The idea of residing in my own home, for the first time in my life, appealed to me. I’d inherited an estate in southern Faeland, Tannukyn Hall, but I’d never even laid eyes on the place. From a distance I managed the quarry that provided the estate’s income, and covered the taxes. The manor house had been shuttered since my father’s death, months before I was born. I’d only ever lived at Lareem, Saranedam, and Vilkerdam Palaces, and always as either a ward, or some sort of officer to the crown. The idea of autonomy was alluring.
Before Lia and I left for the Fae season, we approved magnificent sketches for what I hoped would be our new home. The work began before our departure. I spent the final two weeks transporting almost the entire remaining sum of my coinage to the heavy vaults still buried beneath the ruins at Vilkerdam, in preparation for the payments I would make there to the workers over the coming years.
Lia was quiet and withdrawn during our voyage back to Lareem Palace. As a result, I was anxious and overly solicitous of her. By that point the guards accompanying us knew without question what Lia was to me, but their deep-rooted sense of Noge decorum kept them from acknowledging the fact. At that time they were the guards of the Prime of Nogeland, not the Noge Queen. My secrets would be guarded more closely than their own.
Upon arrival, Lia left my side, hurrying to greet Lore, her sister, and M’Tek. They swept her up in unrestrained embraces, fussing over how changed she was to their eyes, leaving me standing alone, waiting, as the horses were collected behind me. Lore finally turned to me, forcing my gaze from Lia. I offered an informal bow, acknowledging the Noge Queen. Lore came down the stairs to me, wrapping me in a heartfelt embrace, clearly pleased to see me.
“Come inside, my dear Pet,” she commanded, drawing back to see my face. “And tell us about your tour of Nogeland, and what a great success Lia has been under your guidance,” she suggested, smiling warmly as she held me to her. “You wouldn’t believe the requests for courtship I’ve been receiving. Every noble family in Nogeland wants her. I haven’t answered a single one, waiting to hear your counsel. With so much interest, we may be having another joining next year. I can’t imagine what you’ve done to bring Lia out of her shell so completely. She’s truly stunning, so grown up, with an air of elegance akin to yours. Truly, I hardly recognize my own daughter.” Lore laughed, turning appreciative eyes to Lia, who was deep in conversation with her sister. “I owe you a great debt, my friend,” Lore added. “Because of your influence Lia will be even more sought after than Ania was.”
“If you don’t mind, Lore, I’d like to go to the sea,” I said evenly, forcing a smile and stepping away from Lore’s embrace. I refused to comment on Lia’s prospects of joining.
“How thoughtless of me. Of course you would,” she said, offering an indulgent smile. “What was I thinking? Go, Pet. We’ll discuss all of this when you return.”
She turned her back to me and hurried to her daughter. Already Lore was conniving to find out if Lia had any interests in the young Noge nobles she’d met. Fleeing their jovial reunion, I walked slowly toward the cliffs. I took my time, walking an indirect route that brought me to the cross-country jump course Lia took me through on our first ride together. I smiled as I remembered watching her fly over the fences on Fiora.
Finally, I made it to the edge of the cliffs, to my chosen precipice, the place where my mother had jumped to her death almost half a century earlier. The Luminous Gulf was breathtaking, as always, and I stood and stared at it for a long time before climbing over the edge to descend to the water.
As I stripped my dusty clothes away my mind drifted back to the previous year, to my return from self-imposed banishment. I was quite altered by the passage of that short amount of time. The silver had grown out of my copper hair, and I was both healthier and stronger. Lore no longer affected me at all, and my resentment toward M’Tek had long since faded into simple detachment.
I dove from the rocks and swam into the deep, aqua water, scanning the seabed for beautiful objects, as was my ritual, finally singling one out, and diving to retrieve it. It was an ivory colored sea biscuit, almost as large as my palm, and fragile to the point of being brittle. I held it, cautiously cupped in my hand, as I swam back to shore. I placed it on a rock beside an ammonite I’d retrieved many years earlier and thought of the sapphire locket I’d discovered the year before. I decided to have it restored by a jewel smith when I returned to Saranedam. As always, once I allowed the sun to slowly dry my skin, I dressed and headed back to the palace.
A long soak in the large copper tub in my bath chamber washed the salt from my skin. I dressed casually, preferring trousers and a tunic to a more appropriate dress. It was then that I decided to begin work on the decorations immediately. I made my way down to the ballroom, passing the enthusiastic conversation spilling out of the main palace keeping room. The royal family was in deep discussion with Fen’Tun’s family over the joining that would take place in a week’s time. I paused a step to listen for Lia’s voice, but she apparently had nothing to contribute. I walked on into the ballroom and began envisioning what I would do with the space.
A couple of hours later Lore appeared in the ballroom, surveying the work I’d already begun. She found me on a ladder, hanging vines of flowers from the chandeliers.
“You didn’t need to start work so soon, Pet. We haven’t even arranged helpers for you yet,” Lore called up to me, wearing an expression of concern on her face. “We were expecting you to join us for the midday meal. Have you eaten anything?”
“No, but I don’t mind,” I replied, tying the vine firmly. “I’m not hungry.”
“Come down here,” she called up to me. “I’d like to visit with you.”
From her tone, I knew it was not a request. Focusing to appear relaxed, I climbed down the ladder. Lore’s gaze traveled over me for a moment, a curious expression on her face.
“What can I do for you, my queen?” I asked, offering what I hoped was a neutral smile.
“You can start by refraining from calling me that, old friend,” she said distractedly, her gaze shifting from my eyes to my lips. “You’re changed,” Lore added. “I was distracted by Lia earlier, or I would have noticed before. Your hair, and your skin are…You’re absolutely glowing.”
“A swim in the Luminous Gulf always helps wash away the fatigue of travel,” I offered.
“Stop deflecting, Pet. I’m not flattering you, only stating the obvious. Your eyes are even different, brighter somehow. You’re truly exquisite,” she said, sounding more surprised than was polite. “And you smell like a lemon orchard in bloom. Your scent, it’s never been this compelling before.”
“Lore, please, just tell me what I can help you with,” I said abruptly, wanting to remind her that she had summoned me down from a ladder.
“Walk with me,” Lore said. “I need you to fill in some blanks for me with Lia.” I nodded, and fell into step alongside of her as she led me from the ballroom and out into the garden. “My daughter is hiding something. I can feel it,” Lore said once we were safely out of range of the palace. “Has she met someone?”
“Have you asked Lia?” I asked.
“What? Of course I’ve asked Lia, for all the good that does me. I’ve asked her at least ten times, phrasing it differently each time,” Lore said, sounding slightly irritated. “The girl won’t tell me anything.”
“Maybe you should respect her privacy,” I suggested.
“After what happened last year? Not likely,” she said in a sharp tone. “My only hope is to have her settled, and soon,” she added. “She’s not like Ania. Lia lacks that sense of worldliness Ania was born with. If everything goes according to plan, Lia will be a very powerful woman. I’ll not have her joined with someone who only wants her for that power.”
“Is that your only concern?” I asked.
“Of course. I want my daughter to be happy,” she declared. I knew Lore was deceiving herself. She wanted control of Lia, and her future, whatever she
might tell me.
“Then trust your daughter. She knows what she’s doing,” I said in an attempt to reassure her. “Despite how you see her, Lia is no ingénue. She’s actually quite pragmatic.”
“You admit there’s someone then? Has Lia developed an affection for a young Noge noble?” she asked, missing my point entirely.
“Lore, I know you believe I would do anything for you, but you’re wrong,” I said firmly. “You won’t learn her secrets from me. I will never betray Lia’s trust, to you, or to anyone.”
“What?” she asked laughing. “Pet, you can’t possibly mean that. Are you telling me you feel greater loyalty to my daughter than to me?”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you,” I said with more ire in my tone than was likely wise. “We can talk about anything, or anyone else, but not Lia.”
Just then I noticed Lia walking with her sister. She had been observing us, though she was likely too distant to overhear our conversation. Still, she knew we were arguing. I didn’t want to upset Lia, so I forced a smile, as I met her gaze, for only a second. When I turned back to Lore I realized she appeared more astonished than angry, and possibly speechless. I offered a neutral smile.
“Do you like the decorations so far?” I asked in a kinder tone.
“Pet, I don’t understand you right now,” Lore started, surprising me with the palpable vulnerability in her voice. “I’ve trusted you with my realm, and even with my daughter. There is no one I hold in higher esteem,” she observed. “I thought that distance between us was bridged, our estrangement ended. Tell me. What can I do to repair this? Are you still angry with me? Have I done something to cause this chill between us to return?”
“You’ve done nothing, Lore. I’m only tired,” I said gently, trying to placate her. “I have a great deal of work ahead of me this week, decorating the ballroom,” I pointed out. “I need to get back to it, if you want something truly remarkable. It will take every spare minute I have over the next several days.”
“Fine. Then go,” Lore snapped. “We’ll discuss this again after I’ve had time to consider what you’ve said,” she promised.
“I don’t doubt it,” I said under my breath. “I’ll resume my work for now.” I bowed to Lore, likely upsetting her further, and headed back into the palace.
Weary of the artifice, I failed to turn up for the late meal with ‘the family.’ I was hardly more a part of their family than any random Fae noble, and probably as closely related to M’Tek. I had realized at some point over the past fifteen or so years that calling me her cousin had been M’Tek’s way of keeping me loyal as she trained me to be the perfect assistant, just as manipulating my emotions had been Lore’s way of achieving the same end.
I ate as I worked, sampling a date or a bunch of cloudberries from time to time, and maintaining my focus on making Ania’s joining the most beautiful in recent memory. I’d covered the entire ceiling with a dense canopy of wisteria before finally heading up to bed.
To my dismay, Lia didn’t appear in my room at all that night. As a result I hardly slept. Instead, I spent the entire night wondering what kept her away, and if she’d been intercepted on her way to my apartment. By chance I learned from Lore, over breakfast, that Lia was keeping company with Ania on her last nights before the joining. Throughout that day I looked for her to appear, but Lia was scarce.
With only the task of decorating to occupy my mind, and keep my concern over Lia’s scarcity at bay, my plans for the ballroom became increasingly elaborate. I had the walls coated with temporary white chalk paint. I then spent hours drawing intricate scenes, on the walls. The scenes would depict the greatest love stories recorded in Fae mythology. On that first day each tableau I chose captured the moment before consummation, as the lovers were at the precipice of their legendary embrace. I thought it a fitting subject for a joining.
Lia was not in my bed the following few evenings either, and I saw little of her during the days, only glimpses of her passing through my peripheral. Rather than consider the implications of her inattention, I focused on the ballroom, in particular on a mural of Lore and M’Tek. Their story was rightly one of legend by that point, and I believe I did justice to the subject of the Noge Queen Loredana saving the Fae Queen M’Tek from death, twice. A kiss brought M’Tek back from the diminishing sickness, instantly turning her white hair black, as shown in the next tableau. In the series that depicted Lore finding M’Tek’s body locked in the coffer of the witch Sim’Nu, it was again a kiss from Lore that restored M’Tek’s corpse to life.
I was putting the finishing touches to the scene when I felt someone watching me. I turned around to find Lore studying the mural and wearing an expression of distress. Her eyes locked on mine. “That’s not historically accurate, Pet,” Lore observed. “I never saved her with a kiss, and it took more than a year before M’Tek’s hair was entirely black again.”
“I remember, Lore, but it’s a legend now,” I replied. “It’s not my intent to create a factual representation.” Lore glared at the tableaus as if angered by them.
“Is that really how they see me?” she finally asked of the ethereal queen, with flowing golden hair, and purity in her expressive blue eyes. “Is that how you see me, Pet?”
“At one time it was, but not now. Anyway, I’m depicting scenes of love and triumph,” I replied. “Again, it’s not really meant to be you, but the Noge Queen from the legend. I can remove it if you don’t like it,” I offered.
“No. Please don’t. It’s beautiful. You’ve outdone yourself with the ballroom,” she replied, shifting her gaze away as if unable to look at my depiction of her any longer. “We didn’t expect you to work like a servant, nonstop, for an entire week,” Lore added under her breath.
“I’ve never known what you wanted. I simply attempt to provide what you ask of me. I hope I haven’t done too much,” I said gazing around me at the opulence on display.
“Are you avoiding us?” Lore asked, rather than responding to what I’d said.
“I’ve been busy,” I replied, not really answering her question. In fact, as a result of Lia’s coldness toward me, I had been avoiding contact in general, while I tried to pull myself together.
“You haven’t shared a meal with us, or spent time with Ania or Lia. I’m not certain you’ve said two words to M’Tek,” she added. “And you’ve only spoken to me because I’ve forced you.”
“You asked me to decorate the hall. That’s why I’m here,” I said evenly. “I don’t know what else you want from me, Lore. Maybe if you inform me of what you require, I’ll be a more satisfactory servant,” I said sharply.
“I don’t require anything of you, Pet. I never have. I simply want what I’ve always wanted, to go for walks along the cliffs with you, to go for rides, and above all, to laugh with you. You’ve always made me laugh, but since you arrived, it’s as if we’re strangers,” she said, making no attempt to conceal the hurt from her voice.
“You should have let me die,” I replied. “I’m very different from the woman I was. You’ve noted the changes to my appearance, but I’m even more changed inside,” I observed. “My needs are different. I want more from this second life you’ve thrust upon me. For so long I lived to make you happy. I approached being your Prime in the same way. Loving your realm was my way of expressing love for you,” I added. “Our arrangement worked because I was in love with you, but I’m not anymore. I still care for you, of course, but not in that self-abnegating way. You should choose another Prime of Nogeland,” I added. “Allow me to step aside. Maybe offer the role to Lia.”
“Don’t you realize it’s too late for that? The title is bestowed for life, my friend. You belong to Nogeland now, and therefore to me,” Lore said heatedly. “You could have refused the title, but you didn’t.”
“There will be a time when you don’t want me as your Prime, Lore,” I said gently. “It would be easier for everyone if you released me now.”
“Never. Don’t mention
it again,” she said coldly, her eyes piercing in intensity. “Why are you behaving this way with me? I made you my Prime because I love you, and because I trust you. Why are you throwing it in my face? What have I done?” Lore looked more upset than angry.
“It’s nothing you’ve done,” I said gently, not wanting to hurt her. “I’m changed. You want me to be who I was, and I see it upsets you that I’m not. I don’t want to keep hurting you.”
“Then don’t,” she snapped. “Remember who you are. Remember the duties you owe your family. Stop challenging my regard for you. No matter how cold you are, I will never stop loving you,” Lore said in a cool tone. “This evening you will dine with us. This is to be Ania’s last night with the family. You owe it to her to be present and to treat her as if you actually care about her.”
“As you command, my queen,” I said, matching her sharp tone. She flinched as if I’d slapped her.
“Enough!” she snapped. “You’re trying my patience, old friend. I expect you to spend some time with M’Tek before dinner. She knows you’re avoiding her.”
“I’m busy,” I replied.
“For the love of Deus, Pet, you’ve ruled Nogeland for over thirteen years. You know how to delegate. Do it! Stop being busy!” Lore demanded before turning away from me.
I shook my head as I returned to the thankless task in front of me. I’d probably be awake all night finishing the ballroom, but still, I would stop in a few hours for a late dinner with ‘the family.’ I made my way over to the painting I’d yet to finish, but Lia was standing in front of it, studying the scene. Obviously she had overheard my argument with her mother, but she gave no indication of caring.
A Fortunate Woman Page 10