‘I see,’ he said thoughtfully, obviously not ‘seeing’ at all.
‘I’ll want to go into a nursing home,’ she told him briskly. ‘Perhaps you could recommend one?’
‘I could…’
‘Then do so,’ she encouraged.
‘Very well,’ he accepted with a shrug, ‘I could arrange it all for you from here if you would prefer it?’
‘Yes, perhaps that might be more suitable.’ She stood up in conclusion of the meeting. ‘I’ll telephone later today and confirm any arrangements you may have made.’
‘Maybe it would be better if I called you—’
‘No! No,’ she repeated more calmly. ‘I may not be there, and I—I want to take the call myself. You’re my doctor, and as you’re my doctor all of this meeting today is privileged information?’
‘Yes,’ he acknowledged slowly.
‘And if someone were to ask about me, anything at all, you wouldn’t tell them?’
‘Not if I were asked not to.’
‘Then I’m asking you,’ Kelly said calmly.
‘Does this request include the husband you’re now parted from?’ he guessed shrewdly.
‘Especially him,’ she confirmed shakily.
‘Are you sure that’s wise?’ the doctor asked gently. ‘Surely this is exactly the time you’re going to need him the most?’
‘Our marriage is over,’ she insisted. ‘I’ll telephone you later today, Dr Anderson.’
She left his office in a daze. She needed someone to talk to, someone who knew the whole story about the past and would understand. Only one person presented herself—Maggie.
Her friend looked surprised to see her when she rang the doorbell a few minutes later. ‘Hello, stranger.’ She opened the door further for Kelly to enter. ‘What brings you here?’
Kelly burst into tears, deep racking sobs that shook her slender body. ‘Oh, Maggie!’ she cried, burying her face in her friend’s shoulder.
‘Hey!’ the other girl chided. ‘I didn’t mean you weren’t welcome.’
‘I know,’ Kelly sniffed, gradually growing calmer.
‘What’s happened?’ Maggie smoothed Kelly’s dark hair, drying her tears with a tissue. ‘Has that brute been bullying you again?’
‘You mean Jordan?’ she gave a watery smile.
‘Well, what other bully do we both know?’ Maggie said dryly.
‘He isn’t a brute,’ Kelly sniffed again, taking the tissue and blowing her nose. ‘He can be quite gentle at times.’
‘I don’t—’ Maggie broke off as the flat door was opened by someone with a key. A man entered the room, very casually dressed in denims and a tee-shirt, his fair hair long and untidy. ‘What are you doing here?’ Maggie demanded of him.
‘I forgot my notebook.’ He reached across the desk in the corner of the room, picking up the pad. ‘Aren’t you going to introduce us?’ he eyed Kelly pointedly.
Kelly supposed this must be the boy-friend, although he wasn’t exactly what she had been expecting. She had somehow imagined him to be suave and sophisticated. Not that he wasn’t good-looking, he was, just not what Kelly had thought he would be.
She looked at Maggie questioningly. It wasn’t like her to forget her manners in this way. ‘I’m Kelly Lord,’ she introduced herself when it appeared Maggie had been struck dumb.
His eyes widened. ‘The Kelly Lord?’
She shrugged. ‘It depends what you mean by that.’
‘Wife of Jordan Lord,’ he drawled. ‘Daughter of David Darrow.’
‘That’s me,’ she nodded. ‘Should I know you, Mr—?’
‘Ben!’ Maggie said warningly.
‘Okay, darling,’ he grinned. ‘No need to panic, I’m going now. Nice meeting you, Mrs Lord.’ He nodded before leaving.
‘Now what were we talking about?’ Maggie said brittlely. ‘Ah yes, Jordan. Now—’
‘Maggie,’ Kelly interrupted tautly, ‘your boy-friend’s name was Ben. It—It wouldn’t be Ben Durston, would it?’
‘Kelly—’
‘Would it?’ she demanded shrilly, a terrible feeling of inevitability washing over her.
‘Yes,’ Maggie admitted with some reluctance.
‘The Ben Durston who wrote that story about my father?’
‘Yes,’ she sighed.
‘It was you all the time!’ Kelly accused. ‘All this time we’ve been puzzling over it, and it was you. Why, Maggie?’ she choked. ‘Why did you do that to me?’
Maggie’s eyes flashed angrily. ‘I did it to keep Ben,’ she snapped.
‘But you said you were the one who was unsure of your relationship, not him,’ she frowned.
‘So I lied.’
‘And you betrayed a confidence to keep him,’ Kelly said disgustedly.
‘I’d do anything to keep him,’ Maggie told her vehemently.
‘I thought we were friends!’
‘We are, but when it comes to men it’s another matter. Ask Jordan about that,’ Maggie’s mouth twisted. ‘I’m sure he would be only too pleased to tell you about the times I tried to get him into bed with me.’
Kelly went deathly white. ‘What are you saying? You and Jordan…?’
‘No,’ she gave a harsh laugh. ‘Not me and Jordan. Although it wasn’t for want of trying on my part.’
‘Jordan turned you down?’
‘Oh yes,’ she confirmed angrily. ‘The bastard! Even after you’d left him he still didn’t want to know.’
‘He said you had been to see him,’ Kelly remembered dully.
‘One last try,’ Maggie nodded. ‘He was just as insulting as ever. God, how I hate him—still want him too,’ she revealed bitterly.
‘And that’s why Jordan doesn’t like or trust you.’ Kelly spoke almost to herself. It also explained his comparison to Judas. Jordan must have known all along exactly what sort of friend Maggie was to her.
Maggie shrugged. ‘Now I suppose you feel the same way.’
‘Yes,’ she agreed unhesitantly. ‘You have no morals or principles.’
‘And we both know you do,’ Maggie scorned. ‘It didn’t help you keep your precious Jordan, though, did it?’
‘You disgust me!’ Kelly told her before leaving.
So much for her avoiding all upsets and excitement during her pregnancy! So far she had been told just how delicate she really was, had found out that Maggie’s boy-friend was the reporter Ben Durston, and now it appeared Maggie had been chasing Jordan for years. It was all so hard to take in.
She was still in a daze when she arrived home, blinking as Mrs McLeod hurried across the hallway in a harassed manner. ‘Is there anything wrong?’ Kelly asked her.
‘Nothing at all,’ the housekeeper beamed at her. ‘Everything is wonderful. You see—’
‘That’s all right, Mrs McLeod.’ Jordan had appeared as if from nowhere. ‘Take the champagne through to Mr Darrow when you have it, and tell him that Mrs Lord and I will join him in a moment.’
Kelly watched as the woman hurried in the direction of the kitchen, feeling her arm taken in a firm grasp as Jordan took her into his study. She looked at him nervously, wondering about the champagne. Surely Dr Anderson hadn’t broken his promise to her?
‘Your father and Anne have just announced their engagement,’ Jordan put her mind at rest about knowing of the baby.
For a moment what he had said didn’t hit her, then she gave a disbelieving laugh. ‘Oh no, Jordan, now that I just won’t allow.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘You won’t allow it?’ His voice was deceptively soft.
‘No, I won’t.’ She gave a firm shake of her head. ‘You may have affairs with whom you please, but you will not involve my father in it.’
‘Affair…? Are you implying that I’ve been having an affair with Anne?’ he demanded tautly.
Kelly was unmoved by his anger; the child inside her gave her a confidence that might otherwise have been lacking. ‘I’m more than implying it, Jordan. You see, I saw you togethe
r at a restaurant a few weeks ago.’
‘You saw me with Anne?’ He sounded incredulous.
‘Yes.’
‘But I—I know! Yes, I was with her—but so was your father,’ he announced grimly.
‘You were alone!’
‘Your father arrived later than we did. If you’d stayed around a little longer to spy on me you would probably have seen him join us.’
Kelly still eyed him suspiciously. ‘Just supposing that’s true—’
‘It is,’ he snapped.
‘If it’s true why were you all so secretive about it?’
Jordan lips clamped together, and he seemed to be in deep thought. ‘You intend leaving me anyway, don’t you?’ he said finally.
‘As soon as possible,’ she confirmed.
‘Then I have nothing to lose,’ he shrugged resignedly. ‘Your father regained his memory that day. If you remember he was heavily sedated when you arrived home?’
Only one thing seemed important to her at the moment. ‘My father has his memory back?’ she repeated dazedly. ‘He remembers everything?’
‘Yes,’ Jordan admitted heavily.
Her last worry was removed. She had been debating how she could suddenly disappear when her father was still ill, now that obstacle had been taken away she could leave with a clear conscience. There just remained the puzzle of why she hadn’t been told of his recovery weeks ago.
‘Why do you think?’ Jordan answered her query as to why.
She shook her head, too weary to think. ‘I have no idea.’
‘You surprise me,’ he drawled. ‘Just lately you seem to be the one with all the answers.’
‘I have one now too,’ she told him dully. ‘Ben Durston is Maggie’s live-in boy-friend.’
He whistled through his teeth. ‘I shouldn’t be surprised, but somehow it just didn’t occur to me. Other things on my mind, I suppose,’ he said ruefully.
‘Such as?’ Kelly asked softly.
Jordan sighed. ‘You, mainly!
‘Jordan,’ she bit her lip, ‘Maggie told me how she’d been after you for years, I—I just want to say I’m sorry I misjudged you concerning her. She really wasn’t a true friend.’ Her mouth trembled with emotion. ‘In fact, she’s been anything but that. Why didn’t you tell me about her?’
‘And ruin all your illusions about her?’ he mocked, shaking his head. ‘I couldn’t do that to you.’
‘And yet you’ve hurt me in so many other ways.’
‘I haven’t mean to,’ he denied huskily.
‘Having an affair with Angela Divine wasn’t supposed to hurt me?’ Kelly scorned.
He frowned darkly, sighing his impatience. ‘Do you think I have affairs with every woman I meet?’
‘I know about that one.’
‘The same way you knew about Anne and myself?’
She blushed at his intended rebuke. ‘I heard you, you and Angela, discussing going away together.’
He looked stunned. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he dismissed tersely. ‘I didn’t have an affair with Angela, and I certainly never discussed going away with her—unless it was on business?’
‘Definitely not.’
Jordan shrugged. ‘Then you’re mistaken.’
‘But I can’t be! I heard you.’
‘Tell me,’ he invited softly.
She did so, leaving out none of her anger and frustration. She had to give him credit for nerve, he didn’t look in the least perturbed by her disclosure.
‘It was Ian,’ he said at the end of her explanation.
Kelly looked puzzled. ‘What was?’
‘Ian was the one going away with Angie. Laura was the possessive woman in his life, and her father was the man with influence.’
She held her breath, horror in her eyes. ‘No…’ And yet hadn’t Laura herself told her that Ian had been two-timing her at one time?
‘Yes!’ Jordan insisted savagely.
‘Then all this time…’
‘Yes, what about all this time, Kelly?’ He moved forward to link his hands at the base of her spine. ‘Just when did you hear this little conversation?’
It was too much, too many shocks in one day. She leant her head wearily against Jordan’s chest. ‘It was—’
she closed her eyes to shut out the pain. ‘It was the day I lost the baby,’ she revealed in a rush.
She heard his ragged intake of breath, and his arms pressed painfully into her sides. ‘Did it happen—because of that?’ he asked shakily.
‘Yes Oh God, yes!’
‘You little fool!’ he groaned, gathering her close, his face buried in her hair. ‘Don’t you realise that you could have died too?’
She looked up at him with tear-stained cheeks. ‘I could?’
‘You aren’t strong enough to have children,’ he muttered into her hair.
‘Is that why you moved out of our bedroom?’ She stroked the thick dark hair at his nape, wanting his version of what had happened. ‘Why you left me when I needed you beside me?’
He was trembling against her—strong, forceful Jordan trembling! ‘And do you think I didn’t need you?’ he sounded agonised. ‘But I couldn’t be near you and not want to make love to you. I had to let you sleep alone because I couldn’t keep my hands off you. I still can’t.’
‘Jordan…?’ She held her breath, almost afraid to hope.
‘I love you, Kelly,’ he groaned. ‘Surely you’ve realised that by now?’
She blinked back the tears, tears of happiness. ‘Love, Jordan?’ she choked.
‘Yes—love! Insanely, passionately, mindlessly. I’ve always loved you, right from the moment I first saw you. I would have married you immediately, but your father insisted I wait. You see, I’m what could be called a freak, emotionally. I have a quirk in my nature that isn’t very pleasant. Your father recognised it and was worried for you. With just cause,’ he added grimly.
‘But what is it?’ Kelly searched his face worriedly. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ she demanded to know.
Jordan swung away from her, his shoulders hunched. ‘I have a disease, a sickness,’ he said abruptly. ‘It’s eating me up alive.’
‘Jordan!’ she cried. ‘Tell me what’s wrong with you!’ ’I’m obsessed with you!’ He turned to her with tortured eyes. ‘If I could lock you away from other people, allow no one else to see you, I would. I’m jealous of anyone who so much as looks at you, talks to you. When I thought the baby might take you away from me I went completely to pieces. It could have killed you, taken you away from me for good. If you’d died I think I would have killed myself.’
‘But—but you let me go.’
‘Yes,’ he sighed. ‘I let you go before I destroyed you.’
‘It was thinking you didn’t love me that was destroying me.’
‘Not love you?’ he scorned derisively. ‘Sometimes I wish to God I didn’t. This obsession with you is completely against my nature. Until you came into my life I lived perfectly normally, I had my women friends and they meant nothing to me. As soon as you walked into the room I began to vibrate with this burning obsession, and it hasn’t stopped for a moment since. When you walked out on me I used to lie awake every night plotting ways of getting you back, but by morning I would have come to my senses. I’m no good for you, Kelly. And you make me weak where usually I’m strong.’
‘And how would you feel about my marrying someone else?’ she asked softly.
His eyes seemed to burn, his expression dangerous. ‘I’ll never let you belong to another man! I’d kill you first.’ He shook with a rage that made his breathing ragged, his fists clenched.
‘But I want children, Jordan. At least two. I want—’
‘You still want children, even though you know it could kill you?’
She nodded. ‘It’s important to me.’
‘And you’re important to me.’ He pulled her roughly against him. ‘God, I can’t go on without you any more, Kelly. Don’t leave me again
,’ he pleaded. ‘Stay with me. Be my wife again.’
‘And children?’
‘Never!’ he said forcefully. ‘I won’t see you exposed to that danger again. I couldn’t bear the torture for nine months, each day wondering if I’m going to lose you. It drove me to drink last time.’
She knew, oh God, how she knew. She had never guessed that Jordan kept all this molten emotion inside him. Maybe he had been wise to keep it from her five years ago, to encase this fierce love behind a wall of cool mockery. Five years ago she would have been terrified by the intensity of his love for her, now she would have revelled in it. But it was too late, too late. Jordan couldn’t go through the agony of this pregnancy with her, it could just kill him.
She pulled out of his arms. ‘I can’t come back to you, Jordan.’ She sounded much calmer than she felt.
His hands dropped to his sides, a look of utter defeat on his face. ‘I knew this obsession would frighten the hell out of you. It would frighten any woman.’ Suddenly his gaze was sharp. ‘Or is it just that you no longer love me? You used to love me, used to tell me all the time, and I daren’t even tell you back in case I went berserk and made an absolute fool of myself.’
Poor Jordan, how he had suffered for loving her so much. Her father’s referrence to Jordan not being an easy man to live with now made sense; he had known of the strength, the singlemindedness of Jordan’s love, and had been concerned for her.
‘I wouldn’t have minded,’ she told him huskily.
He looked at her with pained grey eyes. ‘And now it’s too late?’
‘Much too late. Maybe one day—’
‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep,’ he rasped harshly. ‘Our marriage is finally at an end.’
‘Don’t say that,’ she choked. ‘Just give me time.’ Seven months!
‘After five years I think you know whether or not you can live with me. It’s all right, Kelly, I understand. I couldn’t live with this possessiveness either, it would make me claustrophobic. You know the truth about your father now, so I’ll leave as soon as I’ve drunk a toast to his future happiness,’ he said bitterly.
Burning Obsession Page 16