A Fortunate Woman

by Jennifer Lyndon

  “Whose fault was that?” Lore snapped, interrupting me.

  “That’s obvious, old friend. It was your fault,” I said evenly, looking deeply into her eyes so she knew I meant it. “The blame lies squarely on your shoulders, for everything that occurred after you turned me out of Lareem. I would have protected Lia with my life if needed, but you left her vulnerable. You put her in harm’s way. I’ll never forgive you for what happened to her. If you were fully aware of what you set in motion, you’d never forgive yourself either. You had better hope your daughter is more merciful than I am, or you’ll have no part in our child’s life,” I snapped.

  “You can’t keep me from my own grandchild,” Lore said with a contemptuous laugh. “My daughter won’t allow it.”

  “Really? Are you certain of that?” I asked, smiling. “It wasn’t Ania I was keeping out of our bedchamber when you arrived,” I explained. “And I will continue to keep you away from Lia, and our child, until either Lia specifically asks for you, or I see some sign of remorse on your part. As a kindness I’ll tell you, your remorse is far more likely than Lia’s asking for you.”

  Lore glared at me and then stood up abruptly, starting to walk toward the door. She intended to test my resolve. “I have guards, Lore,” I said calmly. “Right now there are three times as many as I usually keep within the walls of my home. They’re all in range of Lia, with specific orders to keep you away from our bedchamber. They won’t allow you to pass without my permission.”

  “I’m the queen of this cursed land,” she snapped. “They’ll do as I say.”

  “Baneland has no queen, remember?” I said sharply. “Are you aware the Vilkerlings call you the Changeling Queen?” I asked, smiling. Lore’s jaw flexed as she glared at me. “You will find you hold little power in this cursed region unless you ride at the head of an army,” I added. “You’re not loved by those Vilkerlings who survived the nightmare you rained down on this region.”

  “That’s why you settled here,” she said quietly. “You chose this place in an effort to circumvent my power.”

  “Actually, Lore, you had no place in our decision. Even my banishment from Nogeland didn’t come into it. Lia and I had already resolved to reestablish the palace as our home. She fell in love with this estate when we rode through the forest together. You must admit the setting is impressive, with the mountains and the ancient redwood forest. Lia’s eyes lit up as she took in the ruin of the old palace. She felt connected, and at peace here. Nothing is more important to me than seeing Lia happy,” I explained. “Fortunately, the surrounding land is excellent for growing berry bushes and torppine vines. The fact that my neighbors loathe you was only an added bonus, or an afterthought, maybe. It certainly made joining with Lia easier. Our conversion to the Vilken Way was probably the fastest ever allowed.”

  “You’re a hypocrite, converting to that savage religion only to join with Lia,” she said. “Did you actually spill your blood in the ceremony?” she asked, her lip curling.

  “Of course we did. And I’m no more a hypocrite than you are,” I said, raising my hand to show her the A I’d carved into my hand so that she could see it appeared very similar to the M shaped scar she bore upon her own palm. “Did the Fae Queen know she was undergoing a Vilken bonding ritual?” I asked, laughing. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep your secret. Honestly, I prefer these savage Vilken traditions. They may be bloody on occasion, but they’re more rational than either the Noge or Fae rights.”

  “There’s no logic in worshipping trees,” Lore snapped.

  “I see. You want to talk logic,” I observed, smiling. “Your Noge believe in one god, a man of course, with a colossal phallus. Much of what their phallus wielding god demands is irrational supplication, and submission to his will. I have no desire to be the willing whore of a Noge god. Besides, I don’t see how any man, even one with such an extraordinary penis, could produce all life without the help of a woman’s womb. So, the Noge religion is illogical.

  “I once believed in the Fae traditions. After all, I was born to them. They have a god or goddess for every situation or mood, and their dominant god, Deus is both man and woman, therefore in possession of both a phallus and a womb. So far it’s logical enough. Unfortunately, the Fae think you’re the incarnation of Deus. After recent events, I can’t help but doubt your holiness. In fact, your supposed divinity alone makes the Reformed Temple of Fae ridiculous as far as I’m concerned.

  “Vilkerlings believe in the life force within nature, and the balance of deeds. They don’t have gods, but ordinary people you can aspire to emulate. They believe we are the sum total of our actions, unjust deeds weaken our souls, charitable deeds strengthen our souls and make us better people. It’s bloody at times, and they do glorify righteous killing to a dubious level. It’s not a peaceful religion, certainly. Still, it has a definite internal congruence.”

  Lore’s eyes had grown wider as she listened to me. She paced around the room for a few minutes as I watched her. Finally, she turned and stared at me without hostility, but with concern.

  “Pet, are you a genuine Vilken acolyte?” she asked gently. “I thought you and Lia only converted to upset me. Have you truly become one with these savages?”

  “I’m as close to being a savage as you are to being Deus, old friend,” I replied.

  When she only stared at me, I started laughing. Finally it was time to stand up from the table and take my leave. I offered her a formal Vilken bow, and left her standing in the dining hall staring after me.

  Lia went into labor in the middle of the night after the second day of our visitors’ stay. I woke only one servant, Haden, sending her to collect the village midwyfe. It was almost six hours of pure agony as I watched Lia struggle. Feeling powerless, I held her hands as she cried out in pain. At about the time the rest of the household was waking, I was washing our newborn child. I couldn’t help but compare her to Lia in those first moments after she was born.

  Lia was exhausted when I placed our daughter in her arms. She smiled at the miniature, scrunched up face. Lia’s expression was one of wonder when the tiny creature opened her eyes to reveal the palest silver, splashed with flecks of dark blue. Our daughter’s eyes resembled Lia’s. I ran my hand across the child’s head, noting the brassy tint to her scant blonde hair. Lia’s hair was more ash.

  “Have you decided what we’re calling her?” I asked, still in awe of the tiny person staring at me.

  “We’ve talked about it too much, Pet, and now that I’m looking at her, nothing I considered fits,” Lia said, sounding exhausted. “Whatever you decide will be perfect, as long as it’s not a family name.”

  “Astrid,” I said automatically. Choosing the name of one of the most renowned Celebrants of the Vilken Way.

  “Our Vilken neighbors will like it,” Lia replied before pressing her lips to Astrid’s soft forehead. “You know what? I think it suits her.”

  “You must be exhausted, darling,” I said, crawling into bed on the other side of her. “And the sheets are wet on your side,” I said, helping her to scoot closer to me. “Let’s get a few hours of sleep and then I’ll change the sheets.”

  Lia was feeding Astrid when she fell asleep, propped against me, with my arms around her for support. I resisted sleep as I watched Astrid over Lia’s shoulder. The child truly had the most remarkable eyes. At some point I must have dozed, because the sound of someone knocking on the door to our hearth room woke me a few hours later. I carefully eased Lia off me, careful to resituate our sleeping child. I found M’Tek at the door, an expression of worry on her face.

  “It’s after midday and you’re not dressed, or even up,” M’Tek observed, taking in my exhausted and disheveled state. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing is wrong, cousin,” I said, grinning at her. “You have a granddaughter,” I added. “We’ve decided to name her…”

  “How’s Lia?” she asked, pushing past me before I could finish. “The pain wasn’t too much for her, I hop
e?” I remembered M’Tek’s excruciating labor and shook my head quickly.

  “No. Lia is doing well, and sleeping. She was extremely brave. It was exhausting, but she managed,” I added. “Our daughter’s name is Astrid.”

  “Astrid?” M’Tek said, her forehead creasing in disbelief. “What sort of name is that? For whom is she named, the gardener?”

  “Cousin,” I said gently. “For obvious reasons, Lia didn’t want a family name.”

  “I see,” M’Tek said. “May I meet this Astrid?” she asked.

  I led M’Tek over to the sofa. When I went back into our bedchamber, Lia was still sleeping soundly. I lifted Astrid from beside her, and carried the child out to her grandmother. Astrid awoke due to all the jostling, but she remained quiet, her pale grey eyes focused on my face. M’Tek’s eyes were red when she accepted her granddaughter from my arms. She stood and walked over to the window seeking better light, and speaking softly to the child, in Noge. After a few minutes of rapt attention on Astrid, M’Tek finally raised her head to smile at me.

  “She looks exactly as Lia did when she was born,” M’Tek said. I nodded, acknowledging that M’Tek was correct. This child was all Lia. “She even has the mark of Sarane on her shoulder,” M’Tek said. “It’s faint, though.” I looked at Astrid’s shoulder, noticing the pink splotch that hadn’t shown earlier. “I’ll tell Lore, and see that she informs Ania.”

  M’Tek didn’t move to act on her desire to share Astrid with the others. Instead, she made her way over to the sofa and sat, resting Astrid in her lap so that she could examine the infant’s fingers and toes. I went to the hall and caught the attention of a guard, quickly instructing him to send for Ania and Lore. When I returned, M’Tek was cradling Astrid in her arms.

  “She’s a healthy size,” M’Tek said. “Usually babies are sickly looking when they’re born this early,” she observed.

  “We are fortunate,” I replied, diverting my gaze. “Listen, I’d like to get Lia out of bed long enough to change our sheets. Will you look after Astrid and keep everyone out of our bedchamber?”

  “You mean, you want me to keep Lore away from Lia,” M’Tek replied evenly. “I think she’ll be fascinated enough with Astrid. I should be able to manage her for a short span.”

  “Thank you,” I said, heading toward our bedchamber to wake Lia.

  “She’ll have to see Lore eventually,” M’Tek called after me, halting my progress. “You have a good excuse for a shortened visit right now.”

  “Only if Lia asks for her,” I said.

  “Do you think she will?” M’Tek asked.

  “Honestly, no, I don’t,” I replied gently. “Lia doesn’t want Lore here. If I asked her, she likely wouldn’t even want Lore holding our child.”

  “She’s still that angry?” M’Tek asked.

  “Lia has good reason for the way she feels,” I replied. “She forgave you. I’m not certain she can forgive Lore.”

  “I understand,” M’Tek said, gazing down at Astrid. “Obviously there’s a great deal I haven’t been told,” M’Tek observed. “Just so you know, Lore’s unaware of what she did. I’m certain of that.”

  “I can’t discuss this with you,” I replied. “Right now, I need to see to Lia,” I said, offering a smile to M’Tek, who was clearly smitten with her new grandchild.

  Lia was awake and shifting on the bed when I returned to our bedchamber. I gathered slippers and a dressing gown and went over to her, easing her up, and encouraging her to remove her sweat dampened gown.

  “I thought you might enjoy a soak,” I suggested, helping her to her feet.

  “I heard Mata’s voice,” Lia observed. “Is she with Astrid?”

  “Yes. She’s holding her until you have a quick bath and I arrange for our sheets to be changed out,” I explained. Lia nodded.

  “Lore’s not with her, is she?” Lia asked evenly.

  “Do you want to see Lore?” I asked. Lia shook her head firmly.

  “No, but I’ve been thinking. You should allow her to meet Astrid,” Lia said, as we walked into our bathing chamber.

  “If that’s what you want,” I replied.

  “Will you help me bathe, Pet?” she asked. “I’m extremely weak.”

  “Of course. I’ll return after I see to the sheets,” I promised, supporting her as she sank down into the steaming water.

  When I made my way through to our hearth room again, Astrid was in Lore’s arms. Ania and M’Tek surrounded the two, speaking excitedly about Lore’s chin and M’Tek’s nose. I moved past them quickly, escaping into the hall to find a housekeeper to change the sheets. When I hurried back through, they stopped talking and watched me.

  “I believe I’ve been punished enough. I’d like to see my daughter now,” Lore demanded.

  “She hasn’t asked for you,” I replied.

  “Look, I’m truly sorry for whatever it is you think I’ve done,” Lore said evenly. “I just need to see my daughter with my own eyes. I have to know she’s all right. She doesn’t even need to speak to me.”

  “Lia’s doing well,” I replied. “She’s bathing at the moment, and we’re changing out the sheets. If she asks for you, I’ll let you know,” I said calmly.

  Ania was taking Astrid from Lore as I went back to the bath chamber. Lia was still in the same position, but her eyes were closed as if she’d dozed off. I quickly stripped my dressing gown away, and climbed down into the hot water with her. Her eyes opened as I drew her close, and she offered an exhausted smile.

  “Where’s Astrid?” she asked, as I guided her back in the water so I could wash her hair.

  “Ania was holding her in our hearth room,” I said as I worked the soap into Lia’s hair.

  “I don’t like having her so far from me,” Lia said wistfully.

  “Then we’ll get you bathed quickly and in bed, so I can bring Astrid back to you,” I promised, quickly lowering her back into the water to rinse away the soap.

  Once she was clean and clothed, and lying on fresh sheets, Lia appeared more comfortable. I tucked the covers around her, and she reached for me, kissing me gently. I was smiling when I returned to the sitting room. M’Tek again held Astrid, and was walking her around the room, trying to talk her out of crying.

  “Lia wants Astrid back,” I said to M’Tek. “And I think Astrid might be hungry.”

  “I want to see my daughter now,” Lore demanded.

  “M’Tek, will you take Astrid in to Lia?” I asked.

  Lore appeared as if she wanted to kill me, but I didn’t care. I turned away from Ania and Lore and returned to Lia’s side. M’Tek appeared happy, holding Astrid, sitting on the edge of our bed, talking to Lia about the unsurpassed beauty of her granddaughter.

  “Darling,” I said gently, interrupting their happy musings. “Lore is becoming more insistent. Will you see her, just for a moment?” Lia’s gaze shifted from M’Tek to me.

  “She met Astrid. That should be enough?” Lia said quietly, but firmly.

  “Why are you so much angrier with her than you are with me?” M’Tek asked. “What is it I don’t know? I’ve tried to find out from Lore. She doesn’t know either.”

  Astrid started fussing and Lia collected the child from M’Tek’s arms without responding to her mother’s questions. Lia shifted her dressing gown open and began feeding Astrid, calming the infant immediately. Lia turned her attention to me and reached her hand out, beckoning me closer. She drew me close to her on our bed, reaching up to straighten my still damp hair.

  “You know I love you more than anything in this world,” she said, tucking a recalcitrant section of my hair behind my ear with a grin.

  “Accept Astrid,” I added for her, smiling at our child.

  “You look exhausted, my beautiful Pet,” she observed, ignoring my comment. “You need sleep, don’t you?”

  “I’m a little tired,” I admitted.

  Lia stretched to kiss me, not caring that M’Tek was in the room with us, or that her moveme
nt took her nipple from Astrid’s mouth. Astrid fretted until she found Lia’s breast again.

  “I’ll see her only if it’s what you want,” Lia said quietly. “Are you asking me to see her?” I nodded.

  “Yes. I won’t let her stay long,” I assured Lia.

  “Then bring her,” I started to move away from Lia to go fetch Lore, but her hold on me tightened. “No. Mata can get her,” Lia said without taking her eyes from my face. “And bring Ania in too. I’ll see them both at once,” she said, turning her attention to M’Tek.

  M’Tek was at the door quickly. She was ushering Lore in before Lia could change her mind. When Lore came into our bedchamber, Lia had to work herself up to looking at her mother, taking a deep breath before raising her eyes to Lore. Lia then smiled easily for Ania, and accepted a kiss to her forehead from her sister. Her gaze returned to M’Tek for a moment before finally shifting to Lore again. I noticed the astonished expression on Lore’s face as she realized Lia truly was extremely angry with her.

  “You look well,” Lia observed in a cool voice as she stared at her mother. “It was good of you to come so far for Astrid’s birth.”

  “Of course I’m here. Nothing could have kept me away. Astrid is perfect, Lia. So like you were,” Lore said, her eyes turning red. “And you look beautiful, my love. Motherhood agrees with you.”

  “Thank you,” Lia acknowledged with a stiff nod. “But I really am tired. Now that you have seen me, you can stop pestering Pet,” Lia said. “I’m well, and happy in my new life. You needn’t worry over me anymore. You can leave us in peace now.”

  “Lia, I’ll always worry for you. You’re my daughter,” Lore said, her voice becoming strained.

  “But you don’t understand, Lore. I want nothing more to do with you,” Lia replied. “I’m with Pet. I love and trust her. I don’t trust you.”