“Yes, that was awkward,” I agreed. “I wanted a glass of torppa to settle my nerves, and was thinking of little else,” I admitted. Lia stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me again.
“Or, maybe, Her Grace The Grand Duchess of Tannuk is accustomed to people getting out of her way,” Lia teased, tightening her hold of me. “You’re comfortable with being in control, but you can’t control me,” she whispered. “A princess outranks a grand duchess.”
“Lia, please,” I whispered, refraining from pointing out that as the Prime of Nogeland I clearly outranked her. “I’ve no desire to control you.”
“You can’t deny me what I want either,” she said.
“I’ll never deny you anything that is within my power to give,” I promised, effectively yielding to her in that moment, skirting the edge of conflict.
“But all I want is you, Pet. Will you give yourself to me, completely?” she asked.
“Lia, what are you asking of me?” I whispered.
“In that first instant, when I very nearly knocked you over, I was struck with this powerful need to have you. I’d like to say it was your eyes, that brilliant golden color, with the vivid flecks of green. Of course, I only noticed the green later when I coerced you into dancing with me,” she observed, smiling. “Likely it was the fullness of your lips, or the surprising softness of your touch when steadying me. Maybe it was the way you looked at me, the way you still look at me, with that startled sort of longing. You make me forget to breathe sometimes,” Lia confessed. “When we danced, you moved with me so faithfully. I wanted to melt into your body and be held by you forever. I knew you were made for me, or possibly I was made for you,” Lia laughed, and leaned forward to capture my lips in the sweetest kiss. “None of it really matters though. I love you beyond all reason, and you love me almost as much, I think. Soon you’ll stop worrying over all those complications you fear, and realize, my mothers have no say in how we feel.”
“Of course they have a say. They’ll never give consent for our joining,” I told her, interrupting her beautiful vision. “The time will come when either we’ll lose each other, or we’ll be forced to defy them. It will be sooner than you anticipate, Lia,” I said gently.
“Stop worrying,” she admonished, laughing again as she leaned forward to bump my nose lightly with hers. “I don’t need to join with you to adore you. We’ll simply remain as we are. No one will trouble us as long as we’re out of sight. Haven’t you realized that they can’t see us?”
“You think she’ll let you stay with me?” I asked, shaking my head. “If you don’t join with me, you’ll have to choose someone else,” I observed, stating the obvious. “Lore wants you settled. You won’t be without crown-approved suitors for long. As soon as your mother accepts those many petitions already flooding Lareem Palace, you’ll have countless young Noge nobles vying for your attention.”
“Why should that matter to us?” she asked.
“It matters, Lia,” I whispered.
“Do you think I could ever want anyone else after being with you?” she asked, drawing back to see my face more clearly. I diverted my gaze, not wanting to give voice to my fears. “Have more faith in me, Pet.”
Her arms dropped from around me, and she collected the book from my hand before turning and heading toward the doorway. I watched her, feeling uncertain of whether she was aggravated with me.
“Lia, darling,” I called. “Where are you going?”
“I’ll just reshelf this book before I change into my breeches,” she said, smiling at me. “You do still want to ride, don’t you?”
“I want what you want,” I whispered, after she had left the room.
-CH 5-
Our tour of Nogeland started a few weeks later. I had carefully confirmed our schedule with each family we would visit along our trajectory. We would cover the east first, and finish with the west, before heading down through my Noge holdings, and into Baneland. My vanity dictated that I show off a little, in an attempt to impress Lia. Since I was by that point the largest single landholder in the twin sovereignties, I was hoping to awe Lia with my immense power, and more specifically, with my hundreds of thousands of acres of torppine vineyards across southwestern Nogeland and the entire north of Baneland.
Throughout our tour, Lia was feted constantly. At every estate the head of the house would take her aside, sometimes with me, occasionally without, and discuss with Lia the most critical issues of his or her region. In this way, Lia slowly began to understand my work for what it was, a balancing act. I was managing the demands of many powerful people, when quite often their interests were in direct conflict. The Noge were at their most obliging while schooling Lia, and she absorbed the lessons they taught her with perfect grace.
I hadn’t realized exactly how much she had learned until we discussed the still palpable sense of resentment the westerners felt toward the eastern Noge over what the west still deemed a civil war. Even though it occurred almost a quarter of a millennium earlier, they felt they had been abandoned by their eastern brethren, and left to the mercy of those savage Vilken hordes.
When I advised her not to worry over such ancient grievances, she went into extreme detail about why those grievances could cause another war. She elaborated on how northern Baneland, being a newly wealthy region filled with a mixture of disenfranchised Vilken peasants and former nobles, while mostly owned by Fae and Noge magnates living elsewhere, was likely to be the staging ground for that war.
We happened to be in bed together when this discussion occurred. I leaned back into the pillows, recognizing that Lia needed little coaching from me. She would clearly be an effective sovereign if given the chance. She must have read something in my expression, because the next words she spoke had nothing to do with politics.
“I’m sorry, Pet. I didn’t mean to be arrogant,” she said. “I shouldn’t have contradicted you.”
“What?” I asked, not understanding why she looked so contrite. “You weren’t arrogant, Lia. You were correct,” I replied.
“You’ve been governing these people for most of my life,” she said. “While I only just met them.”
“And yet you completely grasp the tenuous balance I’ve been nurturing. You’ll be a great ruler someday,” I assured her. “You were born for this role.”
“You really believe my mother would ever trust me with anything?” she asked, over a cynical laugh. “I’ll never be anything but an idle princess. Ania gets to control the parties at least. I control nothing. That’s likely how it will remain.”
“Lore wants you to have Nogeland,” I said. “She asked me to help prepare you.”
“And you’ve seen my mother give power away when?” Lia asked, raising an eyebrow for emphasis. “You’ll have to tell me about that. Mata doesn’t care about power because she’s so accustomed to it she takes it for granted. Mamma is consumed by it. She remembers being that penniless child who had to hide her gender and color her hair. She’d destroy Nogeland, the way she did Vilkerland, before she’d relinquish it.”
“Lore told me once that she would give up her throne in a second for a long quiet life with M’Tek,” I replied. “Maybe that’s what she wants now, peace and quiet with M’Tek.”
“You of all people should realize, Mamma values power above all else. She had you at her beckon call for years,” Lia said. “Your greatest appeal for her was your utter devotion.”
“And yet she handed me Nogeland to rule,” I replied.
“Because she considers you an extension of herself,” Lia argued. “You were her second mate, her unacknowledged consort. For all these years, you’ve carefully seen to her interests, selflessly shielding her from her duties, while allowing her to keep that colossal power.”
“I doubt she would find in me utter devotion at the moment, as I’m in bed with her daughter. But that’s beside the point. We weren’t discussing me, but rather your mother,” I pointed out, trying not to feel defensive over Lia’s words
. “In that vein, Lore saved M’Tek’s life twice. Both times she undercut her own power.”
“I guess Mamma wants Mata and power above all else,” Lia said, smiling at me as if she’d won her point. “Of course, she rules Mata as easily as she once ruled you,” Lia added.
“You’re wrong, Lia. No one rules M’Tek,” I replied evenly.
“Mata always gives in to Mamma,” Lia argued. “I never remember seeing Mata stand up to her. Not once.”
“M’Tek’s power is absolute, but she lives to see Lore happy. She indulges her. That doesn’t mean M’Tek has less power,” I argued.
“Mamma is the unquestioned Queen of all of Pangia. We should rightly call her an Empress,” Lia argued. “Mata shares the Fae and Noge thrones with Mamma, but has no say in the Baneland Territory.”
“Lore has more territory, but M’Tek is more powerful,” I replied. “You have to see this Lia, or you’ll never understand the dynamic of shared power. When it comes down to it, M’Tek is the one who will decide whether to kill or spare you if you cross them. M’Tek is dominant.”
“I’ve never seen it that way before,” Lia said.
“I’ve been watching them since the beginning,” I replied.
“So it’s Mata I need to work on,” Lia observed.
“It would be an indirect route. Even though she has been crowned in Nogeland, her actual power there is still tenuous. Only Lore can give you Nogeland,” I said. “M’Tek could likely persuade Lore to do it, but I’d work on Lore if I were you.”
Lia eased closer to me and lifted my arm around her shoulders. I sought her mouth for a gentle kiss and she sighed. Contentment was something to which I’d been unaccustomed before Lia. Her hand reached under the covers and pressed between my thighs. Contentment vanished as lust awoke, and I kissed her hungrily.
“I wasn’t talking about Nogeland, Pet. I don’t care about ruling anything,” Lia whispered against my lips, as her fingers caressed me. “I want you. I have to convince Mata to let us join,” she said, taking her hand away before reaching to draw the covers back.
“I thought you didn’t care about joining with me,” I said as she shifted over me, straddling my hips.
“But you want it,” she said, her lips moving across my throat as my neck arched back. “I want what you want, Pet. I live to make you happy,” she said, repeating my own words, and clearly teasing me.
“I am happy,” I promised as she pressed herself against me. “Inconceivably so.”
When we traveled south into Baneland, at the end of the summer, we crossed the same country through which Lore had escaped with Lia and Ania after the witch’s attack on Vilkerdam Palace. Occasionally, Lia’s eyes would settle on a landmark, and a haunted sort of expression would reshape her features. In those flashes I knew, she was reliving the terror of her dark days, starving and freezing in the elements, after her entire world suddenly crumbled under her young feet. During one of those moments, she glanced over to catch me watching her.
“I believe that’s the field where Mamma found Abri,” she explained. “The ruined old fence is gone, but I remember that barn, and hiding in that ditch over there,” she said, pointing to a depression along the edge of the field.
I planned to ride past the ruins of Vilkerdam Palace without stopping, but when the wall came within sight Lia pushed Khol into a canter and rode for the front entrance. The metal gate was long gone, likely scavenged by a smithy after the war, and the ancient stones of the wall were crumbling and collapsing in places. Lia passed through the entryway and approached the footprint of the ruined palace. When I rode up beside her, her eyes were focused on the prospect.
“I remember this place well,” she said. “The stable was over there,” she pointed out, correctly. “My room was in the west corner, facing the woods and the distant mountains.”
“It was a beautiful palace, not as showy as Lareem, or even as imposing as Saranedam, but truly elegant in its own way. It was built by the Noge more than a thousand years ago,” I replied. “I lived several years of my life here.”
“Why did Mamma destroy it?” Lia asked.
“Your grandmother, the Vilken Queen Marania, the one Ania was named for, was violently murdered here, within earshot of Lore, when Lore was very small,” I said.
“I never knew that,” Lia replied.
“Then, years later, nearly the exact same thing happened again, in the same place. For almost two years Lore believed M’Tek was dead,” I observed. “She decided the palace was cursed.”
“But that’s ridiculous,” Lia said. “These grounds are beautiful. Look. The maze is still growing, and the garden is overflowing with flowers, even though they’ve been untended for almost two decades. This place isn’t cursed. It’s lauded.”
“Would you like to ride through the woods?” I asked, and Lia nodded, moving Khol off in the direction of the trails. “Wait for us here,” I told our guards, as I took off after Lia.
Once in the woods she disappeared. I rode deeper in, noticing the enormity of the redwood trees, and the overgrowth across the trails. Little light penetrated the canopy above. A large stag, crowned with an enormous rack of antlers, jumped across the trail just in front of me, spooking Fiora. I patted the mare on the neck, speaking softly to her as I searched the woods for Lia.
“Pet!” she called from somewhere distant and to my right. I scanned the area until I saw Lia waiting for me, off to the side of the trail ahead. By the time I reached her she was on foot, leading Khol down a completely overgrown path. “This is where we came out of the tunnel,” she said, indicating an old well that had been capped off.
“You slept in the woods that first night,” I said, remembering the story from the countless times Lore told it when rallying her armies against the unfortunate Vilkerlings.
“Mata was supposed to find us, and bring the horses, but of course she didn’t,” Lia said. “Mamma was extremely brave. I was frightened, and Ania was completely catatonic with terror, but Mamma was calm, as if she were certain everything would work out. Somehow she kept us warm and fed, though we had brought no food or water with us. When she told us we were safe, I knew she was telling the truth. She would never have let anything happen to us.”
“Lore was extremely brave,” I agreed, wondering if I would have fared half so well under the circumstances.
“But she must have been terrified,” Lia said. “And devastated. Mata was missing, possibly dead. I’ve always known she loves Mata more than the rest of us combined. Yet she couldn’t go back for her because she had these two defenseless little girls to protect, one of whom was so frightened she couldn’t even speak.” Lia’s grey eyes focused on me. “That’s why she destroyed the palace. That was probably the only time in her life she was ever truly terrified.”
“You might be right,” I said, smiling at Lia, and her attempt to understand a mother who was unfathomable to her.
Lia climbed back up on Khol and started down a trail. I followed her until she pulled up in front of an old fallen in cottage, glancing back at me. “This is where we slept that night,” Lia said, pointing to the hovel. “There were animals, ground squirrels and birds probably, making noise, and burrowing around us all night.”
Lia led me farther into the woods, until we reached a beautiful, crystal clear, pool. There were granite rocks protruding from the water in the middle, and a few high flat rocks along the sides. Lia urged Khol closer and he lowered his dark velvety muzzle to snort at the water and paw it with his front hoof. I rode up next to her, offering Fiora a long rein.
“It’s a pity this land is abandoned,” Lia said. “It’s peaceful here.”
“Lore has always preferred Lareem Palace, even to Saranedam,” I observed. “She’s more Fae than I am at this point.”
“These woods have a soul,” Lia said, ignoring my observation about her mother. Surprised by the direction her mind had taken, I turned to look at Lia.
“What do you mean?” I asked, thinking her s
entiment almost Vilken in nature.
“Can’t you feel it, Pet?” she said, her tone reverent. “It’s so quiet in these trees, and they’re so old, thousands of years. And this spot in particular, there’s something mystical about it.”
“I don’t feel it,” I admitted. “To me it’s beautiful, but not magical in any way.”
Lia smiled at me, and started moving deeper into the dense woods. I followed her as she led me farther in. It was as if she had a map in her head of where she was going. She turned onto a trail so overgrown with vines I worried for the horses. She slowed, allowing Khol to cautiously pick his way through.
Finally, we came upon a herd of about forty deer, just barely visible in the distance, peacefully browsing from the thick brush. She stopped and gazed at me, waiting. I listened to distant movements of deer, tugging at the brush and vines with their teeth, and the faint calls of birds, the flapping of wings, and the chirping and humming of insects. Gradually, the dank stillness around me seeped into my skin. A strange sense of listlessness and inevitability crept through me as I absorbed the shadowy scene. Moss hung down from the trees, reaching to caress my shoulders. There was a complete absence of breeze. I took a deep breath, allowing the scent of soil, rich and fecund, to permeate my senses. In my next breath I noticed the sweet, sharp smell of redwoods, and the damp from a recent rain.
“You feel it now, don’t you?” she said in a whisper, and I nodded, understanding what this extraordinary young woman meant.
I felt communion with the soul of those woods. I accepted the ancient peaceful force thrumming through everything, even me. It was so powerful, this sense of connection, that I couldn’t find words to speak to her, to acknowledge it. We sat together like that for a while, even the horses keeping still, none of us wanting to lose the primordial sense of belonging we had found in that flawless moment.
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