Saving Savannah (Haven Book 3)

by Laylah Roberts

  “You guys?” She frowned slightly. “Why would you be at fault?”

  “I was supposed to be with you that day.” The darkness in his voice surprised her. She frowned, thinking back.

  “You were going to come with me. But something came up on the ranch. You had to stay.”

  She’d forgotten that. How had she forgotten that? But then, it seemed she’d forgotten a lot. Or suppressed it.

  “If I’d been with you then you wouldn’t have stopped. He wouldn’t have taken you.”

  Oh, no. No, no, no. Had he been living with this guilt, and she hadn’t noticed? How hadn’t she known? Regret coursed through her, and she had to wait for a moment before she could speak without crying.

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “No?” His face closed down, his shoulders hunching in. “How do you figure that?”

  “Because you had no idea what would happen. I’ve driven to Freestown probably a hundred times by myself, and nothing bad ever happened. You didn’t do this, Logan, he did.”

  “It’s my job to take care of you.”

  She shook her head with a small smile. “Logan, you can’t protect me from everything and everyone. If it’s not my fault then it’s not yours, either.”

  They stared at each other for a long moment. He drew her against his chest once more, and she sank into his embrace, drinking it up. “I like holding you like this. I’ve missed it.”

  “You have?” she asked breathlessly.

  “Of course, I have. Why would you ask me that?”

  She glanced down, twisting her fingers together.

  “Savannah, talk.” His voice was low and commanding and it sent chills of longing through her. She used to complain how bossy he was, but she’d actually missed the way he took command.

  She looked over at the door, the floor, staring at anything but him. “You haven’t touched me much lately. I thought maybe you didn’t want to.”

  The sound of a door banging made her jump, her heart race. Logan tightened his arms around her. “It’s just Max.”

  “Savannah? Logan?”

  “In here,” Logan barked back. She winced, covering her ears with her hands.

  “Sorry,” Logan said sheepishly.

  Max appeared in the doorway, and she gasped at the sight of him. His right eye was swollen, his jaw bruised. There were scratches on his arms, and his clothing was disheveled.

  “Max? Are you okay?”

  Max was harder to read than Logan. But he’d always opened up to her. Or she thought he had. Until she’d seen the unpaid bills in his desk drawers. She wondered if Logan knew about them or if Max had kept them from him as well since he did all the bookwork for the ranch.

  “What are the two of you doing?” Max snapped.

  She stiffened, pulling away from Logan. But the other man tightened his hold on her.

  “Stay there,” Logan barked. She stared up at him in surprise.

  Max frowned at Logan. “Don’t snap at her.”

  “I’m not. I’m giving her an order not to move away. Because I like touching her and I haven’t done it enough lately. Neither of us has.”

  Her breath caught as Max moved his dark gaze to her.

  “She needs us to show her we still love her.”

  Max’s eyes widened. “She knows we love her, don’t you, Savannah?”

  Did she? Yes, of course, she did. At least she thought she did.

  “Fuck,” Max muttered.

  Max and Logan shared a look she couldn’t decipher. Then Max nodded. “Colin was right. We need to be on the same page about this.”

  Logan nodded.

  “Colin?” she asked.

  “Colin and Trace were over earlier. They pointed out that we weren’t doing you any favors by allowing you to shut us out. It’s not something we would have allowed in the past, is it?” He raised an eyebrow, looking stern.

  She glanced away. “I kind of had the same thought. I’ve been trying to keep myself from feeling too much pain. If I didn’t feel anything then I couldn’t be scared or afraid.” She looked at them both. “But then I realized I was pushing you both away and that’s actually the last thing I want. Because I don’t know what I would do if I lost the two of you.”

  “You’re not losing us,” Logan growled.

  Max shook his head. “We’ve been letting you hold back from us because we thought you needed time. Because we were worried about scaring you. But I think you’ve had too much time. The fact that you think you might lose us tells me that.”

  Max moved forward, crouching in front of her. He reached out and took one of her hands in his. “You’re freezing.”

  “I’m okay.”

  “She doesn’t think we want to touch her,” Logan explained.

  “Logan,” she protested.

  “You’ve taken the first step, don’t wimp out on us now, darlin’,” he said quietly.

  A shiver of desire whispered across her skin. Her body was waking up. Maybe she wasn’t completely broken after all.

  “Savannah, you know we love you, don’t you?” Max asked.

  “You haven’t said it since,” she blurted out.

  He rocked backward, almost falling. “What?”

  “Since I was in the hospital. You both said you loved me when I woke up but you haven’t said it since.”

  “We have,” Logan said quietly.

  “No, you haven’t,” she cried.

  She would know if they’d said it. She’d been waiting to hear those words from them.

  “We say it every time you fall asleep,” Max told her. “Every time you’re caught in one of those nightmares, we tell you we love you. We tell you to come back to us.”

  She shuddered out a deep breath. “I don’t remember. I didn’t hear you.”

  “You thought we’d stopped loving you?” Max looked aghast. “Savannah, you are everything to us. You’re the reason we damn well get up in the morning. You’re what keeps us going. You’re our reason for breathing.”

  “Yeah. What he said,” Logan said gruffly.

  She gave a small laugh, although even to her ears it came out more like a sob.

  “You’ve been worrying we didn’t love you?” Max asked.

  She stared down at her clenched hands. “I hate this. I hate feeling like a victim, like I’m weak.”

  “You are not weak,” Logan growled at her.

  “You’re one of the strongest people I know,” Max added.

  “How do you figure that? I can’t even walk outside for God’s sake.”

  There was a moment of silence.

  She glanced up at them, but didn’t see surprise.

  “You knew?”

  “We suspected,” Max said. “What happens when you try to walk outside?”

  “I panic. I feel sick and dizzy. Out of control.”

  “When did you figure this out?” Max asked.

  “A few days ago. On your birthday.”

  “You should have told us,” Logan scolded.

  “I know,” she whispered. “But I…I thought if I just buried everything deep it would go away and we could go on as if everything was normal. But all I did was drive you both away.”

  “Nothing will drive us away from you,” Max told her.

  “You don’t sleep in the same bed with me. You’ve moved me into this bedroom. Is it because he touched me? Is that it?”

  “What the hell?” Logan stood and started pacing. “Fuck no, that has nothing to do with it.”

  The loss of him beside her was like a gaping hole inside her. Why had she started this? Why hadn’t she gone on with the pretense that everything was fine?

  “We thought we were doing the right thing,” Max told her, looking miserable. “We were so terrified when he took you. We had no idea where you were.”

  “Or if you were hurt,” Logan added darkly.

  “When you were in that hospital bed, you seemed so fragile. You are so precious to us, Savannah. We swore we would do whate

ver it took to protect you. We couldn’t stand the idea of us scaring you, of maybe hurting you.”

  They could never hurt her. She’d never thought that for a minute. But she knew how protective they were of her.

  Max turned to Logan. “You were right. We need help.”

  “Help? What do you mean?” She stared from one to the other.

  Max and Logan looked at each other. “Trace gave me the number of a therapist who might be able to help you. We think you should talk to her.”

  A therapist?

  “You think I need a therapist?” she asked.

  Of course, you do. You can’t even go outside.

  She stared down at her hands, which were gripped together so tightly her skin was white from the pressure.

  Two hands landed on hers. One was wider and had a deeper tan. The other was scratched and bruised with long, almost elegant fingers. They warmed her chilled skin, and she looked up at the two men she loved more than life. It might have been easier to live in the bubble she’d erected, but it wasn’t worth not feeling this. Not feeling them.

  “He’s gone, he’s locked away, he can’t hurt me, and yet every time I close my eyes, he’s there. He won’t leave me alone. He haunts me day and night. It was easier when I pushed everything deep down, keeping myself from feeling much of anything.”

  “But that’s not a healthy way to live,” Max told her. “Believe me, I know.”

  “Was it like this for you? When you were transitioning into civilian life?” She knew he’d struggled to adjust after he’d left the armed forces. That he’d suffered from PTSD. He’d warned her that first night they’d slept together that sometimes he had nightmares. Then he’d asked her if she’d rather he slept in a different bed and she could sleep with just Logan.

  She’d told him he wasn’t getting out of after-sex cuddles that easily. No cuddles. No sex.

  But beyond that, she didn’t know much about what he’d been through. He’d had a few nightmares over the time they’d been together. But he’d never become violent. Afterwards, he’d tried to retreat, but she’d clung to him like a leech and wouldn’t let go until he relaxed and laid back in the bed with them.

  “You know I have nightmares, but they’re nothing like what they were in the beginning. Sometimes I’d wake up, and my room would be trashed, and I wouldn’t have any memory of having done it. Or I’d wake up with Logan pinning me down, yelling at me that I was safe. That I was home.” Max rubbed his chest. “He weighs a freakin’ ton, too. For a while there I thought he was trying to suffocate me.”

  Logan glowered at him.

  “Sorry, man, but someone has to say it. I think it’s time for a diet.”

  Logan smacked his hand against Max’s stomach. “Speak for yourself. Going a bit soft around there, old man?”

  “I’m three minutes older than you, idiot.”

  She rolled her eyes at their antics. “But you got better over time. Without a counselor.”

  Max looked uncomfortable. “I saw a shrink for a while, but he was worse than no help at all. With a better psychiatrist, I’m sure my transition would have been easier.

  “We want to help you, Savannah.”

  “I don’t understand why I’m having problems when Laken is so together. She was held for days by that asshole and hurt far worse than I was. Maybe she’s just stronger.”

  Max crouched and cupped her face between his warm, wide hands. “Laken has had years to recover from what happened to her, and from what I’ve heard her recovery wasn’t quick or easy.”

  “And she saw a therapist,” Logan added.

  That’s right, she had. Maybe with some help, Savannah could get her shit together once more.

  Max ran a finger down her cheek. “We’re here for you to lean on, to support you, help you. We can get through this if you don’t shut us out.”

  “I just didn’t want to be a burden to you guys.”

  “A burden?” Logan snapped. “You’re our wife, you could never be a fucking burden.”

  “You’re not supposed to do this alone, Savannah,” Max added.

  “Do you think the counselor could help?” she asked.

  Max scowled. “We’ll find you a good one. I won’t have you going to anyone we haven’t completely vetted.”

  “Maybe I should try the one Laken went to. If she’ll do it via Skype.”

  “Good.” Logan stood, looking happier now that they had a plan of attack. “I’ll get in touch with Laken and get her number. We’ll get you an appointment tomorrow. Don’t worry, she’ll do Skype.”

  His voice promised there would be problems if she didn’t.

  “Um, Logan, I don’t think she’s going to be able to take me tomorrow,” she told him.

  “Why not?”

  “Well, because she has other clients and stuff. She can’t rearrange them just for me.”

  “Then we’ll take the next available appointment. I’m gonna call Laken now.” He walked out of the room.

  “He needs something to do. He feels helpless. So do I,” Max told her.

  “I didn’t mean to make you both worry so much. The truth is, I don’t know what to do either. I don’t like being like this. I want to be normal.”

  “Hey, just because you’re having problems doesn’t mean you’re not normal. Or maybe it does, but in that case, none of us is.”

  She gave him a tentative smile. “I guess.”

  “And Logan, well, we both know he’s never been normal.”

  “I heard that,” Logan yelled out.

  Her smile grew.

  Max cupped her cheeks. “There’s that smile I’ve missed. I’m going to make everything better, Savannah. You just concentrate on doing what the therapist wants and let us take care of everything else.”

  She thought of the bills she’d found, wanting to bring them up. But for the first time since she’d been kidnapped, they were actually talking to each other, and she didn’t want to ruin that.

  Still, she’d bring them up. Soon.

  Chapter Five

  She was going to do it. Anger filled her. She was sick of tiptoeing around this issue. Enough was enough. He was not going to control her life anymore.

  She stepped forward. Slow breath in. Then out. She could hear the therapist’s voice in her head. Molly was lovely. Sweet and calming and smart. But things were moving too slowly.

  She’d had three sessions with her via Skype. Surprisingly, Molly was able to fit her in right away. Her sessions were in the early evening so Savannah wasn’t certain if she’d actually had availability for a new client or she’d made room by extending her office hours. She’d asked Logan if he’d bullied Molly into taking her, but he’d just grunted in reply. She pretty much took that as a yes. But Molly didn’t act like she resented Savannah, and Savannah couldn’t imagine talking to anyone else about her issues.

  If only things were moving quicker. Maybe she’d been overly optimistic but she’d thought that by now she’d be able to open the front door without having a panic attack. But Molly had barely touched on her issues about going outside. They’d mainly spoken about what had happened and how it made her feel.

  Ick. She hated talking about how she felt as Stanton had touched her, terrorized her, and hurt her. She was with Logan on this. Talking about feelings sucked.

  She managed another step forward. Her hands were clenched into fists, and she could feel the sweat gathering on her forehead. Her body shook.

  Come on, Savi, you can do this.

  Suddenly, the door opened, and a man stood there. The bright sunshine highlighted his outline, but his face was in shadow.

  It was him.

  Savannah let out a startled scream and turned, ready to run. He was here. Oh God, he was here!

  “Savannah! Savi, it’s me!”

  The voice barely penetrated her panic, and when she felt him touch her arm, she turned, slamming her palm into his chest, pushing at him, her breath sawing in and out of her lungs.

 ; “No! No!”

  “Savi, it’s me! It’s Max! Savannah!”

  Abruptly, he let her go, and she fell backwards, landing on her ass with a thump of pain. She scooted back.

  “Don’t hurt me! Don’t hurt me!”

  “I’d never hurt you, love. Not for anything.”

  Max stared down at his wife, helplessness and fear coursing through him. Even though he knew she wasn’t really seeing him, he felt ill at the idea of her being afraid of him.

  He crouched and started talking in a low, crooning voice. “Savannah, love, it’s me, Max. I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe. You’re at home on the ranch. I just came inside to check on you. I’ve been outside, seeing to the horses. I thought that later on, we might snuggle up on the couch and watch one of those romantic comedies that make Logan want to throw up. What do you think? Think we can find a really sappy one that makes him look like he’s constipated?”

  He was rambling, trying to think of something to say that might snap her out of her fear.

  So you brought up constipation? Good one, man.

  Savannah raised her face, blinking as she stared at him. Her face was still too pale, and a small tremor shook her body, but he knew the moment she actually saw him. Her eyes widened, and her hold on her bent legs loosened. “Max?”

  “Yes, baby. It’s me.” He didn’t reach out to touch her, scared she might try and fight him again. Not that he was afraid she’d hurt him, but he didn’t want her getting harmed in the process. “It’s me. I frightened you when I came through the door,” he reminded her in case she didn’t remember why they were sitting there on the floor. That used to happen to him. Something would trigger an old memory, and he’d come to on the floor, uncertain how he’d gotten there or what he’d done in the moments he’d been out.

  Thankfully, that hadn’t happened in two years now. The last episode had been before he’d met Savannah.

  “Yes. God, I completely freaked out. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

  “No, baby. Of course, you didn’t.” He stood and stretched, feeling his tired, aching muscles complain. He held his hand out to her, just waiting, not trying to push. After a few seconds of hesitation, she reached up and slipped her hand into his.

  Her hand was cold and a little clammy. He pulled her up, holding her steady as she swayed a little. He drew her close against him and just held her. She shuddered then pulled back to look up at him.

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