The Me I Used to Be

by Jennifer Ryan

  She set aside those thoughts and tried to focus on her family. “I’ve spoken to the ranch owners we assisted.”

  “Some haven’t been by today to check on their animals.” Joey scratched at his eyebrow.

  “That’s because the animals don’t belong to them anymore.”

  “What?” Charlie leaned forward, elbows on the table.

  Evangeline explained. “Two of the ranchers will move their cattle back to their land once the evacuation is lifted. Mr. Martin leased land from us for his herd. The other three ranchers lost everything, including their homes. I bought their herds at a steep discount yesterday.”

  “With what money?” Charlie asked.

  “Mine. Practically every dime I had. Which now makes me a partner in the business. Though I’ll take a smaller portion than you and Joey because you’ll be doing the work. I’ve signed the contract with Warley. I’ll let you look at the numbers, how much Warley is investing and how the profits will be split, once we’re done here, but I think you’ll find it’s more than fair. Lance will manage and wrangle you two,” she teased. “But here is how this is going to go. Because of the sheer number of cattle we’re running, the ranch will be split in half. Charlie, you will run your cattle the way you want. Joey, you will run yours. Separate crews for each of you.”

  Joey sat back, his eyes filled with amazement. “You’re serious.”

  “You wanted to be in charge. Now you are. Of your herds. Success or failure, it’s on you. Charlie has no say in what you do. You’ll take the north pasture. Charlie will take the west. You’ll split the east. Mr. Martin will have the south for now. When he’s finished with the land, you two can re-split the pastures.”

  Charlie glanced at Joey, then to her. “Sounds good.”

  She couldn’t believe he was taking it in stride without one complaint. “You understand each of you is responsible for more than the whole of what we originally had before the fire?”

  “Got it.” Joey smiled, triumphant and excited that he had control of his part of the business. She hoped he stepped up, put in the work, and found the satisfaction and accolades he craved but felt had always gone to Charlie.

  Charlie kept his reserved look, but in his eyes she saw his determination to make this work, knowing that he hadn’t been stripped of his authority. He had to be feeling the responsibilities of running more cattle on just his portion of the ranch than the whole of what he and Joey had taken care of together before and building a house for his family. He’d shoulder the load. He didn’t know how to do anything different. And the rewards would be sweet for him and his family.

  “Lance will oversee everything for both of you. Technically, he’s your boss. For the next five years, we work for Warley. At that time, we’ll either negotiate a new contract or decide to go it on our own.”

  “Really?” Charlie hadn’t expected that.

  “Yes. I’ve set you up for success. Because of the fire, we’re now one of the largest ranches in the area.” She hated taking advantage of the other ranchers’ circumstance for their benefit, but she’d done what was necessary to help them and her family the best way she knew how. She owed them. “It’s up to you two now. I have faith in both of you. I gave you both what you wanted even if it’s not exactly how you thought it would be.”

  Joey leaned in. “Thanks, sis. I won’t let you down. Charlie and me, we can work separate and still rely on each other to get the job done.”

  Charlie smacked Joey on the back. “We got this, bro.”

  Evangeline had made Charlie’s dream of a home come true. She couldn’t do exactly the same for Joey, but he deserved something. “Joey, I’m sure Charlie told you about the vineyard land lease.”

  Joey nodded, his excitement dimming because he’d obviously heard that Charlie got the bulk of the money up front.

  “Warley has agreed to invest in certain upgrades on the ranch for operating purposes. One of those upgrades is updating and renovating the cabin out by the pond and adding a small barn out there. Where you’ll be spending most of your time overseeing your herds.”

  Joey’s mouth dropped open. “Are you serious?”

  Lance spoke for the first time for Warley. “I contacted the contractor your sister recommended this morning. You and I have a meeting with him tomorrow to look at prefab structures for the barn. He can start work on the one we pick next week. Evangeline gave him a list of repairs for the cabin. You can go over that with him, too, and make any requests or changes at the same time.”

  Evangeline would keep Jill’s husband, Sean, busy.

  The one-bedroom, one-bath cabin with a kitchen, dining, and living room area didn’t need much, but it hadn’t been lived in for a long time. New paint, appliances, weatherproofing, maybe a new roof, and it would be a great place for her bachelor brother. For now.

  Evangeline put her hand on her mother’s shoulder. “We also own a lot more horses. Charlie and Joey will split the upkeep for them, but I thought maybe you’d like to teach horseback riding again. Maybe do trail rides for tourists or local Girl Scout and Boy Scout troops.”

  Mom’s grief had subsided, but Evangeline noticed her mother seemed a little lost as to what to do now that she was on her own. She’d taught them all how to ride when they were kids. She loved the horses. Probably more than any of the rest of the family did. And being around kids would make her feel young again. It would give her something to do and look forward to each day instead of an empty house.

  Her mother didn’t say anything, but her eyes shined with interest.

  “Think about it. I could help you advertise. Maybe we can set up a partnership with Cross Cellars. You could do picnic rides and serve a simple wine-and-cheese-with-crackers-and-crusty-bread snack along the trail.”

  Mom’s eyes lit up. “That might be fun. From harvesting produce in the fields to fancy winery picnics. Who knew life could change so much?” Her mother had come a long way in her life and given her children everything she didn’t have growing up.

  Evangeline turned to Nona. “Cross Cellars loved the idea of a fundraiser for the free clinic where you volunteer. They’ll donate ten percent of their profits from their bestselling Riesling to the clinic on a monthly basis. They have also teamed up with other wineries to hold a fundraiser barbecue for the fire victims. Twenty-five percent of the money raised will be allocated to the clinic.”

  “You did that?”

  “I spoke with Renee Cross this morning before I met Charlie. She’s going to get in touch with you once she has more information. She believes that the wineries should give back to the very people who work for them during harvest season. She’s sure she can get other wineries to contribute in some way. No one wants to say no to helping a free clinic and children in need.”

  Nona smiled and shook her head. “You’ve been busy.”

  Evangeline felt like she hadn’t taken a breath in days. Except when she was with Chris.

  “What do you get out of all this? You used all your money to buy the cattle and set up the ranch. What about your business?”

  Evangeline appreciated so much that her mom asked, not because she thought Evangeline was taking more than her share but to be sure she wasn’t putting everyone ahead of herself.

  She’d done a lot of that to make this all happen. But she benefited in the long run, too. “Charlie and Joey split eighty percent of the ranch profits. I get the other twenty percent. The vineyard deal benefits all of us. Charlie and Joey each get thirty percent. I share the other forty percent with you and Nona. A little income every month for each of us. Charlie got his money up front to build his house.” She focused on Joey. “You should consider saving your portion, so that one day you’ll have the money you need for a house of your own.”

  “I’ve got a date with that woman I told you about this Friday night.” Joey looked nervous and excited all at the same time.

  “Take her someplace nice, where you share a meal and talk,” she advised. “Ask about her.”

/>   Charlie smacked Joey’s arm. “Don’t run your mouth. Listen.”

  Joey glared at both of them. “I don’t need dating advice from my brother and sister.”

  “Yes, you do,” both of them said, making Joey squirm and frown at them.

  Mom and Nona gave Joey sympathetic looks. Evangeline and Charlie dared him with a look to contradict them.

  “A quiet dinner, huh?” Joey didn’t do quiet. He liked a bar or diner with lots of noise and distraction.

  “Mario’s,” Evangeline suggested. “You can’t go wrong with Italian. The booths are semi-private. The atmosphere family-oriented. Just the right vibe to let her know you’re interested and want to get to know her better.”

  Joey’s mouth drew back and he tilted his head. “You think she’ll like that?”

  “Yes,” they all said in unison.

  Lance laughed at their family dynamic. “If you guys don’t have any questions for me, I’ll take the contract and get out of here. Charlie, Joey, let’s meet tomorrow morning to discuss the operation, separating the herds into the pastures now that we know they’re all staying, and adding a few more men to the crews.”

  Charlie and Joey both stood to shake Lance’s hand and walk him out, leaving Evangeline with Nona and Mom.

  Mom clasped Evangeline’s hand. “You did a wonderful thing for them. Charlie must be over the moon about building a house.”

  “Lindsey cried.” She squeezed Mom’s hand. “I couldn’t believe Dad left all the decisions to me.”

  “He made the right choice.” Nona smiled at her. “Terrible things happened to you. Terrible things were done to you. But you still found it in your heart to help others. You’re a beautiful woman, Evangeline.”

  “I just wanted everyone to have what they needed and wanted.”

  Mom patted their clasped hands. “You saw beyond that to what would make everyone happy.”

  “I tried. I know you miss him. I do, too. Nona’s gotten you out of the house the last few days to help at the shelter. I hope you’ll consider working with the horses. They need looking after and I think you need something fun to do.”

  A shy smile spread across her mom’s face as her gaze dipped to her lap. “I have to say, I never thought about doing something like that, but it does sound fun.”

  “I think you’ll like working with Renee Cross if you choose to do the trail rides.”

  “I’ll let you know.” The shy smile evaporated as the grief came back, along with a hesitation Evangeline understood. “I need time to absorb all that’s happened.” Change didn’t come easy. They’d all had a lot of changes in their lives lately.

  More so for Evangeline than anyone else.

  “It’s a lot of changes all at once. The ranch is going to be busier than ever.” She yawned. She needed a nap, but she wasn’t going to get one anytime soon. She still had work to do for her own business.

  Mom glanced at her, serious and intent. “Did you get what you wanted?”

  The front door opened and Chris walked in, making her heart beat faster and her body buzz with awareness and appreciation of that big man who looked too good in jeans, a black tee, and black sunglasses.

  She met her mother’s gaze again. “He just walked in.”

  Chris overheard, but took it the wrong way, because he hadn’t heard her mother’s question. “Your brothers said to come on in.”

  Mom smiled at her. “That’s the happiest I’ve seen you look since you came home.” She turned to Chris. “Welcome. Thank you for putting that smile on her face.”

  Chris pulled off his glasses and smiled at Evangeline. “She does the same for me.”

  “Are you two going out tonight?” Nona asked.

  Chris locked eyes with her. “Come with me. I have something I want to show you.”

  She cocked an eyebrow, looked him up and down, flirting like crazy, then turned to Mom and Nona. “Oh, I can’t wait to see it. Again.”

  Mom and Nona giggled. It felt so good to tease and play and have fun again.

  Chris’s face blazed red. “Uh . . .”

  “Have fun.” Mom hid her huge smile behind her hand, though her eyes were alight with mischief.

  Nona gave Chris her own once-over. “I wish it were me.”

  Evangeline lost it and busted up laughing, but saved Chris by grabbing his arm, her purse, and her computer bag off the chair and pulling Chris toward the door.

  Just to mess with him even more, she called over her shoulder, “Don’t wait up.”

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chris turned to her in the car as they drove down the driveway. “Did you enjoy yourself?”

  Still smiling about the joking, she giggled. “Kinda. Yeah.”

  He laughed under his breath and shook his head. “I’m glad to see you getting back to your old self.”

  “About this thing you want to show me . . .”

  He glanced at her, expecting yet another teasing, but saw that she was serious. “It’s a surprise I put together for you today, since I’m off work for a few days.”

  She bit the corner of her mouth. “Can it wait just a little while?”

  “Sure. Why?”

  Her throat went tight. “I’d like you to take me somewhere first.”

  “Okay. Where?”

  Her chest tightened as her heart grew heavy. “To see my dad.”

  One side of Chris’s mouth pulled down in a half frown. “You ready to say goodbye?”

  She appreciated that he understood that, up until now, she hadn’t been able to really process her father’s death. “Maybe not goodbye, but I have things to say.”

  Chris placed his hand on her thigh and squeezed. His comfort, support, and understanding touched her deeply. “Okay, sweetheart. Whatever you need.”

  And so he headed across town, the complete opposite direction of his place and the surprise he wanted to show her. “I take it you settled the Warley contract and told everyone about it and the vineyard contract.”

  “I did. Charlie and Lindsey were stunned, but once it hit them, they were super-excited. Joey can’t believe I gave him half the ranch to run on his own.”

  “Well, Lance will be watching over him and Charlie, right?”

  “Yes, Lance will manage them.” She snickered at the way he couldn’t hide that touch of jealousy that she’d been meeting and negotiating with Lance.

  “Surprisingly, Charlie and Joey seemed fine with the new ranch setup. They even sounded like they wanted to work together.”

  Chris gave her a side-eyed glance. “Now you can focus on your business and what you want to do.”

  “I got another request on my website about an hour ago.”

  “That’s great, sweetheart. You’re on your way.” Chris pulled into the cemetery and drove down the lane. He parked at the curb and stared at her when she didn’t get out. “I’ll wait here for you.”

  She squeezed his hand on her leg, mustered her courage, and got out to face her father—so to speak.

  Chris got out and leaned against the side of the car. “Take your time.”

  She walked up the hill to her father’s grave and stared at the marker. His name etched in stone felt like the love he’d filled her with. It left its mark.

  Her heart thrashed in her chest. Her throat clogged. Her mind wanted to deny the truth. She didn’t want him to be dead. She wanted him here to face her himself.

  She wanted to look him in the eye. She wanted him to hear her. And yes, she wanted to feel his arms around her one more time.

  Silent tears trickled down her cheeks and dripped onto her pink blouse.

  Her mind swirled with what she wanted to say, what she should say, the angry words she’d stored up in prison, the little-girl pleas for him to come back.

  In the end, she let her heart speak. “Hi, Dad. I did it.” She wasn’t sure if she meant setting the ranch, Charlie, and Joey on the right path to success or that she’d made it through her prison sentence and survived.

  Bo
th.

  She wanted him to know she’d made Darren pay for what he’d tried to do to him and for what Darren had done to her.

  He knew.

  She felt that he’d watched over her and had a hand in guiding her.

  “I’m sorry I refused to see you while I was in prison. I didn’t want to see you. And I desperately wanted to see you. I was angry. I was scared. I wanted to know why. How could you do that to me?” She sucked in a ragged breath. “Nona told me how it started. You wanted to help that little girl because she reminded you of me. What if that had been me in need?” The tears ran like a river down her face. “I needed you. I wanted you to save me. But you didn’t. Because you knew that as much as I wanted you to get me out of there, I wanted to protect you and the family more.”

  She wiped her cheeks with the backs of her hands. “As much as I hated that place, I learned so much about myself. I’m strong. I’m resilient. I’m smart and thoughtful and kind.

  “And because of Chris, I know I have to be kinder to myself. And for me that means I have to forgive you for what you did. And what you didn’t do. But more importantly, I need to forgive myself for sometimes hating you. I can do that because I always loved you.

  “At first, I didn’t know why you left the ranch in my hands. But I see that you wanted to ensure that Mom and the guys couldn’t simply ignore me. They know what you did and why I let you get away with it. I think they understand. I know they still love you, too.”

  She sucked in a smoke-tinged breath, reminded of the wildfires, the destruction, the loss of life and property.

  How, as bad as her life had been for a while, she’d survived.

  She had her family.

  She had Chris.

  She was loved.

  “Thank you for believing in me. I know you’re proud of me for what I accomplished for the ranch and how I helped the people in my life. I made new friends, started my own business, and fell for a man who wants to take care of me, but gives me the room to be me and do the things I need to do to be happy, because that’s all he wants for me. I trust him. I love him. I’m going to marry him when he asks. But right now, I’m going to enjoy every moment and be happy.