it made you angry.”

  “Why should it? I took you up on it, didn’t I? When you offered me a deal, I said yes. It wasn’t the way I wanted it to happen, but the opportunity was too good to miss. It’s what I’ve wanted since the moment I met you. But it did sting. That’s why I decided not to call in the debt until I had time to get over it. I wasn’t certain what I’d do to you. We both know I’m not altogether civilized.” His voice became silky soft. “It’s what you’ve wanted, too, if you’d admit it. But you’ve been too afraid of me to take that step.”

  “I’m not afraid of you,” she said fiercely. “Look, I admitted I made a mistake. But I’m not
the only one to blame. What do you expect? You’re not like anyone else. You can do that thing with controlling blood flow. You can save lives, but you can kill, too. And, dammit, sometimes you can use that blood flow to the brain to alter perception and persuade people that black is white,” she added.

  “People? You mean you. And you enjoyed it, Jane.”

  “And, yes, I’ve seen you … wild. Damn right it makes me uneasy.”

  “Have I ever hurt you or anyone you cared about?”

  “No.”

  “Even when it came to your wonderful Trevor, who should have been very high on my list. I actually tried to save him after he was shot.”

  “I know you did,” she said wearily. “None of that changes the fact that you’re not what I want in my life. You’d turn it upside down.”

  “Probably. But you’ll never know until you let me in.” He added recklessly, “Or I break down the doors, which is what you expect.”

  “I never know what to expect from you. That’s why I made that mistake. I’m going to say good-bye now and go back to camp. This conversation isn’t going to make me sleep any better, if that was really your intention.”

  “It wasn’t. I like the idea of your lying there thinking about me. I just wanted you to know that I’m not going to ask you to meet your obligations while I’m at Loch Gaelkar this time. I intend to take my time with you, and I may have to leave right after we finish setting up those lights. I have a commitment I can’t put off. Relieved?” He paused. “Or disappointed?” He didn’t wait for a reply. “Never mind. I can’t expect an honest answer in your present mood. Where are you? You said ‘back to camp.’”

  “I’m on the north bank. I needed a walk after supper.”

  “And you needed to go into the mist and touch base with Cira again.”

  “Perhaps.”

  He was silent. “But it made you sad.”

  How did he know that? “She lived a full life, and sadness was part of it.”

  “Oh, I approve of everything about Cira. I think she approves of me, too. She’d have no objection to a little wildness, would she?”

  The words brought back the memory of Caleb over her on this bank, his hands on her, his mind building erotic fantasies in the mist. She could feel her heart start to pound.

  Heat.

  Back away.

  “I’m going to say good-bye now,” she repeated.

  “Be careful going back. I wouldn’t want my upsetting you to cause you to take a dip in the lake. I’ll see you tomorrow, Jane.” He hung up.

  As usual, he took the initiative away from me, she thought with annoyance as she shoved her phone into her pocket and started to walk down the bank.

  But what did it matter? She was probably just on the defensive, as she usually was around Caleb. Actually, she was glad that he’d called tonight. Now everything was out in the open. What she’d done that night at the hospital had hung over her like a dark cloud for many months. She’d wanted to blame Caleb for striding away from her and not letting her say anything more after that terse and sardonic acceptance, but how could she have when she’d been in the wrong? She’d realized it almost at once.

  Because she’d thought she’d actually seen hurt, when Caleb never showed hurt. But he’d armored himself so quickly that she hadn’t been certain.

  Forget it. For heaven’s sake, she was worrying about hurting his feelings when he’d taken advantage of what she’d done and still expected her to jump into his bed the minute he snapped his fingers?

  Nothing was ever completely as it should be between Caleb and her. If Caleb had his way, there would be plenty of other opportunities for both of them to heal or hurt each other.

  And she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of being right about her lying awake in her bedroll and thinking about him. She’d been doing more than enough of that on this walk back to the campgrounds.

  She stopped and took one last look at the lake before she went inside her tent.

  The mist … and Cira.

  That’s all she should be thinking about tonight.

  But Caleb had intruded and, as always, had disturbed any tranquility she might have experienced. Oh well, Cira had never liked tranquility anyway. She had wanted to live every minute.

  Jane ducked into the tent and lit her lantern, then started to undress.

  She saw her sketchbook on the canvas table and continued to gaze at it as she put on her nightshirt.

  It seemed to be waiting for her.

  Lisa?

  Or not.

  But Jane knew that she wouldn’t be able to forget that sketchbook even after she turned off the lantern.

  Nor should she.

  She got into her bedroll, pulled up the blanket. Then she turned off the lantern and plunged the tent into darkness. She closed her eyes.

  The mist.

  Cira.

  The sketchbook.

  Lisa.

  Sorry, Caleb, you’ll have to stand in line. They’re way ahead of you tonight.…

  * * *

  “Hurry!”

  I’m trying, Lisa. Jane was fumbling desperately with lighting the lantern even as she reached for the sketchbook on the table. Stop nagging and let me work.

  She had the lantern lit now and was flipping through the pages of the sketchbook.

  You should have had it ready.

  I wouldn’t have been able to sleep with it staring at me.… She was drawing now, closing everything out but the pencil and the paper before her. Her pencil was moving at top speed.

  Don’t think.

  Let it flow.

  Let her flow.

  Lisa.

  Don’t try to tell the story. You don’t know it.

  Let it come.

  Fifteen minutes later, she threw the pencil down, breathing hard.

  Done.

  The sketch is different this time, Jane thought immediately when she pulled herself together enough to gaze down at it.

  Lisa was standing at a tall, narrow window, looking down at the cliff below, which towered above a crashing surf. No view of her face at all, just her dark hair tied back, her slim body dressed in pants and a peasant blouse. One hand resting on the windowsill, which appeared to be smeared with a few drops of dried blood.

  It appeared to be the same dark room, its dimness lightened only by the single window.

  “You wanted me to see the cliff?” she murmured.

  What else? Impatience. And that island in the distance. Pay attention to it. It’s a way out. I almost made it.

  Jane went still. The thought had been clear and unmistakable. She tried to gather her thoughts together and send a message back to her. You’re answering me. And now that I think of it, you were nagging me and trying to wake me. Why didn’t you do that before?

  I do what I can. I’m not good at this. I’ve never been taught. I’m having to learn everything by myself. You’re certainly no help.

  Did you happen to get my message about attitude adjustment?

  Yes, but you’d help me anyway.

  But far more enthusiastically with a little politeness thrown in.

  I don’t have time for it. I can only get through to you for a short time after you do the sketches. You’re not strong enough to hold me.

  Jane could sense the desperation behind the words, and it frightened her. Then connect with someone else who is strong enough. I’ll do everything I can, but you’re obviously in danger. I don’t know anything about this kind of thing. Don’t fool around with trying to reach me, Lisa.

  I can’t do it. You have the connection. It has to be you. Now pay attention. The shore at the bottom of the cliff is rocky, but maybe a boat … Silence. Then she said desperately, I can feel you fading away from me.

  Jane quickly tried another way. Then tell me where you are. Tell me how I can get to you.

  Not yet. Not until I know I can trust you to keep your word. Not him. Only you. It has to be only you.

  Then tell me your name. If it�
��s some kind of kidnapping or something like that, maybe I can reach your family.

  You’re not listening to me. Only you. And I told you my name. Lisa …

  Big help. Please, your full name?

  No answer.

  Lisa!

  Nothing.

  Evidently, Lisa’s time had run out.

  Crazy. The entire thing was bizarre and beginning to be terrifying.

  The bruises.

  The message written in blood.

  The smear of blood on that windowsill that Lisa had probably been clutching before she climbed down to the cliff below.

  The desperation, the frustration …

  The vulnerability that Lisa was trying so hard to hide.

  Just the fact that she was trying to hide both that desperation and vulnerability touched Jane.

  What would she see in the next sketch?

  She swallowed and reached for the bottle of water on the canvas table beside her bedroll.

  If you’re still around, I hope you know you scared the hell out of me. I don’t know why, but like it or not, I’m beginning to care about you. Now help me to help you.

  Nothing.

  She drank half her bottle of water and then gave herself a moment before she took a photo of the latest sketch and texted it to Joe. Then she got up and went outside the tent and took a deep breath of the chilly night air. She gazed down at the lake and watched the mist move over the water. Tomorrow the lights would arrive and she would be down there helping to unpack them, getting ready to explore Cira’s world.

  So different from Lisa’s bewildering, terrifying world.

  “But you’d probably understand Lisa, Cira,” she murmured. “She might be a little like you. Not as seasoned, not as savvy, but she’s a fighter. You’d appreciate that in her.” She turned to go back into her tent. “I do.…”

  * * *

  The truck with the Australian lights and transformers arrived at noon the next day. The boxes were carried down from the road by four of MacDuff’s sentries and deposited on the shore leading to the north bank. Then MacDuff sent them away, and for the next four hours Jane, MacDuff, and Jock unpacked the contents, which resembled the light assembly on a high-tech movie set.

  Complicated. Very complicated, Jane thought as she paused to wipe her forehead. “I hope these came with instructions, MacDuff.”