Finding Pride

by Jill Sanders

“I would feel very flattered if a man got nervous around me.” The two giggled together.

  Girls’ night was a success, full of laughter and talking. It felt good to have a girl around. Megan could tell that Lacey loved her brothers, but she mentioned that they could be bullheaded and overprotective.

  “Gee, I think I need something to eat. This wine is going to my head. Here I’ve been rambling on and haven’t let you get in a word.”

  Megan looked down and realized her second glass of wine was gone. She smiled. It would be good to get drunk—she hadn’t done so in years—so she poured more. She did the same for Lacey

  An hour later, the two were sitting on the living room floor, an empty bottle of wine and two empty plates sitting next to them.

  She’d found Matt’s old photo album, and they were laughing at the outfit she’d worn to a high school dance and at her date for the evening.

  “Well, what do we have here?” A deep voice came from the doorway. Megan squealed and tipped over her empty glass.

  Todd stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame. Both girls started laughing again, so much so, they fell over, holding their sides.

  ********

  Todd had taken a walk to clear his mind and had somehow ended up on Megan’s porch. He hadn’t expected to find both Megan and his sister sprawled out on the living room floor, giggling like a couple of high school girls.

  He’d stopped by her house almost every night since that night at the pond, looking for an excuse to come up to the house. Lacey’s car in the driveway had given him one.

  “I made dinner for Megan, and, well…” Lacey stifled a giggle. “We were looking at old pictures.”

  Todd grinned down at them. “So you decided to get smashed and look at old photos, eh?” He walked over and tried to get a look at the photo book, which Megan quickly snapped shut.

  “Oh, no, you don’t,” she said with a shake of her head. She grabbed her head with her hands, as it to stop it from spinning. She looked up at him, but couldn’t seem to focus on his face. She gave him a smile and held the book close to her chest.

  Looking down at Megan sitting on the floor with a silly grin on her face, her hair messed up with her eyes out of focus, Todd lost his heart. She had looked beautiful before, but once she relaxed and stopped jumping at shadows, she was exquisite. He leaned over and helped Lacey to her feet before reaching for Megan.

  He couldn’t help himself from keeping his hands on Megan’s hips a little longer than was necessary. He told himself it was just to make sure she was steady on her feet. The truth was he wanted to have his hands on her.

  When he felt himself stirring, he quickly pulled away, almost causing her to topple over. Lacey had already sat on the couch and had laid her head on one of the pillows. Her eyes were droopy and her speech slurred. “Whew, I drank more than I should have. I’ll just lie here for…” She closed her eyes and began to snore lightly.

  Todd chuckled. His sister had never been able to hold her liquor. He looked over at Megan and assumed the same. Walking over, he pulled his sister’s purple-socked feet up on the couch and tucked a quilt around her.

  “I think zhez-a-zleep,” Megan whispered, teetering on her feet. Todd wrapped his arms around her to steady her. “I never saw someone fall a-zleep so quickly.” When he started to answer, she put her finger across his lips and shushed him.

  He walked her out to the front porch. The weather had started to get warmer at nights; in a few weeks, they would see spring. Still, he removed his jacket and wrapped it around her. Her cast fit easily in the oversized sleeves. Todd helped her sit down on the wicker swing and pulled her close, putting his arm around her shoulders.

  Megan sighed and leaned her head back on his shoulder. The night was clear and the stars were bright in the sky.

  She sighed again. “I like your sister, I like your brother, I like you, I like your whole family.” She turned her head to look into his eyes.

  Heat spread through his body; he felt like he was on fire. Todd looked down at her, and he knew his eyes were burning.

  The kiss started slowly. Her lips were warm and soft, and she tasted like wine and Lacey’s famous red sauce. He rubbed his tongue lightly over her closed lips, parting them slightly so he could gently play with her tongue and taste the rich flavor. He cupped her face in his hands and took the kiss deeper. She tasted so good that he had to have more. He pulled her closer He moved his fingers to her hair and tilted her head back. His other hand inched over her body, torturing them both.

  “I can’t seem to get close enough,” he said, reaching down and pulling the coat apart. He slid his fingers up to the soft skin under her shirt. He would think about the fact that they were sitting outside on her front porch like a couple of teenagers later. For now, all he wanted to think about was her. His fingers slid over her ribs to play with the soft lacy fabric she wore underneath her shirt. She was perfect. He molded his hand to her breast, weighing her, playing with her until her nipple was a tight peak under his fingers, then moved over and did the same to the other side.

  He was drowning and thoroughly enjoying it. Her skin was cool against his heated hands. She leaned into his palm as he played lightly with her. She pressed her body boldly against him, causing a moan to escape his mouth. She was wreaking havoc on his system.

  She played over the muscles in his shoulders with her fingertips, and then moved up to his hair, keeping his head to her. She nipped at his lips and when she sucked on his bottom lip, pulling it into her mouth, he wanted to take her then and there. He knew he had to stop. His sister was on the couch in the next room. It was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, but he moved back slowly, giving Megan time to adjust. He put the coat back over her shoulder, closing the warm air in and leaving him out. He looked down at her upturned face. Her eyes were still closed and her lips were swollen from his, but a smile played at the corners. He wanted to carry her upstairs and peel the clothes from her slowly, but now was not the time.

  “Mm, you taste good,” Megan hummed. “More?” she said, leaning towards him.

  “No.” He knew his words were like ice water since she blinked and sat up, pulling herself from him. “Don’t,” he said when he felt her pull away. “It’s not that. It’s just…my God, I want you so much.” He rubbed his hands up and down her arms to please himself. “Lacey is asleep on the couch, right inside that door. We have plenty of time to pursue this.”

  She nodded, then leaned back into him and relaxed. Her body felt soft and warm next to his. “I want you too.” She sighed and fell asleep against his shoulder.

  Todd sat there, letting his mind wander, with her body heating his in so many ways, wanting her even more. When Megan began to stir, he quietly carried her up the stairs and laid her on the bed, then pulled the comforter over her. He gently pushed some of her hair from her forehead, and when she sighed, he knew he’d lost his heart. All he wanted now was to see a smile on her lips every day and make sure her eyes never went wide with fright again.

  When Sara had died, he’d gone through depression, then anger, then resentment. He was at a point in his life where he wanted to live it to the fullest. His life needed purpose: a wife, children. He’d really been looking forward to having a little one when Sara and the child had died. In truth, he had mourned more for the child than for Sara.

  But now, as he drove himself home in Lacey’s car, an image of Megan in his arms kept running through his brain. It had been a long time since he’d felt alive around someone. It was about time.

  Chapter Eight

  Megan woke to a thousand pins sticking in her head. She vaguely heard someone banging around in the kitchen below. For a minute, she thought she was back in Boston and that Derek would walk in any moment, demanding she get her lazy ass out of bed.

  Then she heard the birds outside her window, and she smelled Todd and relaxed. Sitting up in bed, she realized she was still fully clothed and clenching Todd’s coat.

&nbs
p; Taking a big breath, she breathed him in and felt a stir in her stomach. How could a man do this to her just with his scent? She hadn’t come here wanting this, but she couldn’t deny what he did to her, either. She felt something for him, that was for sure. Every time he was around, her palms got damp and her heart raced.

  She got up from the bed with a grunt, her head spun, and then the world righted itself. After taking two aspirin and a quick bath and brushing her teeth, she almost felt human again. She pulled on a pair of sweats and another of Matt’s shirts, then combed through her wet hair and headed downstairs.

  She had expected to see Lacey in the kitchen, banging the pots and pans. Instead, Lacey sat at the table with her face down, moaning. She had a cup of coffee in one hand and a glass with a reddish-orange liquid in the other.

  Megan looked over at the stove and stopped. Todd stood there in her lacy white apron with a spatula in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. “I thought you girls might need a little pick-me-up today. How do blueberry pancakes sound?” When Lacey moaned loudly, he chuckled.

  “Actually, that sounds great,” Megan said, walking over to the table as Todd set the mug down in front of her. The coffee was hot and strong, just the way she liked it. “You know, I think I’m getting spoiled. Since I’ve been here, I’ve only had to fend for myself for about three meals.” She gave Todd a smile and sipped her coffee.

  The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and she was eating homemade blueberry pancakes for the first time since she was nine. Not to mention actually feeling like she was part of a family, something, no matter how hard Matt had ever tried, she hadn’t felt in a long time.

  They ate pancakes and talked about the work that had been done and still needed to be done on the cabins.

  The walls were completed on the farthest one. She called it the honeymoon cabin. It was farthest from the main house in a more private, secluded area surrounded by trees. She’d picked out romantic furnishings and had found some lace window coverings that let in plenty of light.

  She set aside some of Allison’s watercolors to hang up throughout the other cabins. She had statues and some bowls picked out from Allison’s store, knowing they would look perfect.

  One of the other cabins was going to be decorated to match one of Allison’s paintings, the dancing fairies. She’d picked a forest green for the window coverings and had painted the walls a dark cream. In all the other rooms, she’d used darker neutral colors. She wanted the paintings to make a statement, not the walls. She needed to finish painting in that cabin today. The plumber should be there already, working on the sinks and the toilet.

  The larger items, including her new hot tub, would be delivered the day after tomorrow. The furniture in storage would be delivered the day after that.

  She was excited to see what furniture Matt had picked out and whether it would go along with the themes she’d chosen. If it didn’t, she could always swap out what she had at the main house to accommodate.

  She had decided on advertising on the menus at the restaurant, and Iian had told her they would go to print and should be ready in less than a week.

  She also had an ad ready for the Portland newspaper and was working with an old colleague to get an ad online. There was a possibility of working with a travel agency she’d done some marketing for a couple of years back, as well.

  Matt had had a separate phone line installed in his office that she could use to answer for the rentals. She would still need a computer program to help her track the rentals, and there was the matter of taxes.

  “How are taxes paid for small businesses in Oregon?” she asked Todd while they were cleaning away the table.

  “There are some forms that need to be filled out. I think Matt had already completed them. We can have a look,” he said. “They would be in his office somewhere. Think you can handle the rest of the dishes, Lacey?”

  “Sure, go have fun. I have to go home and get ready for work tonight, anyway.” She gave Megan a hug. “I would love to help you finish shopping, you know, to fill in the holes here and there. Let me know when you’re ready to spend a day hitting the stores.”

  “That sounds great. I’ll let you know when everything’s ready.”

  Todd and Megan spent the next hour with their heads bent over the computer and the paperwork Matt had filled out. He’d taken care of the taxes and the business registration. He had also obtained a website and had hired a local company to design it. When Todd called the company, they informed him they were only waiting for pictures of the cabins and the surrounding area before the site could go live. Megan needed to buy a digital camera.

  “We could drive into Portland to get you one.”

  “Well, I do need to finish painting both bedrooms in the second cabin.” Megan chewed her bottom lip. “But I guess if I could stop by my friend’s art gallery while I’m there…”

  “Art gallery?” Todd asked.

  “Oh, I know the owner of this art gallery in Portland. I wanted to see if putting some of Allison Adams’s artwork in his gallery was a possibility.”

  “Well, if you know where the gallery is, we can get on Google and find out where the nearest camera store is.”

  Megan pulled up the address in her day planner and gave it to him. “I’ll go change,” she said, looking down at the sweats she’d pulled on this morning.

  When she headed upstairs, she could hear Todd clicking away at the keyboard. It was nice to have someone to work with. It didn’t hurt that he was a hunk and made her heart flutter. It would be wonderful spending the day in Portland. She missed the bustle of a city.

  Half an hour later, armed with four of Allison’s smaller paintings and directions to both the art gallery and a couple of camera stores nearby, Todd and Megan headed out. They decided to take the Jeep so the paintings would easily fit in the back.

  With Todd behind the wheel, the drive was very relaxing. Megan felt like she was seeing the countryside for the first time. The drive from the airport had been a slow one filled with maps and rain. Today the sun was out and there was hardly a cloud in the sky. She could see for miles.

  “You don’t find it a little crowded? Living with your sister and brother?” Megan asked, looking over at him.

  “No, it’s nice being close.” He chuckled a little and then sobered. “It really helped after the accident, adjusting and all. We hired a tutor to teach us sign language together. I’ve noticed you’re picking it up fast. If you want to learn more, I can help.”

  “Oh, that would be great. I feel so left out sometimes. You guys seem so close. Has it always been that way?” she asked.

  “No. Lacey and I’ve always been close, but Iian and I had a falling out right before Sara died. He was young, I was arrogant…You know.” He shrugged his shoulders.

  “Matt and I had a fight the last time he came out,” Megan said, looking down at her arm. She’d grown accustomed to fidgeting with the ends of the cast. “I feel really bad. We did set things right over the phone, but the last time I saw him…” Tears came back to her eyes.

  “Don’t do that. You know your brother loved you; he would have forgiven you for anything. I’m sure he’d long forgotten about whatever it was. You should do the same. Now, tell me about these paintings. How did you get little Allison Adams to sell you these?” He changed the subject so quickly Megan had to stifle a laugh. Obviously, Todd didn’t handle weeping women well.

  “Well, I went into her store a couple of weeks back to get some items for the cabins and noticed them in the back room. I guess I just kind of barged in and started buying the ones I liked. I’d done some marketing work for Mr. Derby—that’s the owner of the Blue Spot Gallery—and he was very kind over the phone. I haven’t met him personally, but last week when I called, he was excited I was nearby. He said he was going to be in Portland for the next few months and to bring some of Allison’s work up if I got the chance.”

  “That’s very nice of you to help her out. I
’m pretty impressed by what you have planned for the bed-and-breakfast. You have some talent pulling a business together. We could use your help with the restaurant. That is, if you want to. Your brother helped me out a lot with my company, but since then, it’s moved to a whole different level.”

  “I never thought he would settle down in a place like Pride.”

  “Why not?” Todd asked, looking over at her.

  “Matt was—well, to put it bluntly—a wanderer. He never stayed in one place long enough to put down roots. Ever since I can remember, he was uprooting me from schools. We mostly stayed in the Boston area during the school year. I remember one year he got it in his head that he would homeschool me so we could travel year round.” Megan giggled. “Then he took one look at my algebra book, and the next day, I was enrolled in school and he had signed a lease on an apartment down the street.”

  Todd smiled back at her. “Well, he settled pretty well here. He did travel a lot the first year, but the main house wasn’t quite done being remodeled. He was really concerned about you near the end and wanted to start the bed-and-breakfast with you. His goal was to get you focused on it so he could persuade you to move here.”

  “I would have eventually, but I really needed to find myself first.” Megan turned her head and looked out the window.

  “Is that what you’re doing now, finding yourself?”

  She could see the question he wanted to ask her written on his face. “No,” she said softly. “I’m reinventing myself.”

  “Had things become so bad that you needed to reinvent yourself?” He looked over at her.

  “I let things in my life control me. I want to know that I can do this, that I’m still alive. I know your family has been tiptoeing around the fact I’ve been hurt,” she said. “I know I should talk about it, and I really want to, but there’s so much I am ashamed of.”

  “You’ve nothing to be ashamed of,” Todd said quickly. Megan sat up, trying to mask the hurt in her face. “Damn it,” Todd said quietly, steering the car towards the shoulder. He was staring down at his knuckles, which were turning white on the steering wheel. “I know what you’ve been through. I can see it all over your face. I know who did it to you too. That’s clear as well. I can’t begin to comprehend why he did it or fathom what you went through, but I am here to listen.” He looked over at her. “I can’t promise not to show emotion because, to be honest, it just pisses me off, seeing the aftermath. But I’m not mad at you, never at you.” He turned his body towards her, but she had her eyes fixed on her fingers. She was still messing with the end of the cast. He reached over and put her hand in his. “Let’s get some lunch. I want to hear your story, if you’ll tell it.” When Megan nodded, he pulled the jeep back on the road.