by Alexis Hall
Riptide Publishing
PO Box 1537
Burnsville, NC 28714
www.riptidepublishing.com
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. All person(s) depicted on the cover are model(s) used for illustrative purposes only.
Looking for Group
Copyright © 2016 by Alexis Hall
Cover art: Simoné, www.dreamarian.com
Editor: Sarah Lyons
Layout: L.C. Chase, lcchase.com/design.htm
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher, and where permitted by law. Reviewers may quote brief passages in a review. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Riptide Publishing at the mailing address above, at Riptidepublishing.com, or at [email protected].
ISBN: 978-1-62649-445-9
First edition
August, 2016
Also available in paperback:
ISBN: 978-1-62649-446-6
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So, yeah, I play Heroes of Legend, y’know, the MMO. I’m not like obsessed or addicted or anything. It’s just a game. Anyway, there was this girl in my guild who I really liked because she was funny and nerdy and a great healer. Of course, my mates thought it was hilarious I was into someone I’d met online. And they thought it was even more hilarious when she turned out to be a boy IRL. But the joke’s on them because I still really like him.
And now that we’re together, it’s going pretty well. Except sometimes I think Kit—that’s his name, sorry I didn’t mention that—spends way too much time in HoL. I know he has friends in the guild, but he has me now, and my friends, and everyone knows people you meet online aren’t real. I mean. Not Kit. Kit’s real. Obviously.
Oh, I’m Drew, by the way. This is sort of my story. About how I messed up some stuff and figured out some stuff. And fell in love and stuff.
To all the friends I haven’t met
He makes a Secondary World which your mind can enter. Inside it, what he relates is “true”: it accords with the laws of that world. You therefore believe it, while you are, as it were, inside.
— J.R.R. Tolkien, “On Fairy Stories”
Don’t look so smug! I know what you’re thinking, but Tempest Keep was merely a setback. Did you honestly believe I would trust the future to some blind, half–night elf mongrel?
— Kael’thas Sunstrider
About Looking for Group
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Glossary
Dear Reader
Acknowledgments
Also by Alexis Hall
About the Author
More like this
SCDD is a tight-knit raiding guild (heroic and normal difficulty), currently looking for a main tank to join our mature, dedicated, and frankly fabulous team. Founded in 2011 by a group of friends with no fecking clue how to run a Heroes of Legend guild, but definite ideas about the right way to treat people—fairly, without harassment, and with equal opportunity to participate—SCDD roared past the traditional guild life expectancy of six months and has been getting awesomer ever since.
As a guild, we want . . .
to have fun ffs
to have a friendly community where everyone is treated with respect and fairness
to be damn good at what we do
to maintain our server-wide reputation for kindness, courtesy, and good old-fashioned arse kicking.
We promise . . .
to organise and fill raids in an equitable and timely manner
to recruit people, not specs, while also being sensible about guild and raid balance
to have fair, transparent loot policies.
In return, we expect . . .
a team-based approach to the game: When you have to make a choice, think of how it benefits the team, not only when it comes to loot and items, but also when it comes to your actions and attitude.
a mature approach to the guild: Communicate, be honest, and be excellent to one another.
your best damn behaviour: We’re here to succeed and to have fun, not to put up with rudeness, bigotry, or other asshattery. This is not about political correctness gone mad. This is not about nobody having a sense of humour. This is not about censorship. This reflects the fact that our guild encompasses a diverse range of people, and being a dick isn’t big, cool, or clever. And if you want to call me a carebear for that, then I don’t give a damn.
Application: Orcarella (Dread Knight tank)
Name (optional): Drew
Tell us a bit about yourself: Just an ordinary guy, 19 yo, currently doing game art design (lol) at uni. I like doing ordinary shit, hanging out with mates, playing games, whatever.
Character Name: Orcarella
Character Race / Class: Orc, Dread Knight
Primary Spec: Vengeance (Tanking)
Secondary Spec: Dishonour (DPS / PVP)
Which professions do you have: Metal Working & Gem Crafting
What was your previous guild (if relevant) and why did you leave: K, look, everybody knows I was the main tank for Annihilation (server first guild) for like three years, and last night we downed heroic Vilicus in Crown of Thorns, for about the hundredth time, and the axe finally dropped—the TANKING axe—which is the last piece of 345 gear I’ve been freakin waiting for, for like ever, and so I roll on it and so does the freakin healer. The freakin healer. For his freakin offspec. And I’m like dude wtf and the guild leader is all like, oh yeah, we’re trying to gear him up as a tank. And I’m not a loot whore but I think I should have been AT LEAST INFORMED, y’know.
Anyway, we both rolled, and he won the axe and I lost my shit, and I quit. But it’s not about the axe. I mean it is about the axe, because that was my axe, but it was more than the axe. It’s not like I mind gearing up guildies, but I was the MT, and I’ve been with that guild, every single raid night, for three years. And it was like it meant nothing. They wouldn’t even give me a goddamn axe to make me better at doing the thing they have me around to do.
And then I realised I was losing my shit over an axe. A pixel axe. But seriously the thing never drops. I’ve run heroic CoT since the patch hit, waiting and yearning for that axe, and that’s the first time I’ve ever seen it drop. The ranger bow drops ev
ery freakin time. It’s like every ranger in the guild has one to wield and one to stick up his arse. But is there a tanking axe for Ella, is there bollocks.
And that was when I realised I must have stopped having fun in this game a long time ago. Because why else would I be like completely BROKEN over an axe. Enough to throw away three years of raiding. But Annihilation threw me away too. Over the same nothingy axe.
Tell us a bit about your raiding experience: Just look me up on the armoury. Been raiding with Anni since the first expansion.
How did you hear about
Why do you want to be in this guild: Just looking to have fun in the game again. I guess I want to be more casual, but at the same time I don’t want to waste my time fannying around with a bunch of clueless noobs.
How would we benefit from recruiting you: Best tank on the server. Check my gearscore.
Do you know anyone in the guild: N
What aspects of the game are you most interested in: Raiding, PVP
Do you have a microphone, and are you able to connect to Mumble: Y
Have you read the guild rules and actually thought about them for more than two seconds: Y
Are you going to be racist, sexist, homophobic, or otherwise bigoted, offensive, or dickish in the name of lulz: N
Anything else you want to tell us? N
[Officer][Ialdir]: You know, if he had that axe, he’d be the best geared tank on the server ;)
[Officer][Heurodis]: I pugged w/ this guy once. he was an arrogant tosser like the rest of Anni
[Officer][Ialdir]: Yeah but you say that about everyone you pug with.
[Officer][Heurodis]: No I dont. sometimes I say they’re shite
[Officer][Morag]: Not worried about his skillz, just his attitude.
[Officer][Heurodis]: What do you expect??? Hes 19
[Officer][Solace]: Um, I’m 19
[Officer][Ialdir]: Omg, /gkick Solace
[Officer][Morag]: Guild policy is 16+ so let’s make this about his app not his age
[Officer][Ialdir]: I say we give him a chance. Unless he’s an epic dick, we’d be mad to turn down a good tank
[Officer][Morag]: He pretty much admitted he ragequit his last guild over loot drama. I’m not sure that’s a good sign
[Officer][Heurodis]: FWIW if I lost a good drop to someone’s offspec Id be pretty fucking pissed. Specially if it was the healer.
[Officer][Solace]: Healers are people too.
[Officer][Ialdir]: Bjorn’s healerist.
[Officer][Heurodis]: Hey, some of my best friends are healers
[Officer][Ialdir]: I rolled a healer once. I was young. I was just playing around.
[Officer][Solace]: And it was just a phase you were going through
[Officer][Heurodis]: lol
[Officer][Ialdir]: lol
[Officer][Morag]: Can we actually make a decision? I’m getting my nails done in 20.
[Officer][Ialdir]: scroll up, already said yes
[Officer][Heurodis]: yeah go on then.
[Officer][Morag]: Sol?
[Officer][Solace]: His app was okay, he obviously knows what he’s doing, I say we take him.
[Officer][Morag]: You’ve talked me round. Let’s take him. We can always kick him again if he’s an arsewipe. Lemme whisper him.
To [Orcarella]: Hi Ella, got a moment to talk?
[Orcarella] whispers: sec
To [Orcarella]: kk
[Orcarella] whispers: Soz, was just pugging BL. Healer kept dying on Tolvus the Arachnomancer cos he kept standing on the webs
To [Orcarella]: If the healer dies, its the tanks fault :P
[Orcarella] whispers: you can’t taunt fire
To [Orcarella]: lol anyhoo, still up for joining SCDD?
[Orcarella] whispers: y
/ginv Orcarella
Orcarella has joined the guild.
The Guild Message of the day is now: Welcome to our newest member, Orcarella. If you have questions, just axe.
[Guild][Morag]: Hi Ella
[Guild][Ialdir]: Yo
[Guild][Mordant]: Welcome
[Guild][Orcarella]: Hey all, thanks for the inv
[Guild][Dave]: Not another dread knight
[Guild][Morag]: This one’s different, he’s actually got a tank spec.
[Guild][Dave]: Hey I said id go vengeance if we needed it
[Guild][Heurodis]: Yeah but you were blatantly lying
[Guild][Dave]: DPS4EVA!!!1111
[Guild][Jargogle]: Didn’t you used to run with Anni?
[Guild][Orcarella]: I um kinda ragequit
[Guild][Orcarella]: I think I just wasn’t enjoying that sort of raiding anymore
[Guild][Orcarella]: and it was making me into somebody I didn’t like
[Guild][Heurodis]: thats where you’re going wrong. I try to be someone other people don’t like
[Guild][Jargogle]: so you’re slumming with us now?
[Guild][Solace]: I don’t think that’s fair, Magda.
[Guild][Jargogle]: I’m just asking the question
[Guild][Orcarella]: no, its cool. I looked into it and you guys are the most progressed casual guild on the server
[Guild][Ialdir]: wow we’re flattered.
[Guild][Heurodis]: we should put that on the website
The Guild Message of the day is now: Welcome to the most progressed casual guild on the server!!
[Guild][Orcarella]: I think i’ll just STFU
[Guild][Solace]: We’re just teasing you. It’s how we show we care.
[Guild][Orcarella]: cool, anybody up for a random heroic?
[Guild][Heurodis]: I’m maxed out for the day, and it’s not even noon. Bow before Bjorn, king of grinding
[Guild][Orcarella]: *bows*
[Guild][Morag]: Don’t. It only encourages him.
The Guild Message of the day is now: Welcome to the most progressed casual guild on the server!! New guild rule: don’t encourage Bjorn.
[Guild][Morag]: Anyhoo, gtg, my nails need me
[Guild][Solace]: I’m up for that hc
[Guild][Ialdir]: Me too
Drew grabbed a Dr Pepper from the minifridge he technically wasn’t supposed to have in his room, sent a couple of invites to his new guildies, and fired up the random dungeon finder.
[Group][Ialdir]: Please not Steamworks, please not steamworks
A loading screen popped up. Drew recognised it straightaway as the Steamworks Furnace. And then he found himself standing in a long grey-brown hallway, metal rivets in the walls and a pair of equally grey-brown, metal-riveted golems waiting patiently to be pwned.
A severe-looking high elf with long golden hair drawn into a topknot appeared in the corridor. He was tricked out in ornate brown and green leather with gold scroll work, tangles of briars running down his arms and across his huge shoulder pads. Almost a complete set of Tier 14. Nice. And he was wielding that damn bow from Vilicus.
[Group][Ialdir]: FML
An orcish assassin wearing a cobbled-together set of black leathers from the last patch spawned next.
[Group][Ialdir]: Yo
[Group][Orcarella]: hey
The assassin, obviously staying true to his mysterious profession, said nothing.
Next in was a dark elf chick with deep-brown skin and shock-white hair. She was striking and pretty, in a video game avatar kind of way. Drew liked to think he’d grown out of his fancying-imaginary-elves phase, but Solace had obviously put a lot of work into her look. She was wearing a full set of Tier 8, which, after a quick inspect, Drew was relieved to see was in the cosmetic slot, not the stat slot.
[Group][Orcarella]: Nice wings
[Group][Solace]: Thanks
[Group][Ialdir]: It took us weeks to farm them
[Group][Solace]: A well-dressed priest is a happy priest
She did a twirl, all white and gold and stirring feathers. Drew was really glad that
the fancying-imaginary-elves phase was way behind him.
After a moment, he selected Solace and typed /whistle into his chat window, and Orcarella signalled her approval.
Then a human elementalist appeared and threw huge ball of fire at the golems. The assassin logged out instantly. Drew leapt into action.
[Group][Orcarella]: wwwwwwwwws1111
He stared in dismay as his carefully executed keyboard commands, that had been intended to send Ella dashing forward to grab aggro on the mobs, instead popped up as a stream of gibberish in chat, making him look like a total noob in front of his new guildies.
Nice work, Drew. Hit return next time.
The golems were lumbering forward, heading straight for the elementalist, who was wearing nothing for armour and still cheerfully spamming fireballs like it was Guy Fawkes Night. Drew sighed, threw a Circle of Corruption under the monsters, and charged forward to draw their aggro. He hammered the keyboard, alternating threat-building strikes between the two golems. He was pleased to see a protective little halo surrounding his character, which meant Solace had her head in the game.
Arrows whistled past him, cutting into the golems’ health. They were followed by a small owl Drew was pretty sure came from the high elf starting area. Even without the extra DPS, the golems went down pretty quickly.
[Group][Orcarella]: Don’t pull without the tank
Another fireball whooshed by and called the attention of two more golems and a purple-robed machine priest.
[Guild][Orcarella]: ffs
It was time for this guy to learn a life lesson.
Drew pulled his character back and typed /sit. Next to him, Solace and Ialdir started dancing together. Typical of the game’s animation, Solace writhed slinkily while Ialdir flailed around like a complete prat who was being electrocuted. Drew had typed /dance on this character exactly once and instantly regretted it, but it was nowhere near as bad as the male high elves.
The elementalist was still throwing fire while two robots and a loony cultist beat on him with hammers. The moment he died, Drew threw down his CoC and leaped into the fray. This group fell over slightly more slowly, but not by much, cultist first, then robots.
Drew was starting to feel he’d made the right choice. The other two clearly knew what they were doing, and he was almost having fun, despite the failamentalist.