Surviving

by Ahren Sanders

  “Do you miss him?” Abbi asks quietly.

  “More than anything in the world. Truly, you have to believe me. Things with us are good. I felt terrible for a while, but he didn’t let me dwell. He’s the same overprotective hot badass he’s always been.”

  “That’s a relief! Jimi misses him, and I was scared it would be awkward.”

  “Nope, and speaking of Jimi–tell me how things are with him.”

  We open another bottle of wine and I listen to every detail of their summer. By the time Declan shows up, we’re almost drunk and talking about Abbi and Jimi’s newfound love for shower-sex. As soon as he catches on to what we are talking about he tells us to shut up so he can finish his dinner and not throw it up.

  The conversation turns to safer subjects that Declan can participate in until we finish the wine. When we say goodnight, I realize everything is back to normal.

  Chapter 16

  I Need to Hear You Say It

  I have never, and I mean never seen The Steamroom this packed. The owners did a small expansion over the summer, which increased their capacity, but there’s no way it would allow for this many people. I wish we would have arranged to go in the back door because I am pretty sure my ass has been grabbed a dozen times trying to get to the backroom.

  “Hey, sexy, where you going in such a hurry? Let me and my friends buy you a drink.” The guy talking to me smells so strongly of whisky I cover my nose.

  I don’t get a chance to respond because Mark is at my side leading me gently away. He gives the guy a death stare, and he backs away quickly. I hold onto Mark’s elbow and use my other hand to pull Charlie behind me.

  When we finally get to the backroom, it’s much calmer than the rest of the bar. The owner, TJ, is on the couch talking to Cooper and Declan. Blake is on the phone but waves at Charlie who walks over to him. I watch as he hangs up and pulls her into a kiss probably meant for a more private setting.

  On our drive here, we talked more about her insecurities regarding Blake. She told Abbi and Ella the same things she told me yesterday, and they agreed that she needed to talk to him. Especially since she has a job now and won’t have every day to spend with him. She also told them the story about him meeting her parents, and they howled at her dad’s reaction.

  Now that I see them together, I truly think she has nothing to be worried about. He’s definitely into her as much as she is him.

  Abbi goes back out into the bar to meet Jimi. I look around the room and try to find familiar faces. Since Ella has also disappeared, I stand by the wall watching the surroundings waiting for Declan to finish.

  He waves for me to join him. When I get to the couch, he pulls me down to his lap and kisses me quickly then goes back to their conversation. I learn that the expansion and outside seating addition allows for one hundred and fifty more people. Apparently, my and Kelly’s messages on the websites and twitter brought out the crowd. The fact that this is Sayge’s first show since June, and their popularity has grown has the bouncer turning people away at the door. We chitchat a little more with TJ before he leaves.

  “Raven, when you come into a room where I am, I want you to come to me first. No getting a beer or standing against a wall. You come to me.”

  “I wanted to give you some privacy. It would have been rude to interrupt.”

  “No, what’s rude is not kissing me the minute you saw me. It’s rude to make me wait to have you in my arms.”

  “Calm down, caveman. Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”

  “Not when it comes to you. Now let’s talk about that kiss.” He covers my mouth with his and nips at my lip to slip through. His ring cuts into me as our tongues swirl. He decided to shave this morning, and I miss the scruff. I tilt my head to get better access when as he slides his hands up my thighs. He adjusts my position when I feel drips of water on my forehead.

  “What the fuck!” he yells as he pulls away. Charlie is standing to our side with a cup and a smile on her face.

  “Charlie, you’re already on my shit list–why the fuck are you flicking water at us?” he asks her through gritted teeth.

  “I’m trying to find a way to get you two to stop with all the lovey dovey shit all the time. It’s still disgusting.” She answers.

  Declan growls at her. Actually growls.

  Charlie turns serious as she says, “I am sorry for the way I acted, Declan.”

  “I’d be a lot more forgiving if you hadn’t broken up my first kiss of the night.”

  “Oh, come on, you expect me to believe you haven’t kissed Raven all day?”

  “No, Charlie, I kissed Raven today. I said my first kiss of the night. There’s a huge difference.” he clarifies.

  I want to say something, but I’m enjoying the banter between them. After a few more jabs back and forth, Declan laughs and Charlie smiles.

  Cooper waves across the room to Blake and Declan letting them know it’s time to go on stage. I walk him to the stage door, and he kisses me quickly. Abbi and Jimi are at the bar when I get there. We talk for a few minutes before I’m yanked back against a hard body. I turn to find Declan with a furious look on his face.

  “Dec, what’s wrong?”

  “Mark told me about the assholes in the bar grabbing your ass and trying to buy you drinks. I need you to stay back here tonight.”

  “Honey, it wasn’t a big deal. And besides Mark saved me.”

  “Raven, promise me.”

  “Okay, but it’s ridiculous.”

  “Man will you make sure she’s okay?” he asks Jimi who shakes his head yes.

  He kisses me quickly and leaves again.

  Two hours later, Sayge takes a break. Following Mike’s instructions, they have played their new music, and I know “Surviving” will be in their last set. I’ve told my friends about the song but purposely left out details on the intensity so I can watch their reactions.

  Declan gets his guitar and practices a few chords with Blake as Cooper joins in on the keyboard. Nate takes them all a beer and then gets behind the drums.

  “Hey guys, we’ve got a surprise for you tonight. We just cut a track with our label, and tonight’s the first time we’re performing it live. I hope you like it.” Declan yells at the crowd. They erupt in cheers.

  When the song starts, I notice immediately how different it sounds live. Ella, Abbi, and Charlie come to stand with me. Declan’s voice is captivating as he sings through losing something you realize you can’t live without. Cooper participates in the vocals on the chorus. Even though they’re singing to a packed bar and the energy is high, the song is as raw as the first time I heard it. When they finish, Declan thanks the crowd and reminds them Sayge will be back on Saturday.

  “Wow. That was pretty deep. I guess we know who wrote that and what it’s about.” Charlie says softly next to me.

  I rope my arm through hers and lean my head on her shoulder. “It’s pretty amazing isn’t it?”

  “Amazing, sad, beautiful, passionate, riveting–all of it.” Abbi adds.

  Declan comes off the stage straight to me. I walk into his arms and squeeze him tight.

  “That was incredible!” I tell him as I shower kisses across his face.

  “Declan, that was fucking awesome man! I guess we have your good luck charm to thank for that.” Nate yells when we join everyone else back in the room.

  “Yeah man, you haven’t performed like that in months. The whole show was badass.” Cooper says as he slaps Declan on the back.

  “What do y’all mean?” I ask no one in particular.

  “What they mean is that you are my muse in so many ways. I haven’t felt that alive on stage since Bonnaroo. Tonight I found my stage style again.” Declan whispers in my ear.

  I don’t get a chance to ask for more details because the room starts to fill with people. Most of them trying to talk to the guys about their summer tour and any upcoming events.

  Finally, after hours of talking to fans, Declan asks me if we can l
eave. Ella, Abbi, and Jimi left a while ago, and Charlie and Blake walk out with us. We leave Nate and Cooper on the couch with three very eager Band Bunnies.

  On our way home, I decide not to ask Declan about his earlier statement. He’s already explained to me his state of mind during our time apart, and I don’t want to discuss it again.

  “Declan, I know I said it before, but Sayge was really great tonight.”

  “And I explained why–because you were there.”

  “That’s ridiculous. I think it was the local hometown crowd.”

  “There’s that too, but my mind was more relaxed and focused because you were finally back with me. I know you think it’s crazy, but it’s true.”

  “Well honey, we need to talk because this semester is going to be tough, and I’m not going to have the freedom I did last year. Particularly since I don’t have Fridays off. I won’t be able to come to every show if you go back to three to four shows a week around town. You have a commitment to your fans to perform at one-hundred percent. Especially since you’re recording.” I sound harsher than I mean to.

  “We’ll see.” He shrugs

  I try several times to talk more about our schedules, but he closes up and won’t discuss it.

  When we get to his house, he pulls me directly to the bathroom and starts the shower. Without saying a word, he undresses us both and leads me under the hot water. His hands work their way up my body leaving a trail of goose bumps. He kisses me breathless and I brace against his chest. Using only his hands to communicate, he grasps my hips, pulls me forward and lifts me until my legs wrap around his waist. Slowly he lowers me down until he is all the way in. I throw my head back, close my eyes and groan. Squeezing as hard as I can, I try to move but he holds me tighter. Moving us so I’m against the cool tile and he is under the water spray, he kisses up my neck until he gets to my ear. I shiver against him.

  “Sparkle, I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but your little tantrum in the car made me realize I needed to discuss it with you tonight.” He moves in and out of me so slowly my body aches. I’m not sure what exactly he thinks we need to discuss right now.

  “You see, I hate this going back and forth shit. I want you to move in with me.”

  “What?!” I snap out of my ecstasy filled haze and stare at him.

  “I think I was clear. Move. In. With. Me.” He deliberately adjusts his angle, so the apa hits me in the right place.

  I groan and lean back against the wall. He sucks each nipple until they’re throbbing. My body begs for release.

  “Please Declan, let’s talk about this later. I need to you to move faster. I’m dying here.”

  “No, Sparkle, there’s only one answer and it is yes. Say yes.” He swirls his hips against mine going even deeper.

  My stomach curls as my orgasm builds. He must feel it because moves back and almost pulls all the way out. “Declan!” I scream in frustration.

  “I’ll give you what you want when you answer me. I need to hear you say it.”

  I don’t say anything but squirm against him trying to get him to move.

  “Okay, I see you’re going to be stubborn so I’ll give you another option.”

  I grunt in frustration and try to cross my arms, but he pushes his body flush against mine. Kissing a path up my collarbone, he stops at my ear, “Marry me.”

  My heart speeds in my chest, and when he looks at me my eyes fill with tears. His stare is serious and demanding. I can’t speak, so I nod my head rapidly.

  “I need to hear you say it.” He says again

  “Yes, God yes.” The tears that spill over coat my cheeks.

  He starts gliding back and forth and squeezes my waist. Kissing me passionately he speeds up and my body reacts. I tighten around him and scream through my release. He joins me and hugs me tight.

  He moves us around and sets me on my feet but doesn’t let go of me. In my head, I am trying to figure out what just happened. He smiles wickedly at me and shuts off the water. Grabbing a towel, he dries me before wrapping it around his waist. His body is still soaking wet, and he runs his hands through his hair. I lick my lips at the sight.

  “Baby, come here.” He holds out his arms to me. But I don’t move.

  “Um, I think I’m still confused about what happened. Was that a proposal fuck?”

  He laughs at me–laughs! “No, babe, I proposed eight months ago. That was a confirmation your answer is still yes.”

  “You don’t have to be so smug!”

  “I’m not smug, I’m satisfied. I thought you were, too, but it looks like I need to get back to work.”

  “Declan Collins, don’t you dare come near me right now.” I hold my arms out to stop him. “Did you even mean it when you asked me to move in with you?”

  “Of course I did, but I figured you would act the way you did, so I used it as a segue into getting you to say yes again.”

  Bastard!

  “That was a shitty thing to do. Wasn’t very romantic at all.”

  “You want romance?”

  Humpt! I don’t answer and leave the bathroom in search of pajamas. He stalks towards me, but I run away and end up back in the bathroom.

  “Fine, be mad. But will you please check my jeans pockets? I think I lost my phone.”

  I roll my eyes at him as he pulls on a pair of athletic shorts. But I don’t want his phone to be lost, so I reluctantly pick up his jeans from the floor and start going through the pockets. I find a torn sheet of paper and my fingertips hit something cold. I bring it out and gasp.

  “Open the note.” He says to me.

  When I read it, I look back at him with wide eyes.

  “Babe, I’ve had that ring and that fucking note with me everywhere I’ve gone since June. I never let that ring out of my sight hoping and praying I would put it back on your finger the first chance I got.”

  “But why tonight?”

  “Because I had to make sure it was the right time. I was prepared to walk away from the music if we couldn’t get back to our place. I need you to be a part of everything in my life. Tonight, when you were there cheering me on and accepting Sayge’s future, I knew it was right.”

  “You wanted to walk away from everything, for me?”

  “Oh yeah, no questions asked. The guys know how strongly I feel about us, and I would gladly accept a lifetime without the music if you couldn’t accept it.”

  “Dec, I would never ask you to do that. I love your music.”

  “I love you more.”

  “Oh my God. I don’t know what to say.”

  “You already said yes.”

  I take a step forward, but he is already to me. He lifts me up and throws me on the bed, hovering over me. “Where’s the ring?”

  I hand it to him, and he slips it on my finger where it belongs.

  “Can I have your promise to never, ever take this off again?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, now that that’s out of the way. Let’s talk about your move. I’d like to have you in here by next weekend.”

  “Declan, even though I haven’t signed a new lease, your sisters and I have talked about me being there another year. I can’t bail on them.”

  “Bullshit! I’ll talk to my dad.”

  “Sweetheart, I think my dad may have a real problem with us living together not being married.”

  “Hmmm. You may be right. Let’s think about that a few days, and I’ll come up with a solution.”

  He stares at me with those piercing eyes and I nod.

  “Now, enough talking. Let’s get back to celebrating being re-engaged.” He lowers himself down and kisses me until I forget what we were even talking about.

  Chapter 17

  One Week

  Declan

  Raven’s eyelids flutter against my chest as she starts to wake. I run my fingers lazily over her naked back. I’m a little nervous about what I’m going to tell her today. But thank God she agreed today was a ‘stay in bed’ day
. I’m going to convince her in any way necessary that my idea is perfect. I ease out from under her to make coffee because she is going to need it.

  Once the coffee is made, and I get back to the bedroom, she is sitting up with a nightie on watching the news. She smiles at me when I hand her the mug. I get back in bed next to her and grin at the ring shining on her finger. God it feels good.

  “You look like you have something on your mind.” She says to me.

  “I do.”

  “Want to share?”

  “You may want to drink some of your coffee first.” She takes a few sips and then sets it on the nightstand. She moves back over to straddle me. Perfect! I need to hold onto her for this.

  She waits for me to talk tracing her nails over my tattoos.

  “We’re not getting out of this bed today until we set a date. Then we can talk to your parents together about your move.” I tell her without question. She stops all movement and looks at me with wide eyes.

  “Declan, you’re being ridiculous. We’ve got too much going on right now. What’s gotten into you?”

  I pull her down to me and roll, so we face each other. “I need this. Please grab your calendar and let’s pick a date; preferably one in the near future.”

  “Why? Why do you need this? We just got re-engaged, don’t you think this is a little sudden. No one even knows yet and now–”

  “That’s not entirely true. I kinda already told someone.”

  “How? It’s not even nine in the morning.”

  “I sent Finn a text this morning. I wanted him to be the first one to know and not hear it through the grapevine.”

  The look on her face surprises me. I expected shock or worry, but she smiles. Her eyes shine, and she throws her arms around me. “That means the world to me. What did he say?”

  “He’s happy for me, for us. He said to keep him updated on the plans and to have you call him later today.”

  I lean in and kiss her sweetly and then reposition us, so she is back to lying on my chest, tucked under my arm. “So what do you think about a Christmas wedding?”

  “I haven’t thought about it at all until right now. But I think that’s too soon, and I really don’t want to worry about snow on our wedding day. Plus with all Sayge has coming up and the album release, I think we should wait.”