The Me I Used to Be

by Jennifer Ryan

  “And what would you suggest?” Joey narrowed his eyes, taking offense that she didn’t readily agree with him.

  Charlie jumped in again. “We sign with Warley. They partner with us by putting up the money to modernize the ranch and share in the profits.”

  “They keep the majority of the profits.” Joey shook his head. “How does that help?”

  “We keep the land and operation and earn a steady income.”

  “They tell us what to do, how, and when. They own us.”

  Charlie shook his head. “That’s not true. You’ll see.” Charlie focused on her. “Let me set up a meeting. Talk to them. Hear what they have to say and how it will help.”

  She nodded, agreeing because she didn’t want to sign something without talking to the company’s representatives first and taking their measure.

  Joey turned to her. “Are you seriously going to let a corporate operation come in here and take over?”

  Charlie had a point. But was the corporate ranching outfit the right choice, or was there an alternative? At the moment, she didn’t have any brilliant ideas, but it was worth hearing the corporation out and considering its plans for the ranch.

  “I just found out about this yesterday. Give me time to catch up and I’ll let you know what I come up with.”

  “You don’t even know how the business is run.” Charlie put his palms on the desk and leaned forward. “How can you possibly think you can come up with a plan we haven’t considered, when you don’t even know how we do things?”

  From the other side of the desk she mimicked his stance and leaned in to meet him face-to-face. “You’re too close to this. I have an outsider’s perspective. A fresh pair of eyes.”

  “I put my heart and soul into this place. You couldn’t give a shit.”

  Joey added his voice to Charlie’s. “You haven’t been here. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Great, her brothers finally agreed on something. They didn’t need or want her help.

  Evangeline stood to her full height and eyed both of them. “I don’t give a shit? You two barely spared me a thought the last four years. I come home and you act like I’m the reason for all the troubles here. I didn’t cause the drought. I didn’t drop the price of cattle. I didn’t control Dad. I am not responsible for every damn thing that happens in your lives. But I am responsible for this ranch. Get over it. Accept it. And when I make my decision, I’ll let you know.” She spun on her toes and walked out, leaving both her brothers cussing behind her.

  While they talked about her in the office and their grumbling followed her down the breezeway, she saddled Goldie and went for the ride she desperately needed. She reacquainted herself with the ranch and sheer expanse of the land they owned. She thought about what this place meant to each member of her family and what it would mean if they lost it.

  She let the quiet, the feel of Goldie beneath her, the wind in her face and hair, the smell of the grass and trees and sunshine, everything around her wash away her worries and settle her mind and heart. Alone on the ranch, in the middle of nowhere, she felt the connection to this place and knew she needed to find a way to save it.

  She needed to find a way to make things right with her family and bring them all back together.

  How to do that would come to her in time. It was one of those problems that, given time to percolate in her mind, would undoubtedly bring forth an idea.

  She hoped.

  Because that’s all she had right now. A wish and a prayer.

  When she returned to the ranch, she’d go over the contract, the books, and that pile of bills. Her brothers had one valid point: she couldn’t come up with a solution if she didn’t understand the problem.

  Chapter Nine

  You can’t let her get away with this.” Lindsey spread peanut butter over whole-wheat bread for Will’s lunch at day camp.

  Charlie leaned back against the counter, sipped his coffee, and wondered how he’d gotten this lucky.

  After Mom got sick, his sister got arrested, and Dad went off the rails, he’d worked his ass off to pick up the slack, do everything right, be the comfort and support his family needed. At the time he needed something back, someone to give him some of what he poured out for his family.

  Lindsey worked at the huge nursery outside of town. He drove by it all the time but didn’t really have a reason to stop. Until he saw her watering the new display garden out front that she’d just finished installing. He didn’t know much about plants, but it looked like a pretty spot, with the bench in the center of a stone circle surrounded by lush green bushes and gorgeous flowers, the white, pink, and purple blooms complementing and playing off each other with light- and dark-green bushes.

  Standing in the sunlight, her blond hair golden and shiny, rubber boots up to her knees where her jeans were ripped and worn, and a simple dark-green T-shirt with the nursery logo across her chest, she’d captured his attention. She wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous, but pretty as hell. The girl next door with the green thumb and a soft, inviting smile that always seemed to tilt her pink lips up.

  Even when she was peeved and ordering him around.

  “She’s not getting away with anything. She didn’t know my father was going to leave the decision to her.”

  “What has she ever done at the ranch that gives her the right to make the decisions? You’re the one who runs that place.”

  Exactly. His thoughts circled those sentiments all night long, leaving him with a headache and a pit in his stomach to go with the grief weighing down his heart.

  “Tell her what’s going to happen and make her sign the papers.”

  One side of his mouth drew back at how well that went for him last night. “You don’t know her.” Evangeline didn’t like being told what to do by anyone. He’d made that mistake when he caught her in the stables. He needed a new plan.

  “Do you know her now? You never expected her to do what she did. No one did. We don’t always know the way people really are on the inside. I’m so grateful she saved Will, but is she going to do right by you and the ranch, or just do what she wants?”

  That got his back up. “I know my sister didn’t come home to take over the ranch and cause even more conflict in the family. She’s a good person with a kind heart. Dad’s request blindsided her just like the rest of us.”

  “Joey’s going to fight you on this. He’s going to go to your sister and try to convince her to do what he wants.”

  “Joey thinks his way is the only way. When he doesn’t get what he wants, he talks louder and digs in his heels. Evangeline isn’t like that. She’s smart. Thoughtful.” Which was why she pushed back when he ordered her to sign the contract.

  “And yet she ended up in jail.”

  “She also saved our son at the funeral,” he snapped. “She’s right. All anybody sees is the one bad mistake she made. It’s like everything she used to be and is now got canceled out by that one stupid thing she did.”

  Lindsey stuffed the sandwich, strips of orange bell peppers, and pretzels into Will’s lunch box, then turned to Charlie. “I’m sorry. She’s your sister. You love her. You want to see only the good.”

  “Believe me, I saw the damage that she did and how it affected everyone in the family. I hate thinking about how Dad felt useless when it came to helping her.”

  “She didn’t want anyone’s help.” Lindsey came to him and put her hands on his chest. “We teach Will to take responsibility when he does something wrong and to tell the truth. There are consequences when he does something wrong. It’s commendable that your sister did the right thing when she got caught and accepted responsibility.” She tapped his chest with one of her hands. “She’s not what I expected.”

  “She’s quieter. She doesn’t like being around a lot of people. She keeps her back to the wall and everyone in front of her if she can.” The changes he saw in Evangeline tightened his chest with sadness. “She’s afraid. She used to be so carefree.”
/>   “She didn’t cry at the funeral.”

  “She didn’t even flinch when that car hit her. She didn’t complain, just sucked it up and took it. Her limp got worse as the day wore on. It’s probably killing her today.” Charlie ran his hands up Lindsey’s back. “I found her by the old tree she used to climb as a kid. She’d cried her eyes out. She grieved for Dad, but she’s got that same look in her eye I saw in Dad’s. Something happened between them. And I don’t know what’s going on between her and Chris, but there’s something there, too.”

  “Stay out of it. The last thing you need is to be dragged into her problems. Stick to business. Make her understand this deal is what’s best for everyone. We need this.” Lindsey laid her head on his shoulder and sighed.

  Guilt pinched his heart. “I promised I’d take care of you and the kids.”

  “You do.”

  The assurance didn’t ease his mind or heart. They lived in a tiny rented house that needed a good update and renovation two decades ago. The landlord refused to allow them to change anything, including planting a garden in the yard. For Lindsey, a garden designer and enthusiast, the barren yard held little appeal and didn’t welcome her or anyone home. The grass area gave Will a place to play and run, but if given a chance, Lindsey would make their tiny space bright, cheerful, a spot you wanted to enjoy.

  She’d done her best with the inside of the house. She kept it clean and tidy, but with such little space, every piece of furniture had to serve a purpose. More than one, when possible. They barely fit around the dining table off the galley kitchen. Joey often came to dinner, but more than two or three extra guests and they’d have no place to put them.

  He wanted to give her a bigger home and a better life.

  Not that they didn’t have everything they needed. But they had a dream and a plan. And it included more than a two-bedroom, one-bath, postage-stamp house where Lindsey had to imagine lush gardens and tall trees with tire swings for the boys.

  “Let’s invite her to dinner. I want to get to know her better. She can spend time with the boys. You can talk to her about the plans you have for the ranch, what that contract will mean for the family and you and me. Show her what’s at stake. You have a family to support. We depend on you and that ranch to provide for us. Joey thinks his way will work better, but let’s face it, you put in ten times the work he does. You can’t do it on your own. She can’t expect you to do the work and provide for the family and not let you do it the best way you know how.”

  Evangeline needed to understand the weight of responsibility he carried and how her decision would impact not only his life and family, but everyone else’s, too, because that ranch ran the way it did because he broke his back day in and day out making sure the operation ran smoothly and they got the best price they could for their cattle.

  The ranch was surrounded by prospering wineries, and it was all he could do to hold on to it and not have to sell it, because right now the land was worth a hell of a lot of money.

  If they sold the ranch, split the money, they’d all make out pretty damn good. But he was a rancher at heart.

  He didn’t know what else he’d do with his life. The uncertainty clenched into a tight ball in his gut.

  He wanted to build a house on the property, raise his family the way his father had done, and give them a simple but meaningful life. He wanted Lindsey to plant the garden of her dreams and grow fruits and vegetables with the boys instead of having to go to the farmers’ market every weekend.

  He wanted his boys to grow up learning to work hard and take care of what they had, riding horses and feeding the cows. He’d like them to have a dog and a barn cat.

  No pets allowed at the rental. Not that they had space in the chaotic world of having a one- and three-year-old and all their toys underfoot.

  And Lindsey wanted to try for a girl. Charlie would love to have a daughter.

  His boys would benefit from having a little sister to take care of and learn from—girls had different ways of seeing things. They saw and felt things differently. Those differences added to his life. Because of Evangeline, he understood girls better, not that he knew everything about women, as his wife liked to tell him all the time.

  Lindsey kissed him and brought him out of his thoughts. “I’m sorry. I know you’re under a lot of pressure and still reeling from your father’s sudden death. I don’t mean to add to the stress.”

  He gripped her hips. “You’re worried. I am, too. I’ll ask Evangeline to dinner one night this week. We’ll talk it out. I’ll make sure she understands what’s at stake and the benefits of signing the contract.”

  Will walked in rubbing his eyes, his pajama shirt pulled up over his little round belly, his feet dragging with sleep. Not quite awake, he stared up at them. “Pancakes.”

  And so their day began.

  Charlie scooped up his son and hugged him close. He had a lot to be grateful for, and a good reason to want to do this deal and ensure the financial future of his family.

  If Evangeline didn’t see that, didn’t get it, he’d have to push, because there was nothing more important than fighting for his family.

  Chapter Ten

  Thanks to the money Evangeline’s father left her, she had the means to get started on her new business sooner rather than later. She didn’t want to ask her family for money, so she’d planned to get a job—if she could find someone who’d hire her with her record—but now that wasn’t necessary.

  Since the bank wasn’t open on Sunday, she’d had to wait until today to deposit her check, get a new ATM card to replace her expired one, order a new credit card, and open a new business account. That done, she pulled her dad’s truck into the lot beside the thrift store. She slipped out the driver’s side and checked out the cute boutiques and cafés along the quaint tree-lined street. It had been a while since she’d been down this way. If she didn’t have lunch plans with her best friend, Jill, she’d take the time and do some shopping. Instead, she ran a couple errands.

  First she grabbed the bag of clothes to donate and dropped them in the bin outside the thrift store. Four doors down, past the tempting gourmet ice-cream shop, she found what she really needed and walked inside to buy a new cell phone. She’d used the office computer to order one, so it was ready when she arrived.

  Twenty minutes later, after a tutorial from the cute tech guy about all the bells and whistles on her phone, she headed back to her truck, checking out all the new and old shops along the way. She stopped short when Darren walked out of the chic bar and bistro across the street behind a beautiful brunette. The woman laughed at something he said and reached up and touched his face.

  The last few days had been rough. Too consumed with her grief while burying her father and being the uncomfortable object of everyone’s attention, she hadn’t given Darren a second thought. But now she took the time to see the changes, and examine him for who he really was, not the memory in her head.

  He had that same great smile, the kind that made you want to smile along with him. She’d been charmed by it and the twinkle of mischief in his eyes. He’d had the right kind of vibe to spark her interest at the time. Just this side of the good-guy line with enough bad boy to make him interesting and seem a little dangerous.

  He seemed to carry a good time around with him. Everywhere he went, he lit up the room and drew everyone into his world.

  And he’d wanted her beside him.

  She’d felt like she shined next to him.

  As time went on, she found herself always doing what he wanted to do. She’d cut class to be with him. Nights when she should have been studying, she ended up at a football game, a frat party, poker games in someone’s dorm, or dinner out with one group of friends or another. He always found someone to hang with and something to do other than focus on school.

  Free of her parents and responsibility for the first time, she went a little wild.

  And it was fun.

  Until it wasn’t.

&nb
sp; She lost herself in his world.

  She’d wanted to please him.

  Young and inexperienced, she mistook lust for love.

  The consequences accumulated until she’d ended up on academic probation for ditching classes and failing tests she hadn’t studied for. Her family resented her for skipping out on family events and weekends home and pitching in to help at the ranch like she’d promised.

  When she tried to focus on school and spent more time with her family, Darren resented her for not making him her everything.

  Jill complained constantly that Evangeline was always breaking plans with her to be with Darren.

  She couldn’t win.

  All that fun, and nothing to show for it but bad grades and a boyfriend she didn’t really love. She pulled away to figure things out and Darren tried to reel her back in with talk of them getting married.

  And then her old life came to a jarring halt and she went to prison.

  Now, with her eyes wide open, her heart skeptical, and years of reflection behind her, she saw past the charm and easy manner to a guy who hadn’t really loved her, despite how often he said those words. His actions didn’t back them up. She’d been too naïve to see that and tricked herself into believing him.

  The romantic haze had disappeared and she wondered what she’d ever seen in Darren.

  Dating him and being around the people in prison had taught her a valuable lesson.

  She no longer took people at their word. What they did or didn’t do showed exactly who they were inside. You only had to put your emotions on hold and pay attention.

  Not always easy.

  He’d been her first real crush. But not her first love.

  Hindsight.

  The woman with him looked exactly like what he needed. The perfect accessory. Tousled curled hair, dark with brighter blond streaks. A gorgeous floral see-through blouse to show off perfect breasts encased in a dark pink tank. Designer denim jeans and high-heeled black ankle boots to go with her black leather designer bag. She fit Darren’s new grown-up look.