The following morning, just as the sun was rising, there was a loud knock on my apartment door. I scrambled out of bed, slipping into my dressing gown as I hurried to open the door. I expected Lore, or possibly M’Tek, but certainly not Lia. She was dressed for riding, and standing quite boldly in my doorway.
“Lia, it’s hardly daybreak,” I protested before she slipped past me into my sitting room.
“I know the time of day,” she replied casually. “Mata told me you have a really nice gelding,” she continued. “I thought we might go for a ride together.”
“I just fell asleep maybe half an hour ago,” I replied. “The last thing I want to do just now is ride.”
“I could be persuaded to spend the morning in a different activity,” Lia offered, raising a golden eyebrow. My pulse picked up slightly as I imagined other activities I’d like to engage in with the beautiful woman in front of me. I mentally cursed my reanimated libido, deciding I needed to have sex soon, or risk disaster with Lia.
“Wait here. I’ll need a minute dressing,” I replied as alarm bells went off in my head.
Riding with Lia would offer the opportunity to explain how inappropriate her flirtation with me, and my obvious attraction to her, was. I dressed quickly, carelessly tying my hair behind me as we made our way out to the stables. She’d already had our horses tacked. Apparently, she’d been pretty confident I’d agree to accompany her.
She was in the saddle of her beautiful bay mare in a second, and took off from the stable at a run, jumping the paddock fence. I followed on Khol, easily matching her bay mare for speed and agility. We tore across the open field running toward the headlands, and then she turned. I followed as we made our way through a cross-country course I’d never seen before. Our final jump took us up an embankment and then over a low place in the palace wall.
Lia slowed her mare and glanced over at me, a smile forming on her lips. I drew up alongside of her and matched her pace as we walked our sweaty horses to cool them.
“He really is nice,” Lia observed. “I think Mata’s a little jealous. She said he reminded her of a horse she had when I was little,” Lia said.
“Twyneth?” I asked, looking down at Khol’s dark neck.
“That’s the one,” Lia said. “He was stolen during the Baneland War.”
“Your mare’s beautiful,” I said.
“Thank you,” Lia replied. “Her name is Fiora,” she added. “She’s my first horse. I always had ponies before. Mamma gave her to me when I turned fourteen, as a sort of coming of age gift.”
“Do you hunt?” I asked, trying not to think about Lore or M’Tek, or how recently Lia had been young enough to ride a pony.
“No. I rode with the hunt a few times, but I don’t like the killing. It’s a brutal sport,” she added. “If it were just a ride through the wilderness, I’d enjoy it.”
“I agree,” I replied, remembering the many wolf hunts I was required to participate in as the young heiress to the Fae throne, living in Lareem Palace. “I hated it. Why do we need to kill wolves? I know they eat farm stock, but the losses aren’t great enough to justify the violence.”
“Well, Ania loves to hunt,” Lia added.
“I met Fen’Tun last night,” I said.
“Lucky you,” Lia replied, rolling her eyes. “I can’t imagine why my sister wants him. He has no sense of humor, and I’ve never seen him relaxed. I think he’s a climber. Have you noticed the way he fawns over Mata and Mamma?”
“He seems like a pleasant enough young man,” I observed.
“Then he was probably fawning all over you, too,” Lia said with an obvious note of contempt in her voice. “He loves to hunt,” she said, raising an eyebrow at me. “He even has his kills mounted on the wall. It’s truly gruesome.”
That did sound gruesome. I wasn’t certain how to respond after such an ugly image, and so we fell silent as we rode. I wanted to bring up the incident from the evening before. I needed to explain that I had been disoriented by my return to Lareem after so many years, and as a result, had consumed too much torppa. It had to be made clear, somehow, that such behavior could never happen again. Before I could form the words to point it out, Lia’s mind had taken flight.
“Mamma’s thrilled you’re here,” Lia said, breaking that silence before I could take control of the conversation. “It’s been so long since we saw you, I didn’t think I’d recognize you,” she observed.
“You’ve changed a great deal more than I have,” I replied.
“Maybe,” she said. “But you were a lot older back then.”
“Was I?” I asked, grinning at her, and enjoying the ridiculous logic of her statement.
“Definitely. And you were bigger too. Far larger than I was, and always telling me what to do, and making me wash my hands,” she said, grinning as she teased me. “You scolded me far more than you did Ania. My sister was clearly your favorite. And I remember the way you always watched Mamma when she was near, as if she was the only person you really saw.”
“Lia, sweetie, you know there’s a difficult history there,” I reminded her. “Do we really need to discuss it?” I asked.
“Are you still in love with Mamma?” she asked bluntly, her smile fading. “Because you need to tell me if you are. It’s only fair.”
“Fair how?” I asked. Lia’s gaze sharpened and I gave in, not wanting to antagonize her. “Until a few years ago, I believed I was,” I admitted, realizing what I said was true. “What I feel for Lore now is only a shadow of that, or a faint memory. I haven’t been in love with her for a decade. It took coming back here to realize it, though.”
“Why?” Lia asked, her forehead creasing slightly as if she were trying to work through a difficult riddle. “Did she do something to upset you? Is that why you stopped loving her?” she asked.
“It’s not that simple.” I shook my head. “Lore never wanted me in that way. My feelings faded, or starved more like,” I explained. “And I do still love her, of course, but only as a friend.”
We’d made our way by a meandering route to the Lareem Village Square, the clopping sounds of our horses’ hooves announcing us to the villagers on foot around us, so they could move out of our way. Lia dismounted and led Fiora to the fountain. I smiled, remembering how Lore had accidently lauded the water in that fountain when she was out on a ride, unintentionally bringing about the reformation of the New Temple of Fae. I watched as Fiora dipped her dark velvety muzzle in the water. I then encouraged Khol forward to have a drink.
“Do you think Mamma is Deus?” Lia asked, as if she’d read my mind.
“I don’t know what Lore is,” I replied truthfully. “She’s done things I could never explain, but she claims she was born a typical Noge girl.”
“She won’t discuss any of that with me anymore,” Lia said. “It makes her uncomfortable whenever I ask about how she saved Mata, or how she made Ania and me, or even how she made you like us.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” I replied.
“She did all of those things, though, so I think she probably is Deus. I think maybe we’re all goddesses, because everyone else will grow old and die, while we won’t,” Lia said. “What do you think?”
“I certainly don’t feel like a goddess,” I replied, laughing.
“I’m glad she made you one of us,” Lia said in a pensive tone. “She said you didn’t want her to change you.”
“That’s true,” I acknowledged with a nod.
“Why not?” Lia asked, her gaze focused on me as if what I was about to say meant everything.
“You just spoke my reason. Everyone else will grow old and die, and we won’t,” I explained. “We’re the only ones who’ll live on. That’s a lonely thought.” Lia nodded. “I’ve lived more than forty years,” I offered, taking the opportunity to emphasize the great difference in our ages. “And if I’d been healthy, I might have lived another hundred. That should have been enough time. It’s grim looking at a newborn baby and know
ing, I’ll see that child grow elderly and frail, but I’ll still be exactly as I am.”
“It is bizarre, certainly,” Lia agreed. “I never thought about it that way. Would you really have rather died, though?”
“What I wanted never mattered,” I replied with a grin. “By the will of the Noge Queen, I’ll live on, likely forever.”
“But she said you were dying when she did it, that you would have been dead in a matter of seconds,” Lia replied.
“And the strange thing is, I feel like that person I was did die,” I replied. “When I woke to this second life, and I realized what Lore had done to me, a peculiar sort of acceptance settled on me. I decided that since this new life was to be lived, with or without my consent, the only power I had was to live differently this time.”
“Differently in what way?” she asked, her pale eyes holding mine.
“I’m not certain I can explain it, other than to say, I’ve let the past go,” I said. “Life is too beautiful not to enjoy.”
Lia’s brow furrowed as she thought about what I’d said. I knew she wanted to ask another question about it. Instead, the look of concentration slipped from her beautiful face and she smiled at me.
“We should get back,” Lia said, while climbing up on Fiora. “They’ll be wondering where we are,” she added.
“Lia, what happened between us last night,” I started, but then stopped as her cheeks flushed and her gaze shifted from my face to the ground.
“I’m sorry about that, Pet. I had too much torppa is all,” she said, patting Fiora’s neck and avoiding looking in my direction. “And you feel strange about it, I know. That’s why I wanted to ride with you this morning. I thought if we talked about other things, and you relaxed around me again, it would be all right,” she observed, looking at me with the purest expression of vulnerability in her gaze. I had an impulse to touch her, to caress her cheek and press my lips to her forehead. “I shouldn’t have been so insistent with you. I don’t want you to feel weird around me.”
“I don’t feel weird around you, sweetie. Though I probably should,” I said, smiling at her, wanting to reassure this sensitive young woman, and thinking she understood my intentions. “I’ve enjoyed riding with you.”
-CH 2-
Lia sought me out constantly over the following six weeks. We rode together daily, and danced together at the balls, all the while remaining safely within the realm of propriety. It was as if that bewildering kiss had never happened. She was sweet, and always presenting the most singular questions, making me reconsider things I had previously taken for granted.
I was out walking along the cliffs one afternoon, when I felt a gentle arm snake across my back. I smiled and turned my head, expecting Lia beside me, only to find Lore was my companion. Affectionately, she reached over and tucked my hair away from my face. In that instant I knew, I would have preferred Lia’s gentle fingers skimming my ear. The realization hit me in the gut, and I had to concentrate to behave normally with Lore.
“I thought I’d find you out here,” Lore said softly.
“I’m a creature of habit,” I admitted. “I always grow restless in the afternoons. My walks settle me.”
“It’s been wonderful having you home again, Pet,” Lore said, dropping her head against my shoulder.
“Yes,” I replied. “Well, I’ve enjoyed being here with all of you.”
“Then move back to Lareem,” she suggested, raising her head as she appraised me. “The reason you left, it’s in the past now, isn’t it?” she asked, unwilling to actually voice the fact that I’d been desperately in love with her for years.
“Are you asking if I’m still in love with you?” I replied, causing Lore to halt beside me. Apparently I’d shocked her. I stopped and turned to face her. “Relax, Lore. I’m not. I haven’t felt that way about you for several years now.”
“Well, that was blunt,” she observed with a shocked little chuckle. “Usually you’re more subtle, my friend.”
“I have found that there are fewer misunderstandings when I make myself clear,” I replied.
“You’re right, I suppose,” was Lore’s reply.
“Of course I’m right,” I agreed.
“Will you finally come home to us then?” she asked. I’d known she felt guilty for some time, but in that moment, I could see the remorse in her eyes. She wanted me to forgive her, but of course, I had forgiven her years ago.
“Lore, you don’t need to worry about what happened between us. I don’t blame you,” I said gently. “I won’t deny that I was hurt, but it wasn’t your fault,” I explained. “You love M’Tek. You’ve always loved her. Anyone who sees the two of you together knows that. Of course you chose her,” I observed. “Even if she had actually died, you never would have loved me in that way. I was a fool to think it possible.”
“Don’t say that, Pet,” she argued. “It’s simply not true.”
“What? That I was a fool?” I asked, smiling. “You know I was, Lore.”
“Well, I disagree,” she replied sharply. “And I want you to move back home. Now. This nonsense has gone on long enough. You belong here, with us.”
“No, Lore. Saranedam Palace is where I belong,” I replied. “My work is there, and I have friends. I’m not lonely if that’s what concerns you.”
“You’re one of us, part of this family, and not only a Tannuk, but Lemu. You should be with your family,” she argued.
“My family? Really? Ania is a mystery to me. My relationship with M’Tek is strained at best, and you and I will never be as we were,” I said gently. “We’re hardly more than strangers at this point.”
“And Lia?” she asked. “I’ve noticed you’ve been spending time with her.”
“Lia’s a remarkable young woman,” I admitted, turning to glance out at the sea so Lore couldn’t read the sentiment in my eyes. “I’m entirely too taken with her I’m afraid.”
“And she’s taken with you. I can tell. Move back for her,” Lore said. My head turned back too quickly, as I scanned her face. I couldn’t imagine that she would condone my attraction to her daughter. “In time you’ll be just as close with her Ania.” Lore obviously hadn’t understood me, I realized. “She idolized you when she was a child. And you and I may not be as we were yet, but I do love you, Pet, and so does M’Tek. We want you here, with us. Don’t make me command it,” she added with a teasing smile.
“I can’t give you what you want, Lore,” I said calmly. “That’s not exactly true. Maybe I could do as you ask, but I won’t. Send me from Saranedam Palace any time you wish, but I’ll not return here, even if you command it,” I replied.
“But we’ve missed you,” she said. “The girls could benefit so much from having you near.”
“Your girls are women now. The time for me to influence them is long past. At this point, I think for everyone’s sake, it’s best we remain apart,” I said. “I appreciate the sentiment, but no.”
“Why do you have to be so obstinate?” she snapped. I smiled at her, realizing Lore was accustomed to having her way, especially with me. “Deus! What’s so funny?” she asked, clearly irritated.
“You are, my old friend,” I explained. “You don’t like hearing the word no and I just said it more than once.”
“Do you enjoy infuriating me?” she asked softly, forcing a smile.
“Take my words any way you choose. However, I’m never returning to Lareem Palace to live,” I said. “It would be the greatest mistake I could possibly make. There are hazards for me here that you don’t see, and I’m not the fool I once was.”
“I miss that fool,” Lore said, smiling with more sincerity.
“Well, I don’t. She caused me a great deal of pain,” I replied, still laughing. “Listen, I promised Lia I’d ride with her this afternoon, so I should head back,” I said, trying to soften my rejection of her offer. “Would you like to walk back with me?” I asked. Lore shook her head.
“I think I’ll stay out here on
the headlands a bit longer,” she replied.
I could tell Lore was slightly aggravated with me, but for the first time in all of my experiences with her, I didn’t care. Lia was waiting for me when I returned. She was relaxing on the sofa in my sitting room, reading through the book Torppa of Northern Baneland. She raised her gaze to meet mine as I walked in.
“Did you know you’re mentioned in this book about a thousand times?” Lia asked, her beautiful grey eyes dancing with amusement. “It should be titled Her Grace The Grand Duchess of Tannuk and her Immense Torppa Empire,” she observed, grinning.
“It’s not surprising I’m mentioned. I own most of the northern Baneland torppa vineyards,” I replied as I came to sit beside her.
“So, you’re not only the Prime of Nogeland, the third most powerful woman in all of the twin sovereignties. You’re also a torppa vintner?” she asked, teasing me for my industrious ways. “Is that really a proper occupation for a grand duchess?”
“I’m not ashamed to admit it. I make investments from time to time,” I replied, unwilling to agree to her description of me. “That area of Baneland was particularly devastated after the war,” I added. “The land had almost no value, and the people needed work. Now the area is rich and the people happy. It has worked out well for everyone involved.”
“So you invested for humanitarian reasons, in order to help Vilkerlings?” she asked, her gaze becoming more intense. “Those people are savages,” she observed. “They tried to kill us.”
“No, Lia, the people living and working on my land are simply peasants who were starving to death after surviving a brutal war that had nothing to do with them,” I replied. “Those people never committed treason. Roughly twenty percent of the Vilken nobility actually supported the witch against your mother. They accounted for less than one percent of the entire population. Lore was understandably upset when we thought M’Tek dead, but her wrath was misdirected and out of proportion,” I said very quietly, realizing that particular statement might earn a person a dank cell under Lareem Palace. Lia’s eyes were hard for only a moment as she thought about my words.
A Fortunate Woman Page 3