Looking for Group

by Alexis Hall

  Unlike the journey from Minea, this one was fully animated, at least for a little while. He had just enough time to grab a Dr Pepper as the old world faded into the far clipping plane. Drew was slightly surprised by how nostalgic he was as he rocked up on the shores of Ursa’s Spear. Arriving in that zone after the expansion launched had been the first time he’d felt like he was playing the game everyone else was playing, not ahead of the curve yet, but definitely not behind it either.

  It hadn’t aged so well, but Drew was weirdly comforted by the rough cliffs, the snow, and the northern (or he supposed technically southern, if he remembered the world map right) lights. He was here for a quest chain that had been legendary back in the day and was only accessible if you’d achieved Exalted reputation with the local population of crazy warrior bears. Drew had only ever done rep grinds that led to gear he needed for raiding, and this happened to have been one of them. He was totally loved by violent teddies, and that meant he could purchase an [Invitaton To The Althing] which took place in the Frostharrow Woods, and eventually, when he had completed several bizarre quests—including digging through bear droppings, disguising himself as a bear, and stealing sandwiches off other bears—culminated in the hard-won reward of an [Enchanted Picnic Basket].

  By the time Drew had accomplished this, he was exhausted and had a slight headache, but had dropped into that kind of Zen space of farming and grinding. It was also late enough that Ialdir had come online.

  Ialdir has invited you to join a group: y/n

  Ialdir is now group leader.

  Heurodis has joined the group.

  [Group][Heurodis]: whats this about jacob?

  [Group][Heurodis]: hello drew

  [Group][Orcarella]: hi

  [Group][Ialdir]: Much as it pains me to say it

  [Group][Ialdir]: Help us Bjorni-Wan-Kenobi

  [Group][Ialdir]: You’re our only hope

  [Group][Heurodis]: what do you need?

  [Group][Heurodis]: uncle bjorn is here

  [Group][Ialdir]: Do you still have the [Bejewelled Music Box] for MC?

  [Group][Ialdir]: I junked mine years ago

  [Group][Ialdir]: Bank space crisis

  [Group][Heurodis]: of course i have

  [Group][Heurodis]: ive been playing since vanilla

  [Group][Ialdir]: I had no idea

  [Group][Ialdir]: You never mention it

  [Group][Heurodis]: so why do you want to get your hands on my box

  [Group][Orcarella]: i’m trying to get the ruby golem thing

  [Group][Orcarella]: i want to craft it for Kit

  [Group][Orcarella]: to say sorry for being a dick

  [Group][Heurodis]: you must have been substantially cocklike drew

  [Group][Heurodis]: if you have to go to the second-worst raid in vanilla

  [Group][Heurodis]: to get the recipe for the most needlessly inaccessible vanity pet in the entire game

  [Group][Orcarella]: yeah kinda :(

  [Group][Ialdir]: Say it with [Diminutive Ruby Golem]s

  [Group][Heurodis]: okay im in

  [Group][Heurodis]: lets make this fast

  [Group][Heurodis]: i hoped id never have to set foot in that place again

  Your group has been converted to a raid.

  [Raid][Orcarella]: i thought vanilla raids were best

  [Raid][Orcarella]: i thought they didn’t make them like that any more

  [Raid][Heurodis]: are you cheeking your elders andrew

  [Raid][Heurodis]: your elders who are doing you a favour

  [Raid][Heurodis]: also i never said vanilla raids were better

  [Raid][Heurodis]: i just said they were harder

  [Raid][Heurodis]: and that we are better players because we beat them

  [Raid][Heurodis]: you scrubs with your "fun"

  [Raid][Heurodis]: and your "interesting mechanics"

  [Raid][Heurodis]: back in my day a raid was 40 people

  [Raid][Heurodis]: 32 of whom you did not like

  [Raid][Heurodis]: 28 of whom would disconnect immediately

  [Raid][Heurodis]: and 6 of whom would die the moment they stepped into the instance

  [Raid][Heurodis]: b/c they had not farmed a full set of fire resist gear

  [Raid][Heurodis]: as they were told

  [Raid][Heurodis]: many times

  By the time Bjorn had finished ranting, they’d basically arrived. Magmarion’s Caverns were located in an abandoned dwarf fortress up in the mountains near the human capital of Whitepeak. Drew had vague memories of questing in the area when his human myrmidon had been around level forty-three. He’d wandered down the wrong tunnel and been instantly splabbered by a level sixty elite dragonspawn. This time he just rolled right over four of them on his way through the instance portal.

  Ella appeared between two shattered statues of what Drew guessed were probably dead dwarven kings.

  [Raid][Ialdir]: Oh come on

  [Raid][Ialdir]: This place isn’t so bad

  [Raid][Ialdir]: If every raid hadn’t had a dragon at the end it might even have been cool

  [Raid][Heurodis]: perhaps

  [Raid][Heurodis]: but they did

  [Raid][Heurodis]: and theres only so much stay away from the breath and the tail you can take

  [Raid][Heurodis]: and all the other bosses are just guys with swords

  [Raid][Ialdir]: Yes the encounters are a bit dull

  [Raid][Ialdir]: but the lore is actually really good

  [Raid][Heurodis]: you just like it because its about a soppy love story

  [Raid][Heurodis]: that ends in a bloody massacre

  [Raid][Heurodis]: actually

  [Raid][Heurodis]: having put it like that

  [Raid][Heurodis]: I agree it is pretty awesome

  They carried on bickering as the three of them descended through the ruined halls of what Jacob explained used to be the kingdom of Karad-az-Karaz. There were about twelve bosses in the whole instance, most of which were, in fact, guys with swords or—this being a dwarf-themed dungeon—axes. The closest they got to a highlight was the confrontation with the ghosts of Imhear and Iriel, the doomed lovers who had apparently somehow got this place destroyed by dragons and gone mad with grief and guilt in the intervening centuries. Magmarion himself was basically a pushover. He was a huge red dragon who they found sprawled upon an enormous pile of gemstones and duly pwned.

  Heurodis jumped onto the top of the treasure pile and activated the [Bejewelled Music Box] which caused a secret door to slide open at the back of the chamber. Inside was a grumpy dwarf called Cormag the Gemcrafter who summoned large sparkly golems, each of which spread what in the day would have been a devastating raid-wide debuff. As it was, they just obliterated him, and Drew picked through his corpse for [Recipe: Diminutive Ruby Golem].

  [Raid][Orcarella]: thanks guys

  [Raid][Ialdir]: no problem

  [Raid][Heurodis]: id say any time but

  [Raid][Heurodis]: NEVER BRING ME BACK HERE AGAIN

  [Guild][Morag]: Raid starting in fifteen

  [Guild][Morag]: Get your arses where they should be

  [Raid][Ialdir]: Good luck :)

  The raid has been disbanded.

  Drew had been in no state to sign up for that week’s jaunt to CoT, and a quick check of the guild calendar showed Kit hadn’t either. And, in fact, Solace wasn’t even online. Hadn’t been for a couple of days. Which made Drew feel sad and slightly achey.

  He thought about texting him and suggesting they meet in HoL, but that just seemed pushy. And sort of like cheating.

  So instead he wandered the corridors of Magmarion’s Caverns, picking up the crafting mats he needed. And then, when he’d gathered two [Shard of Living Flame]s, six [Flawless Ruby]s, and a [Vial of Magmarion’s Blood], he stood by a bit of crumbled pillar and made a [Diminutive Ruby Golem].

  He activated his bindstone, but halfway through the cast, he realised he was actually closer to Alarion here than he would be in the City of Stars. So he wal
ked out of the instance the old-fashioned way, hopped on the closest thing he had to a white steed, which unfortunately turned out to be a [Malodorous Mountain Goat], and rode north.

  Kit still hadn’t logged in by the time he got to Alarion, so he changed into his tux, swapped [The Inexorable Axe] for a [Delightful Red Bouquet], got back on his goat, and waited.

  He waited for three hours.

  He drank an unwise amount of Dr Pepper and sent the occasional encouraging message to the raid.

  Finally . . .

  Solace has come online.

  An elf in a pretty dress and a battered hat faded slowly into existence in front of Ella.

  To [Solace]: please don’t /ignore me

  To [Solace]: im really really sorry

  [Guild][Ialdir]: hey Kit :)

  [Guild][Morag]: hi raiding

  [Guild][Prospero]: hi

  [Guild][Caius]: hello

  [Guild][Solace]: Hi guys :)

  [Guild][Solace]: How’s CoT?

  [Guild][Dave]: were on vilicus

  To [Solace]: I get it now

  To [Solace]: I honestly get it

  [Guild][Dave]: im ded

  [Guild][Dave]: nobody stacked on me :(

  To [Solace]: I want to be with you

  To [Solace]: In HoL

  To [Solace]: And in your room

  To [Solace]: And in Pizza Express

  To [Solace]: And like everywhere

  Drew was getting kind of desperate, so he opened up his inventory and clicked the quest reward he’d got from Sir Yips-a-Lot. Ella’s goat vanished and she lifted an oblong clockwork . . . thing over her head. Tinny, obnoxious music started playing, and two tiny kobolds spawned next to her, twitching and gyrating in time to the beat.

  Honestly, it was less romantic than Drew had hoped it would be.

  It was more sort of . . . stupid.

  [Solace] whispers: Is that a [Kobold-Together Boombox]?

  To [Solace]: yeah

  To [Solace]: its from a movie or something

  To [Solace]: like not the kobolds

  To [Solace]: just the i’m really sorry here’s me with a boombox thing

  To [Solace]: i’ve also got

  Hoping it would be slightly less rubbish, Drew clicked on the [Enchanted Picnic Basket]. A sweet little tartan blanket appeared, with a stripy umbrella, a rainbow over the top, and a bemused-looking bear sitting slightly to one side.

  [Solace] whispers: Drew this is all really

  [Solace] whispers: something

  [Solace] whispers: really sweet

  [Solace] whispers: But I’m still kind of messed up

  To [Solace]: I know

  To [Solace]: I didnt think i’d do all this and you’d be like

  To [Solace]: yes everythings okay now

  To [Solace]: i’ll totally take you back

  To [Solace]: I just really wanted to show you

  To [Solace]: that I’m here

  To [Solace]: and these are your friends so I want them to be my friends

  To [Solace]: and when this is where you are

  To [Solace]: its where I want to be too

  [Solace] whispers: Really?

  [Solace] whispers: You really mean that?

  To [Solace]: yes

  [Solace] whispers: And you’re not going to turn round in two weeks and say you think I’ve got a problem

  [Solace] whispers: And you need to fix me

  To [Solace]: no

  To [Solace]: I was the one with the problem

  To [Solace]: I promise i’ll never make you feel that way again

  To [Solace]: i think your great

  To [Solace]: and I love being with you

  To [Solace]: and i dont want you to change anything

  To [Solace]: for me or anyone

  Drew was typing in a frenzy and he had no idea what Kit was thinking at the other end. It was honestly terrifying. But he couldn’t stop.

  To [Solace]: i kind of got you something

  Slightly awkwardly, he right-clicked Solace’s avatar and opened up a trade window. He dragged over the [Diminutive Ruby Golem] and selected “offer.” There was a heart-stopping moment when he thought Kit might not accept, but then the trade went through.

  You have lost [Diminutive Ruby Golem]

  [Solace] whispers: Where did you get that?

  To [Solace]: made it

  To [Solace]: jacob and bjorn took me to MC for the recipe

  [Solace] whispers: Seriously?

  [Solace] whispers: You did that for me?

  To [Solace]: i remember you said you wanted one

  [Solace] whispers: I’m having a magnificient grounds at Pemberley moment

  To [Solace]: ???

  [Solace] whispers: Just I’ll feel totally mercenary if I forgive you now

  To [Solace]: omg give it back then

  [Solace] whispers: Can’t. Used it :)

  Solace has earned the achievement: Heavy Petting.

  [Guild][Ialdir]: Grats

  [Guild][Caius]: Yay

  [Guild][Morag]: Grats

  [Guild][Mordant]: gz

  [Guild][Dave]: gz dude

  [Guild][Dave]: ded again

  Something tiny, red, and sparkling had started dancing at Solace’s feet.

  [Solace] whispers: He’s so cute

  To [Solace]: So am i forgiven?

  [Solace] whispers: For a [Diminutive Ruby Golem] anything

  [Solace] whispers: Well. Sort of.

  [Solace] whispers: I mean I’ve been really upset

  [Solace] whispers: But I’ve really missed you

  [Solace] whispers: And this was super weird but

  [Solace] whispers: I really liked it

  [Solace] whispers: You’re very sweet sometimes

  To [Solace]: i’m trying to balance out all the times i was a total dickhead

  To [Solace]: i know i’m asking you to keep trusting me

  To [Solace]: when you’ve already had to trust me like loads

  To [Solace]: like us meeting in the game

  To [Solace]: when i thought you were a girl

  To [Solace]: and then wanting to give it a go anyway

  To [Solace]: even though i’ve never had a boyfriend

  To [Solace]: and all that stuff

  To [Solace]: and you’ve been great and i’ve just sucked

  [Solace] whispers: Drew, that’s not true

  [Solace] whispers: You’ve never messed me around about anything else and I could have been more honest about the . . .

  [Solace] whispers: Not a girl thing.

  [Solace] whispers: I just really thought that was going to be the thing

  [Solace] whispers: And I was so happy when it wasn’t

  [Solace] whispers: And that we just worked

  [Solace] whispers: And that you liked me

  [Solace] whispers: In, y’know, all the ways

  [Solace] whispers: And it wasn’t weird

  To [Solace]: i do like you

  To [Solace]: in all the ways

  [Solace] whispers: So I was just really thrown when suddenly HoL was this massive thing

  [Solace] whispers: And if it had been about me being a boy I’d have understood because you can’t change that stuff

  [Solace] whispers: But it was like you were suddenly looking down on me for all the choices I’ve made about being me

  [Solace] whispers: And that was really scary

  [Solace] whispers: Because if the boy who really likes me thinks I’m a loser

  [Solace] whispers: Then maybe I am

  To [Solace]: i don’t think you’re a loser

  To [Solace]: and i’m so so so sorry i made you feel that way

  To [Solace]: i want to make you feel brilliant

  To [Solace]: because you are

  To [Solace]: and i was so lucky to be with you

  To [Solace]: and so stupid to mess it up

  To [Solace]: and i really want to give it another go

  The world’s longest pause ha
ppened. And kept happening. Drew nearly ate his keyboard.

  [Solace] whispers: So do I

  The world’s second-longest pause happened. And kept happening. This time because Drew was so unbelievably relieved and happy that he was sure he’d break everything if he said anything.

  Then he thought about Kit sitting there and staring at an empty chat window. And typed the first thing that came into his head.

  To [Solace]: oh god really?

  To [Solace]: i swear i’m never going to listen to Sanee again

  To [Solace]: shit that was a joke

  To [Solace]: i just mean that i

  To [Solace]: its really hard to explain

  To [Solace]: but i’m done worrying about what i think other people think

  To [Solace]: about anything

  To [Solace]: i care what you think

  To [Solace]: and about what makes us happy

  To [Solace]: can you say something now?

  To [Solace]: because this is more than i’ve ever typed in my entire life

  To [Solace]: including my a levels

  [Solace] whispers: I believe you

  To [Solace]: are we going to be okay?

  [Solace] whispers: I’d like to be

  [Solace] whispers: I think we will be

  [Solace] whispers: Anyway, I want to try :)

  To [Solace]: me too

  To [Solace]: starting like right now

  To [Solace]: like i think you can buy food from that random bear person

  To [Solace]: so we can have a picnic if you like

  To [Solace]: or we could like get our medusas or something

  [Solace] whispers: Actually

  [Solace] whispers: I mean that all sounds great

  [Solace] whispers: But what I’d really like is for you to come over

  [Solace] whispers: I mean if you want

  [Solace] whispers: It’s just our skull’s gone missing

  [Solace] whispers: And my bed is kind of cold

  [Solace] whispers: And I’ve still got some strawberries

  To [Solace]: omw

  Achi

  Abbreviation for achievement. Basically, sometimes when you do something in a game, a little text box will pop up telling you that you’ve just done the thing you just did. This is disproportionately satisfying. And often they have amusing names.

  Aggro

  The attention of monsters. Traditional MMO gameplay places a high importance on making sure enemies are attacking the right people and are not attacking the wrong people. See also: tank, threat.