Here to Stay

by Debra Webb

  “The marriage was a mistake, over before it even began. Did you expect him to wait?”

  “I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that.” Paige didn’t want to think about this anymore tonight, but she did have one final question to ask. “Robert hasn’t mentioned Nathan’s current social life. I had hoped to get some idea of how he conducts himself before I tell him about Jesse.”

  “You think Nathan would expose the boy to something unseemly?” Silas eyed her skeptically.

  “Well, no,” Paige explained. Silas knew she didn’t mean it that way, but the lawyer in him had just popped out, looking for the hidden motivation behind her question. “I know Nathan is a good man, better than most. I just have to be sure that his standard of living is what it should be. I love Jesse too much to take any chances. It has been almost five years since I’ve spent any time with Nathan.”

  “I see,” Silas said with too much understanding. “Nathan is young, good-looking, and more than comfortable financially. There isn’t a single woman in this county and a few others who hasn’t tried her luck at snaring him. But he’s not one to gloat regarding his conquests. Nathan keeps his personal life personal. However, he doesn’t appear to be interested in a long term relationship. Between losing you and the divorce, I’d say he’s a little gun shy.”

  She shifted, suddenly uncomfortable. “I suppose so.”

  “Paige, what’s the real problem?”

  “I’m afraid,” Paige confessed reluctantly. “Nathan is so angry with me, not to mention my father. How can I ever trust him with my son?”

  “Jesse’s his son, too.”

  “I know, But that—” She broke off at the sight of Nathan sauntering across the room with a beautiful redhead draped over his right arm.

  Silas turned to see what had captured Paige’s attention. He cleared his throat upon seeing Nathan and quickly directed his attention back to his unfinished ribeye.

  Paige’s attention remained riveted on the couple. Nathan’s long, blue-black hair lay against his shoulders like a curtain of dark silk. An uncharacteristic white shirt covered his broad shoulders and made his bronzed skin look even darker. Her mouth parched as her gaze followed the trail of sleek skin revealed by the shirt that fell unbuttoned all the way to the center of his chest. Faded blue denim molded his lean body, while silver and turquoise belted his waist.

  Paige felt a gentle shock when Nathan’s gaze collided with hers. Heat spanned the distance and sent an even stronger wave rumbling through her. Nathan smiled and guided his date in Paige’s direction.

  “Mind your manners, girlie,” Silas admonished.

  Nathan and the clinging redhead came to a stop at their table. “Silas, aren’t you the lucky one tonight?” He looked from Silas to Paige and back as he extended his hand.

  Silas shook Nathan’s outstretched hand. “You don’t seem to be doing so badly yourself.” Silas winked and Nathan grinned.

  The redhead giggled. Paige shot her a disgusted look. The black spandex hugging the woman’s body couldn’t have amounted to more than half a yard of material. A string of black pearls cinched her neck. A raw, burning emotion swelled inside Paige. She stopped breathing and had the overwhelming desire to scratch the woman’s green eyes out.

  “Celine, this is Paige Weston.” Nathan nodded toward Paige, a note of total male satisfaction in his voice.

  “Hey, Paige,” Celine purred.

  “Nice to meet you,” Paige muttered. She clasped her hands in her lap.

  “Silas, I believe you and Celine already know each other.”

  “Of course.” Silas took the hand Celine graciously extended and dropped a light kiss on her knuckles, evoking another giggle from the woman. “Who wouldn’t know one of the prettiest ladies in town?”

  Celine burst into another fit of too-feminine laughter.

  Paige almost choked. Men! How they kissed up to a pretty face. She had to consciously refrain from gagging at the whole scene.

  Nathan shot a wry grin at Silas. “Have a nice evening, folks,” he said, his tone as smooth as glass. He tightened his grip on his date and sauntered away with that sexy male walk that made Paige shiver in spite of her irritation.

  Only then did Paige realize she’d been holding her breath. Her entire body pulsed with a mixture of pain and anger. He had blatantly flaunted that…that woman in her face, probably just to see how she would react. Nathan Blackrope was nothing but a lying, cheating, two-timing…Why should she be surprised? She’d known it five years ago and it was no doubt still true. He had wasted no time in getting over Paige then, why would he behave differently now? Besides, what did she care how many women he had? She could have other men—if she wanted them. She’d had plenty of offers. Plenty, she repeated silently. But she had a busy career—and a son to raise.

  “Would you like to go, Paige?” Silas asked, concern clouding his eyes. “I mean, if Nathan and Celine—”

  “I’m fine, Silas. Why don’t we have dessert?” Paige nervously pushed back a stray lock of hair. No way would she go running out now and give Nathan the satisfaction of thinking he had caused her one millisecond of discomfort. What she felt right now was just the residual hurt from the past. Nothing more.

  Silas smiled and motioned for the waitress. “Two coffees and two Cherry Delights,” he told the woman in the checkered apron.

  Paige watched the waitress scurry away to fetch their orders. The surroundings that had suddenly faded into obscurity in Nathan’s presence, eased back into awareness. The slow, sensuous beat of a love song floated across the smoky room. Seemingly, with a will of its own, Paige’s gaze moved to the near-empty dance floor. Long, pink-nailed fingers threaded through Nathan’s dark hair. Willowy arms tightened around his neck. Celine’s curvaceous body molded to his.

  Not wanting to look, but unable to turn away, Paige watched Nathan’s slow, rhythmic movements. His hands slid up the woman’s back to tangle in her mane of red hair. His gaze focused on Celine as they moved in perfect harmony.

  The waitress momentarily distracted Paige as she delivered the coffee and pie. But she had no appetite for dessert.

  She swallowed the need to cry as she continued to watch his sensual movements. She’d forgotten what a good dancer Nathan was. Graceful and sexy, his body blended perfectly with the music’s rhythm. She sucked in a sharp breath as Nathan’s mouth descended even closer to the other woman’s in the promise of a kiss.

  Paige could almost feel his breath on her face, his arms around her waist. But it wasn’t her on that dance floor, it was someone else. She would never again be held like that…looked at like that by Nathan. Nathan Blackrope hated her now. Only the lingering bond of their childhood remained.

  The long-ago hurt she had thought at least partially healed struck with renewed intensity. And now she would never have anyone. Who would want what was left of her after the doctors had finished? Sure, she looked whole on the outside, but inside she was hollow. Empty.

  “I’d like to go now, Silas.” Her voice quaked. Paige clenched her jaw to hold back a sob.

  “Certainly.” Silas stood and dropped some cash on the table.

  Paige scooted from the booth and followed him to his car without a backward glance. All this time she had been so stupid. Deep down inside she’d hoped that somehow, he might still love her just a little. That maybe a tiny part of the Nathan she used to know still existed. Actually seeing him with another woman tonight had put a visual image with the betrayal she had suffered so long ago.

  “Paige, I’m sorry if—”

  “It’s okay, Silas. It doesn’t matter. Just take me to Robert’s, please.” She swiped at the tears trickling down her cheeks and focused on the darkness surrounding them. It hurt like hell, but at least she knew the truth. Nathan didn’t care about her. He resented her. But that was all. If he had ever loved her, he certainly didn’t now. She needed to know that. To see what she saw, no matter how much it hurt. She had known all along, tonight had merely confir
med the facts. Memories were all she and Nathan shared…except for Jesse.

  Well, Paige affirmed, she hadn’t come to Trinity looking for lost love anyway. She came to tell Nathan he had a son. A son who needed his father because his mother had had the ultimate wake-up call. Paige clenched her teeth as anger rose inside her. Cancer. The word exploded inside her head and Paige closed her eyes against it.

  ~*~

  Nathan thought he could hear Paige calling him. Sweet Paige. God, how he loved her. Nathan, the voice taunted. I’m here, he wanted to call out, but couldn’t. He couldn’t wake up. And she was so far away. He hugged his pillow to his chest.

  “Nathan.”

  Nathan rolled over and slowly forced his eyes open. The alcohol-induced sleep didn’t want to release him. The darkness curled around him, urging him to close his eyes and drift back into unconsciousness.

  “Nathan!”

  The voice was louder now, more insistent. He blinked and tried to focus. The semi-dark room moved in and out of clarity. He pushed his hand over his face and stared toward the sound.

  “Nathan, wake up, you jerk.”

  “Paige,” he mumbled as he tried to sit up. His mouth was sand-dry and his head felt like a train had run through it. His stomach churned and he groaned. Despite his mental stupor, he felt certain that she was in the room. He could hear her…He could smell her fresh sunflower scent.

  “You’re the scum of the earth, Blackrope. Lower than a snake’s belly.”

  Her image finally came into focus. “Paige?” Nathan licked his lips and raised up on his elbows, rubbed his eyes and squinted in her direction. The effort was too much. He fell back onto his pillow and tried to figure out what she would be doing in his bedroom. She couldn’t really be here, he had to be dreaming. Still, he tried to focus on the figure standing over his bed, but the urge to close his eyes was too great.

  “Get up,” the voice demanded.

  Nathan snapped his eyes open and focused on the mirage once more. Paige had gotten all gussied up for some reason. Maybe, Nathan thought, he’d died and didn’t know it yet. After the way he’d behaved last night, he didn’t deserve to live anyway. If he closed his eyes, maybe he’d wake up out of his misery—in hell, where he belonged.

  “I said get up!”

  Paige jerked the pillow from under his head. Nathan moaned at the daggers of pain that shot through his skull. Damn…He was in hell.

  “Stop…My head is killing me.”

  “Good.” She gave the mattress under him a swift kick. “You must have been pretty drunk last night, because you left your front door standing wide open.”

  “Stop shouting,” he begged in a near whisper. Nathan opened his eyes and looked up at the source of his discomfort. Paige. He frowned. She really was here. She’d put her hair up somehow. He didn’t like it. Nathan liked it when all that soft, honey-colored stuff hung free around her shoulders. A blue skirt and jacket. He didn’t like the suit, either. Too stuffy. He liked Paige better in jeans and a T-shirt or naked. He smiled.

  “What the Sam Hill are you smiling about?”

  “Stop shouting, dammit,” he demanded then wished he hadn’t. He squeezed his eyes shut, groaned and held perfectly still until the room stopped spinning and the pain subsided again.

  “I have to be in court in less than three hours. Now get up!”

  Nathan opened his eyes and looked up at her again. “What is it you want, woman?”

  Paige’s dismayed gaze suddenly locked on his body. Only then did Nathan realize that he was naked. All that prevented him from being completely exposed was the corner of the sheet draped over his private parts. If she didn’t stop looking at him with that wide-eyed expression, that part would soon be making an appearance.

  She dragged her gaze to his and cleared her throat. “Windborne has gone into labor—”

  “Damnation, Blondie, why didn’t you say so?” Nathan sprang from the bed, eliciting a gasp and a gaping mouth from Paige. “Whoa.” Nathan closed his eyes and steadied himself against the vertigo. He fumbled for his jeans and jerked them on. “Did you call Walden?” he managed to ask without his head exploding.

  “The vet is with her now,” she said, her back turned. “I have to leave for Memphis. I know Robert would want one of us there.”

  “You’re right. Thanks for letting me know.” Nathan plowed a hand through his hair and ignored the queasy sensation rising in his stomach. A flashback of the previous day’s events slammed into his head. Words he’d said. Celine. Damn. He passed a hand over his face. “Look, Paige, I’m sorry about yesterday.”

  Paige didn’t turn around or speak, but her posture stiffened. The knowledge of how insensitive he’d been would have made him sick had he not already been at death’s door.

  “I didn’t mean to say all those things. I didn’t think.”

  Nathan braced himself for her rejection before he reached out and touched her rigid shoulder.

  Paige shrugged away, then turned to face him. “What would you like me to say in response to that?”

  “Nothing…I mean, I just wanted you to know that I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “Sure you did. That’s why you said all those things.”

  He closed his eyes and sighed long and loud. Why should she make this easy for him? He had been a total ass. “Okay,” he muttered and opened his eyes. “I wanted to hurt you. Satisfied?”

  His insides twisted as Paige’s gaze slid slowly down his body. Nathan wondered if she was even conscious of the act. When her eyes paused on his half-open fly, his groin tightened and heat flooded his loins. His breath stalled in his chest. She shouldn’t be looking at him like that. Not right now, when he was too weak to fight the hunger for what he knew he could never have.

  She fastened her gaze back on his and folded her arms solemnly under her breasts. “You took advantage of me and you know it. How could you…” She hesitated and moistened her lips before she began again. “How could you have…?”

  “Made love to you?” he offered. She flinched. Anger swirled, replacing the queasy feeling in Nathan’s stomach. She was as cool as ever. Paige, the reasonable…the attorney at law. Daddy’s little girl. Using her legal mind to dodge questions. “I was out of my mind with grief. I wasn’t thinking clearly.” And I was still in love with you.

  “Well, at least you got the ‘not thinking clearly’ part right.”

  “Let’s drop it, okay?” Nathan took a deep, steadying breath. His brain throbbed inside his skull. He wasn’t in any condition to be getting ticked off right now.

  “No. I won’t drop it.” Her hands went to her hips. “When are you going to admit you’re as much to blame in all this as me—maybe more? After all, you’re the one who got married.”

  Nathan cocked an eyebrow. She was angry—good. He had never liked being angry alone. And she was definitely propelling him in that direction. “You left me, Paige. You were too busy listening to daddy to care about me.”

  “My father is not the issue.”

  Nathan smirked. “You don’t get it, do you, Blondie—”

  “Don’t call me that,” she ordered. Her blue eyes blazed with indignation.

  “Your daddy has always been the issue. If you didn’t live under his thumb, you could see it. Dear old dad is the one who ensured that you went away to that fancy school. His sole motivation was to keep you away from me.” The same old bitterness he always felt when he thought about Paige’s father reared its ugly head. Why couldn’t he have a reasonable conversation with the woman? Hell, he couldn’t even have a reasonable thought about her! “And look how well it worked.”

  “As I told you before, you don’t know anything about me now. You have no idea where I work or live. Nothing. You know nothing!”

  “I know that you chose your daddy over me. I know that.”

  Paige shook her head. “You really believe all of this is my fault and you’re the innocent victim.”

  “Close enough,” he told her, his jaw cle
nched. Damn, his head hurt.

  “I guess we don’t have anything else to discuss, then.” Her eyes remained on his for a moment before she pivoted and headed toward the door.

  Every ounce of his anger and bitterness suddenly drained away, leaving Nathan weak and hurting. The guarded expression he had seen in her eyes before she turned away worried him. Was she ready to give up? Go back to Memphis and never come back? Isn’t that what he wanted? No matter how much she had hurt him, Nathan couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing her again. These past five years had been pure hell.

  “Is that how you really want to leave it?” At least the question had stopped her departure. He had no idea what he’d say next. In his present condition, he was lucky his brain even worked at all.

  She turned to face him. The pain he saw in her eyes tugged at his battle-scarred heart. “No, Nathan, it’s not. I wanted us to be friends…to work all this out.”

  Her choice of words resurrected the pain and bitterness a hundredfold. “Friends,” he muttered, stepping toward her. “Like it used to be.”

  She nodded, her features drawn in wary anticipation. He saw her ready herself to make a dash for the door. Paige knew better than to be afraid of him, yet, somehow, she seemed to be.

  “You want me to forget the dreams we shared…forget what we meant to each other? Can you pretend it never happened?”

  “Nathan.” The muscles of her neck worked as she swallowed tightly. “Why can’t we just get past all that and go from here? Be friends.”

  “I can do without friends like you,” he snapped.

  She wavered under his angry glare. “I have to go,” she whispered. When she got to the door, she stopped, reached down and picked up something. Nathan frowned and then groaned inwardly. Even frowning hurt.

  Paige considered the necklace she had picked up, the black pearls clicking together. Nathan stopped breathing. She lifted her gaze to his. Disgusted, she flung the necklace at him. The pearls hit him square in the chest, then fell to the floor.

  “Why would you need friends like me when you have friends like Celine?” Paige glared at him for the space of a heartbeat before she stormed out of the room.