Shattered Stars

by Shari Ryan

  I drag my fingertips down the ripples of his chest, feeling the slight scars from his tattoos, and the stubble of chest hair he shaves. It’s familiar, all the sensations I can’t imagine ever forgetting. How could I?

  My fingernails catch on his skin when the pressure builds between us. His breath growls from his throat, and I open my eyes, hoping to catch the sight of him amid our bodies unraveling against each other. For a moment, he forgets about our lives, our problems, and the future. For the moment, it’s just us. It’s him and me. It’s perfect like it has always been.

  When the heat releases and we catch our breath, his head falls into my chest, and our skin melts into a solid unit of warmth. “I love you, Dani. You’re my girl—my world.”

  “I love you. I will always love you even if I can’t tell you in words.”

  His hand falls to my back, and his fingers splay wide, holding me the way I love. “You don’t have to tell me. I just know.”

  Nineteen

  Twelve Years Ago

  I WAS 18 YEARS OLD

  I’m no longer in motion, but my body feels like it’s still flying up and down, twisting and turning. I don’t know if Layne planned to kiss me or if it just happened, but I will never forget those few minutes.

  “Did I see what I think I saw?” Lexi asks, pulling me away from the roller metal ramp of the ride.

  I survived a roller coaster ride and experienced the best first kiss ever, so if Lexi saw any of that, her question is understandable.

  I’d be embarrassed to tell him I haven’t been kissed before, especially since I have a daughter, but I’ve never experienced any kind of kiss before today. Even if I had, I doubt they could compare.

  “I don’t know,” I respond, trying to catch my ragged breaths. “That depends on what you saw …”

  “Um, for real?” she asks. Lexi slaps her hands down on my shoulders and stares me straight in the eyes. “That was the most incredible kiss I’ve ever seen anyone give another person. It was like gravity had nothing against your perpetual force, Dani. I could feel that kiss from over here, and that’s as weird as it sounds.”

  All I can do is reach up and touch my fingertips to my lips. “It was something else,” I tell her. I’m staring through Lexi, unable to form a fluid thought. My heart is still pounding, and every thought in my head is flying around in erratic directions.

  “I would be in love with any man who kisses me like that,” she adds.

  In love? We aren’t even an item or dating. I don’t think. Maybe we are dating, but Aly was with us. That can’t count as a date.

  I want to go out with him.

  I want to stare into his eyes for an entire night and ask him to sing all of his lyrics. That might be weird, but it’s consuming my thoughts. I’ll never be able to hear that song again without feeling his lips on mine.

  Layne’s running toward us now, probably wondering what is going through my head at the moment. “Hey, could I steal a moment with Dani?” Layne asks Lexi.

  “You can have all the moments you’d like,” she says, sounding winded as if she was the one who received that kiss.

  “Thanks,” Layne says with a snicker and a raised brow in Lexi’s direction. Layne reaches for my arm with caution, like he has carefully been doing after the first night we met, and I almost had a heart attack after he touched me. He knows not to surprise me, yet, the kiss, that was a surprise. I didn’t jump or react, but a kiss is different. I wasn’t kissed while under attack. Layne doesn’t know that though.

  “Hi,” he says, pulling me out of my barrage of swarming thoughts.

  “Hi,” I reply. I sound like I ran a marathon.

  “Um, I didn’t plan that. I didn’t want you to think I had set this all up to—”

  “You didn’t. I agreed to do the music video just today, remember?” Would he have kissed that other girl?

  “I know. It wasn’t in the script to kiss you, or anyone, during the music video.” Good, then I can cross that thought from my list at least.

  “Oh,” I respond, unsure of what to say.

  “I don’t know what came over me, but it was all I could think to do at the moment. I didn’t want you to feel the fear of falling so—”

  “You kissed me,” I say, finishing his sentence.

  “Yes, but should I apologize?” he asks, sounding as if he’s erring on the side of caution.

  “Please don’t apologize,” I tell him.

  “Good ... because I’m not sorry.” Layne’s arms loop around my neck as his fingers comb through the waves in my hair. His head tilts to the side, and he presses his nose to the side of mine. Neither of us has closed our eyes, neither of us blink. “I need to feel it again.”

  “Me too,” I whisper.

  The space between our lips disappears, and though the kiss is more intimate and private, the feelings shooting through my body are the same, giving me the false impression that I’m falling against beautiful lyrics that are raining from the sky. His lips are full but not overwhelming. He’s gentle but in control. His breath is cool with a hint of mint, and I want to inhale the scent. I wonder if he can feel my heart pounding against my chest. I want him to know what he’s doing to me, so he doesn’t stop or pull away.

  One of his hands releases the gentle hold on my hair and reaches for my cheek. Lane’s touch is so soft, it tickles, but not much could make me laugh at the moment.

  Our breaths run dry, and my lips are tingling. I pull back a touch, reopening my eyes, staring at the details within his. Golden specks spattered within his green irises are like stars, shattered stars. The meaning of his song is so much greater than us, yet it relates to the small details in our lives that have brought us together right this second. I always find beauty within the detail, and I try to see everything the big picture hides.

  “I told you I liked you earlier, Dani,” he says, releasing a twirled strand of my hair from his finger. “But I like you a lot more now.”

  Warmth spreads through my cheeks, and I imagine he can feel the temperature change beneath his touch. “I feel the same way,” I whisper.

  No one ever knows when they’re experiencing the start of something huge in their lives, unless there is a sign with flashing neon colors. However, everything within my body tells me I’m in the right place at the right time with the right person. Plus, I don’t think there could be a better first kiss than the one I had. That’s the kind of kiss that can’t be topped.

  “Can I call you later?” he asks. “I have to finish up a few scenes still.”

  “You don’t have to ask if you can call me. I want you to call. I really want you to call,” I tell him.

  Layne’s lips curl into a smile I want to touch. I have fallen. I’ve fallen hard for him, and it’s perfect. A kind of perfect I didn’t think I could ever feel. Even if it’s just for the moment, I have this moment, and no one can take it from me.

  Layne leans forward and places a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll talk to you later, beautiful. Thank you for doing what you did today. We need to celebrate you overcoming your fear of heights, okay?”

  “We definitely do.”

  I’m star struck. It’s the only way to describe my behavior. “I want to be you,” Lexi croons as she swoops back to where she was standing before Layne interrupted her. She was obviously watching every second of the last few minutes. “I’m jealous. I’m legit jealous of you right now.”

  “You have Johnny, you weirdo,” I respond.

  “But Layne can kiss. Holy crap, lady. That was a kiss out of a freaking movie. No one gets kissed like that. No one. Don’t you understand this?”

  “Oh,” I tell her. I think she’s being overdramatic, but I’ll go with it for the time being.

  “What did he say to you before all that? I need to know everything. Every single detail because I need to dream about that happening to me someday.”

  “I don’t even know,” I tell her. I can’t remember much other than his lips touching mine.

&nbs
p; “Come on, dude, you’re killing me.”

  My head has been in the clouds all day, but I have to focus on Aly now that she and Mom are back from their beach outing. Aly has sand covering every inch of her body and needs a bath.

  “I’ll start dinner while you get Aly cleaned up,” Mom says, dropping the rest of the day trip bags on the living room floor.

  I lift Aly and bring her upstairs to the bathroom. She’s focused on her hands, which have sand caked in the crevices of her tiny wrinkled skin. “How was your day, baby-girl?”

  “Poop,” she says in response.

  “Your day wasn’t poop. My day wasn’t poop either.”

  She points to her hand and looks up at me with her big doll-like eyes. “Sand.”

  “Lots of sand,” I respond as I place her down on the bathmat. “You’re icky.”

  I twist the faucet on and reach into the linen closet for one of Aly’s bath towels with Elmo decorating the bottom half.

  I peel her clothes off, watching the sand fall from everything I toss in the hamper. With a couple of squirts of bubble wash, she’s up and dancing while holding onto the edge of the tub. “Bubbles,” she shouts.

  I shut the water off and test the temperature before placing her inside. She likes to play for a few minutes before I wash her up, so I drop a couple of her favorite bath toys in and lean against the wall as she splashes around the tub.

  My phone hasn’t rung. It’s the one thought I’ve had swimming through my mind for the last couple of hours. I shouldn’t be so anxious or impatient, but I can’t stop thinking about him. Still, I check my phone for the tenth time in the last hour, making sure I didn’t somehow miss my phone chiming.

  Nope, nothing.

  “Nothing, Aly.”

  “Why?” she asks as if she knows what I’m saying.

  “I’m not sure. Boys are silly. That’s why.”

  “Siwwy,” she repeats and splashes her hands against the water.

  I reach for the water cup, while turning the water back on, and fill it to the rim so I can wash her hair.

  The doorbell rings downstairs, and I wonder who would stop by at dusk. It’s probably Lexi. She’s the only person who ever stops by randomly.

  So I can hear who’s at the door, I turn the water back off and lean toward the door. I don’t hear much of anything though. Maybe it was a salesman.

  Just as I’m getting ready to turn the water back on, I hear footsteps on the stairs and the hair on my arms stands up as I don’t recognize the sound. Lexi sounds like Tinker Bell when she runs up my stairs, and Mom sounds like an elephant even though she’s small like me. No one else would come upstairs uninvited.

  I prop myself up on my knees, peeking further around the corner, but I fall backward when I see Layne coming up the stairs. What is he doing here?

  “Your mom said you were giving this little lady a bath up here.”

  “You just met my mom?” I ask him. I’m not sure that was the best choice of things to say, but it’s the first thought that came to mind.

  “You guys look a lot alike,” he says, taking a seat next to me. “Whoa! Who skimps on the bubbles?”

  “Hey,” I tell him.

  “Seriously. The girl wants a bubble bath not just a bunch of suds. What is your mom thinking, being stingy with the bubbles?” Layne asks Aly. Once again, Aly has no clue what he’s saying but falls into a fit of giggles. “Give me that thing.” Layne reaches over me for the bottle of Mr. Bubbles and drops a couple of dollops into the tub, then turns the water on again. He rolls his sleeves up and stirs around the bubbles under the running faucet which makes the bubbles bigger. In response, Aly shrieks with excitement.

  “Did you come over here to show up my bubble bath making skills?” I ask him.

  “That’s the only reason I came over here,” he says, giving me a coy look. “No, I came over to tell Aly how you overcame one of your fears today.” Layne offers me a wink, then glances over at the bubble princess. “Your mom was amazing today, Aly. You should be proud.”

  Oh my God, stop being adorable, sweet, and perfect. I can’t take much more today.

  “Well, aren’t you sweet,” I tell him.

  “Mama proud,” she sings.

  “Are you trying to win her heart too?”

  “Too?” he asks.

  My face ignites again, and I’m sure he can see the red hue filling my pale skin. “Shush.”

  Layne chuckles and grabs a handful of bubbles, then carefully drops it onto my nose. “Look at Mommy,” he exclaims. More belly laughs. Aly is easy to entertain. “Your mom said I could stay for dinner. Is that okay with you?”

  “You want to have dinner with us?”

  “More than anything. In fact, I’m going to go help your mom in the kitchen while you finish up the bubble fest.” Layne places a quick kiss on my cheek and wipes the bubbles from my nose as he stands from the tiled floor.

  “Lion,” Aly says.

  “Lion?”

  She points to the door Layne just walked through. “Lion.”

  She’s calling Layne Lion, and that’s the best thing she’s said all day. “Yes, Lion,” I say, failing to correct her mispronunciation.

  I suds up Aly’s hair and give her a quick cleaning so I can interrupt the fun downstairs. I don’t want to know what kind of conversation the two of them are having, but I’d like to be there.

  After dressing Aly in her pajamas, I head down the stairs to hear, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” from Mom. Oh no.

  “It’s okay. It’s life, right?”

  “Cancer should not be a part of life.”

  Cancer?

  “What are you guys talking about down here?” I ask, turning the corner into the kitchen.

  Mom spins around first, giving me a look like she’s fallen in love with Layne in the ten minutes they’ve gotten to know each other down here. Oh, God.

  “Well, listen,” Mom continues her conversation with him. “If you need anything at all, whenever that may be, I will help. You say the word, do you understand?”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Caren.”

  “Layne was just telling me about his Mom.”

  I know little about Layne’s mom because it didn’t seem right to bring it up so soon. The only thing I knew is that she was likely sick after hearing the way Marcy was talking to him at the bakery that first night. Knowing Mom, she probably asked him about his Mom, and that’s where we are now.

  She has cancer. Poor Layne.

  “We hadn’t talked about—” Layne tells me.

  “It’s okay. I’m here to listen when you want to talk.”

  He shrugs. “There isn’t much to talk say. She has about three months left. The cancer has already had its way with her. She’s at home with in-house hospice care right now. I spend the first half of the day with her, and my older sister spends the second half. She gets stressed out if we’re all there at once.”

  Do I say I’m sorry? I don’t know what to say. This is new information to me, and maybe I should have questioned what Marcy was saying to him, but I didn’t. I’m a jerk. He is so caring and considerate about my life, and I haven’t done a thing to be there for him.

  “That sounds awful, Layne.”

  “It’s life,” he says again. In the last fifteen seconds, I’ve learned more about Layne than I have in the last couple of weeks, and I’m mind blown.

  “Does your mom like to listen to you sing?” Mom asks him, unashamed for the pain he’s wearing on his face.

  “She does. She’s supported me since I was five and declared that I would be an opera singer someday. The number of times I dragged her through stores, hanging off the back of shopping carts, and singing my lungs out, she never told me to be quiet. I know I must have embarrassed her with all the eyes staring at us, but neither of us cared. That’s what gave me the courage to push myself to where I am now, I guess.”

  “She sounds amazing,” Mom tells him. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

  Geez. M
om is moving right in, not wasting any time. “Let’s have dinner sometime soon. I’ll cook.”

  “You cook?” I ask him, shocked, only because most guys my age have little interest in cooking, never mind cooking on top of being a music sensation.

  “I come from an Italian family who loves to cook. I don’t think my mom would let me leave the house if I didn’t know how to cook,” he tells me.

  “Wow,” I tell him.

  “Wow is right. I went wrong somewhere along the road with Miss Dani here. She can burn macaroni and cheese. That is a talent.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” I smirk and squint, giving her a look she deserves.

  “Dinner one night next week sounds wonderful, Layne. I’d like to bring something though, so you let me know what day is best and what dish would be good,” she says.

  “I’ll check with my mom and let Dani know,” he tells Mom.

  Dinner wasn’t as stressful as I might have assumed it could be. I think Mom and Layne might have spoken more than Layne and I spoke, but I’m glad they got to know each other. Still, I get the sense things are still so new, and meeting Mom happened quicker than I planned, but Layne seems like he lives life in the fast lane which is understandable.

  “I better let you get Aly to bed,” Layne says after helping with the dishes. I don’t want him to leave. We haven’t talked, just us, and I want that. I have millions of things I want to say to him, and I’m not sure I want to wait until the next time we see each other.

  “You know what, today is my day to help with Aly, and I want to put her to bed. Why don’t you two take a walk along the shore or something? It’s a full moon tonight. Nice and bright.” Mom knows I don’t like to walk along the shore at night, so I’m not sure why she made that suggestion.

  “Yeah, let’s do that,” Layne agrees. “Is there an access point to the beach near here?”

  “Oh, just behind our house, in fact,” Mom continues.

  “Sweet. Thank you for having me over for dinner, Mrs. Caren. It was wonderful,” Layne says, giving Mom an unexpected hug.