Everybody Jam

by Ali Lewis

  ‘Is that camel eating my plants?’ Mum screeched, as she looked out of the glass doors. ‘He is!’ She answered her own question, as she flung the doors open and shouted, ‘Who put the camel in my garden?’ Even though I was in trouble, I quite liked it. I raced past her to grab Buzz. I needed to get him before she could get a clothes prop and flog us. As we ran together out of the garden I looked back as I shut the gate and I could see Mum smiling in the doorway. I guess we were all too happy to get angry. I reckoned the end-of-muster party was going to be the best we’d ever had.

  I was out in the yard with Buzz when Reg pulled up in his bull catcher. He’d come to get some diesel, but when he saw me with Buzz he shouted, ‘He sure is a beauty!’ When he saw Reg, Buzz forgot about everything else and ran over to say g’day. I guess he could tell Reg was a decent fella and wanted to get to know him. Reg held his hand up to Buzz and said something quietly to him. I strolled over to see what he thought. He nodded at me and said I’d done a real good job – he could see I’d be riding Buzz in no time.

  Dad came out of the house then. He said Dr Willis had called to say Lloyd was well enough to come home. ‘How’s his leg?’ Reg asked. Dad said he’d be scarred, but he’d live. Reg reckoned Lloyd had been lucky. Dad nodded and then asked what he thought of Buzz. ‘He’s done a fine job with him,’ Reg said. That’s when I told them I’d like to muster with Buzz one day. That made them laugh. Dad reckoned it’d be like going back sixty years. Reg agreed, but added, ‘Hell, it’d be wild though, wouldn’t it?’ He shook Dad’s hand and then turned to me and held his big, rough hand out for me to shake too. I’d never really shaken hands with anyone before. I put mine in his and felt him take a firm grip and give my hand a couple of shakes. I felt so good about that, I almost forgot to let go.

  As we said see you later to Reg, Mum came out. She said I was meant to be helping get things ready for the muster party. I was going to explain I’d been talking to Reg, but I knew she wasn’t interested. Mum was too busy getting all crazy about the party. She said my job was to get the tables lined up outside, so when she put the tablecloths over them, it made it look like one big table. Then I had to find enough chairs for everyone to sit on.

  It took a while to find enough chairs for everyone, and moving the tables was pretty hot work. Once it was done, I was real thirsty, so I went inside to get a drink. No one was around except Aunty Ve – I could hear her singing to herself as she folded the laundry in the lounge. I went into the kitchen and was just putting my glass back on the draining board when I heard Mum and Dad. They were in the dining room, and it sounded like they were having a bluey. Mum said she reckoned Dad never kept a close-enough eye on us kids – that he let us run wild like the Blackfellas. Dad said something back about how he should have known better than to have told her about what had happened at the yards with Danny – because he knew what she’d think. That was when Mum said, ‘What I’d think? What d’you mean – what I’d think? What is it I think, Derek?’ Dad didn’t reply. ‘SAY IT!’ she shouted. ‘SAY IT – DAMN IT!’ Mum never swore.

  Dad’s voice sounded small when he said, ‘You reckon Jonny … You think it was my fault, don’t you?’

  Mum’s voice was real small when she said, ‘I just don’t want to lose any more children, Derek.’ She said she was scared they were going to lose Sissy and Alex too, if they weren’t careful. She reckoned Gil was a good kid. He’d tried to call Sissy when they were in Alice to make sure she was OK. Mum started to cry then, I heard her sniff a bit.

  Aunty Ve came through with the laundry basket, so I couldn’t eavesdrop any more. I told her I was going to see Buzz and ran outside. My heart was beating faster than normal and I had to stop and use my inhaler. I hated it when Mum and Dad rowed. Knowing it was because of what I’d done at the yards made it even worse.

  I was with Buzz in the calf pen when Emily came to get me. She said Aunty Ve had brought her camera and wanted me and Buzz to go to the garden to be in the family photo. I heard Aunty Ve shouting, ‘Yoo-hoo, Danny! Come on. I want a photo of everyone … Come on – you can bring Buzz too …’

  We all lined up in the back garden. Aunty Veronica had put three plastic chairs in a row, for Mum, Dad and Sissy to sit on. When I looked at Mum, I reckoned she’d been crying. Dad kept his hand round her shoulder the whole time, like he was trying to keep his balance, or something. Mum saw me staring and kind of smiled at me. I didn’t know what to do so I smiled back and then looked at my boots. Sissy had Alex in her arms. She looked different too. I dunno how to explain it, but it was like she’d got older.

  Liz looked out of the window then and said she’d take a picture of us all if we wanted. Mum thought that was a good idea. She sat down on the front row with Dad and Sissy, while Aunty Ve stood at the back with me, Buzz and Emily. Aunty Ve said we should get a move on, or we’d never be ready for the party. We all smiled while Liz took our picture. Once she’d finished, it was funny because Mum said, ‘I wish Jonny was here.’ Then she stopped and looked round like she hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Even though it made everyone feel weird and we didn’t know what to say back, I liked it. Mum didn’t talk about Jonny very often – no one did, so it made me feel like it was OK to think about Jonny and to touch his picture every day. But Dad got up and walked away. He didn’t look at anyone or say anything. I felt kind of empty again then. Like I was wrong to think about Jonny after all.

  Thirty-one

  When Dad brought Lloyd home, we all got to have a look at the dressing on his leg. It was real big, but you couldn’t really see any blood or anything. As he rolled his trouser leg back down, Lloyd said I could watch when Mum changed the bandage, if I wanted. Sissy said we were all gross.

  After that Aunty Ve told Emily not to bother Mum and Dad. They were getting ready for the muster party. She went to find Emily a big piece of wallpaper to draw a picture of the poddies on and Emily took it outside. She was leaning over the little table in the shady area outside the front door where the fellas were drinking coffee and smoking. Elliot pointed at the sky of her picture and asked her what she’d drawn. Emily stopped what she was doing and looked at Elliot like he was dumb. She said, ‘That’s Elaine.’ Elliot laughed and said he’d heard pigs could fly, but not cattle. I guess he didn’t know Elaine was at the carcass dump.

  We all heard Alex start screaming again inside and Lloyd looked like the sound made his head hurt even more than his leg did. Elliot got up then and said, ‘I’m going for a lie down.’ He slung the last bit of coffee out of his cup onto the ground. I guess everyone was bushed after the muster.

  When Emily heard the crying, she got straight up to go and help Sissy with Alex. It was like she had a new poddy calf, or something. She left her picture and ran inside. The wallpaper curled in on itself and the wind caught it, so it rolled off the table onto the ground. Lloyd bent down to pick it up. He uncurled it and looked at the picture she’d drawn. I could tell he didn’t get it either. He put the paper down on the table and pushed the tin of crayons on top of it. We both looked up when we heard a car pull into the yard. It was Mick and Gil Smith. That’s when Lloyd said, ‘The in-laws!’ I watched the car pull up and could see Gil staring at me. Lloyd said I’d better get Mum and Dad, so I went inside.

  Mum and Dad were both in the dining room with Sissy. I told them that Mick and Gil were outside. Dad looked at Mum and then they looked at Sissy. She looked at the tablecloth. Dad put his hat on and said, ‘Come on then.’ Mum looked at Sissy and said, ‘You wait in here with Alex.’ Sissy nodded. The two of them went outside to see Mick and Gil. Aunty Ve asked Emily to help her in the kitchen and Sissy went into her room with Alex.

  I hadn’t had a chance until then to touch Jonny’s picture, so I went over to the piano. I held the sides of the picture and then before I put it back down again, I touched his face with my nose. The glass felt cold and it steamed up with my breath. When I put my thumb on Jonny’s face, it made a clear mark in the wet condensation, bringing him back into
focus. When I turned round Aunty Ve was there. She said. ‘D’you miss him, Danny?’ I didn’t answer. I looked at her and then at the floor. She said, ‘Because I do.’

  I dunno why, but part of me was glad she’d caught me touching the picture, but I felt embarrassed too, hearing her talk about Jonny like that. I shrugged at Aunty Ve and said, ‘Yeah, he was real good at stuff, like remembering birthdays and the numbers on the cattle tags.’

  Aunty Ve laughed and sat down. She pulled another of the chairs out and patted it, so I’d sit down with her. She was laughing about the time Jonny fell into one of the dams and accidentally caught a yabby in his hat. Then we both sat there for a while, saying nothing. I guess we were both just thinking about Jonny. Remembering. That was when Aunty Ve smiled and said it was nice to talk about Jonny. I told her no one else did and she nodded. She reckoned it was because everyone was so sad about him dying. I guess it was because no one had ever really said Jonny was dead to me before, but hearing those words made me blub. A red-hot tear burned a streak down my right cheek and then my chest heaved and I didn’t think I’d ever breathe again. Aunty Ve pulled me to her and I felt small and cold against her big, warm body. After a few minutes she took a hanky out from her sleeve and handed it to me. It felt warm when I wiped my eyes on it and blew my nose. ‘D’you need your inhaler, love?’ she asked. I shook my head and said I was OK.

  ‘You’re not the only one who misses him, you know? How d’you think I feel – and Gil?’ Sissy had overheard everything we’d been saying. I shouted at her to rack off – I didn’t want to hear about her and Gil, and I didn’t want her to know I’d been blubbing either. That’s when Aunty Ve held her hands up and said, ‘Enough,’ and that we had to call a truce. She put her soft, warm, fat hand over mine and said I had to listen to her, so I did. She looked into my eyes and smiled right at me. She said that if ever I wanted to talk about Jonny, I should just say whatever was in my head. I said I wanted to, but it was hard. No one else ever really talked about him – especially Dad. Sissy nodded, like she knew exactly what I was talking about. Aunty Ve paused, like she was thinking and then said, ‘Well that’s just Dad’s way. It doesn’t mean it has to be your way.’ She said the three of us should all make a deal. She said that I should talk to Sissy or we could call her on the phone and talk to her about Jonny because she liked talking about him too. Aunty Ve held out her hand for me to shake, like we were making a deal. As I shook it, I felt different. I dunno why, but it felt good. Like when you’ve got a secret. I smiled at them both.

  Mum came into the house then and asked Sissy to get Alex. Sissy didn’t say anything, she just went to get Alex and took him outside in his basket. As Mum held the door open for her, Sissy turned round and smiled at Aunty Ve and me, so I smiled back.

  I went to my bedroom to see what was happening from my window. Mum, Dad and Mick were all leaning against Mick’s car, with the empty basket on the bonnet. Sissy was standing opposite them, watching as Gil held Alex in his arms. They were out there for ages, talking and handing Alex from one person to the next, until eventually he started to cry, so they gave him back to Sissy.

  Mum, Dad and Sissy came back into the house. Dad said me and him were going to have a talk – man to man. Mum went with Sissy and Alex into the kitchen. As Dad shut the door, I wondered what it was I’d done wrong. When he sat back down he looked at his hands for a minute. Then he looked right at me and said, ‘Like it or not, Daniel, Gil is Alex’s dad. We all have to accept that.’

  I stared back at him, waiting to hear what else he had to say. Dad breathed in and then said, ‘We’ve known the Smiths a long, long time. Mick’s been a mate of mine for years and Gil was mates with Jonny.’ Dad hardly ever said Jonny’s name. Almost never. Then Dad said something about how he reckoned Sissy and Gil were both far too young to have a baby, but there was no point in thinking about that because Alex was here and we all had to do our best to help him. He reckoned Alex was just like me when I was little and that he deserved just as many chances as I’d had. He said, ‘He’s your nephew, Daniel. Remember that.’

  Mum came in. Dad looked at her and then back at me and said how they’d talked about it with Mick and they reckoned me and Gil needed to shake hands and put things behind us. I said there was no way I was shaking his hand. He was Jonny’s mate and he’d been rooting with Sissy. I dunno why the two things were important, but somehow I knew they were. I said it wasn’t my fault. That’s when Mum said sometimes it didn’t matter whose fault things were. She said sometimes things happened that were no one’s fault and that we had to find a way to move forward. Dad put his arm round her then and they said I had to go out and see Gil. I didn’t want to. I said I’d do it another day. Dad said, ‘No, Daniel, now.’

  He followed me outside. The sun was real hot and I didn’t want to look at Gil. He was leaning against Mick’s car, with his arms folded. When I got to where they were, I didn’t look him in the eye – not straight away. I stared at his yellow T-shirt instead. Dad said something about how he reckoned me and Gil should let bygones be bygones. Mick nodded. Gil and me just stood there. No one said anything for a bit and then Dad said, ‘Well we haven’t got all day, so come on, you two, just shake on it, will you?’ Gil held his hand out then and I heard him say, ‘Fair dos.’ I didn’t want to, but I took his hand and shook it a bit harder than I’d shaken Reg’s a few hours earlier.

  Mick kind of laughed and said, ‘Good. Let’s go.’ Him and Gil got in the car and Dad and me went back inside.

  Thirty-two

  Mum was going crazy in the kitchen, trying to get everything ready. She said I had to feed all the animals because everyone else was too busy getting ready for the party. She looked at her watch and said she’d never have it all done in time. Aunty Ve shook her head and winked at me. I decided I’d be better off outside feeding the animals – starting with the chooks. By the time I’d got to the poddies pen, fed Buzz and shut them all in for the night, it was getting dark. When I went back to the house, there was music spurting out into the garden in bursts. I went round the side of the house to see what was happening – hoping I’d avoid Mum. I found Dad wrestling with the old hi-fi speakers and an extension cable. I asked what he was doing and he said, ‘A party’s not a party without music.’ He’d got a dodgy connection, though, and until he found it, all we heard was the odd cough and splutter from Willie Nelson. Then Lloyd and Elliot showed up. They were both all scrubbed and clean, like new.

  When Dad fixed the dodgy connection everyone cheered. Aunty Ve came out then with piles of cutlery and plates, which the fellas helped her put down on the table. She told me I needed a shower and that I’d better get a move on before Mum blew a gasket. As I went through to the bathroom, Emily ran past me flicking her wet hair in my face.

  After I’d had my shower and I’d washed out a whole week’s worth of knots, smoke, sweat and dirt from my hair, I heard the Crofts’ horn shouting their arrival, so I ran outside to see them.

  Greg carried two whole crates of beer with him from the car, while Mary and Ron carried the food they’d brought. Penny had come too. She was with Dick, who just wheezed along with them – I guess carrying that chest of his must have been enough. I dunno what was inside it, but it sounded heavy. Mum and Dad stood outside the house to let them in. Penny, Mary and Ron followed Mum into the kitchen with the food, while Dick and Greg went with Dad round the back to get a beer. They came back out and talked nonstop about the muster. It was almost dark, the sky was inky blue and Dad was standing in a white pool thrown into the garden by the outside light. As moths and mozzies danced around him, Dick and Greg asked how Dad thought we’d done out of the muster. He said he hoped we’d made enough to keep us from going under. Dick slapped Dad’s back and said, ‘Sure you will – we’ve seen worse, you know?’

  When I looked behind me, I saw Bobbie and the Pommie. They both looked real clean, sort of shinier than they usually did. Bobbie’s hair was tied back in this silvery thing, but she’d made
a bit of a mess of it – she’d missed a load of bits, which dangled down in her eyes like curly spaghetti. Her face wasn’t like it normally was either. Her lips looked wet and her eyes were all dark. They looked like they couldn’t open properly. I’d never seen her look like that before, and I guess I was staring at her because she said, ‘What are you looking at?’ I felt dumb then, so I looked away and said, ‘Nothing.’

  The Pommie had her hair down round her shoulders, but her face was all weird too. Her eyes seemed real big and sparkly, she just seemed shinier than normal somehow. I looked round and saw Greg was staring too. When he saw me looking at him, he started studying the bottle of beer he was holding, like he’d noticed something real interesting on the label. When he looked up he saw Bobbie and the Pommie chatting with Lloyd. Greg got up and dragged his chair over to where they were sitting.

  Not long after that Mum, Aunty Ve and Penny started bringing some of the salads out to the table. The barbecue had been lit and Dad threw a few of his burgers on the hot plate. They hissed and Mum reckoned they smelled real good. They smiled at each other. I hoped they wouldn’t kiss. They didn’t get a chance, though, because that was when Reg and his mob rumbled into the yard.

  Seeing them was the strangest of all. I dunno what they’d done to themselves, but it was a bit like when you dipped a paintbrush in turpentine. All the bits of desert, which had got stuck in the sweat on their skin and on the wind in their hair were gone. The bloodstains on their clothes had disappeared and even their boots looked clean. Aunty Ve whistled at them and shouted, ‘Look, girls – it’s the bloody Chippendales!’ Reg laughed, and lifted his cap off towards Aunty Veronica, and said in a voice a bit like the Pommie’s, ‘Good evening, ladies.’