Empowered Boundaries
Page 19
For the purpose of this exercise, a “resource” is defined as a skill, ability, object, relationship, and/or service that provides support for maintaining a sense of self and differentiation from others, regardless of what is occurring in the environment. According to Pat Ogden, founder of the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute, “When individuals are resourced, they are able to adjust and respond in a balanced and creative way to a wide variety of events and interactions, effectively sustaining autonomy in the face of stressful relational situations.”
Read through the list below of various types of resources, and then read through the reflection questions to help you explore your current and desired relationship to the different resources. The list below is not exhaustive, but rather intended to provide a place to start thinking about different ways we can identify, access, tend to, develop, or choose to use resources.
Types of Resources
Relational/interpersonal/social Examples: friends, family, coworkers, members of groups you are apart of, mentors, peers, teachers, supervisors
Somatic/physical Examples: mindfulness, curiosity and ability to notice what is happening in your body, any kind of movement, breathing, various forms of exercise, feeling your body’s response to pleasant and even neutral experiences (nice meal, cool breeze, bird sounds, etc.), moving meditation (could include very small movements of the body such as a slight lift of a finger or toe), martial arts, singing, dancing, touch, massage, body work
Spiritual/faith-based/religious Examples: church groups, fellowships, faith practices and rituals, spiritual beliefs and values, social networks grounded in faith or spiritual beliefs, choirs, nature oriented groups or activities
Emotional/feeling Examples: ability to identify and experience a range of different feelings, using emotions as an important source of information, wise mind (a balance or blend of both intellect and emotion)
Intellectual/mental/cognitive Examples: ability to reason, use logic, or intellectual skills to gather information or assess situations; problem-solving; observing facts; wise mind (a balance or blend of both intellect and emotion)
Artistic/creative/appreciative of the arts Examples: artwork; music; dance; theater; writing; performing; reading; enjoyment of all kinds of art; participating as an audience member, patron, or supporter; appreciation for the natural world and art in the environment; a sense of curiosity and wonder
Nature/outdoors/physical world Examples: playing in a park, hiking, lying in grass, staring at a flower, growing a garden, planting a seed, observing the seasons, watching clouds, staring out your window, going outside, being present to the out-of-doors, using the five senses to experience the world around you
Material/environmental Examples: shelter, food, having basic material needs met, work or employment needs are met, health care, access to essential social and/or community supports
Categories of Resources
Survival resources are resources that you use to cope or “get through” crisis situations. Examples: fight or flight, seeking medical help, heightened alertness
Creative resources are resources that improve and develop your integrative capacity, improve your quality of life, your internal experiences, and promote a sense of competency and connectedness with self and others. Examples: doing an activity you enjoy, letting yourself play, attending social, artistic, religious, spiritual community or other kinds of important events, prioritizing enjoyable hobbies
Existing resources are resources that are available and accessible in the present. Examples: breath, focus on a pleasing image or sound, boundary setting, ask for support, take a break, engage in self-care
Missing resources are resources that were never developed, are incomplete, have been interrupted or are currently inaccessible for some reason. Examples: an inability to set some forms of boundaries, unable to ask for wanted/needed support, unsure how to identify desired self-care strategies
Internal resources are resources that reside within you; the resources and the ability to use them are inside you. Examples: experience pleasant sensations such as contentment, self-reflection, or contemplation, self-directed compassion or validation, sense of hope, faith, values, spiritual connections
External resources refer to resources that reside outside of yourself. Examples: social supports, financial resources, access to events, groups, activities, pets
Reflection
Thinking about the different types of resources above, take a few minutes to list of all the various kinds of resources you have currently. Then take a few minutes to envision the kinds of resources you want to develop. You can also reflect on any resources you used to have and would like to reconnect with. This should be done with nonjudgmental curiosity. Our resources change, expand, and contract for a variety of reasons. You can also use the chart below to look at how you habitually use resources and identify any changes you want to make.
Activating Event Habitual Reaction
Resources used Potential resources
Resources you have used in the past
Resources you can/want to use in the future
Three steps to take to integrate that resource Identify any barriers to using the new resources and steps you can take to address the barriers.
Identify any ways that boundary setting or using boundary-setting skills can help you develop resources.
Below is a list of additional questions to reflect on/write about:
What survival resources do you currently use?
What survival resources would you like to develop?
What are three steps you can take to develop some additional survival resources?
What creative resources do you currently have available?
Are there any creative resources you would like to develop? How might you do this?
What existing resources do you have?
What resources are missing?
Have they been interrupted? If so, how?
Are certain resources no longer accessible for some reason? How might you reintegrate them?
Which internal resources do you already have? Which would you like to develop?
Which external resources do you have? Which would you like to develop?
These are a few exercises to help you explore different aspects of what has been covered in this book. Play around with them, try out different things; if you have an idea of what might work better with a particular exercise, try it out. These are not written in stone, and all of them have, and will continue to be, changed as instructors, facilitators, and participants tinker with them. The most important thing is not to get a specific set of answers from a particular exercise or that you do it “right.” The most important thing is that these exercises help you explore boundaries, self-care, and ways of envisioning the kinds of lives, relationships, systems, institutions, and communities you want to work toward.
About the Author
Photo credit: Jenny Jimenez
Cristien Storm is a mental health therapist, cofounder and former director of Home Alive, where she developed and facilitated self-defense and boundary-setting curriculums rooted in social justice and progressive liberation theory. Currently, she is a cofounder of If You Don’t They Will, a Seattle-based collaboration that provides concrete and creative strategies to counter white nationalism through a cultural lens. Storm also facilitates trainings and workshops on boundary setting, self-care, and resiliency theory and strategy.
For information or to schedule a reading or workshop:
cristien@cristienstorm.com
www.cristienstorm.com
empoweredboundaries.com.
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