The Chalupa Conundrum

by Lyle Christie

  “Fuck—do you think Thomas proposed to Estelle up here?” I asked.

  Hot Sauce cringed a little.

  “I think it’s a real possibility,” she said.

  “Oh well—I suppose I’m just destined to always be the bridesmaid and never the bride.”

  We moved onto one of the paths that wound up through the falls and followed it until it ended at the very top, and it afforded us a commanding view of the entire river valley below. I gazed all around at the majesty of the surrounding countryside, but suddenly I had a strange feeling and wasn’t sure if it was my scrot-sense tingling, or perhaps the need to urinate. I realized it was the latter and told Alessandra I’d be right back.

  The man left the woman alone and made his way back to the side of the falls, where he was unaware that the creatures were nearby and watching his every move. He stopped in front of a dense patch of ferns and proceeded to urinate, during which he swept his aim in an odd figure eight pattern. The creatures, recognizing their good fortune, crept closer to their prey, but they were cautious, as they were more accustomed to hunting in the dead of night. A daylight hunt was an unusual occurrence, but their leader had been very specific with his orders, and, so, inch by inch, they slithered closer and used the jungle as their cloak. When they were only about twenty feet away, the man turned his gaze up the hill and appeared to be staring directly at the creatures, so they paused and waited for the proper moment to strike.

  I could swear there was something moving in the nearby ferns, but it was probably one of the many rodents, birds, or annoying insects that inhabited the rainforest. I was almost done emptying my bladder, and, as I looked around, I saw what appeared to be a camouflaged pipe emerging from the ground. To the casual observer, it would have gone unnoticed, but to someone with a touch of OCP, or obsessive compulsive personality, it stuck out like a sore thumb. I visually followed it until it disappeared into the river above the waterfall. Interesting—was it pouring something into the river or sucking it out? A sudden flash of lightening brought my attention off to the southern horizon, where, not too far away, I could see a massive rain squall blowing in, and I realized we were about to get drenched.

  “Shit!”

  I pushed hard and squeezed the last of the urine out of my bladder before zipping up and running out onto the jetty in hopes of trying to get to Hot Sauce before the approaching maelstrom soaked us. I reached Alessandra to find her gazing peacefully out at the view, and, unaware of my rapid approach, she was startled by my sudden appearance.

  “Jesus! You scared the shit out of me!” she said.

  “Sorry, but I was trying to beat the rainstorm that’s coming our way.”

  She looked off to the south.

  “Holy shit! It looks like it’s going to be a massive downpour, so we should find some temporary shelter. Follow me, I know just the place.”

  I followed Alessandra down a path in the waterfall that led towards a small alcove carved into the middle. Suddenly, the noise of falling rain increased dramatically, and the sound was almost deafening as drops enveloped us and drenched our bodies from head to toe. We continued on and slipped beneath the rock precipice, and there was enough room for two people if they huddled close together. We stood toe to toe, entwined like lovers, and I realized this was the closest I had ever been to Professor Hot Sauce, and I could smell the sweet floral scent of her hair and only now could see that her hazel eyes had tiny flecks of blue and green. They were mesmerizing, and the longer I stared into them, the less capable I was of looking away.

  The downpour raging around us also brought with it a chilling effect, and I could see Alessandra’s skin was covered in goosebumps, and, when I finally drew my gaze away from her eyes, I looked downward and saw the very obvious protrusions of her large, hard nipples poking out from beneath her wet, white tank top. I tried not to stare, but I was completely entranced until Professor Hot Sauce’s words broke me away from her particularly poignant points.

  “Enjoying the view?” she asked.

  “Why do ask?”

  “Because your boner is pressing against my leg.”

  “Sorry, there’s just something about rain.”

  “And breasts, apparently.”

  “Yeah, I suppose, though don’t forget there’s also a beautiful woman behind those breasts.”

  We had a moment of quiet reflection, and I used it to do my best to will my penis to deflate.

  “This is a bit awkward,” I said, unable to hold back a little nervous laugh.

  “Yeah, and as we’re stuck here for the moment, we might as well get more comfortable, and I think that’ll be easier if you shift to your right a little bit.”

  “OK,” I said, as tried to rotate.

  Unfortunately, Tag Junior was blocking my progress, and Alessandra reached down and redirected him until he just happened to be between her legs and pressing up and against her lady business.

  “Are you sure you meant…”

  “Yes, as I think this is a bit more comfortable for both of us.”

  “Well, me for sure, though I still feel like a complete idiot.”

  The thinness of the wet fabric separating our privates was allowing me to feel the surprising warmth between Alessandra’s legs, and this, of course, did nothing to dissuade my hard-on from becoming even harder. The temperature between our loins was growing ever hotter and so too was the sexual tension, and it was even worse, as our lips were hovering only inches apart, and neither of us seemed to be able to break eye contact. Then, with the sudden intensity of a bolt of lightening, passion struck, and her soft lips pressed against mine, and we held each other tightly against the raging downpour, and everywhere our flesh met, I could feel us physically bonding, as though we were being welded together by the shear heat of desire. Her lips were fiery hot as her devious tongue met mine, and we slid them back and forth against each other, making the experience of kissing feel more like oral intercourse.

  Alessandra, meanwhile slid her hands down my body and over my manhood, which was hard and straining against the fabric of my shorts. I too set off on a quest and slid my hands up her sides and over her breasts to find her nipples were thick, hard, and springing boldly forth through the thin, wet fabric. I wanted to peel off her shirt, kiss each one, and take the time to deliver a king’s ransom of tongue action, but there just wasn’t enough space in our tiny refuge. Instead, I moved my right hand down into her waistband and over her hot wet essence, only to be distracted when I felt her pull down my shorts and free Tag Junior, who, upon being released, held up his head like a fine stallion. Alessandra, the sexual equestrian, kept a firm hold on the reigns and began whipping him into a frenzy.

  I too had a filly in my grasp, and she was hot and wet but had yet to be ridden hard and put away. So, I gently used my middle finger to encircle her clitoris and moans began to escape Alessandra’s lips. Now our hearts were pounding, and we were both fully on a path to manual release when the rain abruptly stopped, and, oddly, it felt as though we had been alone in a dark room and someone had suddenly walked in and turned on the lights. Both of us stopped and looked at each other and felt oddly uncomfortable considering what we had been doing only a second before. Our forgotten fold in time and space had closed up, and now we were facing the very obvious scrutiny of reality. Alessandra took a slight step back and let go of my manhood, and I did the same, though letting go of the fruit in this case was more about the tree stepping out of reach.

  “I’m sorry, Tag. Considering the circumstances, that was completely unacceptable to kiss you like that.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry about. There are two sets of lips to every kiss, and mine were equally guilty. Shit, I’m not sure where that came from but, honestly, I fully enjoyed it.”

  “Me too, but, as I said earlier, my situation is a little complicated, and it’s best for all parties involved that we maintain a purely professional relationship.”

  “Agreed.”

  In reality, however
, I was as confused as fuck. What the hell came over us? I’d been smitten by many women, but at that moment, I was utterly lost to my desire for Professor Hot Sauce. No wonder the Chalupans proposed to people at this waterfall. Ten more minutes and I’d have been trying to slide a ring on her fucking finger. Meanwhile, we both continued to stand there and gaze at each other in awkward silence until Alessandra spoke.

  “I really feel bad about taking advantage of you just now,” she said.

  “You didn’t. Believe me, at that moment, I suddenly wanted you more than any woman in the world.”

  “And now?”

  “Now, I’m a little confused, though I’m still feeling a bit smitten.”

  “Me too, and it’s not making my already complicated situation any easier to deal with.”

  “Likewise. Well then, here’s to friendship,” I said, holding out my hand.

  We shook hands, and I believe we made an inadvertent pact to to continue without any more sexual entanglements.

  “All right, now follow me, and I’ll show you another way down the falls,” she said.

  Alessandra turned and started walking along a path that crisscrossed its way down and across the falls, and it passed under and behind a number of the cascading streams until we were at the bottom and standing on dry land again.

  “That was quite a hike,” I said.

  “Yes—yes it was.”

  “Looks like there might be more rain coming, so maybe we should do it again,” I joked.

  She smiled.

  “Well, this next squall looks even more intense, so I’m a little afraid of what I might do to you—given enough time.”

  “All the more reason to go.”

  We shared a smile, and I felt a distinct tingling in my gentleman sausage.

  “Unfortunately, the light drops off quickly behind those mountains, so we should probably get going while we still can. ”

  “OK, Professor Chickenshit, but, just so you know, I thoroughly enjoyed the Chalupa Waterfall—and especially the moment we shared in the middle of that rain squall,” I said.

  “As did I,” she said, as she led me back to the path, where I paused and gazed back once more at the falls in order to take a moment to burn a mental image of it into my brain.

  Places and moments like this were worth remembering.

  The creatures would have had him were it not for that freak rainstorm, and, by the time it was over, they had no idea where he had gone. Eventually they saw him emerge at the bottom of the falls, at which point, he looked back up at them as though he knew they were there, and he was mocking their failure. The man had an uncanny ability to thwart their efforts, but they knew it was only a matter of time before they eventually had him.

  “Where to now, Professor Hot Sauce? Back to the camp to roast marshmallows and tell ghost stories?”

  “That’s up to you. I’m just the tour guide.”

  “Really? I get to pick the activity? How about we find another waterfall?”

  “Unfortunately, that was a grievous error in judgement and a distinct lack of professionalism on my part.”

  “On both of our parts, but I still can’t help thinking that it was the coolest thing I’ve experienced since arriving in Costa Rica.”

  “Only because you can’t fully remember what happened with my sister and Carina last night.”

  “Well, if you were to give me an accurate accounting, then I would know what we’d need to do to top it,” I said.

  “Nice try, now, let’s get going.”

  We turned and headed back towards the village, and my scrot-sense inexplicably started to tingle. I looked around to see if there was some kind of danger or critical clue that I was missing, but all I could see were the quiet lush green hills, the river, and my beautiful guide. I gazed at Alessandra for a moment, and she caught me looking and smiled—making her voluptuous lips serve as a potent reminder of our brief, though intense moment of passion. She’d cruelly ignited the bonfire of my libido then left me to smolder, and the unusual experience left me wondering if perhaps the tingling I was feeling was a different kind of sensation—its origin very nearby and just outbound of my scrotum. There was nothing like an intense romantic interlude with a beautiful woman beneath a waterfall to stir the emotions and bring turmoil to my weak male mind.

  We hiked on and soon reached the village to find it was as quiet as when we’d left, and the only sound filling the air was the gurgling waters of the fountain in the main square. We proceeded past it to get to the FJ Cruiser, and I took a last quick look around then got inside and felt my manhood stiffen just a bit when lead foot Alessandra hit the gas and sent us spinning around a hundred and eighty degrees so that we were leaving the Chalupa village and heading west back towards the camp. I briefly glanced over at Professor Hot Sauce then smiled as my thoughts returned to the waterfall. There was nothing like a beautiful archaeologist to soothe a broken heart brought on by yet another beautiful archaeologist.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Lab-Fabulous

  THE BRIEF RAIN storm had left the dirt road especially treacherous, and its surface was slippery, and the ruts were now hidden beneath deep pools of water. Still, it did nothing to slow Alessandra, who was navigating the terrain with the precision of a seasoned off-road race driver. We came around a tight bend a little too fast, and, rather than brake, she sent the back end out sideways but expertly counter steered in order to pull off a well-controlled drift. Her maneuver led us onto a fairly open stretch of road, and we could see the Von Träger Pharmaceuticals laboratory in the distance. Its gate was still open, and all three cars were exactly where they had been when we drove by earlier in the day.

  “Can we stop and talk to the pharma nerds?” I asked.

  “Sure, they get a bit lonely out here and would probably enjoy the company.”

  “Probably yours more than mine.”

  Alessandra pulled in and parked to the side of the farthest vehicle, which happened to be the white Jeep Wrangler. We exited and walked to the door, and she pressed the button for the intercom. A second later, a voice sounding distinctly American came through a small speaker beside the door.

  “Well, hello, Professor Hot Sauce,” the man said.

  “Hello, Nate. I have a friend here and decided to stop by for a visit. Is it a good time?”

  “Every time you stop by is a good time. I’ll buzz you in,” he said.

  I looked at Alessandra and mouthed the words I told you so, and she rolled her eyes in response. The door made a buzzing sound, and that was our cue to enter, so I pushed it open and held it while she entered the building.

  “Chivalry certainly isn’t dead in Costa Rica,” she said, as she stepped into the antiseptically clean white lobby.

  I followed her inside and looked around and was instantly aware of the austere nature of the building. The only thing that marred its otherwise sterile appearance was a white leather bench seat and a closet, and I would bet even money the latter item existed to keep coats and umbrellas from cluttering the lobby. The white painted walls were also devoid of any artwork or pictures, and the only blemish was a lone security camera mounted on the far wall. The two of us waited until a man entered through a door on the far side of the room, and I looked over to see he was likely around thirty, about six feet tall, and had rugged good looks that consisted of blue eyes, some typical and purposeful five o’clock shadow, and a main of scruffy hair that was a bit on the long side. He smiled warmly upon seeing Alessandra, and they exchanged a hug.

  “What brings you by?” he asked.

  “I’m out here as a tour guide for this gentleman. Nate, this is Tag Finn, and he’s out here investigating the disappearance of the UCLA team,” she said, pointing at me.

  “Nice to meet you, Tag, I’m Nate Pearson and one of the main researchers on staff here.”

  “Nice to meet you, Nate,” I said, shaking his hand.

  He had a normal handshake, not too firm, not too soft, and that made me li
ke him immediately.

  “Well, come on inside you crazy jungle dwellers, and I’ll show you some of the amazing shit we do here.”

  We followed Nate through the inner door and emerged into a large central hallway that stretched nearly the entire length of the building. It was laid out a bit like a mall, and the entire center hallway was open all the way to the roof, which was made up of glass panes. Along the sides of the hallway were various offices and labs, and the majority were enclosed by glass walls that gave the place a very modern, open, and spacious feeling.

  “I call this hallway the promenade,” Nate said, as led us along and gave us a basic description of each area until we reached his lab, which resided in the far back corner.

  Inside, he had the usual assortment of lab equipment—everything from microscopes to test tubes, Bunsen burners, and complicated electronic equipment whose purposes I could only guess. It was well beyond my college chemistry class lab, and the entire experience brought back a brief memory of test anxiety. My professor back in college was a brilliant instructor everyone called Mrs. T, as her last name had so many syllables that it was easier to stick with the first letter rather than try and pronounce the entire thing. She was an MIT grad who had worked and managed to thrive in the male dominated field of chemistry before retiring to a life of teaching. She therefore ran a tight ship, took no guff, and expected only the best work from her students. We had gotten along well, but that only made her grade me more harshly, and, to her credit, her ruthlessly comprehensive teaching methods and testing allowed me to remember a large portion of my chemical education.

  “Home away from home,” he said.

  “So, what’s your latest project?” I asked.

  “I’m working on a drug that may very well cure rheumatoid arthritis.”

  “Holy shit. I hope you’re successful.”

  “Me too,” he said.

  “So, I guess you’ve heard about the trouble at the ruins?” I asked.