Everybody Jam

by Ali Lewis

  Mum followed him about trying to calm him down a bit. Then all of a sudden he sat back on his chair and I reckon he was rubbing his face with his hands, but I couldn’t really see. Then he jumped back up again and said, ‘Where?’ No one answered him, so he slammed his hand down on the table in front of Sissy and said, ‘WHERE? WHERE? DAMN IT!’ Sissy didn’t answer, so then he said, ‘Was it here? Here on the station?’ She must have nodded because then he asked if it was in the house. Mum answered that. She said I’d told her how Liz and me had seen Gil climbing out of Sissy’s bedroom window.

  Dad went ape then. He went into the other room and came back carrying a rifle and a box of bullets. It was weird, though. It was like he didn’t need to shout any more – he’d decided what to do, I guess. He’d got it all figured out. ‘I’m going to Warlawurru,’ he said. We all knew what he was going to do. But he said it calmly, like it was the most normal thing in the world, like he was going to the Crofts to borrow a trailer, or something.

  Mum was scared then. I could tell. ‘Just sit down, Derek. Sit down – please. Please.’

  Dad wasn’t listening, though. He picked up his hat and turned to go out the door. That’s when Mum jumped up and grabbed his arm. She screamed at him to stop and just think – please, think about what you’re doing. He pushed her off, so she kind of stumbled backwards a bit, but she was fast. She got her balance and kind of threw herself between Dad and the door, so he couldn’t get out. Dad said, ‘Get out of my way, Sue. Now.’ But Mum wasn’t budging. She told him there was no way she was going to let him out of the house until he had calmed down. ‘You kill him, you’ll get life. D’you hear me? Life. What bloody use will you be to us then? You know what it’s like. The law’s different nowadays – they listen to the Blackfellas. You so much as lay a finger on him and they’ll lock you up and throw away the key.’

  I don’t remember doing it, but when Dad shoved Mum I must have opened the bedroom door because when Dad threw his gun on the floor, I was standing in the dining room. He kind of shouted – not words that I could recognise, more of a real loud moan. Then he pushed past Mum, so he could get out of the house. Mum ran out after him. I could hear her shouting, ‘Derek! Derek! Come back. Just come back. Please. We need to talk—’ The ute’s engine started and I heard the wheels screech as he raced out of the yard. I went over to the door and saw Mum trying to run after him, but she kind of slipped on the dirt, and was left on the ground in Dad’s dust cloud.

  I ran out to help her. She was kind of like a crumpled-up piece of dirty paper, like something you’d find at the tip. She was crying too. Sobbing. A bit like when it was Jonny’s funeral. I asked if she was OK but she didn’t answer. She just got to her feet and walked slowly back into the house. Sissy was still at the dining-room table. Like she didn’t dare move. She was staring straight ahead, and although she wasn’t making any sound tears were running down her cheeks. Mum sat down next to her. I stood there for a minute, not knowing what to do, so I went back to my room.

  I sat on my bed and wished I was somewhere with Jonny, just the two of us with the stars, far away from Timber Creek and Sissy’s belly. I took out his cattle book, a handful of his soldiers and his favourite dinky car – a Toyota, all chipped and worn. I slid on my back under the darkness of his bed and held Jonny’s things tightly to my chest.

  Twenty-one

  When I opened my eyes, it was dark. The house was quiet except for the whirr of the air con and every now and then something creaked. I’d forgotten where I was so when I tried to sit up, I smacked my head on the bottom of Jonny’s bed. I yelped, half in pain, half confused. Once I’d remembered where I was, I swung my legs to the side and wriggled out from under the bed.

  The footsteps I’d heard in my dream were real – they belonged to Dad. I opened the bedroom door a little and saw him and Mum sitting at the dining-room table. He must have calmed down and come home.

  I watched Dad rub his face and shake his head. I dunno if he’d turned round before he got to the Smiths’, or if he just couldn’t find them. Mum was talking, real quietly, and she looked sad. I couldn’t hear everything she was saying, but it had to be about Sissy and Gil. I felt my belly flip as I realised they looked a bit like when Jonny had the accident. After a while Dad said Gil Smith out loud, like he was trying to learn a new word. Mum sighed. Dad was just sitting there, with his mouth open. That’s when Mum said, ‘People will talk.’ Dad said, ‘Gil Smith?’ Mum nodded and said it made sense. ‘The timing’s right.’ Dad shook his head. Mum said people would gossip. Dad stared. Mum reckoned they’d have to tell people – she said the bush telegraph would work overtime when everyone found out. Dad didn’t reply. They both just sat there, not looking at each other.

  After a minute or two Dad said, ‘I can’t have this feral baby under my roof, Sue. I can’t. It’ll have to go.’ Mum said that maybe we could all keep it a secret. She reckoned no one had to know the baby was a gin. She reckoned that because Gil was fair and had lighter skin than most of the other Blackfellas, the baby might be white. But Dad shook his head. He said he reckoned it didn’t matter what colour the baby was because him and Mum were probably the last to know the truth, and that he wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of the Territory had already heard what Sissy had been up to with that mongrel bastard. He shook his head and said he couldn’t believe Sissy could do such a thing. ‘Gil Smith,’ he said again, like it was a question.

  After a minute or two, he said Mum should phone Aunty Ve in Alice and get her to have Sissy to stay until things had calmed down. Mum started to cry a bit then. I hated that. I didn’t want Sissy to go to Aunty Ve’s. Not really. Not for ever, anyway. Just until she had the baby, maybe. Then she could leave it there and come home, like normal.

  Dad stood up. He went towards Emily’s room. I kept real quiet. He must have gone through Emily’s room and opened Sissy’s bedroom door because for a second I could hear her music. He came back out with Sissy waddling behind him. She didn’t have any shoes on and her feet were real fat. He held a chair out for her to sit on.

  I thought Sissy would blub again – but she didn’t. Dad spoke real quietly. He told her that there was no way he was having her and her gin baby living under his roof. He said she’d have to go to Aunty Ve’s for a while. Sissy stared right back at him. Mum said, ‘Derek, please?’ But Dad was having none of it. He said Mum should phone Aunty Ve straight away and get things organised as quickly as possible. I saw him look at Sissy’s big belly and then look away again. He looked at his hands and said Sissy would need to be in Alice for when the baby came anyway – this way she’d just be there a bit earlier than originally planned. That’s all.

  Mum twiddled a hanky round in her hands. Sissy didn’t move. Mum blew her nose and her voice went funny when she said everyone would find out who the father was. I guess she reckoned Sissy would be embarrassed or sorry, or something. Sissy just shrugged, like she didn’t care if the whole of the Territory knew she was a gin-jockey. I reckoned Dad would get angry about that – he hated it when we answered back or anything. But he didn’t.

  After what felt like ages, Dad said he still needed to go to see Mick and Gil. When Sissy heard that, she looked scared and said, ‘What for? If I’m not here, what does it matter?’ I guess we all knew he wanted to beat the crap out of Gil. Sissy looked at Mum, like she wanted her to do something to make Dad change his mind. But Mum didn’t say anything. I think she reckoned Gil deserved a hiding too – whatever the law said. Sissy must have known there was nothing she could do about it, so she looked at her big belly. She asked if she could get down from the table. Mum looked at Dad and he nodded, so she got up and waddled back to her room.

  When Aunty Veronica rolled up in her car at Timber Creek, it took her a few minutes to haul herself out from behind the steering wheel. She walked across the yard and grabbed the rail to pull herself up the steps to the door. Dad held the door open for her. He said, g’day. She smiled, but he didn’t. I guess he couldn’t find o
ne to give her. I was told to go out and play with Emily while they talked to Aunty Ve.

  Emily sat like a crow on the fence eating an apple, while I hung around with Buzz wondering what was happening in the house. I knew Sissy was packing to go to Alice Springs.

  After we’d all eaten lunch without anyone saying anything at all, Mum, Aunty Ve and everyone else were busy washing up, so I went to Sissy’s bedroom. I stood outside the door not knowing what to do. In the end I knocked on it, like the Pommie would. Sissy’s voice came through real quietly asking who it was. I said it was me – Danny, and she asked what I wanted. I didn’t know what I wanted – not exactly, anyway. I tried to think what to say. In the end I just asked if I could come in. I heard Sissy’s feet get louder on the wooden floor inside, until they stopped on the other side of the door. After a second or two, the door opened and her face was there in front of me. ‘What?’ she asked. She’d been crying. I shrugged and asked if she was OK. She shrugged back at me. Neither of us said anything. Then she said she still had a load of packing to do, so I nodded. She looked at me again. I dunno, I was going to say something about how I didn’t want her to go or that I was sorry, or whatever. But I couldn’t get it straight in my head. Instead I kind of half shrugged at her. We looked at each other again and then she closed the door, so I went outside to practise my bowling. I was still out there when the women all came out of the house like a flock of galahs at dusk.

  Mum carried Sissy’s bags for her. She and Aunty Ve loaded them into the back of her car. Aunty Ve began shoving her big body behind the steering wheel. Mum went round to the passenger side and helped Sissy in. She looked like a mirror to Aunty Ve at the other side. Mum stood there, fidgety and awkward, fussing around, flicking Sissy’s hair off her forehead. She helped Sissy with the seat belt, and as she leaned over that big belly of hers they finally hugged. That’s when Sissy really started to blub. She kept saying over and over again how she didn’t want to go. ‘Don’t make me. Please. Please, Mum. Don’t make me go. I don’t want to go. I’m scared. I’m so scared.’ Mum undid the seat belt again and helped Sissy out of the car. She rubbed her back and stroked her hair. Emily started wailing too, so Aunty Ve got out and picked her up while Mum whispered things in Sissy’s ear I couldn’t hear. Aunty Ve looked over at Dad and shook her head a little. Dad looked down at the ground when he saw her. I turned back to the car and Mum had got Sissy back into the front seat. She’d stopped sobbing.

  Mum said Sissy had to call her when they got to Alice and as soon as anything happened. Dad watched from where he was working. Once he saw Mum let go of Sissy, he walked over to the car too. The door was already shut when he got there, so he tapped on Sissy’s window and sort of waved at her. He didn’t smile. Sissy looked at him, but she didn’t wave. She had this weird, kind of blank face. Like she couldn’t see or hear anything. When she opened the window as the car moved away, she leaned out a little bit with her hand waving like a broken wing.

  As they left us behind we didn’t shout, Bye! See ya soon! Drive carefully like normal. That was how we always used to wave Sissy and Jonny off when Aunty Ve came over to take them back to boarding school after the holidays. I guess we couldn’t pretend everything was normal any more. Nothing was normal. I guess it hadn’t been normal for ages. I wondered if it would ever be normal again.

  Twenty-two

  An hour or so after Sissy had left, Dad finished what he was doing with the generator, wiped his hands on his trousers and walked towards the house. He stuck his head just inside the door and shouted to Mum, to let her know he was going to Warlawurru to see Mick. The fly screen twanged on its hinges like a rubber band when he let go of it. Mum came out and said he should just leave it. Dad looked at her and said he had to go and see them. Mum put her arm round him and said, ‘Let the dust settle, Derek. Let’s just leave it until after we’ve finished the muster. Please. Sissy’s not here, so let’s just leave it for now.’ Dad looked like he’d been stung when Mum said about Sissy not being at the station. He stood still for a minute, rubbed his face with his hands and thought about it. His eyes looked red when he nodded his head and said he was going to go to Wild Ridge to see the fellas and get the muster underway over there. Mum looked relieved and worried at the same time. She kissed his cheek. Dad got into his ute and it threw a dirty streak into the air as he left the station. Mum watched him go and then went inside.

  When Mum and Dad gave me a list of chores – my punishment for running away – I couldn’t believe how much I had to do. I’d hoped with Sissy leaving the station and everyone being so busy with the muster, they’d have forgotten about it, but it was like the opposite had happened. I reckoned they’d used the time to think of as many jobs as they could. When I saw the list, I shouted, ‘It’s not fair!’ I hadn’t meant to, it just came out of my mouth without me thinking.

  Dad held his finger up and said, ‘Don’t. You. Dare.’ I kept quiet then and listened. I knew if I started blubbing or complaining I’d be in even more trouble. Dad reckoned there was nothing worse than a whinger. They went through the list with me. Dad said the sooner all the chores were done, the sooner I could stay out at stock camp with him and the fellas. But he said he’d be checking and if I didn’t do the chores properly, he’d give me more to do. That’s when Mum said I had to do them after school, which made me wonder when I’d get time to train Buzz. Dad said, ‘You should have thought about that before you ran away. All actions have consequences, Danny. That’s something your sister’s about to find out.’

  I had to sweep the shop, dust every room in the house, tidy the shelves in the cool room, clean my bedroom and put my laundry away – neatly. I had to clean out the chook house, as well as repair the old pigpen ready for Mo’s piglets being weaned. I had to help Liz feed all the poddies and the pigs and open the shop if any Blackfellas called by. I wanted to ask what to do if Mick or Gil called in, but I was afraid of what Dad would say, so I kept quiet.

  Dad wanted me to clean out one of his sheds and tidy up the wood and sheets of metal that were inside it. He also said I had to go through all the jars and boxes of nuts, bolts, screws, washers and things in another of the big sheds, and make sure they were tidy. There were hundreds of jars and boxes in there, all mixed up – screws thrown in with washers, big nails with drill bits, you name it. It was going to be hot and boring.

  The next day Mum went to work as normal. She didn’t seem very happy about it. She told me and Emily that if Aunty Ve or Sissy phoned we had to tell her straight away. She kind of shouted the instructions at us, like we were already in trouble before we’d even forgotten what to do. She wrote the number of the clinic at Marlu Hill where she worked in big letters on a piece of paper and pinned it to the wall next to the phone, so we couldn’t lose it. But the phone didn’t ring that day and Mum spoke to Sissy and Aunty Ve that night when she got home. She hung up and said Sissy was fine but there was no news and then radioed Dad to tell him the same thing. I didn’t get it. Why would you radio someone to say you had nothing to tell them?

  For days I was stuck on the station. They felt like the longest of my life. Dad and the fellas were working all hours out at Wild Ridge. Some days they didn’t even come home. I’d missed them rounding up the cattle there – that was the best bit. With Dad staying out some nights, dinner time was strange. There were too many empty seats at the table. I didn’t like it. It made me feel sad about Jonny and I wished Sissy would come home without the big belly. Like normal.

  The only thing that was normal was Buzz. Even though I had all the chores to do, I made a deal, that no matter what, I’d spend at least an hour a day with him. I dunno if he understood, but he seemed full of himself all week. He was a terrible rascal. He ran around, rearing up and kicking his legs like he was dancing, or something. Once or twice I thought I would have to get a stick, but after a few minutes he calmed down. It was like he’d get so excited about coming out of the pen and getting away from those dumb poddies, he wanted to jump up and down like
he’d won a million bucks.

  Liz saw us coming back into the yard one night after our training, and later at dinner she told everyone about how clever Buzz and me were. Dad and the fellas weren’t there, though, they’d stayed out at stock camp at Simpson’s Dam. They’d moved there after they’d finished at Wild Ridge. Bobbie said, ‘Just imagine what you could do if you put that much effort into your school work, Danny.’ Then Mum said, ‘Or those chores.’ I dunno why grown-ups always had to ruin things. I thought about Dad and the fellas and wished I could just magically be with them instead of all the girls.

  I’d heard Dad complaining about the dust. The ground was so dry that when the cattle were all together in the yards, they kicked up loads of dust. Dad reckoned it was a terrible storm. It got in the fellas’ eyes and ears and their lungs when they breathed. Into everything. Normally they’d get a hose and pump water onto the ground in the yards to damp it down so there was less dust, but because of the drought Dad didn’t like to do that much. But the dust was so bad he reckoned they’d have to do something because it was becoming impossible. I remembered the mark around Simpson’s Dam where the water used to be, from when the Pommie and me were there looking at Arthur’s stone. That was a while ago, though – I wondered how low the water had got now.

  Mum said she hoped Sissy was OK. She said the baby’s due day wasn’t until a week after the muster was supposed to finish. She’d always said she’d go to Alice to be with Sissy once she started to have the baby. She’d said it would take hours for the baby to actually be born, so there’d be enough time to get there. She reckoned she’d spoken to her boss, Doctor Willis, at the clinic. He’d agreed to let her have more time off on compassionate grounds.