Surviving

by Ahren Sanders

  “I’m the chosen one to talk from all the guys here who grew up with Raven and have had the chance to watch her become the woman she is today. A lot of us have known Raven since she was six years old. Imagine being a twelve year old and having your buddy’s little sister follow you everywhere you go including the bathroom. No joke, Raven used to knock on the door to make sure we weren’t going to leave the house without her.”

  Our crowd laughs, and I catch his eye. He grins at me.

  “But seriously, it was always a little more fun when Rave was around. She walks in the room, and it instantly becomes brighter. When Raven was in high school, Robbie, Max, and I were already in the Marines. But we made sure that Jimi, Tripp, and Gabe knew to watch out for her. She was about fourteen when we graduated from boot camp, and I can still hear her cheering for us as we marched onto the field. For such a little thing, she’s can scream like a banshee. I think all of Parris Island heard her that day. As most of you know, guys don’t keep in touch the same way girls do. Raven made a point to talk to at least one of us every month to see what we were doing. God, she would ramble on about nothing forever, but we let her because she was so happy.”

  “Hey!” I try to break in, and the guys at the table nod their heads agreeing with Finn.

  “We wouldn’t change anything about it though. Her crazy group of friends, the dancing competitions, her college days, all of it was fun to listen to. When Robbie and I came home from Iraq, we were in a dark place, but Raven made sure we smiled about something all the time. I’ll never forget the day she met Declan. We were house hunting, and when she told me about him running her over in the park, I laughed. When he showed up on the doorstep a week later, it was only right we make fun of her because that’s what we do. But throughout the last year we’ve all watched her change into a stronger and more beautiful woman. Even though you’ve had your trials, it’s always been obvious that you are meant to be together. I speak for all of us when I say congratulations on starting your life together.” Finn raises his glass in a toast.

  “Declan, one more thing, if you ever hurt her, there isn’t a place on this earth you can hide from us.”

  Declan gives him a chin lift and takes a sip of his beer. No one else speaks but I go around to all the tables to thank everyone. It takes me a while to get to Finn, but when I do I throw myself into his arms. He hugs me back and buries his face in my neck. We stay like that for a few moments until Max breaks us up.

  “Not too late, RJ we can run now. I can get us out of the country quick with some connections I have.” Max tells me.

  “Nope Max, I think I’m exactly where I need to be.”

  “I think so too.” Finn says and smiles down at me.

  *****

  Please don’t let me forget, please don’t let me forget, ugh! I’m not nervous about this wedding at all. It’s these damn vows that have me about to pass out. We leave for the hotel in ten minutes, and I’m pacing the bedroom.

  When we got back from dinner last night, the guys from Knight’s Dream were here, and we went down to the pool patio to hang out. When I was ready to go to bed, Declan walked me to our condo and dropped me off without even arguing about spending the night apart. He kissed me for half an hour before letting go.

  My girlfriends stayed to keep me company for a while helping me get my stuff together and packed. I tried to be casual and suggested to Ember that she and Robbie take this room since I was staying at the Ritz on my wedding night. I explained it would allow Tripp and Finn to have the twin beds instead of the couch. She looked embarrassed but told me she would talk to Robbie about it.

  This morning he thanked me and said they would move their stuff as soon as I left. The wedding isn’t until five, but everyone has to be ready at three for pictures. All my girls, my mom, and I go to the hotel at noon to have lunch and start getting ready. Ember promises to meet us later, but she is hanging back to help the guys with their tuxes.

  Laurie has the room set up with several dressing tables and a lunch buffet in the corner. We eat quickly and then Kendall and Harper unpack their bags filled with makeup and hair products. They work on Abbi and Ella first while my mom, Charlie, and I organize the bouquets.

  “RJ, get over here girl, your turn.” Kendall calls to me, and we discuss how I want my hair. Then Harper starts on my makeup.

  “So Jenna, what do you think of Ember?” Charlie asks my mom.

  “I think she’s lovely. She is very sweet and pretty but very shy. I hope to God Robbie doesn’t screw it up.”

  “Mama, I think she can handle him. I mean I’ve never seen her mad, but we’ve hung out for a few months now, and she seems to get bolder and bolder with him. I think he’s fawning over her. Him inviting her this weekend is a big deal. And to be honest, I think it’s real attraction and not lust. I’m pretty sure she hasn’t slept with him yet.”

  “I can’t tell him what to do but he is twenty-seven years old. It may be time for him to find a nice girl.”

  “Yep, I agree and I think she may be it.”

  We make small talk while Kendall finishes my hair. Harper has already moved onto Charlie’s makeup. When she’s done and has the clasp firmly in place, she turns me to the others. I can see my reflection in the back mirror, and she did exactly what I wanted. We decided on large cascading curls, pulled low to the side and falling down my right shoulder. I bought hair pins with rhinestones to match the ones on my dress. I had a stargazer lily to place behind my ear.

  I went behind the partition in the room with my mom so she could help me get into my dress. As soon as she zips me up her eyes filled with tears.

  “No, Mama, don’t cry. Please hold it together.” I whisper.

  “I know sweetie, I zipped that zipper and suddenly it all became very real to me. You’re getting married in a few hours. How did this happen? How did I go from a mom of a college student to a mother in law?” she says softly back trying to sound humorous.

  “Girls we hear you whispering back there. Come out here! We’re dying to see the dress.” Charlie calls out. For once, I’m glad for her interruption.

  I nod to my mom to indicate I’m ready. She smiles and follows behind me. As soon as I walk around the partition, there’s a flash in my face, and I realize the photographer arrived sometime while I was getting dressed. All eyes are on me, and no one is speaking.

  “My brother is going to cry. I’m calling it right now.” Ella says.

  “Weep like a baby, no doubt.” Abbi agrees.

  “Screw Declan, we need to worry about James and Robbie.” Kendall adds.

  “Seriously, Rave, you look stunning. I know you picked out the dress thinking you were having a church wedding, but it’s perfect for the beach.” Harper tells me, and Charlie nods in agreement.

  “You all look beautiful.” The shade of blue I chose looks good on all of them. They’re wearing the lockets and earrings I gave them at the shower.

  Ember walks in and compliments all of us. She looks stunning in her bandeau black dress and wedge heels. I think about how good she’ll look in the pictures next to Robbie in his black tux.

  Abbi helps me with my garter, and we go over all the traditions:

  Something Old – Declan’s mom’s earrings;

  Something New – Dress, shoes, lingerie;

  Something Borrowed – Handkerchief from my mom;

  Something Blue – My aquamarine ring.

  Laurie knocks on the door and asks if we are almost ready. My dad comes in, and when he sees me his face softens. “Beautiful,” he mouths to me. I slide on my rhinestone studded flip flops and follow the crowd out the door.

  This round of pictures is just me, my family and the bridesmaids. We have forty-five minutes, and then Declan and his family and the groomsmen take all theirs. I arranged this in hopes that the after ceremony pictures wouldn’t take too long. Laurie has arranged it so Declan and I will go to the locations we noted last month and have our portraits done.

  The pictures a
re actually a lot of fun. After my brother had gotten over the initial shock of seeing me, he goofed around for most of the time and made the time fly by. Before I know it, it’s time for us to go upstairs. Abbi and Ella give me hugs and wish me luck. They are going to be with Declan until the ceremony.

  Now I wait and repeat my vows over and over in my head.

  *****

  Declan

  “You nervous man?” Finn asks me as we wait for the photographer in the lobby.

  “No. Just ready.”

  He hands me a beer, and I see my sisters and Robbie coming our way. Ember is holding his hand, and I grin thinking about them staying in our room tonight. It may have been a while ago, but I remember those first few times I slept in the same bed with Raven. My dick twitches in my pants thinking about the night she got home from her parents after her migraine.

  Laurie leads us to the beach, and seaside area reserved for our pictures. Even though they bitched about wearing the tuxes, my band looks good. After Ember had helped them with their ties, I had to listen to endless banter back and forth. Finally she explained that the Groom was generally the best looking on the wedding day. That’s right motherfuckers!

  “Dec, you look amazing.” Abbi tells me as she hugs me. She steps back, and Ella does the same.

  “You two look beautiful. How’s my girl?”

  “She’s doing fine. Nothing has her frazzled except the vows. I hope her mom gives her a shot of something to calm her nerves.”

  “That bad?”

  “You perform for a living. She doesn’t. She’s scared she’ll mess up. But we think she’ll be fine.”

  I try to get more information, but Laurie comes over and we start our pictures. When we’re done, we line up in order. All our friends are already seated. I’m surprised to see Ryan with his guitar stringing some soft notes.

  Laurie gives me the go ahead, and I lead the group forward to where we will stand at the front. As it worked out height wise, Robbie is standing right next to me. Dad walks Jenna down the beach and leads her to her seat, then he surprises me by walking up and giving me a hug. I look over my shoulder and see Robbie and the rest of the guys eyeing me nervously.

  The girls start walking towards me, and each of them gives me a slight smile. My sisters both point to my pocket. I reach in and feel a wad of tissue. Seriously? They think I’m gonna cry? Maybe it’s for Raven.

  Ryan stops for a brief second, and I hear the famous chords of “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” fill the air. Everyone stands up, and all I can see is the back of people’s heads. What the fuck? Robbie leans in and tells me to scoot forward.

  Nothing in my life could prepare me for the moment I see her. My heart starts racing, my ears ringing, tears sting my eyes and my knees buckle. Robbie has to steady me. She is breathtaking and smiling through tears as her dad leads her to me. For the rest of my life, I will swear there was a halo surrounding her as she walks down the sand with the sun hitting her just right. There’s a few chuckles behind me but mostly hisses. I don’t take my eyes off of her wanting to memorize this moment. This is the moment I will think about her being mine.

  Her dad stops, and she is inches away from me, I suck in a breath and silently thank God.

  The officiate asks who gives her away and James answers in a broken voice. When he places her hand in mine, I break out of my trance. James takes his seat next to Jenna and the man starts talking again.

  “We are here to celebrate the union of marriage between Declan and Raven. The love and commitment promised here today is the beginning of their life together as husband and wife. This is a partnership that will inevitably see trials and tribulations, but by devoting yourself today, you are taking the challenge and pledging your lives together as one. I understand you have your own vows?”

  We both shake our head to confirm. I can tell how nervous she is, so I go first.

  “Last summer while I was on the road, I had a lot of time to reflect on accomplishments and mistakes I made in my life. We all know how awful I felt without you so one night instead of writing my normal stuff down, I wrote you a love letter. Today I want to recite that letter to you.

  “I was not a good man before I met you. I may have been a good son and great big brother, but I was not a good man. I didn’t think too much outside of myself, my band or living a hard life. The term forever wasn’t in my vocabulary. That day in the park when I landed on top of you and our skin touched, I saw flashes of my life in front of me. Those images included you. At first, I thought it was pure luck you were my sister’s new roommate, but now I know it wasn’t luck at all. It was fate. I’ve told you this before, but love isn’t a strong enough word for my feelings for you. I’ve fallen so hard and so deep for you that you are actually a part of my beating heart. If you’re hurt, sad, worried, or upset, then so am I. If you’re happy then so am I. I will work for the rest of my life to make sure you are surrounded by my love, devotion, and support. You will never, ever doubt me again.

  “I have selfishly asked you to be a part of this crazy life I chose, but I promise you and our future children a good life. Our home will always be filled with love and laughter. Our relationship will be what others are jealous of because my feelings will never be questioned again. I hope one day, you will read this letter and understand how much I regret hurting you.”

  I wipe the tears falling down her cheek and cup her chin. “Raven, I consider myself the luckiest SOB on the planet having you by my side. You and your love made me the man I never thought I could be. There has never been anyone as devoted and committed to anything as I am to us. I take the honor of being your husband very seriously. I will go to the ends of the earth for your happiness. For the rest of our lives, Ravenel James, you will always be my light, my inspiration, and my reason for breathing.” I finish and stare into her beautiful blue eyes still shining with tears. She clears her throat softly and then threads her fingers through mine.

  “Declan, I don’t write for a living like you do, but when you asked me to say our own vows, I immediately thought of a word that describes how I feel about you. It may be a simple word to some people but to me, it’s the only way I can express the depth of my feelings. The word is love.

  “L equals the loyalty and lifelong commitment I make to you here today. In front of our family and friends I promise to always be by your side. In good times and bad, you will have a partner. When life gets complicated and hard, we will get through it together.

  “O equals openness. You will always have access to my heart. I will be honest and sincere and never again allow a miscommunication to break our bond.

  “V equals valued. I will make it a priority to always let you know how much I value your ambition, kindness, and integrity.

  “E equals everything. I will do everything in my power to support, encourage and stand by you in this lifetime. You will never be alone in anything you do.

  “I hope you understand that the word love is much more than a term of endearment for me. It’s a promise and declaration to you, to us and the rest of our lives together. Declan Parker, I truly believe all our dreams will come true in our lifetime. And no matter what life throws our way, we will handle it together.”

  Dammit! Now I know why there are tissues in my pocket. As hard as I try, I can’t stop the two tears that fall down my face. Raven wipes them away and smiles.

  “May we have the rings?” the officiate asks.

  Raven hands over her bouquet to Kendall and takes my ring. I dig in my pocket for hers.

  When she repeats the words and slides the ring on my finger, something inside me bursts; I’m overcome with pride, excitement and peace.

  I repeat the words and slide the ring on her finger. She sucks in a breath loud enough for everyone to hear. Fuck Yeah! I wanted a ring that made a statement, so that’s what I bought. Her band is surrounded with diamonds in a platinum setting. My hope is that the set together will reach her knuckle.

  “Now that Declan and Raven have g
iven themselves to each other by solemn vows and the exchange of rings, I now pronounce them husband and wife. Declan, you may kiss your bride.”

  As soon as his words hit my ears, I lower my face to hers. Cradling her head in my hands, I kiss her softly at first but then plunge my tongue as deep as I can. She clutches onto my shoulders tightly and kisses me back with passion. I continue to devour her, memorizing the feel of her lips against mine. I don’t want to stop even when throats clear behind me. I pull away softly and lightly kiss all over her face, tasting the saltiness of the tears on her cheeks.

  She turns to get her bouquet from Kendall, and I lace our fingers together and walk her back down the sandy aisle. Our friends and family cheer and clap around us. When I get to the area we were instructed to wait for our wedding party to join us, I pull her back against me.

  “Sparkle, you are breathtaking.”

  “So are you.”

  “Is this real? Did you finally marry me?”

  “Yes baby, it’s real.” she looks at me and then wiggles her ring in my face.

  I lean into kiss her again, but we’re interrupted by our wedding party and parents. The photographer takes us back out to the beach with everyone to finish the pictures. Raven surprises me by pulling my dad and sisters aside and asks them to stay back with us for a minute. Laurie brings over a bag and hands it to her then leaves the five of us alone.

  “There are no words to explain to you how proud I am to now be a real part of your family. David, you are more than just my father-in-law. You are the man who raised my husband to be who he is, and I’m eternally grateful to you. Abbi and Ella, I’ve always wanted a sister, and I consider myself the luckiest girl in the world to get two.” Raven takes a deep breath, and tears fill her eyes. “I hope this doesn’t upset you, but I really wanted to honor Sayge in her own way today. I wanted to thank her for bringing you all into my life and let her know I will take care of her son until the day I die.”

  She pulls out what looks like a balloon. “This is a floating lantern that I filled with helium. I wrote my vows on it and would really like it if you would release it.” She hands it to my dad who has tears is his eyes. He takes it and pulls her to him in a hug. My sisters jump in, and I move closer too.