Crushed

by Kasi Blake

  They drove for ten minutes, traveling around winding hills until they eventually made it to the coastal highway. Kristen opened the throttle then. The motorcycle jerked beneath them as it picked up speed at an incredible rate. Zach glued his body to the back of hers and continued to watch over her shoulder for trouble. It was hard to concentrate. For some unknown reason, he was becoming more and more attracted to her.

  Relief flooded his system when Kristen slowed the bike down and pulled off to the side of the highway. There was a scenic outlook that had been created for tourists. As they drove in, there was a family driving out. Tension returned yet again as Zach realized they were going to be totally alone for the first time.

  Kristen switched off the engine, and Zach hopped off the back. He couldn’t put enough distance between them. Going over to the railing, he pretended to be fascinated by the ocean view. The silence became a palpable thing, building until he couldn’t stand it. He had to know what Kristen was doing, what she was thinking, so he turned to face her. What he saw completely knocked him off balance. Tough-as-nails Kristen Noah was crying.

  ###

  Still sitting on the bike, shoulders slumped forward, Kristen stared at the ground. Her vision blurred, and she couldn’t see through the tears. The last conversation she’d had with her mother replayed in her head. The woman had laid into her big time, telling her she was ruining her life and was going to wind up alone, like her father. Although her mother had been in a multitude of relationships since the divorce, her dad didn’t date at all.

  Was he lonely? Was her mother right about that? She’d told Kristen that her dad was afraid to open his heart to anyone. According to her mother, that had been the main problem in their marriage. Her dad had been closed off, too wrapped up in his career to see past his own nose.

  For the first time in her life, Kristen felt like a boat that had come loose from the pier—adrift, tossing and turning without anyone to guide it. For the first time, she didn’t have a comforting list of future goals to strive for. If her mother was right and those goals actually belonged to her father, then she had nothing that belonged solely to her.

  Feeling Zach’s eyes on her, she looked up and caught him staring. Embarrassed about crying in front of him, she wiped away the tears with the backs of both hands. Tears were a weakness. She hadn’t cried in front of another person in years. Why, when she finally broke down, did it have to be in front of Zach Bevian? She blurted out, “Do you ever get tired of people thinking you’re a useless waste of space?”

  He blinked at her. “What?”

  “Do you ever get tired of wearing the bad-boy label?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He kicked at a small rock with the toe of his boot, looking uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken.

  More than anything, she wanted to be able to talk to someone about her feelings.

  An epiphany eased her confusion and pain. Zach Bevian was under her control. She could order him to keep his mouth shut. It would be almost like talking to a shrink. In fact, she could probably even order him to forget the conversation had ever happened. She went straight up to him, eyes still locked on his, and said, “You can’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you.”

  “I understand.”

  “Seriously, just don’t talk about me at all.”

  “Got it. My lips are sealed.”

  The mere thought of being able to talk to someone without being judged or having to listen to endless advice made her feel better. Nervous energy pushed her to walk circles around Zach as she laid her troubles at his feet.

  “When I was little, I used to get up early just to make my bed. I had to help Cyndi with hers because she couldn’t do it, and I made Brittany’s bed because she refused. In school, I worked hard to get the best grades.

  “I remember coming home in tears because I got a ninety-six percent on a test instead of a hundred. All these years, I thought I was born to be special, but now I wonder how much of it comes from my dad pushing me to be the best. He’s a perfectionist, and I think it rubbed off on me. My mom shined a light on some things this summer and got me thinking about my future.

  “People expect so much out of me, and I don’t want to let them down, but I have to live for me, don’t I? They expect me to take charge of everything and do a good job. I guess I’m just sick of it. When do I get to be irresponsible? When do I get to lean on someone else?”

  Zach stared at her through narrowed eyes, saying nothing.

  She added, “So I was wondering about you.”

  “Me?”

  “Yes, you. I’m kind of stuck with being the good girl, but you have the bad-boy label hanging around your neck. Do you like it? Are you happy with it? I guess the most important thing I want to know is—if you weren’t happy with it anymore, how would you get rid of it?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t think you can. Once people think they have you figured out, it takes a lot to change their minds. You’d have to do something really, really bad to lose the good-girl label, and I don’t recommend you blow up the school or anything.”

  It wasn’t what Kristen wanted to hear. Another thought occurred to her, and she smiled. “Well, maybe your bad reputation will rub off on me. Everyone thinks we’re dating. It’s a start in the right direction.” She went to the railing and took in the magnificent view. “What do I do about my future? How do I figure out if it’s my dream to be a businesswoman or my dad’s dream?”

  Zach seemed to take her question seriously. Thinking about it, he rubbed his chin. His eyes slid over her and went to the ocean again. But when he answered her, he looked straight at her. “Okay. You’re planning to go to college, obviously. A degree will take at least four years. That gives you a lot of time to think about what you want to do with your life. My advice to you is to follow your heart.”

  Sighing in frustration, she spoke aloud, but she was talking more to herself than to Zach. “What about love? I’ve never even been on a date because my mom goes through one bad relationship after another, and my dad says love is an illusion. They brainwashed me. Now I’m a social retard.”

  “You’ve never been on a date?” Zach openly gaped at her. “Seriously?”

  “That’s what I just said.”

  “Have you ever kissed a guy?”

  “If I haven’t been on a date, Einstein, I haven’t kissed anyone, either.”

  He got a weird look on his face but didn’t say a word. Instead, Zach cupped her face between his hands and stared down at her mouth with longing. He was going to kiss her. It was totally against the rules, and she should order him to take a step back.

  Her tongue snaked out to lick her upper lip.

  She wanted him to kiss her. More than anything, she wanted to feel his mouth on hers. She wanted to experience the things her sisters went on and on about and get some first-hand knowledge of the passion she’d only read about in books.

  A loud screech made them jump apart. Kristen’s eyes went to the pale blue sky. A huge, brown owl with yellow eyes circled above them once before plunging straight down. The owl headed straight for her. Hands in the air, she tried to defend herself, but it happened so fast she didn’t have time to even think of a spell.

  She had to get out of its way. Turning, she ran in the wrong direction, smacked into the protective railing, and her feet left the ground. She tumbled over the side, and before she knew what was happening, she was airborne. Her stomach flipped over. Spying the jagged rocks waiting below, a sickening dizziness forced her eyes closed. She couldn’t believe she was going to die like this.

  It wasn’t Zach’s fault, but they would blame him. His reputation would grow, while hers would remain untarnished in death. She was going to die, and she’d never even been kissed.

  “Then what happened?”

  Cyndi slid to the edge of Kristen’s white, wrought-iron daybed, eager to hear the rest of the terrifying tale. Her hands clutched at the thick comforter.
A couple of the decorative pillows fell over when she moved. Kristen didn’t immediately speak, so Cyndi asked, “How did you survive it? Did you do a spell?”

  “There wasn’t time for that,” Kristen admitted. “If it wasn’t for Zach and his quick reflexes, I literally wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be anywhere.”

  “He saved you? That is so romantic.”

  “It didn’t feel romantic. One minute we were talking, and the next, a stupid owl knocked me right off the cliff. It came out of nowhere. I’ve never seen an owl during the day before.”

  “Do you like him now?”

  “Who? Zach? No.” Kristen shook her head and added conviction to her voice. “Hell no. I just don’t hate him quite as much anymore. Okay?”

  Cyndi laughed. “You like him.”

  “I do not.”

  “I can see your aura, Kris. It’s all soft and blush-pink right now. You are so into him you can’t even think straight.”

  Ignoring her, Kristen fixed the pillows, placing her favorite ones—red squares covered with white lace and tiny, red bows—to the side so Cyndi wouldn’t recline on them. Her sisters had a bad habit of messing with them even though they knew it drove her crazy. Once the pillows were exactly where they should be again, she returned to her desk.

  It was early evening. The sun shone through her two floor-to-ceiling windows as it put in a last appearance before sinking into the ocean. The sound of waves rolling onto their private beach soothed Kristen’s otherwise frayed nerves as she picked up her gold pen and continued writing a letter to her dad. She probably wouldn’t give it to him, but it felt good to put her true feelings in writing.

  Kristen formed each word slowly in cursive, writing as neatly as possible on the floral stationary. She still needed to do her homework, cook dinner—Brittany obviously wasn’t going to—and pick out tomorrow’s outfit and accessories. Old habits were hard to break. If she were going to have fun this year, she would have to let some of her responsibilities slide.

  But it was so hard to stop being good.

  “Did your life flash before your eyes?” Cyndi asked.

  “You watch way too many movies. It happened too fast for me to think about anything. I was flying through the air, and then I felt his hand on my wrist. He pulled me up before I could even wonder if he was strong enough.”

  She owed Zach Bevian her life. Another brick of guilt was added to the ten-foot-high wall. He had saved her from certain death after she’d crushed him. She didn’t even want to think about ordering him to hop up and down while rubbing his stomach and patting his head. He should have let her fall and die. It was what she deserved.

  “I want to un-crush him,” she blurted out.

  Cyndi gasped. “You know Britt won’t stand for you backing out after you already did the deed. She’s still mad at you, you know, and I mean super mad. If I were you, I’d avoid her for as long as possible. You should have seen how red her face got after you crushed Zach before it was time. She called you a cheater.” Cyndi’s cheeks flushed pink. “She called you a lot of things. If you try to un-crush Zach now, she’ll make you forfeit the game.”

  Kristen tried to conjure up a good reason for un-crushing Zach other than the obvious, but she couldn’t think of anything that would convince Brittany to let her do it. Her sister would love an excuse to kick her out of the game. Brittany wanted to win this year more than she wanted to breathe.

  Kristen reminded herself what was at stake. If she lost, she would lose use of the car. Then there was prom, the single most important event of the whole school year. She wouldn’t be able to buy a designer original, and those pictures would be floating around forever, especially if she were voted prom queen. Someday, at the worst possible time, they would resurface. They could ruin her career.

  She wanted to have some fun this year, but she didn’t want to destroy her future while doing it.

  She reasoned aloud, “I guess I’m not really hurting him. I mean, Zach doesn’t seem to mind that he’s under my spell. In fact, he’s been surprisingly charming.”

  “Really?” Cyndi frowned. She grabbed one of the pillows and put it on her knees so she could lean her elbows on it. “All of my marks have followed me around like puppies begging for constant attention. I wouldn’t call that charming.”

  That was how they usually behaved, but Zach was different. There was something off about him. Kristen wished she could figure it out. She opened her mouth to ask Cyndi what she thought it meant.

  The first syllable emerged and was cut short as the door flew open and their father stuck his head in. Eyebrows furrowed, he looked this way and that. “What are you two doing?”

  Their father had been a marine before attending business school. He thought they were up to something twenty-four-seven. Without warning, he would peek into their rooms. They knew not to change clothes unless they were in the bathroom, the only door he would actually knock on. He also searched their rooms on a regular basis, but he didn’t think they knew about that.

  Brittany kept her cigarettes and occasional bottle of beer in a box beneath the front porch. So far, he hadn’t found it.

  “Nothing, Dad,” Cyndi said with a sigh. “We were just talking about school and stuff.”

  “Yes, today was your first day as seniors.” He entered the room and walked around, hands clasped behind his back. His eyes took everything in like a cop searching for contraband, but he wasn’t dressed like an officer of the law. His expensive suit made him look more like a politician. He spoke to them without looking directly at them. “And how was it?”

  “Good,” Kristen said.

  She worked hard to keep from looking guilty. Part of her wanted to confess on the spot and get it over with. Somehow, he was going to find out she’d driven a motorcycle. Or worse, he could learn she’d been with Titan High’s bad boy. He’d never trust her again. She watched her dad move around the room, and she held her breath when he neared her dresser. If he pulled the bottom drawer open, he would find Zach’s jacket. That would be hard to explain.

  After her near-death experience, Zach had wrapped the jacket around her, insisting she wear it home.

  “School was okay,” Cyndi replied with a shrug. “Same old same old.”

  Daniel Noah walked past the windows to the tall, white dresser in-between. His eyes swept over the surface: a close-up photograph of the girls wrapped in a gold frame, a black-lacquer jewelry box with a neon-pink butterfly on the lid, her landline phone in the shape of two red lips, and the small tray where she tossed her keys every day as soon as she got home.

  Grabbing the gold handles, he opened her dual closet doors and stepped into the huge walk-in. Her clothes hung neatly on both sides, evenly spaced and color coordinated, starting with her favorite color—red—and ending at the back with her least favorite—yellow. Shoes were lined in neat rows beneath the clothes, with her purses on the shelf above. When he came out of the closet, he was smiling. For some reason, her room always seemed to cheer him up.

  Their father stopped in front of Cyndi. “Where is the other one at?”

  Cyndi shrugged. “I think Britt is downstairs.”

  “If she snuck out of the house again, she’s toast.”

  “She didn’t sneak out. She’s around here somewhere.”

  “She had better be.” He nodded at Kristen before leaving.

  Once the door was completely shut and they heard his footsteps fading down the hallway, Kristen asked, “Did Britt take off again?”

  “Naturally.”

  “He’s going to kill her this time. Then he’s going to ground her for three months. I can’t believe she is such an idiot. School just started. What is wrong with her?”

  “Don’t worry. I have it covered.”

  Cyndi headed for the door with a knowing smile.

  “Where are you going?” Kristen asked as she stuffed the letter into the waiting envelope.

  “I’m going to take the back stairs down to the kitchen and pr
etend to be Britt. He won’t know the difference.”

  “Why do you always look out for her when she’s begging to get caught?”

  “If Britt gets busted, he’ll put us all on lockdown. You know that. Now give me a sec to become her.”

  Cyndi’s eyes drifted shut before snapping open again. She wore a haughty, almost hostile expression. “OMG! Don’t have a cow. I’ll be right back.”

  Kristen shivered with distaste, hating it when Cyndi played the part of her twin. The girl was way too good at it, making Kristen wonder if Cyndi had ever played the trick on her.

  Cyndi left, and Kristen stood up. She stretched with her arms overhead, back arched. A yawn closed her eyes and opened her mouth wide. It had been a long and exhausting day. She went to the bed and fell down on it, promising herself it would just be for a few minutes as her eyes drifted shut.

  Although she didn’t have much homework, it being the first day, she wanted to get a jump on reading some chapters from her new schoolbooks. It was her style to work ahead, and the teachers had come to expect it from her. But she was so tired. Her limbs grew heavy, and she began to float.

  ###

  Zach slammed the front door for the second time that day.

  He had dropped Kristen off five blocks from her house because she’d been afraid her father would catch them together. Sometimes his bad rep was a distinct disadvantage. Zach had wanted to make sure she was safe, so he’d looped around the block a few times. For some reason, the urge to protect Kristen was riding him hard. He couldn’t shake it.

  But there were bigger things to worry about now. When he’d seen Kristen fall off the cliff, it had scared ten years off his life. He had wanted to see her suffer, not die. Someone had intentionally tried to kill her today. He was sure of it. That hadn’t been an ordinary owl at the cliff. Someone wanted her dead, and he was afraid he already knew the identity of that ‘someone’.

  Moving quickly from room to room, he searched for his sister. He finally found her in the family room. Still dressed in pajamas, she was lying on the sofa with a hand on her stomach.

  When she saw him appear in the doorway, she looked pointedly to the grandfather clock across the room. “You’re late. You told me you would be here at three o’clock. I wrote it down in my notebook. We were going to have a snack together.”